OT I feel so bad for my daughter! warning a sport vent too.

[bgirl29]

My DD had volleyball tryouts this week. She is 13 and playing sports is her favorite thing to do. Well she has had a very bad cold for a couple weeks now and had been kinda run down and tired, as well as playing AAU basketball. So that said I know that she has not been herself lately. Anyways the last day of tryouts she ends up needing to come home sick from school. Her stomach is upset and she is running to the bathroom alot.

I sent an email to the coach explaining that my daughter had left school for the day and would not be able to be at tryouts because of her stomach. I also told her that my older son would be at the school teaching a science olympiad class at the time tryouts were supposed to finish so if she wanted to send a message home with him she could. (The girls recieve a letter stating if they made the team or not). Well the coach found my son and sent the dreaded I am sorry, maybe next year letter.

OK fine, life sucks sometimes. However it is hard to believe that next year is now a possibility because she is in 8th grade, at the smaller of 2 middle schools and next years competition will be a lot tougher. Needless to say my DD is having a hard time with this. She is a very good athlete and now some of the girls that are on the team or new and have not played before. Last year my daughter was a setter so she had quite a bit of contact with the ball if that make sense. And towards the end of the year quite a few times she was the first to serve, which we noticed tended to go to the girls that could serve the best, so we thought that she was a pretty good player.

Also the only other girl from last years team that did not make this years team had to miss the last 15 minutes of one of the tryout days because of a doctors appointment. Now my daughter believes that she didn't make the team because she was sick and she is really bummed.

I know that this is just what happens sometimes but I feel really bad for her and just wanted to vent. The coach did write on the note that if she wanted to talk to her about it to come see her sometime. Well my daughter doesn't know the coach, she has never had her for a teacher, and her room is not near any of my daughters classes. I would almost have to drive her to school or pick her up after for her to have time to talk to her. This is kind of a pain to do just because I already pick up my son from a different school at the same time. Do you think it is worth sending an email or something? Or would you just forget about it?

Thanks for listening.

 

[BenA81]

buy that girl a field hockey stick.

 

[mjkacmom]

I would have your dd meet with her. My ds got cut from his travel basketball team, and another child, who previously wasn't on the team, got his spot - because this other child is a better player than ds. I think your dd would feel better if she got to learn why she didn't make the team.

 

[bgirl29]

Thanks mjkacmom, I do think she needs to talk to the coach, I am just trying to convince her, and in her defense timewise it is difficult to do. Yeah well if we could actually see that one of the new players and a few of the old players were better than my daughter it would be easier for her to accept. I know how bad this sounds, like we think my daughter is the best player ever and that is not true, but some of the others still cannot even get half of their serves over the net.

As I said this is not the end of the world or anything but she did enjoy playing volleyball and wanted to continue. She had planned on trying out for an AAU team this year so she could improve before high school.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

My DD14 played volleyball through middle school. She didn't make the team in HS this year. It turned out to be fine. She got to get involved in lots of activities she missed out on the last few years because of volleyball. And while she LOVED volleyball, turns out she is loving Art Club, yearbook, and many other activities she had not gotten to get involved with because of scheduling conflicts with volleyball. At first all she wanted to do was moap and wait for next years try outs, now she doesn't even want to try out next year because of all the fun she is having in other areas. I can sympathise, but encourage her to try some new things that she may not have thought about before.

 

[KAMLEM]

I think your daughter should talk to him, it may make her feel better to understand what he was thinking. I don't think you should send an email, she's old enough to deal with it herself.

 

[Erin1700]

I understand she must be upset, but please try to tell her that "When God closes a door, he opens a window"

I got cut from my high school basketball team and thought my life was over. It took a while, but so many better things happened to me, which I would not have had the opportunity for if I did make it.

 

[visitingapril09]

My daughter is an advanced basketball player and hasn't had many let downs but has had some. Each time she does I make sure that she talks to the coach/director and ask 'what can I do to improve my chances of making it next time?' She has received some great feedback from this that has helped in the long run.

For morale sake, although it is basketball and not volleyball, Michael Jordan didn't make his grade 8 basketball team!

 

[bgirl29]

Thanks everyone for the friendly advice. My children will be home soon so I may not be able to be on the computer again for awhile. I know with her heading into high school next year she could be looking at more disappointments then. She also has been point guard on her basketball team and somehow made the soccer team even though she had not played soccer before. And as a previous poster said we know that when god closes a door he opens a window, so for now she will just keep playing the other sports for as long as she is able, and will hopefully find some other positive interests along the way. Hope this made sense I have to run and pick up my son.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

Mom, I think you are approaching this very well. You aren't bashing the coach or saying that your daughter "deserves" to be on the team. Like you said thought an explanation would help your daughter (and you) to understand why she didn't make the team. Was the coach aware that she was sick since the begining of try outs? Were other players "better" than her...then the coach could offer some constructive critisim so DD knows what to work on. Was the coach that "strict" (I would prefer the a..l word) that because she was unable to make a session due to being sick any consideration was cut? I know time is limited, but maybe you both should meet the coach...DD may feel more comfortable with you there and the coach may be less likely to fluff it off with you there.
Personally I would have DD show the coach how well she could spike the ball with him/her on the other side of the net!

 

[sk!mom]

Your DD should meet with her and simply ask why she was cut. If she invited your DD to stop by, I doubt that she would react favorably to hearing from mom instead.

It is possible that she was cut due to illness. It seems very unfair but coaches have to make tough decisions and missing the final day may have bumped someone ahead of your DD. I agree- unfair- but if this coach did not previously know your DD or her ability it may have been a lack of time to watch her especially if she had been feeling ill throughout the try out period.

Heck, I know a kid who was cut during the varsity soccer try out this year because he forgot his shin guards. "No shin guards- you're done and don't come back."

The reality is there are usually lot of kids trying out and only a few stand out due to true exceptional ability so the majority get cut for what may seem to be minor reasons.

I'm sorry for you and your DD. Our children's disappointments hurt so much more than our own.

 

[ferrytale]

Oh! I feel for your DD. When I was a freshman I tried out for the volleyball team, but had to leave tryouts b/c I was sick (turns out I had bronchitis), and never made it past first cuts. I was devestated b/c I LOVED volleyball and was pretty good. So I got very involved with the music program at our school and joined the marching band the following year - which turned out to be the best move b/c I met some of my best friends there and got to travel (including to WDW!) and do more things than I would have with the VB team.
I think she should talk to the coach to get some closure, but like the PP said - when a door is shut a window is open. I wish her (&you!) best of luck!

 

[Schmeck]

I agree with the previous posters' advice to have your daughter go see the coach, no email from you, no shadow from you. Most coaches do not appreciate the helicopter parents, as the coach is the one in charge, and they don't want the parents butting in! If you get all involved about it now, I'm betting the coach will not be changing his/her mind.

 

[peytonsmomie]

I agreed about the sending her to speak with the coach, no helicoptering from mom. Also, perhaps you can look into an intramural team she could join in to improve her skills to make next year a strong possibility.

Playing sports is a HUGELY important part of a young woman's development. Female athletes are much less likely to drop out of school, engage in sex acts that they are too young for, and to smoke/drink/do drugs.

I think it's a real shame that school would 'cut' girls from any team they were willing to participate in. While I understand playing their best athletes, all girls should be given the opportunity to be a part of the team.

It sounds like this coach is a real 'tough nut' and your daughter may just need to demonstrate that she cares enough about the team to fight for her place on it. If she can state her case with strength and conviction, the coach ought to overlook a single instance of illness and allow her to at least attempt to prove herself worthy of the team.

 

[Schmeck]

I think it's a real shame that school would 'cut' girls from any team they were willing to participate in. While I understand playing their best athletes, all girls should be given the opportunity to be a part of the team.

Where would all that money come from, though, for the extra uniforms, transportation, practice equipment, etc? The athletic budget for most schools is ridiculously large enough now. I'm not willing to pay more taxes (or see teachers and education staff get cut) so that anyone who wants to gets to be on a team. Actually, I'd rather see all sports out of the schools or have parents pay 100% of the expenses.

In our area it costs over $200 an hour for ice for a hockey team to practice. They practice or have a game 2-3 times a week for at least 12 weeks. That's $7200 just for ice time.