OT: Large age gap between kids?

[SageFemme]

DH and I don't plan on TTC until 2012 for a 2013 baby due to nursing school. It will be his 1st and my 2nd. I am concerned about my DD5 (who will be 9 if all goes well) feeling "different" being so much older and with a different dad. She sees her biodad once a year and calls him "daddy" and calls my DH by his name and rarely "daddy". I don't know if it's a phase or her personality but she is very jealous and interrupts DH and I if we kiss or hug. I know it is far away but we plan on having 3-4 more kids and I'm wondering if anyone has been in this situation and how to best transition her to not being an only child after being one for so long. I'm an only child myself and have no experience with siblings, LOL.

 

[starrynyt]

SageFemme,

I am 6 years younger than my older brother and almost 16 years older than my younger brother. I have been the youngest, felt like an only child when my older brother left for the Air Force, middle right after my baby brother was born, and oldest since my older brother isn't really part of my younger brothers life. We all have the same parents and they have been married the entire time so our situation was different.

I was excited, albeit surprised when my mom got pregnant with my little brother but still had my spoiled brat moments. One in particular that my mom has liked to remind me of since having my own kids "you had him you watch him".

I am going to guess that your challenges will be slightly more given the fact she is jealous already. But I am sure there is ways to help her. I am hoping someone will be able to give pointers. The only thing I might be able to suggest, and you might already be doing it, make sure you do a date day with her where it is just you two. This will be your special time together and will be more meaningful when you do have the new baby.

Good luck!

 

[Mama to Three]

Nevermind. I answered something you weren't even asking about... I'm tired! ;-)

 

[susykt4]

I'm 10 years older than my brother. We didn't play together or have a really close brother/sister relationship because I was more of a caregiver than a playmate. Now we are 36 and 26 and while we still aren't terribly intimate, he has a fantastic relationship with my kids and they are crazy about their uncle. I wouldn't worry too much about the jealousy thing because your daughter will surely get used to the relationship in the next 2-3 years. Also, she will be very involved in the new baby's life. I was a bit resentful in my early teen years because I sometimes felt like built-in babysitter to my two brothers. My parents eventually agreed to hire a babysitter when they went out on Saturday nights and I'd babysit as needed on Fridays or after school (my mom stayed at home so I babysat when she ran to the store, not as a daycare provider.) I'm glad to have my brothers over being an only child!

 

[carj]

I am 12, 11 and 9 years younger than my older siblings. I love my brothers and I am glad to have them but at 37, I am still "the baby".

They had a different childhood than I had. They grew up with built-in playmates. Our parents were older and more established when I came along. I went on cool vacations with just my mom and dad as a preeteen, teen. My brothers went and spent a week at Grandma's house, who was not healthy enough for extended visits when I was around.

We never really fought about anything. I think that we are close, and there were some aspects of being so much younger that were great. The best thing is that I got to really enjoy being an aunt! I have nephew and nieces for years before I became a parent myself. I feel like I really got to spend time with them that I wouldn't have been able to do once I had my own children.

The other thing is that my children are the youngest grandchildren. My brother has a daughter the same age as my oldest but my youngest is the youngest, on both sides of the family.

We had our children 2 and a half years apart. I love that they are close in age.

I think that you will just have to let your daughter adjust to the idea of a sibling when it is actually going to happen. I wouldn't bring it up now, because that is an awfully long time to stew over that for a little girl. I would let her know when there is a baby on the way. If she asks you if you are ever going to have another baby, then I would honestly answer her, but I just think, until there is actually something for her to fret over, then I would leave it alone.

 

[sl_underwood]

My younger daughter was nearly 10 when our son joined our family. He was 3 at the time and needed alot of care as he has some pretty severe special needs. Our dd was jealous and had some trouble with the transition even though she had been in on the planning and knew he was coming. I think her biggest issue was that she was daddy's baby and really felt that dad would love a boy more than her. What we did to resolve this problem (and you could start this now) was to have special time with each of us alone. Dad started his monthly date night with dd, they go out and do a variety of things, skating, movies, dinner, mini golf, etc. DD's and I also do a monthly spa day. I think as long as you are making time for your dd, things will be fine.

 

[pweyl36]

My kids ages are 21,11 and 7.

 

[GRUMPY D]

my kids are 25 , 10 , and 5

 

[DisneyCampers]

My kids are DD going to be before long and DD 3 weeks. She didn't take it well at first, but seems to really enjoy being the big sister.

 

[pigget74]

My kids are 14, 11, 3, and 1. They are all born in September. Number 3 was not planned and since the older ones were 10 and 7 when he was born we decided to have one more. The older one adore the younger and vice versa. One thing we do is---my kids are not babysitters---they are helpers for normal family situations, but it is mine and DH responsibility to care for them. If we do need the older ones to babysit----after so much time they get paid. THis helps with them not resenting their siblings.

 

[tricia]

My kids are 14, 11, 3, and 1. They are all born in September. Number 3 was not planned and since the older ones were 10 and 7 when he was born we decided to have one more. The older one adore the younger and vice versa. One thing we do is---my kids are not babysitters---they are helpers for normal family situations, but it is mine and DH responsibility to care for them. If we do need the older ones to babysit----after so much time they get paid. THis helps with them not resenting their siblings.

I am the oldest of 4, my brothers are 2, 8 and 10 years younger than me. Same parents, DB1 and I were adopted as infants cause my parents couldn't conceive, then DB2 was a total surprise for them given the years of trying before adopting. They then planned DB3. Anyway, they did the same for me There was a certain amount of time I babysat if needed in order to earn my allowance, but anytime after that I had the option to babysit for normal rates, of have them call someone in if I wanted to go out too.

 

[DISNEYNV]

My kids are three and a half years apart (1/4) and do not get along at all. DE was jealous from the start and still is. We tried to do everything right...give her extra attention, include her in all the pre-baby stuff. DS adores her but she is not having anything to do with him! It's a bit upsetting as a parent, but hopeful their relationship will get better

 

[WantToGoNow]

My kids are 25, 8 and 5. We never had any jealously issues with my oldest dd - but I wouldn't expect a 17 y/o to be jealous of an infant. My dd25 has a good relationship now with dh but it was quite rocky when we first started dating (she was 13 which is a rough age anyway). The little ones are just now starting to understand why their sister has a different name than the rest of the family. Even though she never had a relationship with her bio father, she calls dh by him name.