OT - Feeling bad...What Should I have Done?

[KelleyD]

OK So I am feeling real miserable right now and am on here just to get it out...see if it helps. Anyway, ever since i had my son (15 months) everytime I read a child abuse story in the news, it just breaks my heart. Dont get me wrong, it always did but now I seem to feel it so deep inside - I just cant imagine anyone wanting to hurt their child.

The latest was the story out of NY - the 3 year old was so badly abused and the neighbors knew, they just didnt do anything. So now i cant get the images out of my head and I just wonder how someone could just sit there and know....

Which brings me to my story...Tonight I went to the liquor store to pick up lottery tickets for fathers day. When i got back into my car, it was around 9:15pm, there was a van next to me with a woman and a small child in the front. Probably about 2 or 3. But what struck me was the mother was out of the van in the back and the girl was looking out the window sucking her thumb.

Anyway my first thought was she needs to be home in bed. (Yes I know alot of kids stay up late...) The mother got back into the van and the girl turned to look at her...I just thought she looked sad - but maybe not, maybe tired...

And the point - As i was backing up, the mother took a beer can and shook out the last few drops of a beer (I presume) out the window. So now I am getting ready to pull out of the lot and I was thinking real nice lady. Then of course my imagination took over...

Was that one of many beers and she is drunk and has no place driving. Should I call the cops and tell them what i saw? How miserable for this little girl that her mother couldn't even wait until she got home to drink her beer. And what abuot the little girl. Was she in any danger.

I thought i hope that girl goes to sleep as soon as she gets home and doesn't cause her mother any problems.

But then i thought maybe it was just a bad day. It would be terrible for a preson to make one mistake and have it ruin their lives (if i had called the police). Maybe the mother wasn't even drinking...maybe it was left over from someone else using the car.

So all of these thoughts were going through my head as i was pulling out and she was pulling out. So I didn't do anything...and now the guilt - should i have done something?

 

[Rylee]

Without having more information, I'm not sure there was anything you could have done or anything to report.

Sadly, it is difficult to prevent chld abuse. There are different levels of abuse, and while there is NO EXCUSE for any form of child abuse, there are different reasons for why it occurs... poverty, ignorance, etc.

My suggestion...

Don't just "feel bad," DO SOMETHING.

Unless you are a social worker, you can't just rip a child away from an abusive environment, or parent, (and even a social worker must follow the law and steps involved in having a child removed,) but you can help... we all can.

Some people can volunteer their time. Others can donate money. Some can open their homes and hearts. Do what you can, when and where you can.

Some ways to help...

• Donate money, bedding, toys, clothing, to Battered Women's Shelters. (Many women flee their homes with their children and nothing but the clothes on their back.)
• Volunteer at a Children's Hospital. (I know Children's in Boston has volunteers come in, just to hold and rock babies, whose families are "not around." I'm sure other hospitals have similar programs.)
• Become a "Big Sister" through the Big Sister/Big Brother Program, and spend time with an "at risk" child.
• Volunteer at a Children's Group Home, or donate toys, clothing, school supplies.
• Volunteer in the schools. (Many of these children need extra help and one-on-one attention, to keep up with the class.)
• Volunteer at Parenting Classes.
• Become a Foster Parent.

Even the smallest act of kindness, can give a child hope.

Take Care.

 

[Tam1067]

I would have called the cops and said I saw this woman drinking and then driving. That's about all you can do. Believe me, people who drink and drive are not having one bad day. Most are habitual repeat offenders.

 

[FJJM0621]

I know exactly how you feel. Ever since I've had my kids it tears me up inside whenever I hear about a child being abused or killed by their parents / caregivers. Sometimes I can't sleep at night thinking about all these precious children and the awful situations they could be living in.

I don't know how people can hurt & abuse a child. I look at my kids and want to cry thinking about other children not having a loving, careing home that ALL KIDS should have.

One day I want to adopt or become a foster parent because I know we could provide a loving home that some child so desperatly needs.

 

[npmommie]

Which brings me to my story...Tonight I went to the liquor store to pick up lottery tickets for fathers day. When i got back into my car, it was around 9:15pm, there was a van next to me with a woman and a small child in the front. Probably about 2 or 3. But what struck me was the mother was out of the van in the back and the girl was looking out the window sucking her thumb.

Anyway my first thought was she needs to be home in bed. (Yes I know alot of kids stay up late...) The mother got back into the van and the girl turned to look at her...I just thought she looked sad - but maybe not, maybe tired...

And the point - As i was backing up, the mother took a beer can and shook out the last few drops of a beer (I presume) out the window. So now I am getting ready to pull out of the lot and I was thinking real nice lady. Then of course my imagination took over...

Was that one of many beers and she is drunk and has no place driving. Should I call the cops and tell them what i saw? How miserable for this little girl that her mother couldn't even wait until she got home to drink her beer. And what abuot the little girl. Was she in any danger.

I thought i hope that girl goes to sleep as soon as she gets home and doesn't cause her mother any problems.

But then i thought maybe it was just a bad day. It would be terrible for a preson to make one mistake and have it ruin their lives (if i had called the police). Maybe the mother wasn't even drinking...maybe it was left over from someone else using the car.

So all of these thoughts were going through my head as i was pulling out and she was pulling out. So I didn't do anything...and now the guilt - should i have done something?

I wonder if she was driving with the small child in the front? that alone would be a reason to call. the rest would probably fall into place.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

I know exactly how you feel, I swear, since I've had kids, anything from seeing a child being "abused" to something sweet makes me cry now-a-days. I think it was best put by a man I used to work with who had his first child. He said that when you see something on the news about a child being killed, before you have kids, you feel badly for the family, but if you see the same news report after you have kids, a part of you dies with that child. Its just like, once you have kids, you know how amazingly special they are (though sometimes you want to ring their necks!), and how precious their little lives are.
As for me, I would have pulled back in, really taken a good look into what was really happeing, and then called the cops. I don't care if the person is having a bad day, or what, a "bad day" can kill that child!!! And if I am wrong, and they have done nothing illegal, than the police will figure that out.