OT: Hiring a nanny for 4 day business trip

[crisi]

I'm more agast at the sexism in a "husband wife business trip that is good for his career." Wow! 1962, anyone? What if you had your own career and couldn't take the time off?

Another option would be to bring the kids and nanny with you on the trip. Put the kids in their own room. With this sort of arrangement, you may be able to hire an older teen or young adult (though with a 13 year old son, maybe hiring a grandmotherly type is more appropriate anyway).

I agree with the people who are less worried with a 13 year old at home. With him around, what you really need is someone to care for your four year old and make sure your older son doesn't get into trouble. But your 13 year old is old enough to know if something is wrong and if you make sure to leave instructions to contact a responsible adult, they'll be fine.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I used to nanny and stayed with the kids when the parents went away, but that was a while ago, and they were kids I knew very well.

A few thoughts I have:

1) Can you put the kids in day camp for those days, and maybe the week before? I think the structure of going someplace familiar during the day, might help break up the days. Also, I can see DS 13 ending up taking a lot of responsibility during this time (the little one might not want a relative stranger tucking him, etc . . . ) and this would give them a break. If that doesn't work (e.g. if you're going on the weekend) I'd try and set up playdates etc . . .

2) Get DS13 a cheap prepaid cell phone and teach him to carry it and call you if there's a problem -- good preparation for teenagerhood anyway, plus then you can call him anytime you want to check in.

3) I'd ask around for someone with a personal reccomendation --do any friends of yours have nannies or home daycare providers they love? Any teachers at either kids' school?

4) I like the idea of having your parents or in-laws come, even if they need help with the actual childcare. If you had adults there you could probably hire a neighborhood teen to stay there and help which would cost less, thus allowing you to afford the tickets.

5) If you do go with agency, I'd check references on the nannies yourself. Beyond that I'd go with your gut, and also your children's reactions to someone. Honestly, I think the chances of someone hurting your child are slight. I think the chances are much higher that your 4 year old will become upset or not "bond" with the nanny. So having the person over and watching them interact with your 4 year old first might be really important.

6) I'd also give your DH's company some feedback about how innappropriate this expectation is. Even though it may work out with you -- sounds like you have old enough kids to tolerate it and can afford the nanny, it's still an unfair thing to ask of you. The next family to come along might be in a different situation.

Good luck!

 

[DVC Sadie]

There is no way I would go on the trip. If DH couldn't go alone, then we'd all be staying home. Surely his company can't fault your DH for you both not being able to attend.

Companies can/do fault employees for not attending their functions. The people who don't attend may find themselves not getting the promotion or not getting the same % raise/bonus. I am not saying its right but I am saying it happens all the time.

OP, could you book a connecting room for your chldren and bring the nanny as well? My SIL use to have to bring a nanny for her kids and just had adjoining rooms so both of them could check on the kids.

 

[bethyg]

Thanks for all the replies. The company function isn't "mandatory circa 1962", but a managers retreat/vacation reward to say thank-you for a great year and all the hard work you do. Bringing the spouses is a bonus, because they realize we suffer when our loved ones are out of town most of the week, every week, and put in weekends as well. His company is a great company! All expenses are paid.

Most of the other managers have family that live nearby, or their kids are grown. Both of our parents live out of state, the closest is 600 miles. We never go out, so we have no routine sitters. I am a SAHM, so we have no daycare providers to ask.

My husband is a newly promoted manager, and trying to establish a relationship with his fellow managers. Since each manager lives in a different state, they only meet at business functions, and therefore don't get to know each other very well. He's the "new kid on the block" in a group of managers who have been together for years. I understand his desire to go, and I also understand why he can't go alone. All of the other managers and his boss will be there with their wives. Imagine being the new guy AND the third wheel. Very uncomfortable being alone while everyone else is enjoying the sand and surf with their wives!

Thanks for the input and suggestions. Whatever is decided, our kids are always priority.

 

[hollyb]

Thanks for all the replies. The company function isn't "mandatory circa 1962", but a managers retreat/vacation reward to say thank-you for a great year and all the hard work you do. Bringing the spouses is a bonus, because they realize we suffer when our loved ones are out of town most of the week, every week, and put in weekends as well. His company is a great company! All expenses are paid.

Most of the other managers have family that live nearby, or their kids are grown. Both of our parents live out of state, the closest is 600 miles. We never go out, so we have no routine sitters. I am a SAHM, so we have no daycare providers to ask.

My husband is a newly promoted manager, and trying to establish a relationship with his fellow managers. Since each manager lives in a different state, they only meet at business functions, and therefore don't get to know each other very well. He's the "new kid on the block" in a group of managers who have been together for years. I understand his desire to go, and I also understand why he can't go alone. All of the other managers and his boss will be there with their wives. Imagine being the new guy AND the third wheel. Very uncomfortable being alone while everyone else is enjoying the sand and surf with their wives!

Thanks for the input and suggestions. Whatever is decided, our kids are always priority.

Your kids come first. He has to make the choice wether to endanger them just so he go smooze with others. JMHO

 

[Oreo Cookie]

I think hiring a nanny is a good idea. You'll need to do the research, but I'm sure you will be able to find someone trustworthy. There are so many wonderful nannies out there.

Another suggestion would be to see if your kids could stays with their good friends family while you are out of town.

Good luck and I hope you can go on the trip!

 

[maggiann]

ask the parents of kids at school or at your church or teachers at school for any recommendations. it is not like you have two 4 year olds, with the 13 year old around i would feel safe enough leaving them for a couple days.

 

[msblrobs]

How far away is the 'retreat?' Being across the country is quite different from being across town. Is there any way to see what facilities are available at the hotel and then see if you can get an adjoining room for the kids and a nanny? Do you have any friends/siblings/colleagues that would be willing to watch them? I am in management and I travel for business, so I do understand your situation. That being said, I am foremost a mom to three children and I don't know if I would be comfortable knowing my children were with a stranger. Personally, it is too much of a risk that I wouldn't be willing to take. I really do hope you are able to figure something out that allows your kids to be safe in your absence.

 

[pearlieq]

Your kids come first. He has to make the choice wether to endanger them just so he go smooze with others. JMHO

They are in no way being endangered.

 

[Skatermom23]

Thanks for all the replies. The company function isn't "mandatory circa 1962", but a managers retreat/vacation reward to say thank-you for a great year and all the hard work you do. Bringing the spouses is a bonus, because they realize we suffer when our loved ones are out of town most of the week, every week, and put in weekends as well. His company is a great company! All expenses are paid.

Most of the other managers have family that live nearby, or their kids are grown. Both of our parents live out of state, the closest is 600 miles. We never go out, so we have no routine sitters. I am a SAHM, so we have no daycare providers to ask.

My husband is a newly promoted manager, and trying to establish a relationship with his fellow managers. Since each manager lives in a different state, they only meet at business functions, and therefore don't get to know each other very well. He's the "new kid on the block" in a group of managers who have been together for years. I understand his desire to go, and I also understand why he can't go alone. All of the other managers and his boss will be there with their wives. Imagine being the new guy AND the third wheel. Very uncomfortable being alone while everyone else is enjoying the sand and surf with their wives!

Thanks for the input and suggestions. Whatever is decided, our kids are always priority.

I have been in your shoes and understand what your going through. I flew my parents down for a long weekend to watch the kids so we could go on a work retreat thing...sounds just like yours. It was worth the cost of two plane tickets for me to know the kids were fine. I don't think I would be comfortable with a stranger watching them. Shoot, I don't even let them spend the night a friends house unless I know the parents a little.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

They are in no way being endangered.

I agree!!

I travel on business all the time and DH is a firefighter who works 24 hours shifts so we have to have overnight babysitting when I am out of town. We have been lucky so far to be able to leave the children with family or with trusted sitters but now that our main sitter has moved away we have been faced with the dilemma of what to do for child care. My kids are older (12 and 7) and I wouldn't hesitate to hire a nanny thru a reputable agency to keep them but I would go thru the steps that I think most parents would first - interview the nanny, check references and make sure she has undergone a background check.

OP - only you can decide the best course of action here. They are your children, not anyone else's, so do what YOU and your DH are comfortable doing.

 

[crisi]

Thanks for all the replies. The company function isn't "mandatory circa 1962", but a managers retreat/vacation reward to say thank-you for a great year and all the hard work you do. Bringing the spouses is a bonus, because they realize we suffer when our loved ones are out of town most of the week, every week, and put in weekends as well. His company is a great company! All expenses are paid.

Most of the other managers have family that live nearby, or their kids are grown. Both of our parents live out of state, the closest is 600 miles. We never go out, so we have no routine sitters. I am a SAHM, so we have no daycare providers to ask.

My husband is a newly promoted manager, and trying to establish a relationship with his fellow managers. Since each manager lives in a different state, they only meet at business functions, and therefore don't get to know each other very well. He's the "new kid on the block" in a group of managers who have been together for years. I understand his desire to go, and I also understand why he can't go alone. All of the other managers and his boss will be there with their wives. Imagine being the new guy AND the third wheel. Very uncomfortable being alone while everyone else is enjoying the sand and surf with their wives!

Thanks for the input and suggestions. Whatever is decided, our kids are always priority.

This is different than your OP.

DH has a "managers and their wives" retreat coming up next month for 4 days. He cannot go alone. We have 2 children (DS 13 and 4). Both our parents are too elderly to watch them, and other family/friends have plans for the time we would be gone. We cannot take the kids. It would be best "company wise" for us to attend this function.

You want to go. You don't have to go. (This isn't a judgement, you should go if you want and have a great time. These things can be a lot of fun and I think you can make the nanny thing work).

I've worked for three kinds of companies in my career, the ones that leave spouses out of the picture for these things (which I prefer - business functions are business functions, I like my vacations to be vacations), the ones that include spouses optionally (and when they pay your way, it can be very nice, but I don't like it because it assumes everyone is married, everyone's spouse can travel, and everyone's partner is "corporately acceptable" - plus spending that much time with your husband's coworkers in not something I like), and ones where spousal attendence is mandatory (circa 1962) - which is horrible because if you aren't married, your spouse can't travel, or your partner is something other than "corporately acceptable" its a mark against you.

By the way, my boss lives in a different state. Her boss is in a third state. My immediate coworkers are spread across the country. Last night I was on the phone with people from China, Malyasia, Singapore and Thailand. This morning it was Europe. I'm currently managing a project with a team in six states and eight countries. Only a few of these people I've met over six years. I understand working virtually with people and its hard to establish relationships. It will take some time to fit in. The retreat is a great opportunity for him to do so.

 

[ceecee]

When I was younger, my girlfriend babysat for a great family (they were well off) and they would pay for their sitter to go to the hotel, etc (once it was a lodge with 3 pools) and that way they could see the kids when they had breaks and the kids would swim, play games etc. at the hotel with the sitter. Maybe that would be an option for you if you have a responsible teenage sitter already.

 

[Chicago526]

Your kids come first. He has to make the choice wether to endanger them just so he go smooze with others. JMHO

Leaving your children with a licenced, bonded, background checked and referanced professional is endangerment?

It's a personal decision to be sure, but I think it falls way short of endangering children!

 

[Took]

Leaving your children with a licenced, bonded, background checked and referanced professional is endangerment?

It's a personal decision to be sure, but I think it falls way short of endangering children!

I agree. Good caregivers are out there! Another place to look is a local college, even a community college. Many professors could suggest potential sitters that you could get to know quite well before the event. Since my DH and I both teach at local colleges, all of our sitters have been former students and ALL were great. You might try a prof. in early childhood education and work from there.

Took

 

[kdtwiss]

safe or not - I have a 4 year old and if I up and left him for 4 days he would be a wreck. I think you have to take into account everything including the emotional impact this would have on him. Being a SAHM, he is with you pretty much 24/7 right? That is going to be an awfullt big adjustment for a 4 year old. Quite honestly - even if you went- would you be enjoying yourself at all or just worrying to death about your children? For me I would be soooo worried - it would not be a relaxing retreat at all - but just torture. Your 13 year old would probably just be fine with some no parent time - but your little guy - he will probably have a very hard time. If it is not possible to take them with you and hire someone to watch them so you could attend whatever functions you need to - ask yourself it it is really worth it. 4 Years is not a baby, but too young certainly to understand being left in the care of a stranger for 4 days! Heck, even being with grandma would probably be a stretch. I hope whatever decision you make all goes well!

 

[princessjv]

Your kids come first. He has to make the choice wether to endanger them just so he go smooze with others. JMHO

That was not called for!

This thread is very interesting and eye opening. I am currently a SAHM, however when I began having my wonderful children, I had to work PT. I feel fortunate that I am now able (mentally and financially) to stay home. HOWEVER, should I need to work, or go somewhere, I would feel fine finding the 'best' person who can to care for my children.

OP, from the sound of your original post, you do have some time to find that one 'best person' to care for your kids while you are gone. Will it be hard leaving them?...probably...is it a great opportunity for a break for you and them...YES! Children need to be exposed to different situations in life. A well educated and experience caregiver is a great way for a learning experience for everyone. Who knows, maybe then you will have a great contact for your DH & yourself to use as a sitter on a bit more regular basis.

As I stated in my original post, I was a nanny. As a former nanny, I have higher standards for childcare than many. If you find that 'one person', who is wonderful, caring, loving and responsible, you will feel much more comfortable leaving! Use your instincts and better judgement, your heart will tell you when you have found the great one!

Don't let some of the other posts make you feel bad for leaving your children. Look at this as not only a time to meet your dh's co-workers, but as a great oportunity to have a little time away.

***Flame suit on***
(To all of the negative responders, I feel sad, that you can't see that there are others who can care for children, yours and mine...Many, who are even better with children than possible you.)

 

[bethyg]

PrincessJV:
I agree that the responses were quite eyeopening for me as well. I'm sorry if my OP left some confusion. We would never leave them for just "a meeting". This is a special getaway reward for the managers and their wives. All expenses would be paid by the company. We looked at this as the honeymoon we really never had.

Thank you for the many opinions and responses. I don't feel further posts are necessary for me. I've been flamed enough. Whatever is decided, our precious boys will always come first. They always have.

Moderators, feel free to close this thread. Thanks.

 

[Hedy]

Your kids come first. He has to make the choice wether to endanger them just so he go smooze with others. JMHO

Wow, somebody's so holier than every one else.