OT: How should a 'normal' 3 year old behave?

[Nom]

I have not posted much on this board, but I have been reading some threads today and seen so much good advice, I thought I would post. Here's my story, and I would love some advice because I have been become a little nervous that my dd may have attention problems- but it may be just normal behavior! I don't have many mom friends to ask, so I appreciate your input.

I guess the first part of the story is that dd had a 2 vessel umbilical cord, and most of my doctors said that it should have no impact on her, but one nurse practitioner said "We'll never really know if it had an impact until she is school age". IMagine saying that to a pregnant woman- and that is a worry that I always had in the back of my head, but as dd developed, and was above average in speaking and other skills, I thought that she was ok. She loves talking to people and is very social and shares well, etc. She is so advanced verbally and with other cognitive skills that I actually thought that I would put her into school early- but now I definately see that emotionally she is not ready.

Well, we were very fortunate in that the 2s were wonderful- minimal tantrums etc. But she just turned three in October, and let me tell you, the strong-willed ness has begun, bigtime. But what is really making me worry is that she can not listen in different classes I have her in. I put her into tumbling on her own, and she misbehaved so badly she acutally had to be 'put back' into a mommy-and-me class. Now, in swim she just graduated into an independent class, but she is having problems listening there as well!

So the problem she has is listening in these classes. She will pay attnetion for a while, and then stop listening when they get to something that she does not want to do. She will then go off and do her own thing. Is this normal for a 3 year old?

In addition, at home she has become so stubborn. Potty training is just at a standstill. I have to hold her down now to get her to brush her teeth. Her dad is very stubborn as well, so maybe it is genetic? But combining this with her listening problems has me worried... and I worry maybe it is because of the 2 vessel cord. I hope it is just that she is strong willed. Lately though she has been testing my patience to the max!

Sometimes I think maybe we have not been strict enough- I do set limits, and do time outs when she misbehaves, but my mom watches her during the day and I think she spoils her a bit.

So tell me, what do you think- does she sound normal for a 3 year old? Am I worrying for nothing?

I am curious what all the other moms think- thanks for reading my long post, and let me know if you have any questions!
Noelle

 

[DisneyDreamingAubrey]

My now 5 year old was great at 3, but my current 3 year old is a handful. I think your daughter sounds very normal. My son has the same hearing condition, I think the doctor called it "selective." He jumps off of everything and runs around Not listening as much as he can. I'm going to bet just about anything your daughter is just fine, because she was fine until 3. When I brought up my sons behavior with my doctor she also told me it should never have been called the terrible 2's because it should be the terrible 3's. The potty training is a control issue. She sounds very smart. Maybe you should try letting her run around the house naked, that's what worked for me. My son HATED not being able to pee in his underwear, and went on the potty very shortly after trying the naked thing. Good Luck!!!

 

[K and K's Mommy]

Our kids are almost exactly the same age, and they sound so similar! To be perfectly honest, I have had some thoughts that there is something wrong with my DS, but my pediatrician says not too worry! He told me not too worry about the potty training. When he is ready, he is ready. My son is very stubborn. It took 6 weeks to go to gymnastics without crying. Luckily, he loves it now. The teacher said he could move to the threes, but we are not because it would be in the big gym, and I know he is not ready for that. Like yours, he also talked very early and is now learning his sounds because he knows all his letters.

I was very lucky in that my first two were very easy, but I have been around enough 3 year olds to know it is perfectly normal behavior. I have some friends who think it should be terrible threes and not terrible twos. I once heard that the attention span for kids should be their age plus/minus 2. So for a three year a normal attention span would be 1-5 minutes.

Now, I know nothing about a 2 vessel umbilical cord, so I would always ask your pediatrician at her well child check ups to make sure the doctor thinks she is on track developmentally. I just don't see anything that is a huge red flag to a me, a mom of three.

Good luck!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

She sounds pretty normal to me. I think she needs some limits set and adhered to. It is hard to be consistent but you have to. All kids are different but I think her behavior is pretty typical for a 3 year old. Stick to your guns and don't let her get away with the behavior that you don't like. Find a punishment that works. (Obviously not beating her- just wanted to say that in case anyone thought I was suggesting that) She will grow out of it. I don't know about the medical issue but ask your doctor if you are concerned. Good luck!

 

[foltzy]

We have a saying in my family. Terrible two's, troublesome three's. My daughter will be 3 in March. She's is very much the way you have described your daughter. She did everything early. She refuses to potty train. She wants to go to ballerina school and says she can't until she's potty trained but even that doesn't matter to her (The school will not accept her until she's out of diapers). My husband and I take her and her baby brother to a story time at our local library and it took months to get her comfortable enough to sit with the rest of the kids on the floor and to listen and we still have problems with it sometimes.

I would like to add that if you are worried talk to your doctor.

 

[twooley2]

I have a daghter who is now 13 and let me tell you she was as head strong as they come. Would not wear socks with the line accross the toes or shirts with a tag inside. Had to wear clod hopper for shoes, was so worried about her clothes in kindergarten that it was literally an ordeal to get her on the bus oh and if it stormed or was thundering she refused to get on the bus. She is in advanced science classes and gets good grades and sets her own tune to her own drummer which I am glade beacuse she is not a follower. The following that appears to be what they are supposed to do can turn and backfire is what I am seeing. Doing everything you are told may not always be the best learned behavior, maybe talking to her and seeing why may be an option as I know she is three but kids are smart ..

 

[FamilyMcCord]

I have to tell you that your child shows signs of nothing but being a typical 3 year old. I now have an 12 year old who isn't the typical child and didn't fing these things out until she was about 4 or 5. I would keep asking the questions to the doctors if this behavior is normal is she advancing quick enough and all of those things. My daughter has ADHD plus PDD. The ADHD I had suspected it at a very young age because she was extremely impulsive and even though you would say no or whatever she would still do it and repeat it after getting punished for it. And always had to be going from around 5am till around 10pm at night. She was extremely immature in nature and was very far behind with social skills. These are signs of ADHD, now it came to the PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder), this is actually high functioning Autism. This is where many of the other things come into play. They really didn't start showing up until she started pre-school, then it was when we found out something was not quite right.

So as far as I can see, because I now have a "typical" 2 year old, your DD sounds pretty normal to me.

This is just my two bits.

 

[Nom]

Thanks for the input everyone!

My ob and her ped agree that the two vessel cord was nothing- I just can't get that nurse practitioner's words out of my head whenever something about her seems 'not normal'. her ped thinks she is def good developmentally, but this crazy listening and stubbornness arose right after her 3 year checkup.

It was a relief to read many of your responces though... I am wondering if it is something about kids who are advanced and do most things early, and then just become stubborn and overly controlling at around this age. Her father is very stubborn and headstrong, so i def runs in the family (unfortunately). I was lying in bed last night thinking, "Do I really want or can I really handle another child from dh, since the new baby will be as stubborn as dd??"

Anyway, thanks again for your input and I welcome any more!

 

[Stephres]

She sounds very much like my daughter, who I tried to convince the ped was autistic or something because no child could be this stubborn without a medical reason! He laughed at me and told me she was very much normal. We fought over everything: potty, brushing teeth, car seat, staying in bed, etc. I finally learned to pick my battles. I would pick three things that are the most important to you and make a sticker chart. Every time you can get through without a battle give her a sticker. I still use one and my willful child is five! I increased the chart so it matched her age. I also include one thing I know she likes to do so even if we have a terrible day, she gets one sticker. Right now she has: keep your room tidy, help with chores (she likes to help me with chores), stay in bed at night, no talking back, brush your teeth. If there is something she is doing well at, I drop it off and add something else. Good luck and lots of hugs because strong-willed children are so difficult!

 

[Elmo888]

Thanks for the input everyone!

My ob and her ped agree that the two vessel cord was nothing- I just can't get that nurse practitioner's words out of my head whenever something about her seems 'not normal'. her ped thinks she is def good developmentally, but this crazy listening and stubbornness arose right after her 3 year checkup.

It was a relief to read many of your responces though... I am wondering if it is something about kids who are advanced and do most things early, and then just become stubborn and overly controlling at around this age. Her father is very stubborn and headstrong, so i def runs in the family (unfortunately). I was lying in bed last night thinking, "Do I really want or can I really handle another child from dh, since the new baby will be as stubborn as dd??"

Anyway, thanks again for your input and I welcome any more!

I have a DD who just turned three last month, and she seems to be going through something, too. She is potty trained and has always been stubborn, but she is getting temperamental as well. Just telling her to get her shoes on has been ending in tears lately. She's yelling "no" and throwing things that she doesn't want. And, like your DD, this is all very recent. It sounds completely normal. Like everyone else on the planet, they want to have control over things. I try to give her some with limited choices, but you can't give them a choice on everything.

I wanted to add that just because your DD is stubborn doesn't mean your next child will be, too. I have DD7, and she has always been easy going. DD3 takes after her dad, though!

 

[r4blessings]

She sounds like my dd3 (turning 4 in Jan). Was an excellent infant, but boy is she headstrong now! Very precocious(spelling?) and funny, but can be very manipulative and stubborn! After ds9 and ds6, she is quite an adjustment! On the flip side though, she is very independent and advanced (when it suits her!). She will often zip up my ds6's coat for him.......thought he'd be embarrassed that little dd3 was doing it for him, but apparently not!

One thing I did pick up from the disboards last year was a book recomendation for "1,2,3 Magic".....I forget the author, but a GREAT book! Easy to follow and I notice a big difference when I follow it!

Try not to worry......HTH!

 

[mom2disprincesses]

your DD is the same age as my DD (she too turned three on OCT) and LET ME TELL YOU!!! she was an angel at 2 but NOW...tantrums, not listening,etc...My daughter too is very verbal and social. SHe goes around saying things like " OH mommy that's ridiculous!" and that started at 2! so it may have something to do with your daughter being above avg for her age and when she gets bored she's like "i'm outta here". As a formor educator i saw that a lot in above avg children. They were usually the ones getting into trouble!

 

[tanyaandallie]

Your child sounds very normal to me. Much like my almost 3 year old!!!! Also, fwiw, I have a friend whose dd turned 3 in August. She was the most wonderful, sweet, non-fit throwing child I had ever seen. Just a little angel everywhere she went. And then she hit 3. Not that she is bad now, but she now throws fits with the bets of them and has become very strong willed.

Is it possible she is just getting bored in her classes? My ds will have to move to the "big" gymnastics class when he hits 3 and I'm so worried!!! I have no idea how he will just sit and listen to instructions. He just moved to the "big" swim class and does ok but is obviously bored. He has already jumped in the water after a toy once and had to be fished out by the lifeguard. OY. Talk about taking 10 years off my life. I'm moving him to a class with only 1 other child so it will be more fast paced and he won't get so bored.

Your child sound normal to me!

 

[3jsmommy]

My Dh & agree that 3 is definitely more "terrible" than 2!!
My older two boys both became much more opinionated & stubborn at 3...
my dh is stubborn too so I like to blame him also!
I wouldn't rush to label your child, I would try to be consistent w/ her.
Kids change so much in just a year or two, I used to worry that my son would be stuck to my leg forever & now he is only in 1st grade & he is Mr. Social!
She sounds "normal" to me.

 

[RN01]

I think that is very normal behavior for a 3 year old. I think it's good that you have her in those classes though because it will help her to learn to listen and all that when she gets a little older.

 

[gomomgo]

My Dh & agree that 3 is definitely more "terrible" than 2!!

Absolutely!!! When my first child was two I thought I was just the greatest mom and had the most wonderful child. Then she turned three and I still have not fully recovered from that year!

Hang in there!

 

[lpandorf]

I have 2 children, DD7 and DS is almost 4. With DD we had easy 2s and I thought I was so lucky, thought I missed all the bad behaviour. Then around 3 she turned into a terror. Would not listen, strong willed, wanted to do things her way. At 7, she's great now. This child just won the good citizen award in her classroom last month. And doing great at school. Now my son is almost 4 and has been a tough 3 year old and still challenging me constantly. Wants to do things only his way and cries often when he does not get his way. His teacher tells me he is really good most of the time at school, although she did say he can be ornery at times.

Now that he is closer to 4 and understands more I give him consequences and he gets it. Such as if you don't put on your shoes you are not coming to the store with me, you are staying home with dad. He always wants to say no to whatever you ask him to do. Or I set the timer on the stove, that way he has a time limit and is racing against the clock, not me. This has worked great. He was refusing to put on his pjs last night. So I set the timer on one minute. I told him he had one minute to put on his pjs or I was taking away bubby (his cherished blanket he sleeps with at night) Boy did he hustle getting those pjs on. Or if he is refusing to clean up I set the timer for a certain amount of time and tell him what's left on the floor is going in the trash bag and going to some needy kids. And follow through. A few times with the white trash bag coming his way and he moves quickly to pick up with the timer on. Maybe a mean Mom but the timer is working. Seems to be all at times that works.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Sounds like a very bright but NORMAL 3 year old. She is smart enough to know what she wants and has no intentions of doing otherwise. Of course as the parent you can not always let that happen. i agree to set rules and limits and follow through every time. Talk before gym on how to behave and if she does not, she may loose a toy or a bedtime story or whatever. As for the potty taining, I suggest the following:

Give the control completly back to her. Purchase two laundry basket and lots of "big girl" panties. Throw or give away all diapers and pull ups. Tell her that she will be in charge of going potty. If she has an accident, she will need to put the wet clothes in the one basket and get her a clean pair out of the other. You of course may be cleaning behind her quite a bit but this almost always works when control is the stumbling block.

good luck!!!!!

 

[hmacmahony]

I have four kids, they are now 6 (girl), 5 (girl), 3 (girl), and 4 months (boy). Let me tell you, we refer to the 3's as the F'ing threes around here. All three of my girls have been monsters at three, screaming, crying, fits, tempers, we have had it all. We are smack dab in the middle of it with our three year old, and she is driving me nuts. We joke she must be bipolar, because one minute she is nice as pie, the next she is a nutcase.
Your daughter is very normal, and routine, structure, and rules are the best things for her. When we say no, we mean it, no matter when or where, no means no, no matter how bad the fit. My advice is just keep doing what you are doing, and it will come. My most trying times as a mom have been from 3-3 1/2 with all of my girls. Now that we have a little boy, I am curious to see if he does this too, because he is only 4 months, and honestly I see many differences between him and my girls at this same age!!

Good luck, and just keep saying "this too shall pass!!"

 

[GoinToDisney]

The average attention span of a 3 year old is 15 minutes. That is why preschool teachers mix it up with a quiet activity and then something to get them moving. If she were in the middle of a circle time activity and then jsut got up and walked away, I'd say she needs some practice. If she gets bored after 15 20 minutes, then I'd say completely normal. I also think it si a good thing to still do mommy and me type classes so you can model appropriate behavior for her.

I also wanted to say that the beginning of the 3rd year is sooooo tough. My dd is 3 1/2, and we had this really nice window in there where seh was back to an easy going kid, but with the holidays, she is back to getting into trouble these days. Still nowhere near as bad as she was when she first turned 3. It lasted maybe 3 or 4 months and then she calmed down a lot. It's just a phase!!!