OT: Kids Teasing Your DC- How to Handle?

[Nom]

Wow, I never thought I would have to worry about this so soon! DD is 3, and she was teased by mean kids for the first time yesterday, and it is still bothering me! Read my story and tell me- what would you have done? I am also curious how I should best handle things like this in the future. Here's what happened:

We were at Burger King, after eating and dd was playing in the big play structure. All of the sudden two families, with 2 moms and a set of grandparents, came in- with 7 kids in total. So they were all playing, dc was trying to join in (she loves playing with other kids), but the kids were all used to playing together I guess, and they did not really want her to join in. Although they were telling her to go away, she was still having fun chasing them and did not seem to notice that they were a bit hostile towards her.

So their food comes, and most of the kids go to eat exept the two oldest brothers. I know one was 4, and the other was probably 5 or so. So I hear them and they are planning to tease my dd. They were telling her to chase them, and then running away and laughing. DD was still having fun, so I let it go on- I don't want to shelter her, and after all she was still enjoying it. So then they started calling her stinky. She said 'Stinky the cat?' because she knows a cat named stinky, and she still seemed to be having fun, but since it seemed to be starting to get meaner I told her one more slide and then we will go.

When I was putting her shoes on they started yelling "stinky socks girl!" over and over again. FINALLY the grandma told them to stop and that was mean. I took her in the bathroom to potty before we left, and she told me 'they were calling me stinky'. I asked her if they meant the cat (hoping she did not realise what they really meant), and she said, "no, they meant that I stunk". My heart broke! I told her that she did not stink, and that they were just mean boys... but I wonder if I should have done something differently? Later she told me that she thinks they were not talking to her, since they said 'girl' and not her name.

Dd is so much more outgoing than I ever was as a kid, it breaks my heart that she might get teased when she goes to school and become less outgoing. She does not seem to be effected by what happened- she still said she had fun and later told her dad about it and did not mention the 'stinky incident'- but I can't forget it! I guess because it is the first time.

Anyway, how do you all handle teasing like this? Do you think I handled it well, or would you have done something differently?

Thanks for your input!!!
Noelle

 

[Nom]

And tell me, do you think I am just totally overanalyzing this and I need to take a chill pill?

 

[DisneyCrazyX5]

If it is not bothering her - let it go. But I am a past teacher, so I have a hard time not correcting children and I would have told them "If you don't want to play with her that is fine but you don't need to call her names." I have had to tell my boys the big kids do not want to play with them at the playplaces before.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

It is a horrible thing when you see something bad happening or about to happen to your child, and you just don't know what to do. When you go to McDonalds or Burger King and let your child run around in the play area, you don't know the "class" of the other people that are walking in the door, and always run a risk of confrontation. That is why I think the moment you saw something going south, you should have interviened. If those children wanted to play alone, its their right, and their way of expressing that is by teasing. Some kids (not to mention their parents) are brats, and theres nothing you can do about them, the only reaction you can controll is your own. Your child may not have realized they were making fun of her the first time, but you did, and thats when I would have stepped in. Don't worry, this incident wont scar her for life or anything like that, she probally wont remember it next week even, just be more careful next time (without being that crazy over-bearing mother!) and if you see one tease from another child, be aware that another will come.

 

[Ariel8676]

NO i dont think you need to take a chill pill..its hard when your child is being teased. I think you handled it properly and although it is bothering you it doesn't seem to have bothered her at all..or else it would have been the first thing she said to your DH.
Kids will be kids and everyone will get teased at some point in their lives, i think it is very important to explain (at the time not bring to it up again) that.. that is NOT the way we act towards others and that teasing and making fun of people is wrong and those children are probably just jealous that she is so pretty .
I probably would have said to the boys that it is not very nice to tease people..and hopefuly the parents would have heard ..lol But that is just me and the Momma Bear comes out when my children are being hurt in any way..lol

 

[Nom]

Thanks for your feedback, my first thought was to take her out as soon as I saw the boys making their plan make her chase them, but since she was still having a ton of fun I did not want to be the overprotecting mom, kwim? Next time I am going to go with my gut, because it did go downhill fast.

I also like the idea of telling her that bigger kids don't like to play with little kids sometimes- that makes it seem like just a big kid/ little kid thing, not something personally with her.

Yes, afterwards I thought of all kinds of things to say (like, people who make fun of people do it because they're jealous, etc), but I could not think of any of those things at the spur of the moment of course. And I do not want to keep bringing it up, to make it a bigger thing than it is for her... at least now I am prepared for next time.

ugh this is the worst part of being a parent!!!!!

 

[AMaloy314]

I have found that the best thing to do is to address the issue with all the kids as soon as it starts, but to try to do it in a positive way. I think I would have broached it with the boys as soon as I heard them making plans to be mean. Instead of saying, 'Stop being mean!" or "That's not nice." etc, try saying something like, "Let's all play nice together." or " We can all be friends together, can't we?" or even "Thank you for remembering to be kind to someone littler than you." then kind of redirect your daughter to something else. That way, there isn't anything that another parent could get upset with, but you have gently reminded kids what is appropriate behavior.

 

[livndisney]

I voted for telling the boys to stop. In my experience "some" parents do not always notice, care, pay attention to their children and what they are doing. Since I am my childs advocate, it is my job to speak up for them until they are able themselves.

 

[agnes!]

Playplaces can be a nightmare to parents of young children. I once saw a small child get bitten on the stomach - HARD - by another kid without provocation. When they get up into the tubes and in places where you can't get to them if something happens... When my DD was younger I would go with another mom & child - that way both kids have someone to play with and someone to tattle if someone else hits/bullies/etc. out of earshot or out of reach. I also like the "sometimes big kids don't play with little kids" post upthread.

In your shoes, I would have intervened as soon as I started feeling uncomfortable. Trust your intuition! I would not talk any more about this with your DD, she is fine. You are remembering (as we all do) your childhood traumas, (not that you would, but) don't let them become your DD's by proxy.

agnes!

 

[grlpwrd]

Wow, I never thought I would have to worry about this so soon! DD is 3, and she was teased by mean kids for the first time yesterday, and it is still bothering me! Read my story and tell me- what would you have done? I am also curious how I should best handle things like this in the future. Here's what happened:

We were at Burger King, after eating and dd was playing in the big play structure. All of the sudden two families, with 2 moms and a set of grandparents, came in- with 7 kids in total. So they were all playing, dc was trying to join in (she loves playing with other kids), but the kids were all used to playing together I guess, and they did not really want her to join in. Although they were telling her to go away, she was still having fun chasing them and did not seem to notice that they were a bit hostile towards her.

So their food comes, and most of the kids go to eat exept the two oldest brothers. I know one was 4, and the other was probably 5 or so. So I hear them and they are planning to tease my dd. They were telling her to chase them, and then running away and laughing. DD was still having fun, so I let it go on- I don't want to shelter her, and after all she was still enjoying it. So then they started calling her stinky. She said 'Stinky the cat?' because she knows a cat named stinky, and she still seemed to be having fun, but since it seemed to be starting to get meaner I told her one more slide and then we will go.

When I was putting her shoes on they started yelling "stinky socks girl!" over and over again. FINALLY the grandma told them to stop and that was mean. I took her in the bathroom to potty before we left, and she told me 'they were calling me stinky'. I asked her if they meant the cat (hoping she did not realise what they really meant), and she said, "no, they meant that I stunk". My heart broke! I told her that she did not stink, and that they were just mean boys... but I wonder if I should have done something differently? Later she told me that she thinks they were not talking to her, since they said 'girl' and not her name.

Dd is so much more outgoing than I ever was as a kid, it breaks my heart that she might get teased when she goes to school and become less outgoing. She does not seem to be effected by what happened- she still said she had fun and later told her dad about it and did not mention the 'stinky incident'- but I can't forget it! I guess because it is the first time.

Anyway, how do you all handle teasing like this? Do you think I handled it well, or would you have done something differently?

Thanks for your input!!!
Noelle

2 moms and a set of grandparents? and neither of them cared to notice what was going on!... ugh!!!

If that was the case, I would have intervened, too. I had to several times when we went to Chuck E Cheese's. Older kids not being so nice to younger kids, trampling over them, etc.

Yes, definitely don't make your issues her issues. Don't fret and don't obsess. The best thing to do is use these as learning experiences, build her self-confidence and self-esteem, and "bully-proof" her.

It's all part of growing up. Good luck...

 

[Mkrop]

I probably would have said something to the boys, nothing mean just something like "play nice please" or is it necessary to call people names.

Then when DC did realize that they were calling her stinky girl, I would have been silly with her and took a big whiff and say Nope they couldnt have been talking to you bc you smell wonderful!!!!

Dont beat yourself up either, she is your child, it is your job to overanalyze things but not let know you are doing it!