OT: Anxiety-ridden Kindergartener needs blankie!

[Stinkerbell317]

My DD5 is abt to start all-day Kindergarten. SHe is very anxious abt it. Mostly bc she cannot carry her "mimi" - ie, blankie - at school. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to make her more at ease? I already asked her if I could snip off a little piece to pin inside her pocket, and that went over like a ton of bricks! She will not let me deface or otherwise mutilate "mimi" by snipping off pieces. My only other thought is to stash the whole blanket inside the smaller pocket of her backpack, and hope the teacher won't be poking around in the secondary pocket. I am really afraid she will be so traumatized by not having it, that she'll be a wreck at school. ANY SUGGESTIONS, PLEASE?????

 

[twooley2]

I think kindergarden may be a good time to stress that she is a big girl now and big girls that go to school do not take blankies. This may sound harsh but you may save her a lot of being made fun of at school and that may be more traumatic than no blankie. Sometimes we moms have just as hard a time advancing and telling our babies this but it is another milestone that must be done.

 

[scottish mum]

My DD is 4 and when she started nursery last year she would insist on taking her bear with her. We worked out that the bear could come in the car with her but must never leave the car at school. She was happy with this as once nursery was over her bear was waiting in her car seat fot her.

 

[In a hurry]

Is it small enough to tuck into her backpack (and leave it there)? Even if only for the first week or so? You'd have to be able to trust that she wouldn't pull it out.

 

[DISNEYFOS]

We have told my daughter that blankie can only go as far as the car. We don't take him anywhere out because we are afraid he will get lost.
The fear of the blankie getting lost is much greater.

I usually just tell her to leave him with me and we'll be there to pick her up.

This mostly came from the fact that her blankie is from North American Bear Co and We really can't get another because they discontinued them....so I'm just as terrified as her that it will get lost.

 

[The Disney Bunch]

Talk to the teacher & see what she says. I am sure your dd is not the only child to have ever had this situation. Our kindergarten teacher told the kids to come into school the first day with their favorite bear & she took it from there. I see no reason your dd couldn't stick it in her backpack for the day.

 

[minkydog]

My DD was very attached to Blankie and her stuffed manatee; she kept it them or near her at all times. Then she accidentally left the manatee at a campground--we couldn't find it anywhere! Oh, the trauma! the tears! But the side effect of it was that DD decided herself to limit Blankie to home and car and NOWHERE else. She was terrified of losing The Precious.

Incidentally, DD is 15 now and she still sleeps with her Blankie.

 

[Stephres]

I am helping out a kindergarten teacher this week and I go through the kids' backpacks each day to check for notes, etc. and there are lots of loveys in there. I would ask the teacher if it would be ok to leave it in the backpack. I haven't seen any of the kids ask or try to get anything out once they are there, so I don't think it would be a distraction. Good luck!

 

[brymolmom]

I am in a similar- although not the same, situation. We started working on 'leaving blankie in bed' when dd was around 3.5 - and she did really well for the most part. Then, all of the sudden a few months ago, she started wanting it ALL the time. Asking to bring it places (and we have NEVER brought it places), whining for it when we've been out for awhile, etc. Anyway -Because I am sensing this is a regression due to fear of starting K in 2 weeks, I have allowed her to bring it a LOT more places than I usually would (we do leave it in the car though) but I have told her that when she turns 5 that is it and blankie stays in bed starting then, no exceptions. She turns 5 on 10/21, so that will give her almost 2 months to get used to school before we do that. However, dd does know that blankie cannot come to school with her, and she's ok with that - but I know she'll RUN to that blanket when she gets home.

I'm not so sure about the ideas from other posters to let her bring it in her backpack...Personally I think that would make MY situation worse because once I allow it to happen - it is something that is 'allowed' and she will scream and cry for it if/when we decide to no longer allow the blanket. Also, knowing my dd, she would be sneaking over to her backpack all day long at school to 'see' her blankie - even if she isn't supposed to be there and instead of interacting and playing with the kids - I think it would isolate her even more than her shyness is bound to. So anyway - consider carefully before you allow her to bring it even once. I'm in agreement with the telling her that she's a big girl now and blankie will wait at home for her.

And for anyone with younger kids and blankies - this is a huge tip to not let that blankie out of the house at a young age - don't let it go to preschool, etc. - then you won't have this issue!

Good luck!

 

[mom~of~2]

I am helping out a kindergarten teacher this week and I go through the kids' backpacks each day to check for notes, etc. and there are lots of loveys in there. I would ask the teacher if it would be ok to leave it in the backpack. I haven't seen any of the kids ask or try to get anything out once they are there, so I don't think it would be a distraction. Good luck!

DD is only in preschool but her teachers actually recommended that the students bring a special toy from home (to stay in their backpacks). Last year I let DD bring her special lovey for the first week or so (she had a difficult time with separation so the teachers would take her to "visit" her friend when needed). We eventually substituted her lovey witih another toy (to be in the backpack) and the lovey still made the car ride to school.

Best of luck to you and your DD.

 

[In a hurry]

Could you switch out to a smaller object. Sort of substitue something. I'd hate for that special thing to come up missing.

The other thing is that she would survive without it. It would be hard, but she'd forget about it soon. K is a barrel of fun.

 

[keywestbride]

Starting school is already such a huge transition, I wouldn't choose that time to break her of her blankie habbit. I can't imagine what it would hurt for her to leave it in her backpack.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

Have any of you read The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn? It is a good book for a parent to read before K. This may help. The "blanket" could give the kiss that lasts through the day. Of course, mom could too! My DD was in K last year. The beginning is a hard transition, but soon they will be so busy and having so much fun and all the uneasiness will be a memory! I, however, remember the first day she ran into kindergarten without giving me a kiss good-bye!

 

[Princess Melody]

Read her the story Owen by Kevin Henkes. It deals with this exact issue. Owen's solution probably wouldn't work for you since you'd have to snip the blanket but it is still a really cute story.
I teach 2nd and it's not unusual at all for me to find kids favorite things in their backpacks the first week of school. It is usually a stuffed animal or other toy they eagerly pull out to show me. If it is going to make them feel more comfortable I have no problem with them having it there as long as it stays in the backpack other than at recess time. If they felt they absolutely had to visit with it at another time I'd probably let them as long as they agreed to keep it in the backpack, but I've never had that happen. The loveys usually start disappearing around week three or four of school.

 

[squirrel]

If she isn't allowed the blanket at school, how about a picture of her with the blanket!

 

[Minnie_me]

Veteran Kindie teacher here!

I've had kids bring their blankies and most special lovies to school, and I don't forbid it, but I also don't recommend it. It makes them want to run to their backpacks a lot during the day when they're upset or lonely, and makes them even worse. I've also had kids lose their special items, and that never never goes over well!!

I highly recommend telling your DD that blankie can't go to school, but another little lovey could go (something that she doesn't desperately NEED to go to sleep at home), and let her pick one. Reassure her that blankie will be home on her bed, waiting for her when she gets home from Kindie.

Reading Owen as a PP suggested, is a great idea -- even though you've already said you don't want to snip blankie into pieces -- it will show your DD that she's not the only one who loves her blankie!

 

[RMulieri]

My DD is 4 and when she started nursery last year she would insist on taking her bear with her. We worked out that the bear could come in the car with her but must never leave the car at school. She was happy with this as once nursery was over her bear was waiting in her car seat fot her.

I do the same exact thing with "ruff-ruff" the stuffed dog.Worked like a charm...now she knows he waits for her in the car

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I work in special ed preschool. We had a little boy start last year who was 3, diagnosed autistic and mostly non-verbal. He showed up with his "ba-ba" which was a little hand towel. His mom said he couldn't go anywhere without it. He would constantly wipe his nose with it and wipe it across his mouth. It would be soggy all the time. Then he would leave it on a table or on the floor where another child would pick it up. It was very unsanitary and we decided it wasn't safe for him to have it in the classroom. When he would come in with it, we would give him a plastic whale he liked to play with. As soon as he wasn't looking, we would stash ba-ba in his backpack. He wouldn't even look for it until circle time and then he would ask for it. We told him ba-ba is only for at home and not at school. Within 3 days, he wasn't even asking for it. When his mom would bring him in with it, he would hand it to her when he entered the classroom. We told her he didn't need it anymore.

I think this is a good example of how adaptable kids can be. Your daughter may think she needs her mimi, but she may give it up very quickly when she gets interested in things at school. Kindergarten is a good time to start learning about rules. I would tell her that mimi isn't allowed at school but will be waiting for her at home. I wouldn't send it to school at all. That will make it even harder. She may have trouble the first few days, but you have to be strong and stick it out. I bet she'll forget all about mimi while she's at school and do just fine.

 

[Stinkerbell317]

Thanks for all the suggestions. Nice to know I'm not the only mom with this issue!

I did talk to our K teacher today. She said it is no big deal at all if she has Mimi tucked into her backpack. And surprisingly she said it was even fine for her to get it out during rest time. Crisis averted! My DD5 was overjoyed and so relieved to hear she could have some extra security at school if she needs it.

For my DD5, who is a young 5, and also a late-bloomer, the "tough-love" approach is just not an option in this instance. But thanks anyway for all the ideas.

 

[zoemurr]

but it wasn't 'cause he wanted to bring his blanket, he mainly was going to miss me.

Anyway, I found a small pin of a boy that I had. (It would be nice to buy her something new..) I pinned it to the corner of his shirt bottom where no one would notice. I kissed it when he left, and told him to touch it if he was sad. He wore it for weeks (and I don't think anyone ever noticed it..) and it helped us.

Good luck!