OT- Have any of you moved to be closer to family

[ADisneyQueen]

DH and I have been thinking about moving to be closer to our extended families. Right now we are about 8 hours away and because of DHs schedule, it is hard to see them more than 2 or 3 times a year. If we moved DH would take a job with less job security than he has now and less of a position ( for the time being although it could change). We really miss our families and our children are really missing out on knowing their grandparents better. Has anyone done this? Really don't know what to do. We are OK living here, but it's not "home".

 

[staci]

Ive never done this, but I wish my parents had.

They moved after dad graduated college, saying it was only for a few years, and 30 years later, he is still working (a GREAT job) at the same place. He is honestly much more successful than he probably would ahve been staying near his home, as the opportunities are so much better here.

But my extended family is all 6-10 hours away. If my parents had stayed even in the college town where they met, we would be 2 hrs from one family, and 3 from the other.

Growing up, having the long drives, not really knowing any of them well, I always said I wouldnt do that to my children (and I didnt). We live about 15 minutes from my parents, and 40 minutes from dh's.

But I never realized how my parents decision to live far away would effect MY children as well. DS has been back to each great-grandparents house twice, and to visit other various family members 2 more times (6 long trips in 2 years).

My grandparents are now elderly, and very much miss out on all of my ds's life. It isnt feasible for us to travel more, as we have dh's extended family to see as well, and we dont have a lot of travel money, but my grandparents feel that we are not doing enough to let ds have a relationship with them. I feel horrible for not getting to see them more often.

Anyways, sorry for my rambling, but I just wanted to tell you my story, and that if you stay it will definitely affect your childrens relationship with their grandparents and family now, but will also for years to come.

I hope no one is offended that chooses to live away from family, as I dont mean to say that everyone thinks like me, but for us it has really been hard to be all split up.

However, you have to look at your financial future and your ability to raise your children in the new area. Those are questions only you can answer.

 

[metivier]

We did the opposite -- moved away from family because my family is Dysfunctional (note the capital D). There's no way I want my children anywhere near their cousins.

 

[tcolbert]

We live within 30 miles of our families (i.e. about 20 people), and the long term plan is to move 851 mi away. It's a tough decision to make.

 

[goofy4wdw2]

Yes, DH and I move 1.5 years ago. I missed my family and hometown; we were always on the road visiting people. We were 2 hours from my family and 5 hours from his, but now we are 3 hours from his family, and right around the corner from my family...parents, sister/BIL, many of my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., live right around here. Since the time we moved, we've had our first child and so did my sister. It has been SO nice to be close to family with kids...they get to see my parents all of the time. We get together for dinners, breakfasts on the weekends, but we all have our own lives, too. We sold our old house without new jobs. I am a nurse, DH is an accountant, so we knew we'd find jobs, and we did before we moved. It all fell into place and we both say very often what a great "move" we made. Good luck with your decision!!

 

[DVC Sadie]

Yes we moved from Maryland down to Mississippi to be close to my mother and father. Moving was the best thing we ever did for all of us.

 

[HopperFan]

Neither of us are homegrown to this area, but both our parents settled here when we were kids. After marriage we transferred 18 hours away. We started our family and just before the oldest hit Kindergarten we began our job search to return to our extended families. Took 2 years to complete the process and the job that got us here was only that, a stepping stone. Best decision we ever made !!! We absolutely wanted our extended families an active part of our kids lives. Of all the siblings on both side all but one remained or returned here. That one has children who are virtual strangers to everyone including their grandparents even though only four hours away.

Moving away and starting our lives/family on our own was great and I would not change that.........coming back with all was equally important to us !

Good luck in your decision, not easy, especially if life for you now is good

 

[laceemouse]

I say if you can do it, do it! My dad passed away 16 years ago and my mom passed away last fall. We have moved and moved and moved again due to dh's job. We have lived in some neat places, and I kinda like moving, but I have missed a lot of time with my family and life is so short. Best wishes making your decision.

 

[ADisneyQueen]

I appreciate all your posts. We are having a hard time deciding. I am concerned DHs job will not work out there and we'll have to move again. He cannot just go anywhere and find a job, it is very specific. However, it was never our intention to stay here for the rest of our lives. Anyone else want to comment?

 

[Kanga1]

Yes! And it was the best thing we've ever done! Here's my story...

DH and I both grew up in WV (2 hrs apart...met in college.) When we got married we wanted to experience a "new" life so we moved to Atlanta. A year after we were married my parents moved down too, although they didn't sell their house or anything. (My mom's sister lived there too, so she had 2 ties to bring her there.) It was great. We loved being so close...and we are very close emotionally too. After 4 years my parents decided they didn't much care for the fast-paced city life so they moved back to my little "Mayberry" town. A year after that, my DH and I felt the same way so we moved back to "Mayberry" too. We love it here. I teach in the same elementary school I attended and I see my parents everyday. Plus, our DD4 is their ONLY grandchild (I'm an only) and they provide the daycare. My DH's family is only 2 hrs. away and we see them often. Now that my parents are getting older with healthcare issues (and I'm the only one to take care of them) I can't imagine being far away. Moving back was the best decision we ever made!

 

[princessjv]

We did it! Although our move was from one side of the Twin Cities to the other (about an hour). After we has our ds, I really started feeling the pain of being away from grandma and papa. I wanted to be able to drop my children off at their house to run an errand. My ds and dd love going to grandma and papa's and love having them come over anytime for dinner (we are about 10 mins away).

The only bummer for us is that the cost of living (housing) is about 30% higher in this area. Even with that, I do not regret the choice we made. family is very important to us (at least the part of the family who is not crazy ).

I do understand that the choice could be hard if your DH has trouble finding or keeping a job in that area. That stress may not be worth it, if he is the only income that you have (my dh has been laid off a few times...tech bust). Is there a possibility to move closer than you are, but still in an area that can support his career with several choices of employers?

 

[SqueakyMouse]

We moved more than 15 hours to be closer to dh's family. Since then, both of his parents have retired. Instead of spending more time with their grandchildren, they see them far less -- their choice...not ours. However, they have absolutely no problem calling up dh to do the tiniest of chores for them (i.e., change light bulbs!!!). We also get called upon to babysit their pets and check on their house during their many, many trips. Once upon a time, the whole family got together for the major holidays. Now that everyone is living closer to home, we only get together when dh and I host the entire event. We are both very tired of having to do all the work and receiving little appreciation for it. Dh and I are actively making plans to move away, and I cannot wait!! Think long and hard before you pull up your current roots!!

 

[holbear]

We moved away from our home state when we got married. It's been 15 years and we are still a good 17 hr drive away (MD to FL). I do really wish we were closer. Our goal is to move a bit closer.. to Tenn. That makes it only about an 8 hr drive. But, it also is sooo much closer to my sister in Atlanta. I really want to be closer, especially as our kids are getting older. They have great relationships with my family and we recently lost both of DH's parents. Family is so important!