OT: DD has to change schools

[ekball]

Like a previous poster, my family moved to a different state (FL to CT) when I was in high school - just about to enter 10th grade. It was DEVASTATING at the time (but then, isn't just about everything devastating at that age?! let's remember that folks). I was heartbroken, scared, overwhelmed and SO homesick when I started at my new high school, sooooo far away from my friends, family and everything I ever knew. It was hard, but I survived!!! Not only that, I really grew as a person! I learned what I consider now to be some really valuable lessons - learning how to adapt in a new environment, making friends when you are the 'new girl' in a see of unfamiliar faces, having confidence in myself that I would make friends and eventually 'fit in', etc. And guess what, I did fit in. I survived. And I am a better person for it. I really believe that. The move ended up being one of the best things that could have happened to me! I know, I'm lucky, and not everyone would have had the same experience (see other poster). But don't you think it's worth it to give it a shot and have faith in your daughter, that she will adapt, adjust and make friends?!
Question - for those that are saying to just keep driving her to the other school (I'm having a hard time understanding this)....The boys are in the new school district, but the OP should keep driving the girl to the old school? Why 2 sets of rules?
We all have to make changes in life, and change is not easy. But change is a part of life. And those of us who learn how to adapt to change are better off than those who do not. Just do what you can to help foster her friendships from the 'old' school - drive her to visit them on the weekends, have friends over to your house, etc.

And lastly, remember, she'll survive. There will be tears, but have confidence that she'll adapt, make friends, and she'll grow from the experience.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

I drove my DD for 4 yrs daily across town so she could go to a magnet school for the highly gifted and when other neighbors questioned that they wouldn't drive their kids I simply asked, Did you drive your child to preschool and not think anything of it? why is this any different?

When my son went into his magnet program (good school district - provided transportation - yay), we left it completely up to him. We didn't know if he'd want to leave his friends from elementary school and he had no problem with it. We're fortunate to live in a great area, and when he goes to high school he'll have a choice of 5 different schools in his consortium (with provided transportation). We'll allow him to choose, as long as he aims for a more competitive program. If he wants to go outside of the consortium, too bad.

 

[jemeh5]

I tend to agree with "addicted to WDW" on this one. I do agree that children often get far too many "choices" these days. Sure, I think a child has the right to give their opinion on family matters, but to me, moving to a new home and changing schools in this type of situation is up to the parents. Yes, I agree it's the parents responsibility to provide transportation to school, but in saying that I don't mean that a parent should have to drive across town when there is a perfectly good school nearby. Let's be honest here - what 13 year old can really make a decision like this logically? Of course she wants to stay with her friends and of course she's angry to move to a new school. However, by allowing her to "get her way," the child isn't learning how to adapt to new situations, make new friends or take chances, which are all an important part of growing up.

I didn't move much as a child, but I have friends who did, and when I talk to them about it now, they all agree that it was a great experience for them and they are more adventurous and willing to take chances than if they hadn't moved around now and then. Honestly, I wish I had experiences like that as a child!

One other point - I know there is a "city bus" your daughter could take, but to be honest, if this is basically a public bus, I wouldn't consider this a safe place for a 13 year old. That in itself would be reason enough for me to put her in the new school! Good luck!

 

[stacy6552]

That's a toughy. I would have made her switch schools right away.....

Anyway, do what you need to do and I'd personally say NO WAY to city bus commuting. Just be sure she's got her interests lined up to get invloved with, because those will see her through the adjustment, and don't take them away as punishment.

 

[dis-happy]

I grew up having to change school often due to my dad's job. It is definitely hard on a child to move DURING their high school years, however, changing schools for 9th grade is perfectly normal---lots of people are going to be new. Your dd needs to come to terms with it. In general I think you may have been too nice in driving her this entire year. My parents always made moving an adventure, an opportunity, "make new friends but keep the old" kind of experience. I'm glad we moved so much---it gave the ability to cope with change, learn to come out of my shell and make friends, find out there's more to this world than one small community. It also has made me a better adult in that I reach out to people who are new and try to befriend them. At this point in time I would tell her that you and your dh have made the decision because you think it's best for her and stick with it. Try not to keep talking about it or letting her dwell on it (girls can be such drama queens if they can get away with it!). What she doesn't know is that high school is such a big place with the opportunity to try different things (languages, drama club, sports, AP classes, yearbook) and those who are her best friends now probably won't be the same people she's hanging out with and doing things with all the time in a couple of years. And when she goes to college it will all be different again! It's just part of life.

 

[tiki23]

Thanks for the many responses and viewpoints!

DD is starting to come to terms with attending school in our home district next year. The high school here has a good music and art program - both things she is very interested in - and there are graphic arts programs available for Juniors and Seniors.

I'm sure it's helped that 2 of her friends' families are planning to move out of state over the summer and a few more of her friends will be attending other high schools, too.

I have no problem driving her to see her friends in our old neighborhood - in fact I do so every weekend for her and both DS's - but continuing to drive her next year to the out-of-district HS that is comparable to the HS a half-mile from us just wasn't going to happen.

DH has continued to work graveyard this school year just so that he can drive her, even though he really wants to change shifts. My job is the primary income for our family and I can't adjust my schedule to drive her or pick her up on a regular basis, though I have been able to arrange to pick her up after activities, etc. And the city bus is just not feasible for the HS - she'll have to catch the bus before 6 AM and then won't get home until after 4 PM; add homework and activities to the day and she'll be exhausted. Not to mention that the transfer location for that bus route is in a not-so-nice area.

Like I said, she's adjusting to the idea. She's been meeting some of her brothers' friends and also some other kids in our area. She's a self-confident, independant individual and she and I both think she's going to do fine.

 

[Merriwind]

Glad all is working out--good luck to you all!

 

[graygables]

I went from Germany to Oklahoma between 7th and 8th grades. Horrific. All of my friends were half a world away, no internet, no phones, only snail mail that took WEEKS. The new kids already had their cliques and I dressed funny. Even though I was an American (Dad was Army), I was still a foreigner and an outcast. I would have given anything to have only moved a district or two away.

I think it's great that your DD can still see her old friends and I'm glad she's getting over the adjustment. Just remind her that it could be worse...

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't have any advice but I wanted to say I changed school in 11th grade. It was awesome!!!!! My grades were better and I was every involved in school activites. I made friends and even though there were some people who I didn't like (heck that's in every part of life) I wouldn't trade it fro the world. It was the best thing I ever did.