OT: Any thoughts or suggestions?

[stitchlover]

This is completely off topic but I would really appreciate an outside opinion about a situation I am going through.

I am lucky enough that my husband has a job that allows me to make being home with our daughter a priority. I have two small contract jobs that I work and any of the money I make goes towards family vacations. One contract I work from home 99% of the time. The other contract is one day a week in an office. I go in, put in my 6 hours, walk out and I'm done. Nothing required to be done at home. In January, February and March I sometimes work 2 days a week in the office gathering all the information and preparing the paperwork for the CPA.

It is this second contract that is causing me angst. I work for a father (76 years old) and son (48 years old). Basically both men have the same personality traits. The father is very well off and some day the son will be very well off too. I can best describe his personality by saying the father has a very entitled attitude but is always very polite, nice and respectful towards me. In the 3 years I have been working for him I have truly come to love this man. I lost my grandfather, who I was very close with, in January 1996 and I think this man has become a surrogate grandfather for me. We have a wonderful, playful banter with each other and I truly enjoy his company and being with him. I know he sometimes is rude to people and I give him a hard time about it but like I said he NEVER acts this way towards me.

The son is the problem. We have always gotten along and have known each other for years. I met him through his ex-wife and have known him for 9 years now. I have worked in the office with them for 3 years. The problem is that the son can be very rude, ugly and disrespectful just like his father. BUT the difference is in the last 6 months he has begun to treat me in this manner. He treats EVERYONE this way except for his mother and his sister (notice I said ex-wife). For the past 2-1/2 years I have always been treated the same way he treated his mother and sister and I'm not too sure what changed.

Several times in the last few months he has referred to me as the favorite child. Could it be that? Could he be jealous of the relationship I have with his dad? I'm afraid I know the answer to the problem. Look for something to replace the income and leave. But I would be so sad to not work for the father anymore.

Do any of you have any thoughts? I'm thinking maybe I should take up yoga and go STRAIGHT to a yoga class after work on Wednesday's to total relax and let it go.

TIA!

 

[dansyr2514]

First of all I wouldn't let anyone treat me with disrespect. I would let the father and the son both know that you enjoy working for them but will not tolerate being disrespected. If that is a problem for either of them then you will have to discontinue the service you provide.
Believe me...I understand needing the money. However, it was never worth the anxiety and stress I had to tolerate to get it. If they cannot abide by your wishes, I guarantee you will find another job you won't have to deal with that.
Good luck. I have a feeling things will work out for you no matter what you decide.

 

[mommy2allgirls]

Maybe you can go visit the dad from time?

 

[Yvet]

I would confront him with the fact that you feel a change and that you don't like this and also not accept this.

If this doesn't work you could always go to the Father and talk to him about this but first go to the person that does this to you try to talk thing over with him if that doesn't work then go include other people.

 

[kaligal]

Working it out with the guy is the smart thing.

Knowing me, I'd ignore it until it pissed me off enough and then I'd tell him to cut out the childish behavior and kiss my butt while he was at it. Then I'd go tell the old man to either get his son in check or find a new employee.

Eventually, the old man will die and you'll be stuck with this guy and there won't be anyone to reign him in. Working it out with the guy himself makes more sense than telling him off and will work out well later, too.

 

[klam_chowder]

My two bits...

He's bullying you because he can.

You may want to consider laying it all out on the table with him in private. Consider using "when you do xxx, it makes me feel yyy" language. Keep it general but have examples in mind so you're ready to bring them up if he says, 'I never do that'. Don't theorize with him why he is doing it. Tell him how you expect to be treated, what is acceptable and what is not. Don't feel embarrassed if you want to rehearse what you would say.

I would not issue ultimatums but in my mind I would know what I would do if he continues to treat me in a disrespectful manner.

The man is a grown adult. His father has watched (and modelled) how to treat people. His father probably has little control over his adult son now behaves. Your issue is with the son, handle it with him. If you want to stand up and be respected you're going get there a lot faster if you don't hide behind father's skirt.

Best of luck to you; confrontation is always difficult but my experience has been letting things slide is even worse.

cheers,

 

[stitchlover]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I really dislike confrontation but this doesn't have to be a big, ugly scene. So I think having a chat with the son is the best thing. I do enjoy the work I do with them and in general being around them. I think instead of just finding something to replace the income I should try to correct the situation with the son. He can be a very nice person, when he wants to be.