OT: Discipline for 3 yr old

[tttessa]

I agree with this totally. We never spanked and rarely used time outs.

My immediate question was the same: Why is she behaving this way? What leads her to kick or have a fit? My children functioned well under the following conditions

*Have clear expectations
*Try to phrase things positively rather than negatively. Examples: "Be gentle to the cat" instead of "Stop hitting the cat" or "Step over the puddles" instead of "Don't step in the puddle." It may sound silly, but sometimes children do not know what you WANT them to do, only what you don't want. I think not knowing makes them nervous and prone to being upset. They want to please you and they want to know how!
*Praise them often for good behavior. Be specific. Say "I like how you put your crayons away" rather than "What a good girl!"
*Maintain routine
*Keep them engaged in activities like coloring, building with Legos, puzzles, etc.
*Go outside for a change of pace
*Don't let them get too hungry or tired
*Pick your battles. I wouldn't worry about the child saying she doesn't like you. She's just trying to get a reaction.
*Be silly. Humor can really change the mood.

Hiya - I also go with the above.... especially encouragement through positive words... tell them what you want them to do and how to do it and half the problems disappear anyhow. Watch for hunger, thirst and tiredness- do you always do what someone else wants if you are tired or hungry or want to do something else?? Speak in a whisper - they have to turn down their volume to hear.

Everyone has their own methods, but I personally have trouble with negative punishments, we give them nice little names - spanking, time out etc but what they really mean is-
spanking:
"I'm bigger than you so it's alright to hit you to get you to do what I want"
time-out:
"I'm bigger than you so I'm going to make you stay there until you bend to my will"
and also with the taking away of treasured possessions
"I know we said it's yours but I'm bigger than you and can take it away whenever I want to"

If another child did this to mine I would be outraged.

Tessa

 

[polineedyan]

We have a screamer (and a kicker) as well. And as OP says, she doesnt do it at school either..The advice I was given regarding her comments is that "at least she is learning to express her emotions." So..I look at her saying things as a positive. Its kinda the transititory period from screaming to talking it out. I remind her that "we dont yell here." Sometimes works..Ignoring it helps, remember kids do what works..So, if no one responds to her outbursts (the screaming and kicking) they will stop that route. You have to stick to your guns, however, because its easier to just give in to save your sanity. However, for everytime you give in, you can bank on it happening again. And probably will take less to get him to scream if you do..
We dont do time out. I say "to room." and she will go to her room (with the door open.) When she stops, Ill ask her if she feels better, and depending on her level of expression, she may come out, or stay. Sometimes, she prefers to stay, because she has soothed herself and is having a good time in the room. But yeah, ped's will tell you a minute for every year of their life. So..3 years, 3 minutes. I would never physically restrain her to the room (or a timeout mat.) Remember , its more about getting them to express themselves in an effective manner. Asking questions helps.