OT-Is it wrong to use a Timer to Encourage Independent Play?

[devotedchristian]

DS is 3.5 and wants me to play with him ALL day. I bought a Timer and set it for 15 minutes and when the timer goes Off, I get up and do something else.

Now, I'm feeling guilty about using the timer. He looks so sad when it goes off but I thought it was a great idea at first, now I'm not so sure.

Should I do away with the Timer?

If so, how else can I encourage him to play by himself?

He is our Only Child.

 

[JNorris]

Why not set the timer for a period of time that he plays by himself, instead of for the time that you play with him? I have an only also, she's now 8. I don't think I used a timer, but I did encourage her to have time to herself, and that was OK with her, if she knew a time period was coming up where I would devote myself to her for a little while.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I like that idea, JNorris. I have a 6-year-old only, and have kind of done the same thing with a timer - explained that sometimes grown-ups have to do their chores before they "get" to play, and that I would do whatever activity together when the timer went off. It *usually* works pretty well. (Sometimes they just get the clingies, though - so don't get discouraged, OP!)

I would also try to set up some playtime with another child if that's an option. Do you have a friend with a son or daughter around his age? (doesn't have to be exact.) You could invite them over, and let the kids play while you and the other mom hang back a little.

Good luck! I know it can get intense with one sometimes.

 

[dfarner]

DevotedChristian-Before I state my opinion on the timer, I would like to say that I encourage you to promote independent play for your son. IMO I feel like the timer may produce a little bit of anxiety in him, and I don't know that I would use it. Instead, I would explain to him, before you sit down for an activity, that "Mommy will play with you for a little bit, but then she has to get up to do some Mommy things...". Then, during the play time, I would let him know when you are going to play for only a couple of mins. more by saying something like, "this is the last game Mommy can play right now" or "the last picture Mommy can draw right now", etc...so that you can help him transition into playing on his own. Be sure to assure him that you will be back to play again in a bit. Do your best not to feel like you are letting him down, even if he looks sad. You are building his self-confidence to be on his own as well as his trust in you.

 

[flying_babyb]

I love it!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I agree with some of the ideas above. Give him a few warnings before you stop playing with him ("Mommy can play one more game, draw one more picture, etc.). The transition between playing with Mommy and playing by himself will be easier. You can also set him up with ideas to play by himself ("You draw me a picture of a doggy while I do the dishes."). Then he'll feel like he's playing with you even though you're doing something else. I think the timer might create too much anxiety for him.

 

[va32h]

My 3 year old also wants me to play with her all day - "have a tea party" is all I hear!

But she really likes to help me do "mommy things". She loves to throw laundry in the washer, and put wet clothes in the dryer. And hold the dustpan while I sweep - I give her the Swiffer when I'm done, and she swiffs all around the kitchen while I empty the dishwasher or clean the counters.

A spray bottle with water and towel, and she washes all the windows for me while I clean.

Of course we do more than clean - we work in the yard too. I give her paper and envelopes so she can "work" when I am working. She has a keyboard to bang on, so she can be on the computer just like me too.

I have never been the type of mom who plays a lot (I have two older children also), but I do like to spend time with them cooking or baking, doing crafts, and doing things around the house.