OT-Goodie Bag dilemma. Need advice

[cigarboo]

Don't mean to start a goodie bag controversy, but you disers are so helpful and have so many opinions that I thought I'd ask. My question is: Do siblings expect goodie bags when they attend a party they were not officially invited to? I don't want to be mean, but I've got so many siblings coming that I'm thinking about cheapening their goodie bags. Since it's a Lego Indiana Jones theme, I ordered just enough Lego IJ keychains for the kids I was expecting, figuring some kids won't be able to make it. Turns out, most will make it and they're all bringing siblings. I've said they could come because frankly, what else could I say. And to be fair, some parents have offered to pay for the other child, but I'm not used to that. I'll be paying for them to be part of the party, but I don't want to order anymore keychains because of the expense. Could I give these siblings, sort of "lesser" goodie bags with some candy? They'll range in age from preschool to 2nd grade. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but my budget has exploded.

 

[Tinkermommy]

We have had this same issue. Although I don't pay for any non-invitee kids and no one has asked me to.

I often bring my DS1 to parties with my DD since I may not have anyone to watch him, but I do not expect him to get a goodie bag (and frankly he is too young to care) but in the future, I wouldn't expect it either.

That being said, I always make more than I need just in case if someone didn't RSVP, etc and if there is one extra child then I have given them one.

In your case since you said they could come I think they should get a goodie bag, although it doesn't have to be a "premium" one just some candy or a small toy would be fine.

Have a fun party!

 

[mom2aredhead]

I would say no, you shouldn't be expected to give siblings goodie bags.

It seems we've been on the b-day party "circut" this month, and we've gone to several parties where siblings were present. I heard some parents explain to the younger ones (like age 2-3) "this is so-and-so's friend's party, you'll get a bag when you go to YOUR friend's party", and that was usually fine. The older siglings (around 7-8) couldn't have cared less, so either the thought it was "baby stuff" in there, or they just planned on stealing the contents when they got home.

After all, you were nice enough to let them come and pay the extra money...I can't imagine that they'd expect anything else. If you feel funny giving them nothing, a bubble necklace or something from the dollar store would be more than enough.

 

[design_mom]

I don't think any adults should expect the invited child's siblings to also receive a goodie bag. But, there's a good chance that the children will be disappointed if they don't get anything. I would feel bad not having *anything* for those children, especially since they *are* invited now because you said they could come. (Even though I personally hate them, goodie bag time seems to be the "best part" of every party.) I do not think you need to make the siblings' bags identical to the invited children's bags, but I would do something. I think a small bag of candy decorated with ribbons would be plenty.

I am sort of shocked that so many parents asked if siblings could come. We've never had a "friend party" yet, but we have turned down several invitations if DH is out of town and I don't have anyone to watch the other child. I have called and explained the reason, but I would never dream of asking if the other child could attend. If the birthday child's parent said "bring 'em along" I would be thrilled...but mostly they've said, "Sorry you can't make it. Thanks for calling." And that's fine, too.

 

[Gillian]

If they're not invited then no, you don't need to give them anything. Extra candy that can be shared is always good but it's up to you.

Where did you get the key chains?

For my DD's party (pay per kid) I invited several siblings and paid for them. There were also some much younger or older siblings that I knew were coming but who weren't included in the party officially. I did one bag per family, with all kids names on it but not the "uninvited" siblings. There were only a couple of those and two from one family! Anyway, because I knew there were so many siblings coming I tried to get stuff they could share easily no matter what it said on the bag.

 

[luvmy3]

You will find some parents that do expect goody bags for their uninvited children. I have 3 kids and have had many parties and there have been some times when someone comes up to me and says my "bro/sis needs a goody bag". I always reply that I only have goody bags for xxxx's friends who were invited. I never make more but if I have extra because someone didn't show up, I'll gladly give it away.
When one of my kids goes to a party and I bring my other kids, we do not stay in the area of the party. We go and find something seperate to do. I would never expect the party parent to include my other kids, or give them goody bags. Some people do, and I think its just plain rude.

 

[Gillian]

I haven't experienced non-invited guests wanting goody bags (yet?). I put names on mine so that there isn't any issue with kids just taking them (which I have seen happen at other parties) and I try to have an unlabeled extra also.

Good luck! Don't worry about it, do what you think is right. People will always find something to be offended about.

 

[cigarboo]

Thank you for everyone's reply. It helps to get many views and hear what people think. I'm expecting about 10 extra kids so I think I'll just pick something up that's a bit cheaper for them, just so everyone has something to take home. From all your responses, I think that's more than fair and there shouldn't be too much grumbling. If there is, the complainers will just be off the list for next year I can't wait to be done with b-day parties. DS7 has already said he doesn't want a party this year. He just wants to do something special.

Where did you get the key chains?

Lego.com... They're really cute if you have an Indy fan. That site also has a short "movie" called Raiders of the Lost Brick. Great for the little one's who are too young for the real movie.