OT Birthday Party etiquette?

[jpeka65844]

DS is in a daycare with a class of about 12-15 other toddlers. Some are there only on a part time basis and there are lots of kids there that I don't know (or that DS barely knows).

We get invitations for birthday parties for kids that I don't know. I'll ask his teacher about them and they'll say "Oh, they're only here on Mondays, etc..."
I've never seen them, nor met their parents.

Typically, we have not been attending these parties, nor have we been following up with a gift. I know they're inviting ALL students in the class, per daycare requests so it's not like Trey would be missed among 15 toddlers and their parents.

However, one special friend of his from school HAS invited him to her b-day party and we will be going. But it's got me thinking.

I'm just curious as to the right "Mommy" thing to do. Should I begin accepting invitations no matter what? Or only save our attendance for the kids that I know DS really connects with?

 

[KibbyCat]

DS is in a daycare with a class of about 12-15 other toddlers. Some are there only on a part time basis and there are lots of kids there that I don't know (or that DS barely knows).

We get invitations for birthday parties for kids that I don't know. I'll ask his teacher about them and they'll say "Oh, they're only here on Mondays, etc..."
I've never seen them, nor met their parents.

Typically, we have not been attending these parties, nor have we been following up with a gift. I know they're inviting ALL students in the class, per daycare requests so it's not like Trey would be missed among 15 toddlers and their parents.

However, one special friend of his from school HAS invited him to her b-day party and we will be going. But it's got me thinking.

I'm just curious as to the right "Mommy" thing to do. Should I begin accepting invitations no matter what? Or only save our attendance for the kids that I know DS really connects with?

It's really up to you on each individual invitation. For example, if you get invited to a party for someone you've never met, but it's being held at a place where you know your son would really enjoy himself, then it's okay to accept. That will give you a chance to meet some of the other classmates' parents. But don't feel obligated to accept every invite, or to give a gift. Nobody is going to judge you for your decision, since the ones who've never met you most likely only invited you out of common courtesy.

 

[koolaidmoms]

We would pick and choose. Our pre-school had the same rule of inviting all children if invitations are handed out at school but we declined most invitations through RSVP except 3 or 4 "friends" of DS or DD.

When we held DS birthday (which thankfully was held toward the end of the year) we only sent the 3-4 invitations directly to the child's home because we had become friendly with the children and parents by then. In the beginning of the year it is especially hard as "friends" tend to be anyone who is in class but by the end you can sort out who really are "friends" of DS.

In other words don't worry about it. In the long run it really doesn't matter IMO.

 

[RMulieri]

That is up to you..Most of the time we go to as many as we can, DD usually wants to.I know most if not all of the kids though so there is a difference.I know at my daycare if you invite one you have to invite them all is the policy,unless you mail out invites..which I learned can backfire when the kiddies talk about it at school.

 

[pixiewings71]

It's your choice but we only accepted invites for kids we knew well. Or kids that my girls said they wanted to attend. I never felt bad about declining tho.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

You don't have to accept all birthday invitations . We don't and I only follow up with presents to close friends of the kids we can't attend .

 

[3boymthr]

DS is in a daycare with a class of about 12-15 other toddlers. Some are there only on a part time basis and there are lots of kids there that I don't know (or that DS barely knows).

We get invitations for birthday parties for kids that I don't know. I'll ask his teacher about them and they'll say "Oh, they're only here on Mondays, etc..."
I've never seen them, nor met their parents.

Typically, we have not been attending these parties, nor have we been following up with a gift. I know they're inviting ALL students in the class, per daycare requests so it's not like Trey would be missed among 15 toddlers and their parents.

However, one special friend of his from school HAS invited him to her b-day party and we will be going. But it's got me thinking.

I'm just curious as to the right "Mommy" thing to do. Should I begin accepting invitations no matter what? Or only save our attendance for the kids that I know DS really connects with?

Definitely only accept the ones you want to accept. Though if most of his friends are going I'd say accept that way he gets a play date with his friends and you get a chance to visit the moms while he is occupied. And a gift is definitely not needed if you are not attending.

But please, please, please RSVP even if you are not going. A quick, I'm sorry but we can't attend is wonderful. No other explanation is needed. Send a note via the daycare if you are worried about having to give an explanation over the phone. It's amazing to me how many don't RSVP and since a number of places require a headcount in advance if you are also getting a cake, etc. this can cost the parent of the Birthday child. I can't tell you how many times I've had to pay for kids who haven't shown up simply because the parents can't be bothered to RSVP. Most people are not going to be upset if your child can't come but it's annoying to have to pay for your child and they don't come.

Not saying this is you - just venting.

 

[MrsJ Henry]

A little side note that is kind of funny..
I have a friend who has two sons.. Her 6 year old is having a party and they have invited the whole class. She was saying... oh, i so hope many of them don't come because of how expensive it is going to be.LOL
It was actually more of a joke since she wouldn't be having it where she is if they couldn't swing it.
But when reading this thread I was thinking .. I wonder how many other parents are kind of happy when EVERYONE doesn't attend.LOL

 

[SnowWhite607]

Whatever you decide, please please please RSVP!!! It is SO rude not to at least call or shoot an email and let someone know you are not coming. Last year at my DD's party, 8 people who we had invited did not show up! Unfortunately it was at Build a Bear and you have to pay a minimum # of kids so I was stuck paying for 8 bears. DD was happy cause she got more than one but I could have saved about $100.

 

[Becky2005]

I agree with the others. No one is going to bat an eye if you turn down the invites, especially if you don't even know the child.

However, if there is an RSVP on there -- that really IS there for a reason and will make the hosts life so much easier if you just call and say "Thanks for inviting us, I'm sorry but DS can't attend" (however you want to word it).

I've never been upset about getting a regret RSVP, nor pry as to why. I'm just happy they let me know.

It's rough when the RSVP deadline is approaching you know you need to get X amount of stuff or have a firm head count soonly and you are still wondering if Child A, B & C are going to attend. Do you go on the assumption they are NOT and not count them, then what happens if they show up? OR Do you go on the assumption they ARE going to attend, put them in the count and then pay extra.

No need to get a present if you aren't attending, unless it's a close friend and you would get them one anyway.

 

[RMulieri]

I agree with the rsvp thing.My dds bday party is next weekend at a local inflatable gym place.Out of the 20 people invited only 4 have rsvp'd.I need a final headcount by Monday.I find it really rude not to rsvp.Now I am stuck trying to figure out who is coming and who isn't.The only thing working for me is that dds teacher put a notice on the parents board for me to rsvp by today either way, and she has taken to stalking the parents the last 2 days.She was so upset that I am like the 3 rd Mom this has happened to.It is always the same 4 people that RSVP too (I am one of them)...one of the parents not only did not RSVP, but showed up with the invited child and 3 of its cousins...wth?

 

[nessz79]

My DS 5 went to a birthday party this year and the mom couldn't believe that she invited the entire K class of about 18 and only my son and another girl showed up and NONE of those that didn't show called or wrote a note.

 

[Becky2005]

My DS 5 went to a birthday party this year and the mom couldn't believe that she invited the entire K class of about 18 and only my son and another girl showed up and NONE of those that didn't show called or wrote a note.

That's sad. That happened to a boy in DD's class, I believe it was in 2nd grade. DD & one other girl were the only ones who showed up. I know they invited the entire class. They had it at the park district with a theme version & host and I know there is a min. there of I think 10 kids. I don't think the mom knew if anyone else was coming or not. I knew they waited a bit to see if more showed up before starting the party, so she must not have gotten the RSVP's. I'm so glad we went though as DD did have a good time and at least it wasn't a deal where NOBODY showed up at a birthday party.

I've been lucky that usually we get a good turnout but last year's was a bit of too much craziness for my 8 year old, so I think I'm done with the big parties (well...almost. I do have the 5 year old that will be entering K next year, so it's only fair he gets a few big parties too.) I don't do kid parties until Kindergarten. In my case next year, the school directory won't be out before my youngest birthday which is mid-Oct. We really will have no choice but to invite the whole class as we won't really know everyone at that point, nor have addresses to mail them.

 

[okeydokey]

As long as you are RSVPing to all the invites, you can feel free to choose which ones best suit your family. I don't think the parents actually expect all the kids to attend, but just need to know in advance.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

My DS 5 went to a birthday party this year and the mom couldn't believe that she invited the entire K class of about 18 and only my son and another girl showed up and NONE of those that didn't show called or wrote a note.

This sounds like the same thing that happened to a little girl in DD's class. In Kindergarten she invited the whole class of 18 kids. We were running late by accident and i felt bad that i also had to bring my little one with me, but when i got there i looked at the invite again to make sure I had the right date because there was only one other car. My dd's and one other little girl showed up. The mom said that no one called to say that they wouldn't be there. I could see the hurt in her eyes as I would have been. I felt really bad.