Opinions please-Grandmom dying

[chefmb]

I'm in a real dilemna! I've had a trip planned for my niece's birthday for almost a year. My grandmother has been battling cancer and is down to her last 48 hours according to the hospice nurse. I am supposed to fly to Disney Friday afternoon until Wednesday. Chances are, if I go, I will miss the viewing and funeral. I really want to be there, but this trip is a really big deal too. I have spent lots of time with my grandmother and I'm sure she'd tell me to go(if she could!). My dad has told me that I should keep the trip as planned. I'm still torn. I've called the airline and Disney. Disney was pretty good about the possibility of changing dates by a few days, but the airline would be quite costly. Going another time really isn't an option because I teach and my neice has other vacation plans and work plans for the summer. What do you think? I'm just looking for other opinions.

 

[Blondie]

I'm sorry for your loss.

I couldn't stand the guilt if I didn't go to my grandmother's funeral to pay my final respects. Sorry, that is just my opinion, and I do love Disney! But sometimes, other things take precedence.

 

[antmaril]

Very sorry about your grandmother. I know you said your grandma would want you to go, but you really need to think this through. You only have one chance to do the right thing, which in my opinion would be to stay and attend your grandmother's funeral. Personally, I think you will always be proud of yourself that you sacrificed the trip to attend the services.

Hopefully, you and your niece will be able to find another time to do WDW. You probably wouldn't have the best time anyway. Even though you are prepared for your grandma's death, when it happens, you won't be in the mood for Disney.

Just my two cents, of course.

 

[Snoozan]

I have another take on this. About a year and a half ago 2 of my sisters and their daughters had plans for their WDW trip. Just before they left, our grandfather passed away. My Mom "excused" my sisters and the grandkids as she knew that Grampa would have wanted them to go. I say - check with your parent whose Mom it is and feel them out. If they are fine with you going - go without feeling guilty. I'm a believer that life is for the living and your grandmother would not have a problem with you going. If you've said your "good-bye".............Just my opinion.

 

[720L]

I was in a similar situation a couple months ago, my grandma dying of cancer, us having a disney trip planned. She passed before our trip came around. But I was struggling just like you; I knew she would want me to go and I spent a lot of time with her. Talk to Hospice, they are wonderful counselors! I'm not sure I would have felt closure if I wouldn't have been at the funeral.

 

[Micca]

Can you go and enjoy the trip knowing this is going on at home? There's a chance that the hospice nurse is wrong. Wouldn't your family be willing to postpone the services until you return? Sorry you are having this dilemma

 

[sherry8253]

Hi Chefmb - I am so sorry about your grandmother. My grandma died when I was 15 and I am now 50 but I still think about her often. You need to look deep into your heart - If you have said your good byes and you do not think that you will be sorry later that you were not at the services, go and have a good time. Life is for the living and your not attending a service does not mean that you love your grandmother any less. However, if you think that you may have regrets later then you want to think very seriously about the trip because you can't undo your choice. My prayers are with you and your family. If you decide that you and your niece should take the trip, have a wonderful time as you know your grandmother would want you to do. PS I see you live in MD. My DH and I drive from PA instead of flying. If airfare is the prob would driving be an alternative if Disney is willing to change the dates?

 

[KELLIE JONES]

I to am sorry for the loss you are about to bare. I have been through something like this. here is my story...


My DH and I had planned a big trip for April of 2003. We had everything paid for and on Valentines Day, my Mother passed away. This came as a total shock to me even though she was very ill for a long time. the odd thing about death is that it just doesnt hit you right away, it doesnt seem "real". About a month after my Mom passed, it hit me like a rock and i finally gave into my grief. My DH suggested that we postpone our trip because it prob wouldnt be any fun if i was crying the whole trip. so i made all of the arangements to get our money back. ( and that was fun, let me tell you... i had to tell why i was cancelling my trip over and over ) anyway, to make a long story short we replanned our trip in June . we got the 7 for 4 deal and we took my dad who was also grieving at the loss of my mother ( they had been married for 35 years. ) We all still missed my Mom, but i have good memories of a trip with my father that i would have missed out on had we gone in April.

so my advice to you is to do what your heart tells you. i never got to say goodby to my mom, and it still bothers me that i didnt. there's a good chance that disney isnt going anywhere. my guess is that you already know the answer to you quesion.

good luck and god bless.

 

[MrsJ Henry]

I think this is actually a very interesting question that really makes you think.
I have always felt that funerals etc. are for the living. It's a time to say goodbye and be around others who are also feeling bad.
It's to help us cope with what is going on.

How long is your trip to Disney? Many people in our family have waited a week for our services due to getting people home etc.
Is there a chance that could happen?

Personally I don't think I would be able to have a good time.
I would do everything I could to change the flight .. maybe cancel and call to see if I could get a better last minute deal with another airline.
Talk with Disney and see if you could just postpone to an even later date.

I don't know the answer but I think I would look into a lot of options.

I would also want to be there for my parents. This must be such a hard time for them right now.
Good luck.. I know this is a very hard situation. I'm also very sorry for your loss.

 

[ericamanda01]

My personal opition is this:

I believe a funeral is ONE way to say goodbye. However it is not the only way. Most people would not want to get in the way of others happiness. The only one you need to be there for would be your mom or dad (whichever's parent is passing). Talk to your parents and see how they are with your going or your staying. However the final decision is yours to make.

 

[chefmb]

Thanks for all the feedback. I just got off the phone with my other grandmother (I wanted to talk with her about everything), who also knows and loves my grandmother who is passing. We had a good talk. I know a lot of people have mentioned that my parent's opinion would be most important. That would be my dad (his mom is passing). Actually, he has a very strong opinion that we should go on the trip. We have a very close family and strong support network.

Anyway, I think unless something happens before we are scheduled to leave, we will probably go as planned, knowing that we will probably leave a day or so early to make it home for the funeral. I know that the planning is all taken care of, and family will be around and taking care of things. Actually, I think my most important time to help will be after the funeral when things settle down and everyone else's lives are back to normal. That is when my dad and aunt will need me most. (We lost my mom almost four years ago. That is why I haven't mentioned her in the opinions.--I guess that's another reason I know I will be needed more in a week or two than in the next few days.)

Feel free to keep the opinions coming. I know it is a very emotional issue. I know some people think I must be heartless for even considering going, but please don't judge too harshly!

As far as rescheduling, unless we wait a year, the only thing we could do is a few days, and at this point, I don't even know if that would make any difference. I might make changes only to be in the same position. Driving also is not an option. It would add at least 3 days to the trip.

 

[sherry8253]

Hi Chefmb - Please know that I did not judge you. Enjoy your trip - if your grandmother is anything like mine - I know that is exactly what she would want - for you and your niece to enjoy the trip and remember the good times you and your grandmother spent together. God bless you!

 

[nasmith]

ChefMB - My personal opinion is that you are doing the right thing. As long as you've spoke to your family, and cleared your conscience - afterall - you know your family, and their needs better than any of us -----

I only wanted to point out that, in the event that you have to come back early from your trip- make sure you tell the airlines that it is for your Grandma's funeral - they may be able to waive the change fees (I had something similar happen years ago - and after I provided them with the funeral parlor info so they could verify (while I was on hold))(But that was years ago, and the airlines change their rules all of the time - can't hurt to ask).

 

[travellady]

I think when the time comes you'll know the answer; only at that point can you make the decision. If she is still alive when your time to go to WDW comes, then go. If she dies when you are gone, I can't imagine why the service can't wait until you are come back - you are going for a short period of time.

Years ago, my Dad was visiting his father in Norway. His father was on his deathbed so my Dad called my Mom to fly over and bring a black dress. My mother was their for two weeks and only wore that black dress to a wedding. No sooner had she flown home than my grandfather died. We know when death is close, but we can't predict it down to the hour or even day.

 

[WDW LifeLong Fan]

Sorry for your pending loss.

Only you can make this decision.

 

[renessa]

Just another angle...

My bosses mother was given like 2 weeks to live...she had 24 hour care and hospice...the whole works. My boss always joked that she had her black dress pressed and waiting for the phone call! Well the 2 weeks turned into a month...and so on. Even when they gave her 24 hours it took almost a week for her body to give in.

I hope you are able to go and enjoy your trip if that is what you decide on. There is a possibility that you may have to return home early, but I guess that is the chance you take.

 

[Cinderella37]

Don't count on the airline giving anyone a price break. My grandmother died in 2002 and my aunt (who lives in Daytona Beach) had to pay almost $1000 for a ticket. She got only a small reduction in fare with verification from the funeral home.

 

[720L]

I feel so bad for you! Who cares what other people think?! You know your Grandmother and what she would want so go with that. If she is not talking anymore that is the hardest and not a way you want to remember her-she wouldn't want you sitting there and staring at her crying. The last time I went to see my Grandma was the day before she died and she was in a coma basically. I said my goodbyes to her then and didn't plan to come back-I know she would have wanted it that way. But I'm pretty sure there were people who thought I should have been at a vigil at her bedside. I can't stress enough how helpful it was to talk to Hospice and pray!!

 

[BambiTamby]

I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother!

But, only you can make this choice.

Go with your "gut" feeling.... because that is God talking to you.

 

[bairdbeth]

Sorry you are in a position to have to make this decision. I was in just about the same position last October. I had plans to take my DD to MNSSHP. We got news that my Grandma would not be with us much longer. I too called Disney to see what my options were. My parents said to go on the trip, but I knew that ultimately I had to make the decision, based on how I would feel after the fact. I had decided that I had to attend the funeral and was prepared to cancel my trip. My Grandma passed 2 weeks before we were to go, so we were able to do both. My relatives did hold off on the funeral for a few days as we were coming to Iowa from Atlanta. Your trip is relatively short, so possibly arrangements can be made that if something happens the funeral can be after your return. Good luck with your decision. Only you can make it.