OT from Disney - Late birthdays and starting Kindergarten

[ekball]

Not a Disney 'help!', but a family/parenting 'help'!

Looking for input from other parents....

My DD just turned 4 and is supposed to be starting kindergarten next Fall. She has a late Oct. birthday, so I am looking at whether to start her next year or hold her a year (our schools cutoff is 12/31). I have SO many people giving me advice as to what to do...the pediatrician, my mom (the reading consultant for 40+ years - oh yeah, she's got her opinion on this one for sure), friends, teacher friends, etc. And me, I'm just confused.

I've read some of the research - that delaying K is not always best for kids with late Bdays. Kids can get bored, become behavior problems , etc. (that's a simplified analysis, but you get the picture). And I truly do understand that it most likely depends on the child - where they are developmentally, socially, etc.

That said, I hear my mom talking about her 40+ years of experience in the field, how she has seen so many young kids struggle that could have possibly done better were they held back and given "the gift of time". It makes sense. My child will be 10 months younger than some of her classmates! That's a huge difference! Why not give her the advantage of a little time??

I see both sides of the debate, I really do. I look at DD now and can't imagine holding her another year as she seems like she would be developmentally ready next Sept. But then I think, "why not hold her a year? What could it hurt? Why not give her 'the gift of time?'"

Any input from other parents of kids with late Bdays? Those who delayed K, those who didn't, those who wished they had? How about you teachers out there?

TIA for your ears & your input.

 

[rk5798]

Ok, I am also in the same boat with our dd's birthday on August 20. She will start 4 year old pre-school next year and we are going to wait and see how that goes. If she is ready we will send her on to Kindergarten. If not, then we will hold her back. Pre-K is a much better place to be held back. That being said, I don't really anticipate holding her back. Academically she will be fine, we are waiting to see if she will be socially ready. I used to teach 1st grade before becoming a SAHM and a few years ago, one of my smartest students was the youngest in the class. In fact, some of my brightest students were a lot of the times the youngest. But, they were sometimes a little more hyper and I hate to say it, but annoying to the other older kids. Academically, if your child is ready, then I would send them. What you need to watch is that no matter how bright your child is, is their social behavior going to get in the way and then cause them to not succeed as well. No matter what everyone says, you have to do what you think is right for your child and I know that is sometimes a very hard thing to figure out. Like I said, we are going through the same thing. Good luck in whatever you decide to do!

 

[brymolmom]

I do not have a problem with people holding their child back a year if there is a specific reason(s) that they are working WITH a doctor or professional on. But if they do it just 'because' and for no real delay that the child has, I do not agree with it and it does make me angry. Why do I care what others do with their child - you might ask. Because it takes away from children who attend K ON TIME. Teachers, IMO, cannot teach a class with 6 year olds and 4 year olds in it together, at least not as productively. So by everyone wanting their child to be the oldest, biggest, smartest, etc. - it takes away from my child.

So, my question to you is - your dd will be a year smarter, more learning than other kids in the class - are you OK with this. In other words, the curriculum is geared toward 4 and 5 year old kids, NOT 6 year olds. So are you ok with your child being taught 'down' from what she is able?

I, obviously, have a dd in this situation which has led to multiple discussions/debates on this topic. She is a 10/21 bday with 12/1 being the cutoff, she is going on time, she will be the youngest in the class.

I have a friend who 'red shirted'/held back her very bright ds with and Oct bday and now that he is in 1st grade - she's complaining/upset that he isn't being challenged enough and is talking to the school about moving him up to 2nd grade for reading, etc. - and my opinion is that she is wasting school time and resources on something that is her own fault. She had no reason to hold him back - now she should not be surprised that he's way ahead of the rest of the kids in the class.

Sorry - like I said - I am very passionate about this topic.

 

[mrsbert]

I guess I've got 2 cents to put in. My oldest DS's b-day is in October. Our School system's cut-off date is October 1 therefore he's technically a year behind. He's right where he should be but of course your daughter could be totally different. How is she with the basic stuff she needs to know?

When both of my DS's entered Kindergarten, they were evaluated to see what they knew, maybe the school system does this and you could have that done and get an opinion from them. Good luck.

 

[pixiewings71]

Well my DD11 is the youngest child in her class. She is also the smallest. LOL She is also in the Top 4 consistently, every year. She is in 6th grade this year and is getting all A's and B's with only 1 C. The C she is working on and will have it up soon. So, even as the youngest in the class she is always able to keep up and surpass most of the other kids in the class, she's been on honor roll every year since 4th grade (that is when they start doing honor roll in our district) and she does extra curricular activities (band, chorus, track). She's also very popular with all her classmates and a lot of younger kids too. It's not always a bad thing to have/be the youngest kid in the class.

 

[belle&beast]

I have responded to threads like this in the past and I will tell you what I have said in the past. It absolutely depends upont the child. Your decision may not be the right one for another family, but you truly have to look at what would be best for your child.

My b-day is the 8/29 and when I started school, the cutoff was 9/1. Great! I started kindergarten at 4. I was one of the youngest, but very bright and had no problems for most of my elementary career. Then when I got to jr. high, I was absolutely miserable. I was immature and very emotional and I was not developing like my classmates. (It is not fun to be the "late-bloomer.") In high school everything evened out again except for the fact that I was not old enough to take driver's ed with my friends and I was not driving when others were. I got over that, but there were tough times. In college, it was being 20 when everyone else was 21 that was difficult. Now, it is fun because I am still not as old as most of my close friends, not that it really matters, but they will turn 40 first! Overall, there were some things that were tough, but I am glad my parents put me in school when they did. I was a child that needed to be challenged and my school did a great job.

Fast forward to my own DD6. Her birthday is the end of July and our cutoff for kindergarten was 8/1, so she made it by a week. She has some medical issues involving bladder and bowel control, but we had planned to send her at the regular time. Academically she was ready, but we worried about her socially. She was a very meek child and let others push her around quite a bit. She was not assertive and we just figured she was on the shy side like DH. We began to think about waiting a year when the bladder accidents increased and her preschool teacher was very positive about that idea. So, we waited and we could not be happier.

DD is now in kindergarten at a Catholic school. She is a leader in the classroom, very outgoing and very independent. The year to mature also helped us to get her bladder accidents under control and she has not had one at school yet. (Knock on wood.) She is academically at the top of her class, but the teacher is giving her extra work to challenge her and it is working out great.

Again, do what is best for your family. I disagree with people who choose to "redshirt" for sports, and there are many that do. We chose to wait to make the transition to kindergarten smooth, and we are lucky that it has been great. I also have to say that we have all day kindergarten and last year DD still took naps pretty regularly and that would have been tough for her.

Good luck in your decision, ti really is a hard one to make, just always keep your child's best interest at heart.

 

[WendyinNC]

I knew my DD was ready for K but my concern was sending her into a class of 6 year old boys. Luckily her class turned out to be fairly young. During that year I signed her up for both K and PreK. She was screened by both the preschool and the Elementary School. I had those positive results plus the knowledge that there were several young ones going to K that year but one of the biggest factors in my decision was that the PreK class at her Preschool was going to be 15 boys and 1 girl (mine)! I decided to send her to K and if she needed to be held back that was okay. She is now in 4th grade and does much better in school than my other kids. She is flying through advanced math and was elected student council representative. Now my other DD with a January B-day is struggling. She is in 6th grade this year. I really do think it depends on the kids but unfortunately I felt like I was put into the position of looking at what everyone else was doing because even if my child was ready I didn't want her going through school with a majority of kids that were a year to a year 1/2 older than her.

 

[jodifla]

I just observed my DS's kindergarten class. I thought it was pretty obvious who the young kids were.

My son was born on the cutoff day. Factoring in his language delays, we decided to hold him back. If he'd been born a few hours later, he wouldn't have qualified for K anyway.

 

[ekball]

I do not have a problem with people holding their child back a year if there is a specific reason(s) that they are working WITH a doctor or professional on. But if they do it just 'because' and for no real delay that the child has, I do not agree with it and it does make me angry. Why do I care what others do with their child - you might ask. Because it takes away from children who attend K ON TIME. Teachers, IMO, cannot teach a class with 6 year olds and 4 year olds in it together, at least not as productively. So by everyone wanting their child to be the oldest, biggest, smartest, etc. - it takes away from my child.

Sorry - like I said - I am very passionate about this topic.

I understand your passion, it's your child! That said, I have a question (devil's advocate, if you will)...

Would you feel the same way about this if your child were a Jan. or Feb. Bday? Would you resent the younger ones that may require more attention because they are practically a year younger than your child? They would take away from your child too. I'm just curious (respectfully curious). Because realistically, there are going to be many kids in the class that are older than DD - some as much as 10 months older. Won't they be burdened by having kids in their class who are so much younger? Won't their learning potentially be affected by the kiddos with the late birthdays? Just some food for thought...


Thanks to all for the thoughtful and insightful replies. It is good to hear all sides of the 'red shirt' (that's a new one to me in the academic arena, thought that was only on the ball field) debate.

I'm not ready to make any decision now as we are still 10 months from her start date. But I do think about it often (and stress about it already). I want to do what is best for my daughter. I don't need her to the the biggest, the smartest, the most athletic, the oldest. I just want her to be READY. That's all. I want her to have the best chance to have a successful educational experience.

 

[Skyw]

Interesting topic. Where we live, the cut off is Aug 1. My son B-day is in Oct. He is in PreK now and will attend Kindergarten (private)at the same school. Then if the teacher thinks he is ready, he will go to first grade. If he is not, then he will go to public Kindergarten again.

I don't know what I will actually do with him. I don't want him to be 17 and going to college or joining the army. Nor do I want him to be bored. I understand your confusion.

 

[brymolmom]

I understand your passion, it's your child! That said, I have a question (devil's advocate, if you will)...

Would you feel the same way about this if your child were a Jan. or Feb. Bday? Would you resent the younger ones that may require more attention because they are practically a year younger than your child? They would take away from your child too. I'm just curious (respectfully curious). Because realistically, there are going to be many kids in the class that are older than DD - some as much as 10 months older. Won't they be burdened by having kids in their class who are so much younger? Won't their learning potentially be affected by the kiddos with the late birthdays? Just some food for thought...


Thanks to all for the thoughtful and insightful replies. It is good to hear all sides of the 'red shirt' (that's a new one to me in the academic arena, thought that was only on the ball field) debate.

I'm not ready to make any decision now as we are still 10 months from her start date. But I do think about it often (and stress about it already). I want to do what is best for my daughter. I don't need her to the the biggest, the smartest, the most athletic, the oldest. I just want her to be READY. That's all. I want her to have the best chance to have a successful educational experience.

That's a very good question- and, yes, even 12 months difference at this age can be large. But, you have to make the 'cutoff' somewhere and I hope/believe that the K curriculum at your school is made with that cutoff in mind - if it is a Dec cutoff, they should be expecting 4 year olds in the class and have appropriate work for that age AND the ones who are already 5.

The thing is - I KNOW my dd can hold her own with kids a few months, even 10, older than she is - it is the potential for those who will be 14 months older than her (mabye even more) that does frighten me a little, more on the social side than on the academic one.

Also, for those with a January birthday - they are following 'the rules' of who is 'eligible' for Kindergarten, so that is what they should be doing. The ones who decide to make waves and change things up of their own accord (ie: by deciding that they should hold their child back even tho eligible) - fall into a different category, and don't upset me.

 

[hmacmahony]

This topic has been discussed so many times, and you will get a million reasons for both ways.
We have held back our first two daughters, my oldest just started kindy this year, she just turned 6, and loves it. My next daughter will start next year, in the same situation, being held a year, and almost 6 when she starts. My girls are less than a year apart, so unless we held them both they would of been in the same grade.
But, my take on it, is this, we DID NOT hold our child back to be the best, biggest, smartest in the class. We held for MANY reasons, I did not want my child going to college at 17, we are moving to a state in the next year or so where by there cutoff date, my kids will be in the right class (this state has an earlier cutoff than us), my oldest has some speech problems, and my second daughter is just plain immature and can't sit still, so I know her being in kindergarten this year would of been too much for her.
I really don't care who gets angry that we made the decesion to hold my kids a year, and actually it is very popular where we live (we know at least a dozen kids between my two girls who have been held, or are being held a year).
I feel very strongly that my kids have the REST of there lives to worry about school, homework, and all the pressures that come with that. What is the harm in giving my kids an extra year of childhood! My girls probably would of done great in kindy, but honestly I have yet to talk to a single person who regreted holding there child a year (and I have talked to LOTS of people), only people who regreted sending there child.
You have to do what is best for your child, but don't just look at how they would do in kindergarten, look at the rest of there lives, and really is it truely going to harm your child by staying home one more year? Talk to lots of people, lots of parents, do you guys go full day or half day? Maybe find out what your school expects of your child? Ours are expected to read by the end of kindergarten, some kids just are not ready for that if they are younger. If you call the school, I am sure they would go over the curriculum with you.
Good luck in whatever you decide
heidi

 

[ekball]

This topic has been discussed so many times, and you will get a million reasons for both ways.
We have held back our first two daughters, my oldest just started kindy this year, she just turned 6, and loves it. My next daughter will start next year, in the same situation, being held a year, and almost 6 when she starts. My girls are less than a year apart, so unless we held them both they would of been in the same grade.
But, my take on it, is this, we DID NOT hold our child back to be the best, biggest, smartest in the class. We held for MANY reasons, I did not want my child going to college at 17, we are moving to a state in the next year or so where by there cutoff date, my kids will be in the right class (this state has an earlier cutoff than us), my oldest has some speech problems, and my second daughter is just plain immature and can't sit still, so I know her being in kindergarten this year would of been too much for her.
I really don't care who gets angry that we made the decesion to hold my kids a year, and actually it is very popular where we live (we know at least a dozen kids between my two girls who have been held, or are being held a year).
I feel very strongly that my kids have the REST of there lives to worry about school, homework, and all the pressures that come with that. What is the harm in giving my kids an extra year of childhood! My girls probably would of done great in kindy, but honestly I have yet to talk to a single person who regreted holding there child a year (and I have talked to LOTS of people), only people who regreted sending there child.
You have to do what is best for your child, but don't just look at how they would do in kindergarten, look at the rest of there lives, and really is it truely going to harm your child by staying home one more year? Talk to lots of people, lots of parents, do you guys go full day or half day? Maybe find out what your school expects of your child? Ours are expected to read by the end of kindergarten, some kids just are not ready for that if they are younger. If you call the school, I am sure they would go over the curriculum with you.
Good luck in whatever you decide
heidi

Thanks for your reply. Yes, we are full day - which seems like SO much for a 4 year old. We will be going to a K orientation/info session in March where, I'm guessing, they'll talk about curriculum, expectations, measures, etc. They will also test her at that time to see where she falls in relation to their expectations for readiness.

I do understand that we'll hear all kinds of responses along the spectrum of "to hold or not to hold" - it's helpful to hear lots of different perspectives and experiences.

Sorry to be re-hashing this on the boards (I don't frequent the families board)...I probably should have done a search first.

 

[GoinToDisney]

I'm a first grade teacher turned SAHM. I have to disagree with the statement that teachers cannot teach kids of different ages. I had children in my first grade class working on a pre-k level, and kids working on a 4th or 5th grade level. It was *my job* to teach kids at their own level, one-on-one if necessary. Sure some lessons were whole group, but around here we call it differentiated education.

That said, I have not had seen any kids who were negatively affected by being help back. However, I have had kids with Sept birthdays who struggled and their self-esteem suffered. You should take into consideration the policy of the school (teaching whole group or small group/individual at each child level) and the personality of your child. My dd is a June bday, but I can tell from observing her at ballet and story time that she will be fine to go on time. By the way, a 4th grade teacher will not be able to pick out the younger kids like a first grade teacher will. And whenever we tried to get the younger kids extra support (even if they were working below where they should be for their age), we were given the excuse that they are just young. Give it time. I taught in a more affluent district that did not have the $ to provide resources and fought against classifying kids and getting them help.

 

[Aristomommy]

Just like others, I will say it depends on the child. If your child is going to preschool, ask the teacher how well she pays attention etc. My DD8 has a November birthday and started Kindy as a 4 year old. She has not have problems, she is actually in accelerated classes. Her class has kids that are 8-10 years old. I would not do the same with DS3, as I think he would not do as well socially or academically.

Also speak with the school and ask what the children are expected to know, how they are expected to behave/pay attention. Is it full day or half day? My nephew is a young Kindergartener this year and he wouldn't have started a full day program, because he can't sit still. But he is doing well in a half day program that breaks up quiet time with play and other activities.

Most schools know that they will have kids in the older and younger ranges. At 5, it may seem like a big gap, but it evens out very quickly. HTH

 

[Aristomommy]

That said, I have not had seen any kids who were negatively affected by being help back.

While I agree with majority of your post, I think this statement may be your experience, but a generalization. A child who is ready to begin Kindergarten and remains in preschool is often bored and a distraction to others. They will find school "too easy" especially in the early grades and when finally met with a true academic challenge they either 1. give up or 2. end up very frustrated. Children who are bright and not given appropriate challenge, have a high drop out rate in high school, which is not a coincidence. I know parents who hold they summer b-day boys back so they will do better in sports. I think starting a child too early is just as bad as holding them back when there is no developmental reason for it (that can be fixed by waiting a year).

 

[murcor]

My ds was 4 almost five when he started school. B-day Set 24th, cut off Oct 1st.
My dd was 5 almost six when she started school B-day Oct 7th.

I had the oldest and the youngest in the same class.

I thought they were both ready for school. Only after they started school did I realize that my ds wasnt ready in any forn, emotionally, socially, academically.

At the other end of the scale since my dd was at the top of the class. I think it had something to do with having the extra year on her.

Each class does have kids that are anywhere from 1 day - 1 year apart. 1 year is a big difference at this young age.

Now they are in grade two, and there is still such a difference in them academically, socially & emotionally. We do think that we should have held our ds back to start with.

Now, in the same class....a little girl was held back as she was going to be the youngest etc, etc. Well, guess what.....they promoted her a grade. It didnt work in this case

Its a tough, tough decision.
Good Luck
Angela

 

[lilyv]

The recommendations to talk to your child's preschool teacher are a good idea.

She can give you a better picture of whether this is even an issue or not. Enthusiasm for learning is important. One the one hand, the child has to be ready, on the other, they need to have the opportunity to progress at a rate that keeps them interested and ready for new lessons and experiences.

If your child is ready, holding her back may not be the the best option. On the other hand, if she's not, a little more time in preschool might be the best intermediate solution.

Both my kids had fall birthdays. I wrestled with this, as well. With the OK from their preschool teachers, I went on and enrolled them, even though they
were younger.

A very quick fast forward: My kids are both in grad school now, and are doing fine.

 

[StephMK]

My DS just started school in August. He didn't turn 5 until 6/28 so he's one of the younger ones. His preschool teachers both told me he was more than ready to go & he's on the upper end of the size charts that wasn't any issue either. He's very social, verbal & most think he's older than he is. He reads way above grade level.

I did consider holding back, partly due to discussions like this - I researched a bunch while deciding what to do. Part of me thinks, well someone has to be the youngest but at the same time, I didn't want school to be a bad experience if he wasn't ready. Plus it's full day here, no option for 1/2. And part of me couldn't wait to send the last one off & part would have liked one more year with him.

He attended PS last year 5 days then 3 when we moved to give you his background.

For the most part, he loves school. He enjoys his class, has met some nice friends & has an excellent teacher. They picked up on his reading quickly & he works w/a specialist to keep him challenged. He's also just as happy to do K work that he already knows.

However, it has still been a transition. He comes home tired & starving. Meltdowns the first month or so. He has told me several times he wishes he were home during the day.

I don't think I'm giving you much advice but hope our experience helps somehow. He is happy to get on the bus & happy to come home but the long term effects I won't see for awhile. I think overall it was the right decision to send him but either way it's tough. There are plenty of 6 yo in his class. Good luck w/your choice.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

My oldest DD is now 10. Our school has a cut off date of Sept 10 my DD's birthday is Sept 4. I did hold her back. I just knew im heart she was not ready. She was smart and she was used to socializing with kids her age so I guess you can say I did it just because. It was the smartest move I made. My daughter's best friend shares her same birthday a year later. They both started K the same year. Her friend had always been in daycare and preschool so her mom though she could handle it. She couldn't. Everyday my hear just broke because the long days was just too much for the 4 and then barely 5 year old to handle. Personally I would rather see a mom hold her child back then to push them into school when they may not be ready.