OT - I am doing the right thing....aren't I?

[KelleyD]

Ok maybe not the right thing, but I am not going to damage my child right?

Ok - childcare issue. And I know what I am going to do, but its tearing me up and I am so worried I am not doing the right thing.

Real quick background: went back to work in Feb. when DS(1st child) was 11 months. He went to at home care. I was very worried, you know all the angst. I was lucky that i started 3 half days per week and gradually built it up over the next month or two. I learned to really trust the lady he was with and was so glad I didn't have to worry about childcare issues again...

Sitter was struck with devestating illness, took her by surprise, its really a tragic situation...but another story. So of course I was upset, for her and for my son. Found out on a Saturday so my husband and I took turns taking off the following week while I tried to find someplace. Looked at daycares - couldn't picture my son there...all I saw was chaos.

Found at at home lady, was mostly comfortable with her, he was there for a week. But something was missing and I didn't see it working out. So the following week she was taking a week vacation. So I informed her that week I would be looking at someplace else.

Found another at home lady, very nice, been doing it 19 years and I thought ok, I think this is it. BUT she only really watches teachers kids, so summers off. But I thought so what. I will find him a place until September and then he can go to her. I will worry about the summer next year - when he will be a little older.

SO in the interim, I happened upon a daycare near my work (about 30mins from home). On two days a week he would be 1 of 3 kids. The other days he would be 1 of 5 or 1 of 6. It was a great facility with playgrounds and a gym. But what really sealed it was his teacher. She is great. Freindly, happy everything you would want in a teacher. It was rough at first with the new transition but its much better now, in fact today he clapped when he saw the building...

So the issue of course is moving him to this lady in September turning out to be the wrong thing???
1. In September the daycare price is increasing $50/week which will be $70 more PER week then at home lady, plus she provides all food.
2. I dont know if I can afford the $50/week increase. Of course I would make it work if I had to.
3. At home lady is very close to home. Also my mother picks my son up about 3 times per week and at home lady is much closer then the daycare.
4. When I was looking I didn't think my son needed the "school" activities at a daycare...but he loves it! I am kind of afraid he might be bored at home care...even though there will be 4 other kids there.
5. He class size will probably increase in Septemebr at daycare...and in Feb at 2 they will start to transition to the older class...bye bye great teacher...
6. If i ever have to leave right from home to go to a work project that is south of me - which they usually are - i would have to drive north 30 mins. to take son to daycare just to go back south again...

So am I damaging my son by taking him from the daycare to at home lady??? He will adapt to at home lady after a week or two right???

man i had no idea having a kid could be so emotionally draining...

 

[jeepgirl30]

Oh boy you sound like my situation almost 7 years ago!

I had DD8 at a great center but changed jobs. Found a woman I thought was amazing. DD cried everytime i dropped her off. The lady assured me she stopped as soon as I left. I noticed she had playpens set up and everyday i picked up DD she was in it. I started trying to vary my time and she was always in it. She wasn't walking yet at 10-11mths and seemed to not even really try. It was like her development was a bit stale. She was eating and happy and all but something was bugging me.

The lady called and said she decided to take back another child so she gave me a week. I was actually thrilled because I had just starting thinking this was right. Couldn't ignore the nagging feeling. She was only there about 4 months.

I took DD with me to a few centers. We got to one and she started clapping and reaching for the lady! She played while we talked and started crying when I said it was time to leave!

We started there and within 2 weeks she was walking. She was a totally different child. She loved being around the other babies and kids. She never cried when I dropped her off. Of course she was always thrilled to see me at the end of the day!

I honestly do not feel the woman in the private home was abusive but I do feel she used the playpen way too much.

I probably would not have picked this center on my own. Its in the hospital and clean enough but not **** and span clean and no immediate access playground. They have to go down 2 floors, get a shuttle to the other side of the property and then get to the playground.

However, DD was so happy I decided i picked a bad one she could pick this one! We are still at this center and her brother now 5 goes too. The school recognizes this center and has a bus stop so they get the pre and after school care here as well.

Its a really hard decision but your childs reaction should be a good guide for you. Also, if you make a bad choice you can change it! Child are resilient. Good luck!!!

 

[sashagiselle]

I had my dd 5with a home lady until she was about 18mths, then switched to a daycare. Yesterday she "graduated" from her daycare, it was the best decision for us, she has made lifelong friends and the teachers were caring and fantastic. For some reason when people hear the word "daycare" they gasp and feel sorry for the kids, but my experience has been great. Is there another daycare that is more convenient? You can have him with the home lady until you find something more permanent. Best of luck

 

[KelleyD]

Thanks guys for the responses.

I know he will be resiliant...I just hate disrupting him, but thought it would be ok until it actually has to happen.

As for the other daycares in the area, there are two chain ones that i looked at...and some independents. I didn't care for the independents...and the chains...my biggest problem was the amount of kids in the classes.

Of course they all said oh state law says this amount...blah blah yeah that nice but the state isn't raising my son and personally I think they are wrong! The one place didn't have any openings in september...but may be an option next summer if he does move...

Thanks again...no matter what, its not easy...

 

[poohguys]

Another vote for keeping the day care center. DS was at an at home sitter from 3 months to 7 yrs old. Things were great in the begining, but as he got older and she started taking on more little ones the older ones got less attention. DH and I had concerns about the care he was receiving, but just tjought that we were being over protective. DS has ADHD and needs a little closer supervison sometimes than she was giving. Anyways one day she decided that he was too much for her to handle and decided that effective imediately she would no longer be watching him. (Earlier that day he was spinning around and knocked on of the other kids coin clooection out of his hands by mistake, but she had a problem with it...another story). Anyways he now goes to before and after care at school and loves it! They do all of his homework with him so we have more time to spend together when we get home. Summer is another issue for us, but between grandparents me and DH we have it covered.

I think the day care center will be great for you DS any maybe when he gets to be in school look in to the before/aftercare program-cheaper than day care. The most important thing is to go with your gut and have him were you feel most comfortable and your DS is happiest. Good Luck! It will all work out in the end.

 

[bjscheel]

So you are considering taking him to the lady that wants summers off? What are you going to do during the summers every year? I'd be inclined to stick with the place you know is going to be there.

I've been there. We started with a friend of DH's who was great. Then she took a summer off to try getting pregnant (ongoing fertility problems). We got by using a neighbor girl and my sister. When baby came, she decided she didn't want to babysit anymore.

Shopped around, got through the summer with a parent who worked at school and had summer off. Picked a lady in the country with a house full of kids and toys. DD4 cried and begged to be taken anywhere else. DD1 always seemed to be stuck in the house while the big kids were outside. After 4 months my mom found a lady just on my way to work. Kids LOVED her. Not a lot of toys, but she and her family really PLAYED with the kids. Then she started wanting one week off every month to drive truck with her husband I found a SAHM who would take them one week a month. Then beloved babysitter moved away.

After all this I took them to the one and only "official" daycare center in town and there we've stayed. It has worked well for the most part and they do not move away, take vacations, or call you when they're sick. I wanted a permanent place.

Now older DD is almost 10 and SICK of daycare. We got through the summer, and she can handle 1 hour after school 3 times a week. I dread next summer, though my mom is not working any more and could help out if she doesn't take another job. That's my new challenge- how old is too old for daycare?

Long enough ramble- it's tough, isn't it!

 

[crisi]

I think you need to make a decision and stick with it. Kids do have attachment issues if their caregivers are switched frequently as small children. If there is some consistancy in care - it isn't too bad (for instance, a center might have high turnover it teachers, but if there are three teachers in a room and one leaves, it isn't as tramatic for this kids if their only caregiver leaves.) And I think at this point, a reputable center is your best option because you can't control a "great daycare lady" who suddenly decides to quit.

(bscheel - We send out eight and nine year old to day camp all summer - the kids are a little older than at center daycare - they get field trips and they swim every day. They go to the gym and the park. They get drama and drum lessons. They have before and after camp care so we can drop them off before work and pick them up after).

 

[disneyjunkie]

After all this I took them to the one and only "official" daycare center in town and there we've stayed. It has worked well for the most part and they do not move away, take vacations, or call you when they're sick. I wanted a permanent place.

How can a daycare get away with not calling when a child is sick?

 

[KelleyD]

Well I went to the daycare at nap time to let the teacher and manager know that next week would probably be his last week.

Teacher said she understood - she couldn't even send her own kids because of the cost (2 older boys - so I am thinking she meant the seperate day camp). And said my son would grow to love another person - because he's pretty mellow.

She said she was concerned and would feel sad for him if the "learning" stopped. I know she is teaching letters, counting, they sing, dance, all the fun activities...

I think at home lady may just be more about free play. My son is 18 months there will be a 4yr old, 2 3yr olds and a 1 yr old...

So then I told manager lady...she seemed concerned - no hard pressure sales or anything. Offered to lower the price $20/week. Which was very nice - wasn't expecting anything to be lowered...

I guess my main concern is will he suffer if the learning activities stop...and on the other hand will he have school burnout before he even gets to school?

 

[KelleyD]

How can a daycare get away with not calling when a child is sick?

I think she meant its nice to not worry about an at home care provider calling you to tell her she is sick and cannot watch kids that day...

 

[disneyjunkie]

I think she meant its nice to not worry about an at home care provider calling you to tell her she is sick and cannot watch kids that day...

got it

I say stick with the center.

 

[AmyBWV99]

I htink the PP meant the in home daycare provider calls you to say they are ill and won't be keeping kids that day.

 

[crisi]

I wouldn't worry about the learning activities. Pre-reading education is something kids usually catch onto on their own - and if they don't kids will close the gap pretty quickly - depending on ability. Teaching an eighteen month old his colors isn't going to guarentee a college scholarship - and delaying him learning his colors isn't going to condemn him to a life of "do you want fries with that."

 

[ZPT1022]

I think she meant its nice to not worry about an at home care provider calling you to tell her she is sick and cannot watch kids that day...

I was wondering the same thing too

For what it's worth, I watch my cousin's kids at my house and in the year and a half I've watched them I've called her maybe four or five times to get the kids early- once when her daughter was vomiting all over my house on Christmas Eve. Sorry, not dealing with your kid puking all over my house on a regular day and now you've just effed up my holiday plans. Didn't help that I didn't want to watch the kid that day anyway but I'm too nice to say no.


#2 was when my grandmother was dying and things took a sudden turn for the worst. I basically got a phone call saying "Come over now if you want to be here for last rites"

#3 was when my son got his hand slammed in the car door and severed his thumb off. Called DH home, left the other kids and made them come get their kids early while I was with DS at the hospital and he was having surgery

#4 was when the whole family had a stomach bug. Called and told her if she really needed me to watch them for a few hours while she worked something else out, I would, but the odds of her kids coming home with the stomach bug were beyond high.


Not too bad over the course of a year and a half , and three of those were come get your kids early, not outright canceling for the day.

 

[ZPT1022]

forgot to add--- OP, in your situation my main concern would be finding care every summer. Now maybe you can find a daycare center that a lot of teachers use, and thus they have spaces available every summer, but it might be hard. Plus a lot of centers make you pay a fee to hold a spot open all summer and still have that spot for your child in the fall so I think some people send their kids anyhow. At least we had a few when I worked in a daycare center.

 

[leagirl12]

I guess my main concern is will he suffer if the learning activities stop...and on the other hand will he have school burnout before he even gets to school?

My kids did not go to daycare until we were ready for the social/learning experience for them...which was 2 for dd and 3 for ds. I can tell you it was the best decision we made. They learned so much and were much more prepared for real school then other kids I have seen.

I have a friend who's son didn't get that learning experience and has struggled in school because of it. He was behind alot of the kids in kindergarten because most had been in a preschool setting.

I am a big proponent for kids going to preschool settings so you may want to take him out now but I wouldn't keep him with an at home caregiver whose other kids are different ages. I would get him back in a preschool setting when he is about 3 years old. JMO!

 

[FayeW]

Here is my .02, take it for what it's worth...

I think switching your son to the home care provider is a mistake for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that fact that 10 months from now you will be transitioning to another provider for 2 months, and then back again, and so on.

The other huge consideration is something you have already experienced, and I am surprised you are so willing to do it again! I am talking about the possibility of being hung out to dry when or if your sitter is sick or decides to change careers. Once you have been in a situtation where you have had to scramble to find child care on short notice because someone is ill or has to go out of town you start to appreciate the stability of a child care centre.

I stayed home with my kids until my daughter was 5 and my son was 3. It was very stressful when I had to find alternate care with short notice. Once they started going to the afterschool program, and I no longer had to worry about somebody being sick, etc, I realized what a huge load that was off my shoulders.