OT - Anyone had a child that refused to potty train!

[AlexTina]

I have 3 children 8, 5, and 3. My 8 year old is a girl and used to hide when she had to go potty, so I would watch for this sign and rush her to the bathroom, she got the idea quickly and was very excited to get big girl underwear. My 5 year old is a boy and had really bad problems with constipation when he was little, it was much easier for him to go if he was on the toilet rather than a pull up or diaper so he was fully trained by the time he was about 20 months. My last child is 3 and is also a girl and she absolutely refuses to go on the potty. I started the whole potty training thing with her about 6 months ago. We bought her pretty new princess underwear tried the method of leaving her in underwear all the time so she would see that it was uncomfortable to be wet and want to go in the potty (didn't work). I tried offering her rewards to go in the potty (didn't work). Then recently we got to the point where she just plain refuses to even go into the bathroom, she constantly just tells me she doesn't have to go and then ten minutes later she's gone on in her pants, if I try to force her into the bathroom she'll start crying and physically refuse to sit on the toilet. She'll scream bloody murder and kick and push away from the toilet (I've only dealt with this situation once because I felt that if she was that upset about it forcing her to be in the bathroom couldn't possible be doing and good). Since the screaming fit I've basically just stuck with asking her constantly if she has to go and her reply is always "I don't have to go". I've made her wear underwear day after day and she just goes in her underwear and I wind up shampooing my carpet constantly. After she went on the floor for the thrid time in one day I took away several of her favorite toys and told her she could have them back when she goes in the toilet, she cried for little while and then basically forgot about it. I'm completely hopeless at this point and hope that someone whose dealt with a difficult to train child can give me some advice. PLEASE!!!

Tina

 

[daisyduck123]

I never had this problem with my children, but I have read several threads here on the DIS about this & several people suggested having THE CHILD do the clean up after peeing (or worse) on the carpet, floor, etc. What kid would want to keep doing that?

Seems like a good idea to me. Good luck with whatever you try next!

 

[dizneechic]

My middle guy was like this but we decided it was a battle we weren't going to win so just let it be and eventually he decided it was time and was done in a day. My oldest was trained at 27 months so it was really frustrating for me to understand, and our school had a no "diaper" policy so the kids had to be trained before they could go. Since he only went 1/2 day I spoke with the director and teacher and the deal was if he went when there they would call me and I had to come change him, it never happened but it was the plan in place. After him being there (starting at 3.5) by the end of the 1st year sticking to the strict schedule we were on with kids in school he finally seemed to *get it* and asked for undies one day and never looked back.

Honestly, I hate messes and couldn't stand cleaning up after him when we were trying to train before he was ready. So for my sanity it wasn't worth the battle. They wont be in 5th grade in diapers, eventually they are ready to learn.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

I think I would back off for a month or so and see what happends.

If it's any consolation to you the child of mine who was the hardest to train graduated summa cum laude from college and is in law school!

Hang in there - I remember the frustration. I thought I was getting paid back because the first three were so easy to train.

 

[taitai]

I agree with the previous poster that you need to back off. Clearly, this child is not ready to potty train. Punishing her by taking away toys will just be counterproductive and seems really mean. When she is ready, she will no doubt train quickly. Until then, it is just a losing battle that seems to cause you unnecessary stress and work.

Good luck!

 

[Alesia]

I agree with the previous poster that you need to back off. Clearly, this child is not ready to potty train. Punishing her by taking away toys will just be counterproductive and seems really mean. When she is ready, she will no doubt train quickly. Until then, it is just a losing battle that seems to cause you unnecessary stress and work.

Good luck!

I agree completely. I've worked with small children for the last 17 years and there is one thing I know for certain: when it comes to potty training, the harder you push, the harder they will push back.

It honestly sounds like you're doing more harm than good. Try not mentioning the potty for at least 2 months. I mean don't mention it at all. Not even in passing. When you're ready to try again, you need to take a totally different approach. If you can't relax about it, neither can your daughter.

 

[GingerJay]

I agree. Just put it off for a while and use pull-ups. My youngest was pretty hard to train, too...finally one day he looked at me and said "Mommy, gotta go potty"

Kids learn their own way, just give it a break. You probably both deserve one

 

[syudelson]

I know I'm opening myself up to flames here, but I bribed my kids. I waited until I knew they had the ability (my daughter was about 2.5, my son was a little over 3) and then we bought a toy they REALLY wanted, put it up on top of the cupboards(so it could be seen but not reached) and we discussed with them that this was a special toy they would only get when they learned to use the big kid toilet. My daughter, that very day, never used a diaper again with hardly ever an accident. My son it took a few weeks of coveting the toy, but when he decided he wanted it bad enough, he did it and never had an accident.

 

[AlexTina]

Thanks for the replies. Actually I was thinking that this is definately a battle that I'm not going to win and I should just leave her be for awhile, at this point I think all I'm accomplishing is stressing myself and her out beyond belief. I do feel like the worst mother in the world for taking her toys away but I was just so frustrated after the 3rd pee on the floor in a day that I felt like I had to do something. My oldest even told me geez mom do you really want her to cry just because she doesn't want to pee in the toilet, she do it when she's ready. So I am officially backing off and giving everyone a break. Wow just saying it gives me a sigh of releif.

Tina

 

[AlexTina]

I know I'm opening myself up to flames here, but I bribed my kids. I waited until I knew they had the ability (my daughter was about 2.5, my son was a little over 3) and then we bought a toy they REALLY wanted, put it up on top of the cupboards(so it could be seen but not reached) and we discussed with them that this was a special toy they would only get when they learned to use the big kid toilet. My daughter, that very day, never used a diaper again with hardly ever an accident. My son it took a few weeks of coveting the toy, but when he decided he wanted it bad enough, he did it and never had an accident.

I tried this too. She just won't do it. I even offered an anything you want go crazy at the toy store shopping spree and she very kindly said no thanks! I guess she just isn't ready.

Tina

 

[mjkacmom]

Nakey-butt her in a room with a potty and dvd player, and get Once Upon a Potty. I pt'd kids in literally days. I trained my 2 oldest with underwear, and it took FOREVER. For some reason, kids who will happily pee in underwear don't like to pee on the floor nakey. If she does, she's probably not ready. Oh, and m & m's.

 

[lucyem]

Put diapers/pull ups on her and ignore the whole potty thing. The more upset you get the more stressed she will get. When she is ready she will use the potty. My first trained himself at 2 1/2 on a 23 hour drive to WDW. He decided going in a diaper while in the car seat was not fun. My second finally got out of pull ups at 4. We found with my second son that any pushing ended up pushing us backwards. At one point my husband tried bribery and it got us nowhere. My son started preschool wearing a pull-up. One day in November he said "How come so and so does not wear pull-ups?" I explained that so and so always used the potty. Overnight our son was only using a potty. Nothing like peer pressure to get things done. She will potty train herself when she is ready.

 

[steph124ny]

I tried this too. She just won't do it. I even offered an anything you want go crazy at the toy store shopping spree and she very kindly said no thanks! I guess she just isn't ready.

Tina

Don't worry Momma...she'll do it when SHE feels like it. My son was close to 5, and was also a constant bedwetter until he was almost 10. If there is one thing I know, it's this....there isn't a darn thing you can do about it except buying bigger Pull Ups. Some kids just don't make enough of the hormone that you need to feel the urge to go. If you ask them if they need to go, they honestly answer no because they don't feel it. As they get older, they make more of the hormone and the problem resolves...

Let it go for a few months and then try again...but only with your DD's cooperation. Don't worry...it will come.

 

[DaniB]

Yep, back off and let her be! She probably just truly is not ready.

My daughter was trained early and I loved it.

My son however... groan... we tried at 3, and then 3 1/2, and again at 4 (april birthday). By the time school was out in June, I was getting really worried about JK in September!!

However over the summer he was finally toilet-trained and ready for JK in Sept. I guess he just was not ready in the earlier years!

Honestly, I would let her be another 1/2 a year and try again. As frustrating as it is, you know that eventually she will go in a toilet!

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

I know I'm opening myself up to flames here, but I bribed my kids. I waited until I knew they had the ability (my daughter was about 2.5, my son was a little over 3) and then we bought a toy they REALLY wanted, put it up on top of the cupboards(so it could be seen but not reached) and we discussed with them that this was a special toy they would only get when they learned to use the big kid toilet. My daughter, that very day, never used a diaper again with hardly ever an accident. My son it took a few weeks of coveting the toy, but when he decided he wanted it bad enough, he did it and never had an accident.

I agree. Our ped said use 'incentives' and no punishments. I don't use the word bribery b/c that implies reward for doing something wrong. lol!
We used Hershey kisses and also stickers on a Pooh calendar stuck on the bathroom wall. The stickers were small, like smily faces and race cars so more than one could fit in a day. Of course our dentist was mortified over the Hersey kisses. We brushed really well though and esp at bedtime.

We offered ds a toy backhoe for going #2 on the potty. We didn't actually buy it but told him we'd go shopping asap. He did it once, got the backhoe, and stopped again. Not long after that, he got the jist of it and went regularly.

Good luck!!!

 

[Poohbug]

My little guy turned 3 in March and he has no interest whatsoever in potty training. Sometimes he will sit on the potty, but has not actually gone once. I try to get him to pick out new underwear in the store-doesn't want to.

I'm not pushing it at all but maybe I need to. I am jealous of all you moms who have their kids trained at 2. None of my boys were trained before they turned three. Just waiting for the day(after 10 Years) that I will not have to change a diaper.

 

[DEA]

I would echo the suggestions to back off for a bit. Making going to the potty an emotionally trying time for the child is not going to help. Incentives may help, but what your child is really looking for is your approval and a positive emotional experience with you. I know it's odd to think about potty time being an emotional bonding time for you and your child, but any experience is a great time for a good emotional experience with your child.

I would suggest reinforcing how potty training is part of becoming a "big girl", that she will get to do more of what the older siblings do, and then just ask if she wants to try on the potty on an ongoing basis. We've used pull-ups as a transitional tool and overnight with potty-training our girls, and that worked well. It was a step in the right direction toward the overarching goal of becoming a "big girl".

Good luck with it. Just keep in mind that hardly anyone goes off to college without being potty trained.

 

[bumbershoot]

So I am officially backing off and giving everyone a break. Wow just saying it gives me a sigh of releif.

Tina

Yay!


You might want to switch to cloth for the rest of the time she spends in dipes...even if you just get cloth training pants. We used Bumkins, but they are very bulky and might not really work with the clothes she wears since I assume she's been wearing disposables.

Anyway, with cloth, they KNOW when they are wet. There's no chemical reaction in the plastic beads that suck the moisture away and then make them *feel* wet. They simply ARE wet. It's pretty motivating!

My son wanted to figure out the potty early BUT hated the bathroom with a large burning passion. So I made it easy on myself; got a couple $10 Baby Bjorn Little Potties, put one next to the family bed and one downstairs, and just used those instead of torturing him and making my ears even worse. Worked beautifully, and although my friends (the ones that knew about it) thought I was setting myself up for something very strange, he is practically the most normal kid about the bathroom I know! It was easy for him and for me, and one day he just wanted to use the toilet, no problem.

 

[frtchr]

I feel your pain! We went through the same thing with DD3. She wasn't interested in the potty, couldn't have cared less for stickers, candy, or toys. I quit talking about it, and a few weeks later, she started using the potty all on her own. It's frustrating, isn't it? Hang in there!

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

OP, I don't know where you're located, but we live in Florida and swimming in the pool is a VERY big deal around here. Swimming lessons every summer, lots of pool parties, etc. So, in the Spring right before/around the time they were turning 3, I one day said, "I'm really sorry you're not going to be able to swim in the pool this summer." Child said, "WHAT?" like this was a newsflash. I casually said, "Oh, well, since you don't pee-pee in the potty and your swim diapers are too small, you can't swim unless you learn to use the potty." My oldest took 3 days to p/t, at 2y9m. My youngest took longer on pooping, but I wound up putting up a poster with a picture of a swimming pool and drew a road and put his picture on the road. As he had successes with pooping in the potty, he moved down the road to the pool; when he had accidents, he moved backwards. It didn't take too long for him to get it.

You could use any incentive you want; for us, the pool worked WONDERS.