OT:Crazy family feud

[lovinpoohbear]

Long story but my SIL is going through a divorce now and about a year ago, she purchased a gigantic house, brand new four bedroom colonial. (About an hour away from my town) Anyway, she insists on keeping her house and she can't afford it, so now she has gotten a night job. *5pm until 2am. Now, my MIL has moved in with her to help with bills and take care of her son. Oh, I forgot to add that the two of them work together during the day at a family business. Problem is that they work in my town, SIL night job is in my town and MIL does NOT drive. So yesterday, they come up with the idea that SIL will drop off MIL and her son to MY house from 5pm until 2am, 6 nights a week!! I told DH NO WAY, I need my private time plus with all the commotion, how are MY kids going to go to sleep (DS 4 has been staying up late lately and gives a hard time to go to sleep) So my DH told them NO this will not work out, and everyone in his family is ganging up on me, you know that I am SELFISH, and I don't want to HELP anyone. DH is not speaking to me because I "hurt his moms feelings and now she has been crying all day" I have been upset all day, I never fight with DH like this!!! Sorry, Just needed to vent, I just cannot believe this happened, it is so crazy! *Update post #48

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Ugh! It can be so hard sometimes dealing with family. I hate to say this but I think your DH is not being do Dear if you know what I mean. It is going to be YOU who has to do it all and he is upset because you hurt his Mom? Come on now. I cannot imagine having someone leave my house at 2am 6 nights a week. That is ridiculous. I am all for helping family and believe me I would help them all I could but they didn't even ask you and just basically decided that you would become their servant. Uh No. If they asked and you told them what your concerns where perhaps you could have worked out a compromise but to me it just seems like they are being bullies using guilt as their weapon of choice. I am sorry but your DH should have stepped up and said something immediately and not blamed you at all. It is not your job to accomodate everybody else. Who then helps you? I am guessing nobody. Like I said- I will help anyone in my family who needs it but I am not going to put my home in total upheaval for anyone. Sorry. I am on your side on this one. I think they are being very selfish. If she can't afford the house then sell it. What kind of time is she even spending with her child if she is working all day and all night? All that for a house? I would rather buy a small condo and enjoy my child. JMHO of course. Good luck.

ETA- for all those who are ganging up on you- what are they doing to help? They can have company 6 nights a week if they are so upset over it.

 

[PrincessTigerLily]

OH, family! We love them, but they can be so darn aggravating! Sounds to me like they purposely put you in a hard place so they could have their way. As generous as I am, and how I love to help my family out, my number one priority must be our own little clan. It doesn't sound like your own family would have any sense of normalcy with this circus going on. Also, I think it is pretty selfish of SIL to cart her kid off in the middle of the night, being schlepped around when he should be snug as a bug in his own little bed. That is just not fair to the kid or you. Stick to your guns, as hard as it may be, and as many guilt trips are laid upon you. You know what works for you and your family.

 

[_queenie_]

We're always have these types of issues with our family. Honestly, we do have the most money out of anyone in my (or DH's) family, quite a bit more, but we've worked for it. For some reason, that always becomes the problem, they think that just because we have a financial advanatage that it's only fair for us to pay for certain things. DH's two brothers and my sister and niece think that we deserve less inheritance (not that it's something we're concerned with, we don't need anything, nonetheless it's something they all continue to mention), it's often been brought up that if someone needs money that we sould be the ones to give it to them, for someone reason we're always the ones that are supposed to pay for a party/gift to our parents that was originally planned to be from all of us (with split costs). This list could go on and on. It's not that I don't want to help, I'll gladly help someone out if I'm asked, not expected to. That's what really drives me up the wall, someone doesn't ask me for something kindly, I say no, and then everyone gangs up on me.

I feel for you, it's like whenever you have some sort of advantage you're supposed to always be the nice guy who let's themselves get trampled on. I don't mean to sound rude, but sometimes you just can't help and there's nothing you can do. I don't know how things are any different than if you did not have the advantage of having a house nearby. I'm sure you like me want to help, but when it is just expected like that you don't want to.

 

[disykat]

Shame on your husband! You are being the voice of reason to say no and your husband should be backing you up.

Their plan is ludicrous - even if you take the interruption and intrusion on your family life out of it. They're going to drive an hour home every night at 2am and then return for work the next morning? What they are really asking is to move in with you 6 days a week so they can keep a house they can't afford that will sit empty most of the time.

 

[lovinpoohbear]

I am VERY upset with my husband. He doesn't see anything wrong with them wanting to come here. He said if leaving at two am is a problem than just let them sleep here. I am NOT living with his mom, not now or ever.
I am NOT defending him at all, he is being a JERK...
Problem is, she doesn't have a ride home, and I am NOT driving two hours.
Funny thing is, whole reason MIL moved up there with her is so that she can help pay her bills so that she doesn't have to work day and night to pay her mortgage. But now that she is there, SIL wants to keep this night job anyway so she can catch up with her 30k debt in credit cards!!!
We live in a modest house, we buy what we can afford. Part of the reason for her divorce was because she had her husband working three jobs to pay there 4k mortgage!!! He got tired of it real quick!
This whole thing makes me sick to my stomach!

 

[saraheeyore]

its a totally unreasonable and stupid idea
its not your problem at all so stuff them all
we have the same kinda stuff were people think we are the quiet ones so they can walk all over us till i got totally mad and its now much better
i can't believe your hubby thinks its ok though

 

[kjetjl]

Oh my! I'm all for helping out family but that does seem to be a lot that they are expecting of you and your DH. I hope you have a heart to heart with your DH because this could cause a big strain on your relationship. Good luck to you in this difficult situation. I'll say a prayer for you.

 

[Lorix2]

I can appreciate their situation, but really, why does this have to concern you? They shouldn't expect you to carry such a burden and turn your house upside down, that is incredibly selfish of THEM.

You wonder where your DH gets it

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

 

[PrincessTigerLily]

Oh my! I'm all for helping out family but that does seem to be a lot that they are expecting of you and your DH. I hope you have a heart to heart with your DH because this could cause a big strain on your relationship. Good luck to you in this difficult situation. I'll say a prayer for you.

Well, it couldn't have been said any better than this.

 

[lovinpoohbear]

DH feels "sorry" for his sister at this "difficult time in her life" Blah, blah.
He just told them No it won't work out, the kids will be too hyped up to go to sleep etc. The MIL and SIL KNOW its me because in the past, I have made big issues with MIL wanting to sleep at my house. At the time, she lived 10 minutes away from me so I would tell her there really is no reason to sleep here. We would bring her out to dinner and than bring her home but she would always want to sleep at my house for some reason.....

 

[Mouse House Mama]

DH feels "sorry" for his sister at this "difficult time in her life" Blah, blah.
He just told them No it won't work out, the kids will be too hyped up to go to sleep etc. The MIL and SIL KNOW its me because in the past, I have made big issues with MIL wanting to sleep at my house. At the time, she lived 10 minutes away from me so I would tell her there really is no reason to sleep here. We would bring her out to dinner and than bring her home but she would always want to sleep at my house for some reason.....

Is there a FIL in the picture? I mean the sleepover thing could be because she was lonely. I wouldn't have had too much of a problem with that unless it was a holiday or it interfered with our plans.

Also- you are the DIL- it will ALWAYS be your fault!

 

[coneeny4]

My inlaw's just pulled this last weekend..
My DH sister send out communion invitation's a month ago for her daughter's first communion on Sunday. Friday night at 9pm we get a call that they have no food for the party and everyone has to bring something and she asks me to ask her brother to make a lasanga. He is up till 3am Sunday morning making it.
Well church is at 10am and after the Mass at 11am she says no one can come back to the house till 12:00..they live 5 minutes from the church, so we drive around for an hour.
When we get there they take the lasanga, meatballs, sausage and peppers, chili, 2 rice dishes and ribs and never serve any of the food to the guests..only the cake another SIL buys.
Just heard they are planning a Bday for June 21 and wants more food which we won't be attending.

 

[Lorix2]

When we get there they take the lasanga, meatballs, sausage and peppers, chili, 2 rice dishes and ribs and never serve any of the food to the guests..only the cake another SIL buys.
Just heard they are planning a Bday for June 21 and wants more food which we won't be attending.

What did they do with the food? didn't anyone ask about what they had brought and where it went

 

[Mommy2cody]

I don't have any good advice...I just wanted to give you a hug, these kinds of issues are so hard to deal with. (I would have said no too!!)

 

[coneeny4]

They made the guests stay outside in the yard..my DD went in to use the bathroom and said my SIL and her husband were putting everything in tupperware and putting it away.

We all knew what everyone brought but I think we were all kind of shocked they did this and did not know what to say. We are all talking about it now.

The husband works, she works, they live with the inlaw's they dont pay any rent filed bankruptcy 2 years ago so no bills.

2 years ago they had a baptism for another daughter invited everyone(about 25 of us) out to eat after. We all ate when the bill came around $500.00 they told my MIL they had no money and she put it on her credit card they never paid her back my SIL says they have no money and to stop asking...The rest of us just found out about that last week.

 

[minkydog]

"Your failure to plan well does not constitute an emergency on my part."

This is not your family's problem. I would be sad if one of my sisters got a divorce, but its not up to me to house, feed, and entertain their children at the expense of my own family. If your DH doesn't understand that, call your SIL and tell her your DH had a change of heart. Tell her DH has decided that HE will babysit the child and bring him home every night at 2am. That ought to last,oh...about 2 hours

 

[darthtatty]

omg the whole thing is absurd
what a stupid plan leaving at 2am

really hope you and DH can sort things through and he sees sense.

 

[surfgirl]

can you charge rent ? oh... say... $75/night for food, heating, washing linens, washing towels, extra dishes, extra electricity etc.

that is a way you can say 'yes'

Do they expect you to make dinner every night for them ?!? uh no. i don't think so.

assuming there is no way they would ever take you up on it !!!

would your house even be big enough to handle extra people sleeping there (I'm assuming that mil would sleep and then wake up at 2am?)

As Tigger would say, ridicerous.

 

[lovinpoohbear]

Is there a FIL in the picture? I mean the sleepover thing could be because she was lonely. I wouldn't have had too much of a problem with that unless it was a holiday or it interfered with our plans.

Also- you are the DIL- it will ALWAYS be your fault!

No, FIL passed away almost 2 years ago. She is lonely. AND anytime she doesn't get her own way, she mentions "What would your dad think of this or that."
She also makes demanding phone calls like at 8pm that she is suddenly in desperate need of orange juice. If we offer to go to the supermarket and get it, she says"Oh no. I only like the brand that they have at the Walmart." This Walmart is about a half hour away. So we told her "Well, we aren't going that far to get OJ"
IMO it is all about getting her own way and getting attention.