OT co-ed sleepover b'day party for 7 yos

[mjkacmom]

I have a very relaxed parenting style, and think 7 is too young for a sleepover anyway. I'd do either a nightime fake sleepover (7 - 9), or morning fake sleepover (9 - 11 - dd6, almost 7, is going to one on Saturday). 3rd grade is the earliest I'd do a real sleepover.

 

[-Hope-]

My kids, who are now 9 and 10, have been doing sleepovers since around 5 or 6 and have thouroughly enjoyed themselves. It seems like a safe way to foster some independence IMHO. As for the co-ed, I wouldn't have a problem with that either. My kids are close in age (15 months apart) and not the same gender. Generally when one of them has a friend over the other joins in for the sleepover because they all get along really well. Sleepovers usually take place on the fold out couch in the living room and when its time to settle down the kids watch movies until the fall asleep. Ds usually watches movies with his sister's friends adn dd usually watches movies with her brothers friends. Not a big deal at all. I don't see how this is any different than what the OP wants to do. If you are concerned about what the other girl's parents might think I'd let them know ahead of time that the boy might be spending the night (or confirm with his parents that he is so that you can let them know for sure and they can then make their own choice).

Now, on the occasions that the kids have wanted to sleep in the playhouse in the front yard then the sibling stayed in his/her own bed because I wasn't able to supervise as closely.

Bottom line, its your daughter's party so she should get to have the party she wants within the boundries you are comfortable with; I personally wouldn't let anyone else's ideas about what is appropriate make the decision for me but would weigh how my dd would feel if all of the other girls left and only the little boy stayed for the sleepover or vice versa- how do both of you feel about that?

And to the PP who made the statement "different families have different values" I'm sure you didn't intend for this to sound judgemental or as if you think those who disagree doen't have strong values but it could be easily misinterpreted since there is not tone in the written word.

 

[KateMW]

And to the PP who made the statement "different families have different values" I'm sure you didn't intend for this to sound judgemental or as if you think those who disagree doen't have strong values but it could be easily misinterpreted since there is not tone in the written word.

Good. I was thinking I was the only one who thought it was a bit judgey. It comes off as different values=no values.

 

[CrAzY4DL]

DD10 has been spending the night/having 1 friend spend the night since she was 5. She had her first sleepover party at age 7. DD6 has yet to stay the night at a friends house or have one here, mostly because the parents of the kids in her class don't think their kids are ready. DD6's has 3 best friends and they are all boys and she is SOOOOO sad none of them can stay the night. I know the Moms, we talked about it and were like, hey it could work! Figured I could stay the night with them in the living room all night (they are all super hyper and rambunctious, my DD6 included!), no worries. Well, DH says no way. How can we say it's ok at 6 or 7 to have a boy sleepover but not at
13, 15, 16? I understand where he is coming from but I feel so sorry for
DD6. Sigh.

 

[laceemouse]

Nobody really does sleepovers here so you wouldn't get anyone staying the night probably. However, regardless of my opinion of sleepovers, I think 7 is too young and there is no way I would let my child go to a co-ed sleepover. I know they are young and innocent etc. but I think it sets a precedent. Why is it okay at 7 and 8 but not at 9 and 10?
Have a fake sleepover. Let the kids all get picked up at 10 or so.

Agree 100%
First of all, when they call it a sleep-over be advised that no SLEEPING takes place! When my kids have friends over dh is snoring but I am up all night with giggling kids! Then we are all exhausted the next day. If we nap then we are messed up for the next night, and on, and on.....

I put off allowing sleep-overs as long as I could for that reason. My kids were invited in pre-school but we did not allow them to stay all night, and we did not host until at least 3rd grade. Also, anytime there are more than two kids there will be fights, etc. You have to supervise them all night, you can't just go to your room and ignore them!

Co-ed sleep-overs.....NEVER! Like someone said, when do you stop it? And, if you think elementary aged kids have no sexual ideas you are living in a bubble. Even toddlers are curious. And, we have had several friends over the years that allow young kids to watch crap like MTV and other stuff not appropriate for their age. Many parents give "the talk" at a much younger age than my kids are ready for.

Please, please, please.....if you do this.....let the other parents know what is going on. I would be sick if I went to pick up one of my little girls from a sleep-over the next morning and found that a boy from across the street had also spent the night there.....UGH! That sounds sick!!!!

Did you people NOT play doctor when you were little??

 

[laceemouse]

Can I ask why? What are 7 year olds going to do?

"You show me yours, I'll show you mine!"
Kids have been doing that since the beginning of time.
GROSS!!!!!!

 

[SmallWorld71]

You've already gotten a wide range of opinions, as I figured you would. But, since I am the mother of a soon to be 7 year old whose best friend is a boy, I figured I'd throw in my two cents also.

1st - I don't think there is an age that is too young for a sleepover, provided the adults know each other well. My kids have been sleeping over with their cousins since a young age. And, there are a handful of non-related people whose houses I would let DD stay at as well. However, I wouldn't let her stay at the home of people I did not know well. Conversely, I would not want children her age at my house for a sleepover, unless I knew their parents really well. I would need to know that they were completely comfortable with my parenting style before I had their kids over for the night.

2nd - I don't think the co-ed thing is an issue at this age. Kids this age don't see things as co-ed the way we do; it is just friends. Any parent who is letting their daughter sleep over and is not comfortable with the friend who is a boy sleeping over, probably doesn't trust you enough to be letting their daughter sleep over in the first place!

Anyway, what I would do if it were my daughter asking is have a regular birthday party with no sleepover and invite whoever she chooses. Then on another night I would have a sleepover with one or two close friends. That way, your daughter gets the best of both worlds, nobody has to have hurt feelings and you don't have to worry so much!

Good luck with whatever you choose.

 

[marcyinPA]

My DS10 has been sleeping over at his best friend's house (a girl!) since he was very young. Granted, we are best friends with her parents, and my kids call them "aunt and uncle" and vice/versa. So they are like family. My DS even goes on vacation with them every summer!

There have been a few times that his BFF has had sleepovers at her house, including the neighbor kids, and it has been a mix of boys and girls. I've never thought anything about it, really. They are just kids, playing Wii, watching movies and having fun. They don't look at each other as "boys/girls" yet...I'm sure things will change as we all move into middle school, but right now, it's extremely innocent!

 

[KateMW]

"You show me yours, I'll show you mine!"
Kids have been doing that since the beginning of time.
GROSS!!!!!!

First off, bodies aren't gross. Lord. How old are you? Second, if you are explaining to your child how to act with their body at the correct ages, they're not doing this. I didn't, I don't know any of my friends who did it either.

 

[VeroBeachGirl]

Good. I was thinking I was the only one who thought it was a bit judgey. It comes off as different values=no values.

I quoted the original author, but didn't mean it in a judgmental way at all. I meant it more like, "different strokes for different folks." Everyone has a different parenting style and we all do what we think works best for our families. No one can or should judge another's parenting style because every family is different.

 

[kohlby]

I think having her male friend sleep over is fine, but having him sleep over at a sleep-over party is where it gets a bit complicated. You know this boy well. You know it's no big deal for him to sleep over with the other girl. But the other kids parents may not understand. Plus, when the number of kids increases, the potential for problems start. If he's the only boy, then he may feel a bit left out at a sleepover as well. If there's more than one boy, then you could break it up to a girl's room and boy's room for the night.

I'd suggest doing a regular party and letting your daughter pick two friends to sleep over. You mentioned that some of the kids aren't ready for a sleepover anyway. Tell her she can have two friends this year and more next year.

 

[AlternateEgo]

I wouldn't worry about the co-ed thing at 7 years old however, many 7 year olds in general are not ready to spend the entire night away from mom & dad. In our house we did "movie nights" for a long time instead of sleepovers. "Movie nights" were great because the kids came in their P.J.'s, ate pizza, made ice cream sundaes, played games and watched a movie. Movie nights usually ended around 11pm-12am and the kids got the sleepover fun without having to spend the whole night away from their parents. Movie Nights were co-ed if that's what the kids wanted because really it was no different than the kids just having friends over to play. The other parents liked the "movie night" idea too.

I really like your idea! The girls have had a friend stay over twice and just when my girls fall asleep... their friend tells me they are ready to go home now

 

[MSSANDRA]

While I have no issue with a 7 year old little boy sleeping over, I can see problems to having just one little boy with all other little girls for a sleep over. Sleepovers with more than one or two children are still kinda tough at 7. Some kids are ready at 7 and some are not! I would either have no one spend the might or just the one boy best friend stay over a differnt night from the party.

 

[cjackearl]

I love the Un-sleepover set up. In the past, both of my girls have had friends who wanted to spend the night but weren't quite ready. Having them come over in pjs and have all of the sleepover fun without the late night tear filled call home.

My youngest DD went to a sleepover where most of the girls were 7, my DD was a little older, and all but my DD and one other girl ended up going home in the middle of the night.

 

[StephMK]

We have also done the movie/slumber party ending at 10pm type parties and they work well. DD15 had been having sleepovers since she was 4 but I have seen many of her friends & my younger ones' friends that aren't ready even at 10.

I don't think I'd personally have a both sex slumber party just because I don't really think it'd fly around here. But if you & your DD go through w/it, I'd just let everyone know & just see. Do you even know if he would be allowed to stay over? Might be easiest to check w/his family first & that might solve the whole issue. I can see the poster's point because I also have kids close in age that play together great though they've never actually had a sleepover together.

I feel we have great values but DD15 is going to a co-ed slumber party tonight. Her friend's parents are hosting & whoever wants to stay over can stay to watch their HS band in the parade tomorrow. The boys will be in the basement, girls upstairs & parents camped out on the main level.

 

[princessmom29]

I don't think a co-ed sleepover is a problem, as long at it is supervised. My mom used to sleep on the couch with me and my friends on the living room floor. It a situation lke that I would think it would be fine. Or, if it makes you super uncomfortable mabye set up seperate rooms for boys and girlas for sleeping. Mom in with the girls and Dad with the boys? I just don't get the boys nad girls not related don't sleep under the same roof thing?? What does that have to do with anything if the children are adequately supervised?? I often brought male friends and boyfriends home from college. They slept in my little sister's room, and she slept in the living room. Mom and Dad would have never thought to ask them to sleep elsewhere as they were our guest. I never had reason to have a male friend sleep over before that, but I cant see that it would have been a problem. The setup would have likely been similar.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't think a co-ed sleepover is a problem, as long at it is supervised. My mom used to sleep on the couch with me and my friends on the living room floor. It a situation lke that I would think it would be fine. Or, if it makes you super uncomfortable mabye set up seperate rooms for boys and girlas for sleeping. Mom in with the girls and Dad with the boys? I just don't get the boys nad girls not related don't sleep under the same roof thing?? What does that have to do with anything if the children are adequately supervised?? I often brought male friends and boyfriends home from college. They slept in my little sister's room, and she slept in the living room. Mom and Dad would have never thought to ask them to sleep elsewhere as they were our guest. I never had reason to have a male friend sleep over before that, but I cant see that it would have been a problem. The setup would have likely been similar.

I was not even allowed to have a boy in my room to hang out until I left home and had my own place. It would not be an issue because I would never expect a boy to be sleeping over. It simply was not allowed. I don't know any person who was allowed to do that either.

 

[barnaby1]

I don't see a problem with sleepovers from a young age. My dd nearly 4 has a friend and I would be more than happy for her to sleep at their house overnight (we are friends with her parents). However I think that is completely different to a slumber party with 5-10 children or so. In that situation I would not want to be responsible for that many 7 year olds for the whole night whether they be single sex or co-ed. I do love the idea of the almost party until 11pm or so for a group even up until about age 12.

 

[Leajess99]

What the mom of one of my youngest's classmates did was put on the invitation about the party and invited the girls to sleep over.

 

[arcticdisneylovers]

I think 7 is too young for sleepovers too, but I am super overprotective. So people tell me

My DD5 is constantly being asked to go to sleepovers, NO WAY will be my answer until the end of time It takes all of my strength to even let her stay with my parents (so far, one night without us). I know it makes little sense but I can't help it.

I plan to HOST lots of sleepovers when my DD5 gets older but there won't be any boys included, I can't wait to to see DH's expression when he hears that suggestion for the first time OMG, it's official I AM my MOTHER