OT: DS was caught graffiting back of school bus seat...UPDATE POST #12

[dis75ney]

Well, the title says it all...

I got a call from the head teacher at DS's school telling me what had happened. Apparently, he and another boy (I have NO doubts about who this other boy is) were caught with a Sharpie marker writing on the back of the bus seat in front of them. The other boy had stolen the Sharpie from their teacher's desk yesterday, and DS didn't speak up when he saw what his seatmate had done (if he had, none of this would have happened). DS is not allowed on the bus for the remainder of the week. He'll be allowed back on the bus in two weeks (next week is Spring Break). He also will have an alternative recess for the rest of this week and the week he's back from Spring Break.

What would be an appropriate punishment at home? He's already had his Wii system taken away until next week due to his overreactions with the darned thing. I guess the next step is taking his computer time away, but I feel like there should be something else. I mean, he damaged property that wasn't his, which he KNOWS not to do. I'm at a loss...any suggestions?

Thanks in advance!

 

[NotUrsula]

I'm thinking cleaning. How about polishing every metal substance in your house with a toothbrush?

 

[Mickeypooh99]

How old is he?

A couple years ago my oldest DS (7 at the time) drew with a crayon all over the plastic parts inside my minivan next to his normal seat. I was shocked. He is usually really well behaved. Also, I would have thought he would know he would get caught since it was right by his seat!

I gave him some weak cleaner (that I knew wouldn't work) and a rag, and I made him clean it. Well, he worked for a long time, and it wasn't coming off. Finally I gave in and gave him a Mr. Clean magic eraser. It came right off. (of course I acted like I didn't know it would work.) I just felt like he should have to clean up his mess. At that time we talked about graffiti and why it isn't a good thing.

If he had done it on the bus I would have asked about having him clean the bus, or some other public property.

 

[dis75ney]

He's 9. I don't know what the school plans on doing with the cleanup, so although that was my first inclination, I want to hold off on having him clean the seat until I know what the school wants to do...

Although our basement needs a good cleaning...

 

[dizneechic]

When my middle guy flooded the bathroom toilets in school we had him write apology letters to everyone who was effected. This included his teacher, school principal, both school janitors, and to teachers of the classrooms who also used those restrooms and had to direct their class elsewhere while the clean up took place. For him (not a good writer) it was pure torture and took him 2 days to write them so they were legible enough to be handed over.

 

[dis75ney]

When my middle guy flooded the bathroom toilets in school we had him write apology letters to everyone who was effected. This included his teacher, school principal, both school janitors, and to teachers of the classrooms who also used those restrooms and had to direct their class elsewhere while the clean up took place. For him (not a good writer) it was pure torture and took him 2 days to write them so they were legible enough to be handed over.

That's a possibility...DS doesn't like to write, either...

 

[Mickeypooh99]

That's a possibility...DS doesn't like to write, either...

I have used the letter writing with my boys too for other things. It really gets them thinking about what they did and how it effects others.

 

[dis75ney]

Any thoughts about the letter itself? How long it should be, what should be included, etc?

 

[3boys4me]

I would have him write a letter, but I think he should clean the bus as well. Wipe down all the seats and give the bus a good sweeping. Even if the seat is already taken care of I think he should see what a big job it probably is to keep a bus clean. Good luck.

 

[dizneechic]

For my ds who was barely 6 at the time we kept it pretty short. his letter to me was "I'm sorry for flooding the bathroom at school and causing trouble. I won't ever do it again", to the janitors was "I'm sorry for flooding the bathroom and causing extra work for you. I won't ever do it again." and to the teacher and other classrooms was "I'm sorry for flooding the bathroom and causing trouble for the class. I won't ever do it again.". Even though it was short, in those big ol end of K letters it took up the whole page.

For the record, my oldest one deleted my ds6's game on his DS. So we also had him write 100x "I'm sorry for deleting your game on the DS". This was almost a year ago. Fast forward to this week... were doing bedroom make overs and we found he also wrote it in ink on the side of his wooden bed. Rather than flip out we left it there and pointed out to him we saw it (ok a LONG time after!) and it can serve as a reminder of the trouble he got in. He also had to write an apology letter (in his own words) to middle ds along with our punishment.

At age 9 I would think your ds can use his own words and write up something simple, longer than a sentence, but not a whole page.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

Well, the title says it all...

I got a call from the head teacher at DS's school telling me what had happened. Apparently, he and another boy (I have NO doubts about who this other boy is) were caught with a Sharpie marker writing on the back of the bus seat in front of them. The other boy had stolen the Sharpie from their teacher's desk yesterday, and DS didn't speak up when he saw what his seatmate had done (if he had, none of this would have happened). DS is not allowed on the bus for the remainder of the week. He'll be allowed back on the bus in two weeks (next week is Spring Break). He also will have an alternative recess for the rest of this week and the week he's back from Spring Break.

What would be an appropriate punishment at home? He's already had his Wii system taken away until next week due to his overreactions with the darned thing. I guess the next step is taking his computer time away, but I feel like there should be something else. I mean, he damaged property that wasn't his, which he KNOWS not to do. I'm at a loss...any suggestions?

Thanks in advance!

My dd wrote "dd was here" ...obviously she wrote her name ...on a bus seat last year. She did not get a punishment from the school because she had always been well behaved on the bus previously. She did get a note about it added to her school file. We took away anything that uses energy to run....computer,tv,nintendo, etc...for a week. To help her pass the time, she copied the definition of VANDALISM from the dictionary over and over and over and over ....she can still recite it She also had to clean the bus and write a letter of apology to the bus driver and the vice principal because he's in charge of bussing.

 

[dis75ney]

DS came home about an hour ago. My mother met him at the bus stop and all he said was "Am I in trouble?" to which my mother answered "Yes." DS ran in the house and went straight to his room. I met him up there and we had a LONG talk about what happened. DS's story corroborated with the school's story. DS also added that he knew what he was doing was wrong, but he was sick of the other boy pressuring him to join in the naughtiness and he wasn't allowed to get out of his seat while the bus was moving, so he joined in to get the other boy to stop nagging him. I had to hide a smile on that...he did follow the rules of the bus, after all! We then talked about peer pressure and how hard it can be to say no, even when others are begging you to join in. DS now knows that it's okay to put his hands over his ears so he doesn't have to list to this kid continue to pester him after DS has already said "No" several times.

So as punishment, DS is writing lines. "I will not draw on the back of the bus seat" 50 times. The school already made him write apology letters to the bus driver and his teacher, so I added two more letters - one to the head teacher that had to call me at work today and one to the principal. And DH will drive DS to school tomorrow, but DS will be walking home with me after school (I work from home, so I will be taking a late lunch and my mother will drop me off at the school before dismissal).

Ah, the joys of raising children...

 

[JESW]

Good for you for being the type of parent who makes their child face the consequences of his actions!

Jill...who has a son who had to write letters of apology in 1st grade when he "borrowed" a classmates pencil....

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Chiming in with a "well done" to all on this thread and the proper response to punishment through the letter writing and reciting words from the dictionary.

I'm not there yet with my kids (3 and 1) but I'm sure we're in for it once they get there. It's nice to see alternatives to just taking things away.

 

[kellyg403]

Those letters go a long way IMHO. I really and firmly believe it allows the child to realize the consequences are far reaching when we do something. Kudo's mom!

When my oldest ds, 25 now, was younger he had a similar story with the janitor. Peer pressure etc. They decided to do somethings on purpose to cause the janitor more work. I believe he was in 3rd grade at the time. We also had the discussion about peer pressure, the note to the janitor but I also had him stay after school for 3 days doing the janitors bidding. The worst 3 days of his life seeing things from the poor guys perspective.

When he was in HS, I overheard a conversation between him and another guy. One of ds's friends, well bff, was always in trouble but ds never went down the road with him. This particular friend asked him how it was possible that he never did the stuff bff did and still be his bff. Ds told him he was way more scared of me and what I would make him do than he was of peer pressure! I am assuming those three days with the janitor were inspiring!

Kelly

 

[thebeesknees]

Good for you, OP for doing the right thing with your son! My normally well-behaved DS joined in with some other boys in his kindergarten class a couple of years ago and basically TP'd the boys' bathroom. I happened to be at school that day for their holiday party, and the principal came into the classroom and asked if anyone knew what had happened in there. Of course, no one answered, so he then proceeded to call out DS and the other boys on it. I was mortified! I made him go into the bathroom and clean up the entire mess (missing the party in the process), along with another kid whose mother was there and told him to join DS. He then had to go apologize to the principal. I was so embarrassed that my kid would have done something like that, but he has remembered it all this time and hasn't vandalized anything since. Hopefully the lesson will stick for my DS for a long time.

 

[dizneechic]

Nicely done mom!

 

[quasar4legs]

I think cleaning the bus seats is a logical consequence for this behaviour and I agree that apology letters are also a good idea.

Good Luck and I hope it all works out OK.

 

[[copher09]

My DS snuck into the high school his Sr. year and let loose 1500 crickets! I thought it was funny until I heard is was DS. He and some friends chained up the bus garage. They even had a blast calling it Operation Cricket Drop. My DS worked in the office and when the principal reviewed the tape with the masked bandits wearing bandanas over their faces. He asked DS if he knew who those kids may be.........DS replied all day NOPE! of course with a grin. I was mortified when they finally figured out it was DS.

The prinicpal suspended DS for a week. He then called me to tell me the news. I suggested that DS be made to wear a orange jump suit with Operation Cricket Pick-up ( I offered to pay for it myself) so he could sweep up the crickets. The principal said "He wished he had called prior to giving the suspension, but he wouldn't make DS clean-up the mess. Apparently, it was very noisy at school that day.

DD starts high school next year, hope she doesn't suffer any reprecussions from her brothers pranks

DS got the Principal a t-shirt for graduation that said OH NO JIMINY CRICKET

 

[v.t.]

When he was in HS, I overheard a conversation between him and another guy. One of ds's friends, well bff, was always in trouble but ds never went down the road with him. This particular friend asked him how it was possible that he never did the stuff bff did and still be his bff. Ds told him he was way more scared of me and what I would make him do than he was of peer pressure! Kelly

My DS's and I practice what to say in certain situations. The main comeback for peer pressure is "I'm not scared of you, I'm am scared of my Mom and you should be too."

OP you did great!