Opinions Please

[**Tinker*Bell*7**]

thanks for your help. am planning to talk to him again about this and to her as well.

 

[julybride]

Originally posted by lfontaine
Her father told you to tell her that if it was a summer trip she could go. Now you have a summer trip planned and he won't let her go. HE is the one not keeping his promise. And he needs to own up to that with his daughter. He needs to be the one to tell her that she can't go. He shouldn't make you be the bad guy.

If he is so concerned that their be a man around he should act like a MAN and own up to his decision.

 

[**Tinker*Bell*7**]

A couple of you asked to be kept posted on this so a week later, here goes. As of right now, she is not going. We don't leave until Fri. so there is still time for a change of plans. Her babysitter (my grandmother) has shingles so she doesn't have anywhere to stay right now so that may figure into it. But for now she's still not going and she's still mad about it.

 

[disykat]

Who is she mad at? Does she know she was invited?

 

[Beast fan]

Good luck, **Tinker*Bell*7**.
Keep in mind one thing....... Us men are near impossible to figure out. The only thing I can think of (as far as is "reasoning") is that... he's already lost one female (DS's mother)... maybe he doesn't want to "lose" the other? As the other posters have said, please tell your cousin the truth.

Dave

 

[Barb D]

FWIW, I don't know that confronting him would help. If he's got the kind of personality it sounds like he has, confronting him will only make him MAD, and even less likely to do what you want.

It might be more effective to say something to her (in front of him) like, "I'm sorry, Sweetie, your daddy doesn't think it's best for you to go this time. If he changes his mind, you can still come, but he's your daddy and he's in charge."

This will make him realize that you're not trying to go over his head, and give him an opportunity to change his mind. DON'T say anything negative to her about her dad, especially in his presence.

 

[**Tinker*Bell*7**]

i was confused by beast fan's response. he hasn't lost anyone except his son. he still has 2 daughters. the split from both of their mothers was amicable although he doesn't want anything to do with either of them now other than where the kids are concerned.

anyway she knows she was invited. she's begged me to take her. and she usually gets her way but this time she didn't so she thinks it's my fault. like maybe i didn't really invite her or something.

anyway, i think she has might have the chicken pox and can't go anyway. my grandmother has been keeping her and she came down with shingles late last week. yesterday my cousin broke out in some kind of rash. they said it could be poison ivy, but i don't know. i haven't seen it. don't want to be exposed, you know. anyway my grandmother who thinks it might be poison ivy also thought shingles were fire ant bites so she's doesn't have a good track record for diagnosis.

 

[Kallison]

Don't take the blame -- tell her to ask her Dad.

 

[Sandy V.]

Tinkerbell, the niece needs to know that the decision whether to go or not is in HER DAD'S hands and not yours.

Did you ever have the conversation that many (including me!) with her that let her know that it was Dad who said "No" and not you? I still think that's very important, because Dad sounds like the kind of person who wants others to be the bad guy (just from what's been presented here - some passive/aggressive stuff going on here).

Barb D, with all due respect, I disagree. I think having a conversation with the niece and the uncle in the same room with others around, done in a non-confrontational or blaming manner, is an ADULT thing to do. Who cares if he gets mad? If he does, then some warning bells would certainly go off in my head! I really dislike walking on eggshells around people just because I'm afraid they MIGHT get mad at normal adult conversation!

If your uncle's decision is a rational one, he can calmly say to his daughter, "Yes, as your dad, you aren't going because (insert reason here)".

Oh, and whether she has the chicken pox or not (and if this is a different reason why she can't go) - she STILL needs to know that Dad, and not YOU, made the previous decsion about her going!