OT:Kid birthday thank you notes: have you ever seen this done?

[wrldpossibility]

I'm wondering what other DIS parents think of this: my son was invited to a 5-year-old's birthday party (he's also 5). When it was over, inside DS's goodie bag was a thank you note. It read, "Dear (DS), thank you for the gift. Love, (birthday kid)."

So his mom wrote out the thank you notes (the birthday kid wasn't writing/reading yet, so that's fine...the kid signed his name) BEFORE the party. I felt it was tacky. I think a thank you should be done after a gift is received so that the recipient can contemplate the gift and give a individualized (instead of generic) thank you. I didn't feel the gift we got him was very appreciated. I'm sure it was a time saver, but didn't seem appropriate to me. Anyone else want to weigh in?

 

[Feralpeg]

I think you should be happy you even got a thank you note for a present at a 5 year old's party. I can't remember DD ever receiving a thank you note from any birthday party she attended.

After all, the mom is going to write the note anyway. How much contemplation do you expect from a 5 year old?

JMHO.

 

[PaulaSue]

I also think they are tacky but now a days you are lucky to get one at all so...is it right or wrong?

 

[Stimpy]

Yes, I've seen it before and it seems to be becoming more "popular". I agree with you, it's incredibly tacky and rude! The 1st time it happened I thought it was just something they put on the favors and they would follow up with a personal thank you later. Never got a follow-up. It really bugs me that some one can't take the time to write a quick thank you! My children are not allowed to take a gift out of it's package and/or use it until the thank you is written.

 

[Stimpy]

I think you should be happy you even got a thank you note for a present at a 5 year old's party. I can't remember DD ever receiving a thank you note from any birthday party she attended.

After all, the mom is going to write the note anyway. How much contemplation do you expect from a 5 year old?

JMHO.

Both my kids have been signing their thank you notes since they were babies. I would write the note and at first I would trace their handprint. Then when they were older enough, they would color or scribble something on the bottom themselves. As they got older, they sign their names after they tell me what they like about the gift. Now DS-6 writes his own notes (with my help on the big words)

I do agree that thank yous are very rare and far in between these days and I think that's a little sad.

 

[freckles and boo]

From Emilypost.com

It is not necessary to write a thank you note, when a gift is opened and the donor is thanked personally at the time of opening. If the gifts are not opened in front of the donors, the child must write a personal note mentioning the gift by name to each donor.

I don't like the idea of generic thank you notes, but it is certainly preferable to no thanks at all. If the child was required to sign each note then hopefully his parents explained why he had to write his name 15 times. I think that is a step in the right direction. As for contemplating the gift, all I can say is that my children don't yet have the capacity for that kind of appreciation. We always send personal notes (that I have have handwritten and that my older child signs) but I don't feel un-appreciated if someone makes a different choice. There are many ways to say thank-you.

 

[Newfie2000]

I agree with those who feel it is incredibly rude and tacky! But I must emphasize that it is not the child's fault! In these cases it is the parents who are doing it and laying the groundwork for the future - and that is most certainly a shame! My Mom would always send the thank yous until I learned to write or draw. At a very young age my Mom would have me draw a picture or color in a coloring book page. She would then do the writing on it that I was unable to do. As soon as I could write I had to do my own - not only sign them but had to specifically acknowledge the gift (ie. the shirt or the game... you get the drift) and what I thought of it if I had received cash I was told to write what I was doing with it or what I was saving it for. As I grew up I have always continued the tradition.

I am now 34 years old and continue to do so. I would like to tell you about something which happened to me for those of you who might wonder just how important it is to send thank yous... To this day I receive gifts, cards, etc from most of my extended family members. When I got married they also started to send the same to my husband (who yes also sends thank yous, with a gentle shove from me!). I never thought twice about this or questioned it as this was just the way it has always been. During a conversation with my older brother a few years ago I mentioned the check that Aunt so and so had sent for my birthday. I could tell that he had suddenly become upset and asked why, he told me that he never receives any gifts so why do I? Ooops.. I had automatically assumed he also did. Anyway I questioned a couple of family members about it in a very cautious and gracious manner. Ironically the response was the same from several people. We know you appreciate the gifts, cards and the thought behind it - your brother never took the time to acknowledge it so we stopped sending to him. WOW! I was amazed and was just not sure how to take that, with time I have realized that I chose the high path and chose to be thankful and grateful... I never asked for the gifts! Now I am extremely careful to never let my gaurd down and forget to write a note. If they can take the time to remember me the very least I can do is send them a handwritten, personal thank you note!

I have followed the same path without ever realizing or thinking about it. Family members, nieces, nephews, etc. who are old enough to know better than not send a thank you get about two or three chances after that I simply stop sending. Not that I am being nasty or anything but it seems fair to me that they could at least acknowledge the time and expense I took. I hope this helps some of you to realize just how powerful a simple thank you note can be!

 

[Merriwind]

Tacky, tacky. Better than no thank you, but not by much.

 

[LynnTH]

I have always written Thank You notes for the gifts that are given to my children (they sign their names). I think it is nice to say something personal about the gift (kids like to hear that) and to Thank them for coming to their party. I don't think that is too much to ask. I know my kids love it when they get mail so I always make sure to mail invitations and thank you's to the kids. It doesn't take much time. We always get thank you's for the parties my kids have attended also. They like to know that the gift they selected was appreciated.

 

[DVC Sadie]

Let me be the voice of dissention on this thread.

Since we are living in a world when RSVP's are not acknowledged, I , for one am glad that there are some parents who wish to teach their children ( and others) some manners. It may seem rude or tacky but better to be tacky as a child then to be tacky as an adult. Just my POV.

 

[wrldpossibility]

I think you should be happy you even got a thank you note for a present at a 5 year old's party. I can't remember DD ever receiving a thank you note from any birthday party she attended.

After all, the mom is going to write the note anyway. How much contemplation do you expect from a 5 year old?

JMHO.

Wow, really? No thank you notes? I posted about this because it's the closest to no thank you we've ever gotten. All the kids I know send thank yous. And yes, a 5-year-old can and should take the time it takes to dictate/write a thank you note to contemplate the giver and the gift. Kids are taught fewer and fewer manners, and it's not their fault, but it makes me worry about the next generation.

 

[brandip22]

I think it is tacky and would really rather no thank you to be honest. My DS is having his 4th B-day party in a couple of weeks and I have been thinking a lot about the thank you note issue. I have decided that we will do custom notes after the party and since I am so bad about it, we will do them either after the party or Sunday before the next school day. Since this is his first "real" party, I want to set the correct tone and make sure he learns what to do from the beginning. I remember the first party he went to last year and the boy had the thank-you's in their cubbies by Monday. I thought it was funny since there were two Alex's and we got the wrong thank-you, but it was nice to get regardless. This is the main reason we will write them. My parents never made us do them and I am terrible about it so I want my kids to learn better.

 

[CharmedLife]

Another vote for tacky, tacky, tacky. I have been writing thank you notes for my children's birthdays and Christmas gifts since they were born, and with very few exceptions we ALWAYS get thank you notes from parties that my children attend. In fact, I just got a thank-you in the mail today from my 16-year-old niece for her birthday gift (cash!).

As my children get older they get more involved in the process - used to be adding a few scribbles or a handprint, then a drawing, then writing their own name. Now my DD6 writes a basic "Thank you for _____ - Love Madison", and I add more details after that, but she knows what the thank you's are for and why we send them.

As for the RSVP's, it completely blows me away that people don't RSVP for parties when one is specifically requested. I just don't know what's happening to common manners anymore.

Another tacky - one year my niece sent an e-mail thank you - one e-mail that she sent to the whole group of people who sent her gifts. Nothing specific written since it was to everyone. At that point I almost would have rather not gotten one at all...

 

[liamandcaili]

My DS7 attended a number of birthday parties this year, and he only received a thank you note from one child. I had him send thank you notes after his party though, even though he did open the gifts at the party and personally thanked each gift-giver. The parents, who actually purchased the gifts, were not present, and so I thought a thank you note was in order, if for no other reason than to confirm to the parents that the gift actually did make it to the party, was not misplaced, and was in fact opened by the birthday child.

Oh, I forgot to add, it is incredibly tacky to include generic thank you notes in the gift bags. We have received custom-printed thank you notes with a brief personalized note...or even just the child's signature...after the party in the mail, and that is fine, but to assume even before the party is over that every guest is bearing a gift is pretty presumptuous. You invite people to parties for the pleasure of their company, not for the gifts they bear.

 

[freckles and boo]

You invite people to parties for the pleasure of their company, not for the gifts they bear.

Agreed. But in the same spirit, at a child's party shouldn't a genuine verbal "Thank you so much for coming to my party!" or "Thanks so much for the Power Ranger!" suffice? It sure seems like the etiquette police are busy praising themselves and judging others as tacky, which is, in itself, rather obnoxious. I also think witholding gifts to punish a child for not writing thank you notes is mean. Just as you invite people for the pleasure of their company, you give gifts out of the joy of giving. If it brings you no pleasure, stop doing it, but don't be punitive about. That is definitely tacky.

 

[htmom]

Well I have a four year old boy. Every year I take a picture of him with a sign , his first birthday it was a "Thank you" poster I drew, and every year he "writes" more on the sign saying thank you for coming. (signs his name now and writes the T's for thank you lol) I print them out on magnet paper as trading cards and he hands them out as he opens each gift and says a personal thank you. And we also call the next week to say thank you.

Truthfully most parents really think they are a great way to thank them! We have NEVER gotten a thank you note for any b-day parties he has attended. I understand why some may call this "tacky" but everyone who attended my son's party was a close family friend, we don't have "class" parties with all the neighbors and his school (well preschool) friends.

 

[Deebo]

Two votes for TACKY!!!

1. I doubt that this kid learned anything about being appreciative by having mom stuff the goody bags with generic thank-yous in advance. A few minutes each day helping mom fill in some personal notes the week after the party doesn't seem like an excessive amount of effort in exchange for all of the kindness shown by the guests. In stores I've even seen simple thank you cards for kids that only require the name of the giver, the gift and the signature to be filled in. It doesn't get much simpler than that!

2. The part that REALLY frosts me is that the mom had a KING-SIZED nerve assuming that everyone was bringing a gift. If she really wanted to save some time and effort, she should have just written 'Thanks in advance for a great gift' on the invitations.

 

[emma'smom]

We almost always receive thank you notes after kid parties. I made my dd dictate and sign her thank you notes and we added a picture of each child having fun at the party. I thought this was nice since it was the first "drop off" party (as opposed to parents staying) and then parents had a chance to see what the kids did at the party.

Please explain why some people do not RSVP...i just don't get it! We didn't hear back from several people and finally we called a few as just asked them if they were planning on coming. There were two we didn't get in touch with and it was a guessing game right up until the time of the party. We didn't know how many favors to buy, chairs to borrow, party bags to prepare, etc. It turned out one girl showed and the other did not. I just don't get this. If one receives an invite, how hard is it to pick up the phone or send a quick e-mail that says "yes, we'll be there" or "no thanks, we're busy".

 

[wrldpossibility]

We almost always receive thank you notes after kid parties. I made my dd dictate and sign her thank you notes and we added a picture of each child having fun at the party. I thought this was nice since it was the first "drop off" party (as opposed to parents staying) and then parents had a chance to see what the kids did at the party.

Please explain why some people do not RSVP...i just don't get it! We didn't hear back from several people and finally we called a few as just asked them if they were planning on coming. There were two we didn't get in touch with and it was a guessing game right up until the time of the party. We didn't know how many favors to buy, chairs to borrow, party bags to prepare, etc. It turned out one girl showed and the other did not. I just don't get this. If one receives an invite, how hard is it to pick up the phone or send a quick e-mail that says "yes, we'll be there" or "no thanks, we're busy".

OP here...AMEN to the RSVP thing! I had that problem with my son's last party too. I just don't get why people don't call...or, they call within 24 hours of the party! By then I've bought the gift bags, cake, etc. Oh well!

I appreciate everyone responding to this. I'm amazed that so many people don't receive thank you cards. I can only think of one instance after 7 years of attending kids' parties that we didn't receive one. I also have heard it said that a thank you is not necessary if the gift was opened in the giver's presence, but I was raised to still send a note, so it would seem impolite not to. My kids even send them to their grandma who lives a few minutes away, and they see all the time. They don't have to write one to mom and dad, though!

One other thing I wonder if anyone's come across: my cousin lives in a very affluent area, and her DS got an invitation that included a card stating where the child was registered (Toys R US and Target, if you're wondering). That's just not normal among my friends and neighbors.

 

[emma'smom]

We've actually had sort of the opposite thing happen. I know of some parents who said "no gifts" on the invite (or just when one RSVP's). Then some kids bring "a little something" and some kids show up without anything and then feel bad. Also, how much do you usually spend on a gift for a child's party..for just a school or neighborhood friend (not necessarily a close family friend). We usually spend about 15.00 such a gift (for a craft kit usually- bead sets, mosaic sets, make your own stickers, magic kits, etc).