OT-impact of having a 3rd child, kinda freaking out!!

[emmababy]

Ok, so we have been kicking around the idea of having a 3rd child ever since my son was born 13 months ago. I was extremely excited and nervous all at the same time.

Well, we finally started to try this past month. We are timing everything and should know in 2 weeks if it worked. Now, I am TOTALLY FREAKING OUT!! The idea of having a third child seemed great. Now, that it could be a reality, I am freaking out (have I said that enough, lol).

I have no worries about loving the baby or blending the baby into our family.

What I am worrying about is how it will impact our daily lives. From a new vehicle, to how to deal with bedrooms (do 2 share or they are all separate), to eating out, buying presents, birthday parties, activities, traveling, vacations, our dvc, our dining room table, daycare. The daycare is really tripping me up. I don't know how we will afford it. I currently work full time and would love to stay home, but I carry the insurance and don't know if we could swing me not working.

I know people have 3 or more kids all the time, but NOONE on my side of the family has 3 kids since my Grandma. So, I have no point of comparison. Someone, anyone, please talk me back from the ledge. I am starting to think I might have made a big mistake.

 

[happymommy]

Relax. You are way ahead of yourself. I do that all the time.

Remember, you won't be given anything God doesn't know you can handle.

And if it didn't work out this month, maybe have another talk with your husband - maybe you're not ready yet.

Good luck

 

[KAMKIM]

I am glad you posted this thread I am curious to the responses.

I only have 2 and up to about 6 months ago I was CERTAIN I did not want 3. The logistics of it gives me a headache thinking about it - bigger house, bigger car, more child care - this is a big one for us because our kids are now both in school full time this year.

However, EVERYONE I know with 3+ kids say - you might regret NOT doing it, but you will NEVER regret doing it.

Good luck!

 

[Ldynred812]

We may try for a 3rd next year. My 2 DD's are almost 7 and 3. I worry about starting over, traveling, daycare expenses, etc as well. BUT my children will be a lot older by the time a baby would come.....8 and 5 if I get my way. They are very self sufficient now, so I can just imagine in another year or 2. I think a 3rd will be hard no matter what, but I also think it will be easier this time around. My 2 girls will be a lot of help and I won't be hauling a newborna and a toddler to stores and such. Also, the girls will BOTH be in school then, so my days off from work will be just me and the baby.

NO WAY would I have had a 3rd child with another one still in diapers, etc. JMO....I work in child care as well and would have gone NUTS!!!

 

[jgazda]

My husband is dying to have a third and the daycare bills and where the new baby would sleep are freaking me out too. I would love to add on but that's another airline ticket, another meal, another daycare expense. The dollar bills keep adding up in my head.

 

[emmababy]

The whole "regret NOT having one, but never will you regret having one," gets me tripped up all the time!!

My kids are 3 and 13 months. So for a year, we would have 3 in daycare, yikes!!! The 2 in diapers doesn't bother me. They were like that when my son was born. Thankfully, my dd potty trained quick!

I feel like it is now or never for us. My dh will be 43 next month and I don't think he wants kids in his 70's! :rotfl

I think if we end up preggers this month, then I will love it and deal with all the changes. It will be an adventure, that's for sure!!

 

[mjkacmom]

We wanted 3. Going from 2 to 3 was, by far, my easiest transition. With the first, you have no idea what you're doing. With the second, you're not used to caring for 2, and having to let one wimper (or scream) while you take care of the other. With the third, it was easy peazy! My third is a stepford child - easy going, never misbehaves, very loving. Can't imagine life without her!

 

[mjkacmom]

NO WAY would I have had a 3rd child with another one still in diapers, etc. JMO....I work in child care as well and would have gone NUTS!!!

LOL - I had 5 kids in 6 1/2 years - I had more than a year with 3 in diapers! Really didn't bother me though - I never got "spoiled" and then dragged back into babyhood!

 

[ccudmore]

The best analogy I can give about going from 2 kids to 3 is that you have to switch from a man-to-man defense to a zone defense. It is for sure more work with 3, but it's worth it. And (as my wife says) the more kids you have, the better the chances one of them will still love you when you're old

 

[Ldynred812]

LOL - I had 5 kids in 6 1/2 years - I had more than a year with 3 in diapers! Really didn't bother me though - I never got "spoiled" and then dragged back into babyhood!

>>>>

Yep, I think I would be OK with it, IF I didn't spend 30 hrs a week with 24 4 and 5 yr olds in my classroom. And I am fortunate enough to take my girls to work with me ( my oldest is now in school) so I truly never had a moment during the day without kids!! LOL

I was the mom who just got the child pottytrained, had a 2nd baby, and then MAJOR MAJOR regression. See, another reason why I think having a 3rd with my 2 girls older would be so easy...hmmmm, this thread is talking me more into it.

 

[eyor44]

I found I was much more relaxed with my third one. Granted mine are 23, 14 & 6.

 

[mupt02]

I am due with my 3rd in December. My oldest will be 3 1/2 and my youngest turns 2 in October. To be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way and actually want a 4th relatively soon after this one comes along. The lease was up on one of our cars so we traded it in and got a mini-van. I absolutely love it. And so do my kiddos. So, the car things wasn't a big deal for us. We are spoiled and it is either me, hubby, my MIL watching the kiddos. What about your DH staying home with the kiddos? I know as a mommy it wouldn't me quite the same, but at least you know you can trust the day care person. We are doing our first WDW vacation next summer. The kiddos will be 4, 2, and 9 months. For us, the few things that we have been able to plan at this point are all working out, so vacations aren't an issue.
I do agree with a PP though, it sounds like you might not quite be ready. Maybe a few more long talks with hubby are in order before trying again if this month doesn't work out. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[emmababy]

I am due with my 3rd in December. My oldest will be 3 1/2 and my youngest turns 2 in October. To be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way and actually want a 4th relatively soon after this one comes along. The lease was up on one of our cars so we traded it in and got a mini-van. I absolutely love it. And so do my kiddos. So, the car things wasn't a big deal for us. We are spoiled and it is either me, hubby, my MIL watching the kiddos. What about your DH staying home with the kiddos? I know as a mommy it wouldn't me quite the same, but at least you know you can trust the day care person. We are doing our first WDW vacation next summer. The kiddos will be 4, 2, and 9 months. For us, the few things that we have been able to plan at this point are all working out, so vacations aren't an issue.
I do agree with a PP though, it sounds like you might not quite be ready. Maybe a few more long talks with hubby are in order before trying again if this month doesn't work out. Good luck with whatever you decide.

My hubby is self employed, so that is a no go. We have talked this thing to death. We are both on board with having another baby. I guess because we have been talking for a year, so the finality of it actually happening is hitting me like a ton of bricks.

What's funny is I hate being pregnant, but that part isn't bothering me at all. The transition to 2 was a breeze and I'm sure this will be fine. I guess because the "world is built for a family of four," I am just trying to figure out all that will change.

Thanks for everyone's input!!

 

[tlh0726]

. I guess because the "world is built for a family of four," I am just trying to figure out all that will change.

You hit the nail on the head with that statement .

Once you go to 5

No more staying in a regular hotel room, you need to upgrade to a suite or adjoining rooms.
No more riding rides at the same time if the ride only seats 2. It will take you 3 turns to do this so that either you or DH will be with the waiting child(ren) at all times.
Most tables at restaurant are made for 4. Always seem to have to wait for a larger table.
Once the kids get into activities, there are 2 parents and 3 places that you need to be at the same time.


We have a 12 yr age difference between our 1st and 2nd. Because of this and the obvious different interests, oldest DS always gets to invite a friend along. Doesn't seem like we take a family vacation, he goes one way while DH, me and the little ones go the other.


Also with 3 it seems that there is always an odd man out. 2 will play together nicely put in the 3rd and there seems to be total breakdown.

 

[emma'smom]

Great to see both side of this.

My doctor pretty much told me that for health reasons--I should stop with the 2 that I have. Most days, I'm fine with that---but sometimes I wish we could try for number 3.

At least these realizations (while not reasons NOT to have a child if one is able/thinking about it) make me feel a bit better! Thanks!

You hit the nail on the head with that statement .

Once you go to 5

No more staying in a regular hotel room, you need to upgrade to a suite or adjoining rooms.
No more riding rides at the same time if the ride only seats 2. It will take you 3 turns to do this so that either you or DH will be with the waiting child(ren) at all times.
Most tables at restaurant are made for 4. Always seem to have to wait for a larger table.
Once the kids get into activities, there are 2 parents and 3 places that you need to be at the same time.


We have a 12 yr age difference between our 1st and 2nd. Because of this and the obvious different interests, oldest DS always gets to invite a friend along. Doesn't seem like we take a family vacation, he goes one way while DH, me and the little ones go the other.

 

[Magic2000]

DH & I always said we wanted 3 kids. Then, after the 2nd was born, we said we were happy with just the two girls. Nine years later, we start talking that it sure would be nice to have one more..... Once I found out I was pregnant, I got so scared. All those thoughts kept going around in my head - daycare, diapers, costs, etc. I had a 13 yr old and a 9 yr old - and now a newborn?????? What was I thinking????

Well, it really did work out fine. Everything seemed to fall into place. At first, the girls loved having a new sister around - they used to fight over who would hold her, who would push her in the stroller, etc. That wore off pretty quickly. haha What I worried about on the money issues weren't really that much of an issue. We just changed around some things and it worked out.

Fast forward to now. My oldest DD is 27, my middle DD is 23. They're both on their own, doing well, and very happy. My youngest DD is 14 and in high school. She's my traveling buddy - we both have a love of Disney and we go as often as we can. (DH just doesn't share our love of Disney?????)

Good luck!!!!!!

 

[Colleen27]

We wanted 3. Going from 2 to 3 was, by far, my easiest transition. With the first, you have no idea what you're doing. With the second, you're not used to caring for 2, and having to let one wimper (or scream) while you take care of the other. With the third, it was easy peazy! My third is a stepford child - easy going, never misbehaves, very loving. Can't imagine life without her!

Same here. I did my share of freaking out, because at first we very much wanted a third but then it looked like it wasn't in the cards so I spent over a year talking up all the negatives to having more than 2... Then surprise, baby #3!

I think people make way too much of the logistics and the idea that the world is built for a family of 4. It has absolutely been our easiest transition, and our 3rd is just the most laid back, flexible little creature because she's been adapting to the older kids' schedules from day 1.

 

[Becky2005]

I guess because the "world is built for a family of four," I am just trying to figure out all that will change.

Of course, you can just have a 4th. Then 6 is fine. I've found the world is either built for 4 or 6. I'm the 3rd kid in a family of 5. It really wasn't that bad.

Except I know for restaraunts, you either pulled up a chair at a table for 4 OR had an extra chair at a table for 6.

Now with mini-vans it's not bad at all. I was always just put in the middle back of the station wagon with the "hump" in the back for where your feet went. I haven't seen a car made like that in ages.

 

[rjan67]

I have 3. I knew I wanted 2 for sure. I wasn't sure about 3. I thought about it a lot. I am 1 of 2 and always wondered what it would be like as an adult to have another sibling with a family. Anyway, when I was thinking about it, I heard another Mom say if you are 75% sure that is sure enough, because you will never be 100% sure. I can't imagine my life without my son. It is true, rides at theme parks etc are a problem, but I wouldn't base a life decision on that. We are cruising in March and we got 2 inside cabins instead of a larger (more expensive actually) cabin. As they get older, things do get more expensive i.e. clothes, hockey, interests. I love my Honda Odyssey....wouldn't change it for the world. We also have a Chevy Avalanche. This pulls our 30ft travel trailer bunkhouse which we vacation mostly in (including the golden retriever and cat...why not we have the room!). I think you need to listen to that internal voice. Once I had 3 I knew I didn't want anymore. That was me. We had a 3 bedroom house when my third was born. Actually had my 5 yr old girl and 3 yr old boy share for awhile when the baby came. Then moved the boys together almost 2 yrs later. We now have a 4 bedroom house so everyone has there own space.

 

[rjan67]

Now with mini-vans it's not bad at all. I was always just put in the middle back of the station wagon with the "hump" in the back for where your feet went. I haven't seen a car made like that in ages.

I was only 1 of 2 and I always laid in the back! I loved to lay facing the back and look out the back window!