OT: Do other working Moms feel this way?

[WDWPirate]

I am a working Mom and I often feel out of place with all my friends who are stay at home Moms. I would LOVE to be a SAHM but it just isn't possible at this time in our lives. I want to state for the record, I know that being a SAHM is a full time job and a very demanding one...one I respect very much.

When I go scrapbooking with my friends they all talk about things that I can't do...play dates, working in their kid's classrooms, shopping for bargains at the mall, scrapbooking during the day, etc. All I do all day is work and then run and get the kids, cook dinner, give baths, iron clothes, and get ready to do it all again the next day.

My friends talk all the time about how overwhelmed they are and they act like my job is my "time away". I am a Marketing/PR manager who has a lot on my plate and I can tell you that my work is not "time away" by any means. I do like my job and the people I work with...for which I am very blessed...but it is not all fun and games.

I was just wondering if there are any other Moms who work outside the home that have mostly stay at home Mom friends. Does anyone else feel like this or is it only me?!

Beth

 

[marlynnp]

no, you're normal!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

nope sounds normal to me too.
I am a SAHM or more aptly named a never at home mom. I did work before we had kids, at a craft store no less. LOL
I miss having a lunch break, adult conversation, and the daily challenges of a job, not to mention a pay check.
Sometime I feel as though I get nothing accomplished, I clean the same spills everyday, pick up the same coats, backpacks, and shoes from the same spot 500 times per day. I'm used as a pillow, snot rag, and jungle gym. Life is not a bed of roses on this side of the fence either.
Most of my friends are SAHM's and I am super jealous of all the things they get accomplished during the day. Look at our daily to do list thread, I get 1 thing done for everyone else's 6 things. I wish I could scrap during the day but I feel guilty if I'm not washing something, wiping something, or running errands.

There are 2 sides to every coin.
As long as you enjoy what you do, feel fulfilled by your career and your home life and think it is the best decision for your family then I wouldn't worry about what everyone else is doing. It doesn't make you any more or less of a person, mother or friend if you work or stay home.

cyber hugs headed your way!

P.S. in no way is any of this meant to slam either side of the fence. Sometimes I hate typing, things don't always come across the right way.

 

[Disney Baby]

Hi Beth,

I was a full time working mom with a 6 year old girl and 2 year old twins. At the beginning of this year I left my job where I was a National Director of Food and Beverage. My job took me away from home quite a bit and I would make spreadsheets for my husband about activities, food, and clothes. I would actually separate each child's clothes out into an individual shopping bag for each day that I was gone including underwear and socks or tights!!!


I would go to crops and long for the day that I would be able to be a SAHM. I really admired my friends and I really believed that they had a tougher job that I did. I wanted to go on playdate and Gymboree and go out to eat lunch with other friends and their children.

I left my job at the end of December and I have been home with my children for three months and for ME - it is MUCH easier and less hectic to be a home!!!! While I truly believe my Husdand and I are creating a more stable household, I also believe that while I was working I was setting a great example my children!

Just like being a stay at home mom, it takes an incredible woman to work and take care of the family and household!! SAHM or working mom - Neither is better or worse - it is just what works for you and your family. My hats off to you and I may even be back to work sooner than I expect!!

My friends at the crops miss my work stories - now it is all children and of course the ever popular subject of husbands!!

Jennifer

 

[missesdisney]

As long as you enjoy what you do, feel fulfilled by your career and your home life and think it is the best decision for your family then I wouldn't worry about what everyone else is doing. It doesn't make you any more or less of a person, mother or friend if you work or stay home.

This sums it up! I may have to make a tshirt out of that!

I work full time with a 7 year old son. Even if money were not an issue (which it is), I need to work because that is how I'm wired. I would be a terrible mother if I was at home - it's just not for me and I have great respect for those who choose to and are able to do it. Life is about choices and I find myself arguing a lot with 'friends' who work and don't have kids and are always overwhelmed or stay home and don't do activities with the kids and are always overwhelmed and a mom or two who work 'full time' and are still home when I get to work at 7:30 and already home when I leave work at 4:30 (and this is my short day time of year) and can't manage to do anything at all with the kids because they are always overwhelmed.

Until about 2 years ago I traveled Mon - Thurs almost every week for 7 years so this was before we had our son, during 7 months of pregnancy, and back to work when he was 2 months old and traveling. You can only imagine what kind of responses I got.....and yet I have never regretted one minute of it. It's all choices and if what you are doing is the right thing then that is what you must rely on when you are made to feel that way (I don't think anyone does this on purpose). The hard part is sometimes juggling all the balls in the air !!!

Can you tell this has been a recent sore point for me? From the mom who is full time but leaves later and gets home earlier than me, I always hear "I'm so busy", "Sorry I didn't spend 2 seconds answering your direct question in email, but I was so busy" - ok I'm embellishing.... but that's what it starts to sound like. She has 2 kids and one is in one activity that takes about 2 1/2 hours a week. That's pretty much one practice for me for most weeks when wrestling or football (we get a break for baseball) and I am happy to do it - sacrificing is part of being a parent. So it's a button for me....so I feel for you completely but really it's all about what's right for you and your family and that is different for everyone and if it's the right thing to do then it's the right choice whether it's work or at home.

I will say if this helps that I have recently started to do some things so I don't feel like I'm getting home, eating dinner, checking homework, kid in the shower and off to bed. Now I only have one so it's far easier, but I take about 20 minutes on Sunday to get his clothes for the week ready and I also try to do the same for myself - at least a few days worth so I have them ironed and picked out and on hangers. I find this makes for easier mornings for everyone. The harder I fight to be as organized at home as I am everywhere else in my life (I don't even register as badly organized at home I'm so bad here), the easier things are starting to be.

Whew - I talk too much!

Keep your head up high and feel free to complain here any time!

Maria

 

[labdogs42]

Well, I work part time (3 days a week) and I fell like I don't fit in with ANYONE. My son goes to daycare on the days I work, so I feel like the SAHM's look down on me for that and I do get to be home with my son two days a week, so I feel like my full time working friends are kind of jealous of that! I can't win!! I love that I work part time now. It really helps me to feel like I'm a part of the "real " world by working and getting a paycheck (even if it isn't as big as the ones from my old full-time job!) and I like having some time to do those fun things with my son like rollerskating an playdates. It is weird and I don't get anything done at home, but I wanted to let you know you aren't alone, there are a lot of us out here who don't "fit in" with one crowd of friends or another!

 

[Lisa]

I work full time, sometimes travel for work, and have a small home sales base hobbyist type business.

I have several SAHMs friends but what I have noticed it is my full time working friends who feel I am a control freak. I don't think that is so, I just tend to be very organized so most everything gets done. If someone else wants to do it, I am more than happy to let them. lol

Hang in there, you have to do with what works best for you and your family. Don't worry about others.

 

[MazdaUK]

I work 4 days a week, but work from home for one or two of them (depending on schedule) adn I find it is a good balance. I have worked right through both kids - f/t (with lots of travelling) when DS(14) was small - I cried when he called the atlas the "where mummy is book" - went to 4 days when DS(8) was born, went to 2 days when he was three then back to 4 when he was 6.

when I went back to work after 1st baby all the mums at the coffee circle were "Oh, I could never leave my baby with strangers" - BIG HELP - NOT! Now I host a crop once a fortnight for my tiny group of CM customers, both SAHMs. They so often say "I never get time to scrap, how do you do it?" (they've done one album each in the time we've been scrapping) - like anything its about choices. I choose to scrap rather than watch soaps. ;-)

I never make anyone feel guitly that they do or don't work - we all have choices, some are easier than others, likewise we all have commitments (mortgages etc.) we can't choose.

Do what works for you! I helped out with reading one afternoon a week, but I didn't enjoy it. I help with PTA things at weekends if I can, but everyone accepts I can't do daytime stuff - I'll make cakes for bakesales but I can't be there to take the money. I may not be free for a fundraiser, but I'll provide raffle prizes etc. Its all ablout balance, and remembering what is most important - you and your family's health and happiness!

 

[missesdisney]

Well, I work part time (3 days a week) and I fell like I don't fit in with ANYONE. My son goes to daycare on the days I work, so I feel like the SAHM's look down on me for that and I do get to be home with my son two days a week, so I feel like my full time working friends are kind of jealous of that! I can't win!! I love that I work part time now. It really helps me to feel like I'm a part of the "real " world by working and getting a paycheck (even if it isn't as big as the ones from my old full-time job!) and I like having some time to do those fun things with my son like rollerskating an playdates. It is weird and I don't get anything done at home, but I wanted to let you know you aren't alone, there are a lot of us out here who don't "fit in" with one crowd of friends or another!

You have my dream situation!!! Good for you for making it all work!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

I work full time with a 7 year old son. Even if money were not an issue (which it is), I need to work because that is how I'm wired. I would be a terrible mother if I was at home - it's just not for me and I have great respect for those who choose to and are able to do it.

this is my hometown BFF to a T! She can't stay home, she has tried. It almost drove her insane.

I have several SAHMs but what I have noticed it is my full time working friends who feel I am a control freak. I don't think that is so, I just tend to be very organized so most everything gets done. If someone else wants to do it, I am more than happy to let them. lol

you are not a control freak!!! Heck you are letting me plan a Disney vacation for us! If that's not letting the reins go, I don't know what is! LOL
And with your life and job you have to be organized. I wish I were that organized!

 

[party of 3]

well WDWPIRATE that is exactly how i feel. i also work a full time job and i have a 6 year old. it's so hard. i'm always jealous of the SAMH because i wish it were me. but that's not possible for us. my mom recently feel ill and i have been back and forth to work, home the hospital and it's really not easy. i wish i had more time for my ds, dh and mom and scrapping and house work, and laundry and the list goes on. but i try to find a balance that works for us. it may not work for everyone, but i feel as if i have to do what i have to do. and that's how i deal. everyone is different. we are all in it together. weather you are a sahm or a out of the house working mom whatever it is we are all trying to juggle our time. and i also think that the sahm work as hard as the ones that go off to work everyday. we are all working in some sort.
hang in there i'm right there next to ya!!!!

(hope this sounds ok. i feel like buffy said. it's hard to put it in words.)

 

[Pooh Crew]

Well, as a SAHM, I have similar feelings as the op! I do volunteer a lot (usually four days a week--so maybe I'm more of a "working-but-not-getting-paid-for-it mom") at my children's school, but I never get to go shopping or scrapping. I think that is just the nature of being a mom--our wants/needs come last.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Why do we do that too??? I always feel guilty if I do something for me. Going to a crop, buying a new pair of shoes, what ever.

Are we hard wired that way, to put ourselves on the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to family??

 

[missesdisney]

Why do we do that too??? I always feel guilty if I do something for me. Going to a crop, buying a new pair of shoes, what ever.

Are we hard wired that way, to put ourselves on the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to family??

I think the wires are ready to go when we are born, and then apon delivery of a child, something causes them to spark together and go off! From then on we forget what we need sometimes.

Honestly, that is why I do swaps so much - even sometimes when I don't necessarily need to. Having a deadline forces me to sit and relax and do something I enjoy. I used to do tole painting but I ran out of people to paint for and got tired of doing craft shows (which I kept doing even when I didn't make much money so I would have a deadline causing me to paint/relax). It's also why I start the swaps very quickly because I don't want it to be 'work' - I want it to be fun! Now if only I could finish this Disney book from April 07, then do Nov 07 and perhaps get DS7 a book that goes past his 3rd birthday! See - I'm not as organized as I think!

 

[WDWPirate]

Thanks to everyone who posted!!

All of you make me feel like we are in this together...stay at home or work outside the home, it doesn't matter because we all face the same things...only one of us and SO much to do!

I have also been accused of being a control freak. You know what...I am GUILTY! I do go nuts if my house is a mess and my scrapbooks are not up to date. I also freak if my projects at work aren't on schedule or if I am 30 seconds late to something. It is how I am wired...I sure wish I could cut some of those wires somedays and live happy go lucky!! Alas...it is not meant to be.

To the poster that said she works part-time...I did that too for a couple of years. I will have to say that is when I was the happiest. I got out to work enough to stay "in the game" but was at home enough to keep everything on that front running smoothly. If it wasn't for that darn money thing I would still be doing that! But, I do know what you mean about being stuck between two worlds and not really being in either of them. Believe me...you are in the best world in my opinion!

Thanks again to everyone...for listening to me and telling me your stories.

(Hope there isn't an English major on this board to see all my horrible grammer!)

Beth

 

[Lisa]

I have also been accused of being a control freak. You know what...I am GUILTY! I do go nuts if my house is a mess and my scrapbooks are not up to date. I also freak if my projects at work aren't on schedule or if I am 30 seconds late to something.

projects not on schedule or 30 seconds late to something?! Oh the horror, I am the same way.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

how are you one of my closest friends??? I am sooo late for everything. Heck I'll probably be late to my own funeral. LOL

 

[Lisa]

Haven't you heard? Opposites attract. We balance each other out.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

One of my favorite Cricut carts too. LOL

We are Yin and Yang, Ebb and Flow, Ebony and Ivory...... ok so who sang the song???

 

[party of 3]

i got this one......


paul mccartney and stevie wonder