OT: Grrrr! DD6 won't play soccer....

[minniebeth]

Please tell me that in the day of overscheduled families that my DD6 is not the only one who won't participate in anything!
She is the youngest of 3 and won't leave her comfort zone.
She wouldn't do dance, zookids, gymnastics, etc.
We finally convinced her to do soccer and now she won't go to the practices or play in the games without literally screaming and crying without letting up.
Do I force her? We've tried easing her into it, being patient to no avail.
My DH travels most weeks so I am basically a single parent. I know this has contributed greatly to her attachment and insecurites but we have no family, etc. by us, it leaves us no choice. She does great in school and loves Daisy GS, because she is with her friends from school.
So, do I let her off the hook with soccer? Force her and bring a lot of tears?
With my older two kids' schedules (who are involved in EVERYTHING) it is hard for me to stick with her soccer schedule only for her to stand by me and cry the whole time. Any constructive (and kind?) advice?

 

[coolbeans]

just . DD is/has been the same way. She is now in 6th grade and finally decided she wants to play volleyball next year!! I have been waiting for this forever!! I get to say..."I have to go to my daughter's game tonite", "she has practice tomorrow", "they are state champs, again.." I am sooooooooooo excited!!...mabye I'm more excited than she is?
Anyway, when she is ready she will do it all by herself. I can't say make her go, she has to enjoy it.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

I'm not into forcing my kids to do things. Granted, my girls are only 3 and 18 months, but my 3 year old can be very strong headed - she know what she wants and what she doesn't want. I understand your concern is with her being to attached.... When my DD3 did soccer (it was really soccer, it was just kids running around with a coach trying to get them to do something) DH had to get out on the field with her, and run with her the whole time. Maybe you need to become more involved with the soccer for her to become comfratable with it - maybe you can ask if you can be an assist coach - I know you probally don't have the time to do it, but that may be the only thing that works. Good luck with it all!!!

 

[tjmw2727]

I wouldn't force it at 6 - what is the point if she dosen't want to play?

At 10 if my kids asked to join something I made them finish it out but at 6 I wouldn't.

There is plenty of time for activities and sports, let her lead and I am sure it won't be long before she finds something she really wants to do.

Cherish the free time- it won't last long as you well know

TJ

 

[momxx5]

That is a tough one. I can see it both ways.

But, let me tell you, my mom "forced" me to take swim lessons(hated it and cried), dance lessons - loved it but would not do recital; baseball - was okay until I had to bat and then my nerves were so bad I'd get sick....etc. I would fuss about going to birthday parties. She made me go for 1/2 hr and come back to get me, which by that time I was having fun and stayed until the end.

By the time I was 10 I was happily playing soccer, in middle school was on student council, in highschool played hockey, etc.

Was I marked for life by my mom - NOT. I think it was hard on my mom but I think she made the best decisions.

Good luck.

 

[1GR8DISNEYFAN]

Eventough she doesn't want to play, I would continue to expose her to different things. Take her to see her friends play softball, or to their dance recitals. Insteat of a team sport maybe she would do better with an individual activity like tennis or playing an instrument. Childrens Musical theater groups are a lot of fun. My kids participate in one ever summer and loved it. Just because soccer is so popular, does't mean everyone loves it. Two of my girls enjoyed it, one didn't. We still signed her up every year. She is now 17 and still hates soccer and really has no fond memories of playing. So I think it is more important to find something they like to do. Eventually maybe she will see something and say "I want to do that". I don't think you should force her to take part in something her heart is not in, she won't enjoy it and she won't do well. I do feel it is important to get her out of her comfort zone and to be a part of something she enjoys. My dds are high school age now, and I can see a difference in the kids who were busy in activities when they were younger. I think they tend to have more confidence and get involved with school activities, such as sports, ASB, singing groups, band, cheer etc. Good Luck!

 

[karliebug]

Maybe sports isn't her thing. What about art classes, music, or drama? I don't think you should force her to do something she has no interest in.

 

[heatherplus3]

My DS6 is the same way and is finally moving out of it. It's just his personality, but it seemed like the more I tried to push him into activities the more he fought participating. We didn't force him, and this spring he decided on his own that he wanted to play T-ball and ice hockey! I'm not sure what finally made him comfortable with the whole idea, but we'll take it! I would just not bring up sports/group activities for a few months and see if she brings it up. She may surprise you! Either way, been there done that, good luck.

 

[daisyduck123]

I would absolutely let her drop out, unless she is overweight and in need of some physical activity.

 

[dougsmom98]

Are you able to volunteer to be one of the coaches or an assistant? That helped my oldest DS a lot. He has major anxiety and really needed us to be there to give him confidence.

 

[luvmy3]

I wouldn't force her to do anyhing she didn't want to do. My ds does not want to participate in any team sport and I am totally Okay with that. Why not give her other options like a musical instrument or an after school club. I think its important for a child to find an activity or hobby that they love not one they have to do because their parents want them to do it.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I would absolutely let her drop out, unless she is overweight and in need of some physical activity.

I agree (and even if she was I might try to find something different for her that might work better for her.)

Why push it? 6 year olds don't need extra curricular activities if they don't want them.

 

[gabriellyn]

I was the same way when I was a kid - you are lucky she at least wants to do GS!! Please don't force her - there is no need. She will decide when she is ready. Other pp's brought up good points, such as exposing her to these activities with children of her own age. She may decide it's for her, but then again she may not.

Good luck!

 

[Aristomommy]

My DD at 6 would have finished the commitments. She has tried soccer, karate, dance, skating, cheerleading and gymnastics. These were her choices and I explained that if she wanted to do this, it would be 6 week commitment. Some classes she liked more than the others, but we still finished them. At 6 she doesn't need a sport, but I think there is value in finishing your commitments.

I would have her go and if she doesn't want to participate, I wouldn't force her but she could watch. Maybe she will warm up to it and actually enjoy it. Don't think of it from the angle of "I'm busy, so one less thing for us to do" but rather what you would have done if she was an only child. I know it's tempting to skip and make it easier, but I personally feel there is a lesson with sticking with things. JMHO.

 

[juliana_sd]

M I personally feel there is a lesson with sticking with things. JMHO.

I agree, but the OP said "we finally convinced her" so it wasn't her choice in the first place.

I wouldn't make her go. It's not her thing. Just because the other kids are into "everything" doesn't mean she needs to be.

 

[DevilDuckie]

What you currently have is a perfect set up for making her loathe soccer for life. If *she* didn't pick it, let it go. She's doing Scouts- maybe that's enough for her. Unless she is seriously inactive/obese/in need of a workout there is no reason to force her into soccer. Let her find her own joys in her own time.

 

[minniebeth]

I agree, but the OP said "we finally convinced her" so it wasn't her choice in the first place.

I wouldn't make her go. It's not her thing. Just because the other kids are into "everything" doesn't mean she needs to be.

Hi Everyone,
Thank you for the comments and support. I do see both sides to it, being that I feel keeping commitments is important and that we try to teach this to our children. We are blessed with children who each have their unique personalities and I guess I was feeling a little frustrated not having encountered this before. PP, you just gave me a "lightbulb" moment in your comment that I didn't even realize I said..."we finally convinced her"...and we did, so I see that maybe she wasn't ready for it. We want her to have experiences in trying new things like we did with her older siblings.
She will be going to tomorrow's game, we'll see how it goes, but she is excited to be "snack girl" (her turn). She gets plenty of exercise and play time and is healthy and well. Both her older brother and sister have offered to run along side her at practices, etc.
I am her Daisy GS leader so I'm involved with that and we will continue to search for something else she would really love (besides me! ) Thanks so much for letting me vent a little. We live in a community that is awesome but not many people understand you if you don't eat, sleep and breathe soccer, so not that many to vent to!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

My DD at 6 would have finished the commitments. She has tried soccer, karate, dance, skating, cheerleading and gymnastics. These were her choices and I explained that if she wanted to do this, it would be 6 week commitment. Some classes she liked more than the others, but we still finished them. At 6 she doesn't need a sport, but I think there is value in finishing your commitments.

I would have her go and if she doesn't want to participate, I wouldn't force her but she could watch. Maybe she will warm up to it and actually enjoy it. Don't think of it from the angle of "I'm busy, so one less thing for us to do" but rather what you would have done if she was an only child. I know it's tempting to skip and make it easier, but I personally feel there is a lesson with sticking with things. JMHO.

Totally agree. What are you teaching her by letting her quit everything?

With my kids, they tried it all, if they didn't like it, fine they didn't have to do it again, but they had to finish what they signed up for. This agreement was made before I wrote a check for anything.

My DS played soccer for 2 years. In the beginning of the 2nd year after maybe 1 -2 games, he said, I don't want to do soccer anymore. I said , fine but you will finish this season up. He now is entering his 5th year of baseball and loves it.

DD did dance for 2 years, she wanted to try something different. I put her in a very non-competition type dance program. She hated it, she begged to go back to her regular dance program.

 

[LisaZoe]

It sounds like she's just not ready. As much as I understand the posts about having her "stick with it", if she's crying and generally miserable after a few practices and games, I'd say she's not likely to warm up to the game soon.

My DD, 6, is fairly social but does let her nerves (and imagination) get the better of her sometimes. I have signed her up for activities in the past and when she expressed concerns about it, I assured her she would only have to try it for 5 times. If after that, she still didn't like it, it would be OK to give it up. So far, she's liked everything and wanted to keep going. When she's older and we sign her up for something she's asked to do, I'll expect her to stick it out even if she doesn't care for it.

 

[AndyLL]

My son at 4 had the same reaction. We did not force him to play but still attended every practice and every game. (and he never did play)

We wanted to enforce some type of commitment.

The next year when asked he did not want to play and we did not force it.

This year we did not ask and out of the blue today he asked about it. We'll see... unlike the 1st time he knows what to expect and I'm not as willing to allow him to sit on the sidelines this time.

Andy