Opinions Need About a Preschool situation

[AC7179]

Okay, I need honest opinions. Really, I can take constructive criticism, I promise. I know I can get that here on the Dis.

But, I'm soooo annoyed at my daugther's teacher.

I do need to preface this by saying we had issues with her last daycare as well, and took her out of there. (She was 2.5 and when they were playing at the playground, they sent her into an empty building by herself to go potty, she went potty and then went and played in a different class room, and an aide came into the building and found her, her teachers never noticed she was missing.) But, since we had problems with the last day care, I am VERY, VERY, VERY paranoid about becoming those people who are never happy anywhere. You know? The person who has a bad kid who always says it's other people's fault? I don't want to be that person.

Well, my daugther (she was 3 in September) has been much happier at this preschool. When we had her quarterly conference, her teacher said she was doing fine academically, and socially was doing much better paying attention at circle time and following directions.

My problem with her teacher is everything is about HER. A few months ago, my daughter got mad and was being ugly, and on her note home it said, "She really hurt my feelings today because she rolled her eyes at me!" Okay, the eye rolling we needed to know about and deal with, but if her feelings were hurt over that she is going to have a long year ahead.

Next, there was a little boy in her class that was pretty wild, but a good kid, but was moving up to preK. I asked if he was gone one morning, teacher said yes, and I commented that my daughter would miss him. Teacher said, "Well, at least somebody---nevermind, I'm not going to be ugly. Don't tell Ann (Director). But you know Taylor here is supposed to move up soon, and I am really going to miss HER. I might cry when SHE leaves because she is so sweet and everybody loves her." That put a very bad taste in my mouth, but I didn't say anything cause it wasn't about my kid directly, and I didn't want to tick her teacher off, and I just felt I would be better off to drop it.

Well, my daughter doesn't get into trouble a lot---most days she has good days, but every three weeks or so she will not get a sticker, which just means she didn't listen, or had a bad attitude, or whatever.

Friday, she and 3 other kids bent a book in the reading center. Her punishment was she didn't get to participate in the first show and tell her class had, and her show and tell stayed in her backpack. I didn't like it, but you know, you do the crime, you do the time, I guess, and I'm not going to complain about her being punished. I wished it would have been in timeout or some other form, but I wasn't mad about it. We are going to replace the book.

TODAY, I drop her off at school and she doesn't want to go. She usually cries when I leave every day. We're working on it. Anyway, there was a new student today. A boy was in there yelling at the teacher, "I'm HUNGRY! I'm HUNGRY!" She told him not to yell at her, that she had a new friend in the class she was dealing with. She then says, to all the parents in the room, that the student had already yelled at her and called her a name in the last five minutes, and he's only been there for ten minutes. Then, my daughter is crying and she tells the other mothers that she has enough to deal with without her kids that have been there since July crying.

It ticked me off. I almost popped off with, "Well, I can't see why she wouldn't want to stay here in such a warm and nurturing environment," but I was able to keep that inside, and in retrospect, I'm glad I did.

Am I out of line?

I do NOT want to be the person with the bad kid who blames it on all the teachers. I don't think she's bad---really----but whenever she misbehaves we take responsibility for that and try to correct her. I think my issues with her teacher are seperate.

So, would you say anything? Am I out of line? I really want ALL opinions, please.

 

[Lady V]

I think it sounds just like the teacher that took over my sons class last year when his teacher went on maternity leave. This was 1st grade. She was just so harsh with things she would say and I felt like her personalty was more suited to the high school, older crowd than to the type of personality needed for the little ones. I think with an older crowd she would be great! But the little comments and all were too much for such a young age. Our teacher made the somment that she knows that parents like to come in the classroom tobserve but she didn't allow that because she gets nervous? And she would be pretty harsh in the way she repremanded the kids in front of each other.
To answer your question...I think your gut feelings are correct. But maybe she just needs someone honest enough to talk to her in private about it? maybe she doesn't realize that parents aren't there to be her buddy...if she wants to complain about the kids she needs to do it without any of the parents present!

 

[ChrisAlli]

How many kids are in the class to how many teachers???

Everyone is going to have an off day, but some of these things seem a bit harsh. A time out would have been effective, but to exclude from such a special activity at that age is cruel if you ask me.

 

[Stephres]

This teacher doesn't seem like she likes kids much! Or maybe just the ones who aren't any trouble. I don't think you are overreacting at all. I used to feel so bad for the kids who cried in preschool. Preschool is supposed to be fun. It is the most fun you have in school. The learning that happens there is secondary, in my opinion, and happens when the kids don't realize it. That's just my opinion.

I think you should talk to the director about her inappropriate comments for sure. Good luck!

 

[Mkrop]

I would talk to the director. Go in calmly with your concerns. I have a crier too although he is getting so much better but if DS4 had teachers who were not understanding and compassionate I would be complaining to the director and/or finding a new place.

Good luck.

Although I agree with another post, some teachers are not meant for the younger crowd, DS10's teacher last year should not have been teaching 3rd grade, she hda moved from 6th and I think she forgot a lot that these kids were still little.

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

Go with your gut...if you aren't comfortable with the place, don't keep her there. If your child is crying daily...it's a sign! My DD cries when she has to go home . 3 year olds (as all us mommies know) can have bad days. But at that age, they should not be punished for "not listening" or "having a bad attitude" My God, they all have their moments at that age and two minutes later forget what they did wrong. I don't think that teachers should be sending notes home about these things.

I have the philosophy that if DD does something really wrong at school (she's now 4 so she can be held a little more accountable for her actions) OR if she's had a particularly tough day- let me know about it. Luckily my day care has similar philosophies. If they send notes home for ever time a kid didn't listen or talked back, I'm sure they'd spend all day writing notes for the kids' parents!

 

[Melissa_E]

I don't think you are over-reacting either. The teacher shouldn't complain about other students to parents. That would make me wonder what she says about the other kids to their peers.

 

[teresajoy]

Okay, I need honest opinions. Really, I can take constructive criticism, I promise. I know I can get that here on the Dis.

But, I'm soooo annoyed at my daugther's teacher.

I do need to preface this by saying we had issues with her last daycare as well, and took her out of there. (She was 2.5 and when they were playing at the playground, they sent her into an empty building by herself to go potty, she went potty and then went and played in a different class room, and an aide came into the building and found her, her teachers never noticed she was missing.) But, since we had problems with the last day care, I am VERY, VERY, VERY paranoid about becoming those people who are never happy anywhere. You know? The person who has a bad kid who always says it's other people's fault? I don't want to be that person.

Well, my daugther (she was 3 in September) has been much happier at this preschool. When we had her quarterly conference, her teacher said she was doing fine academically, and socially was doing much better paying attention at circle time and following directions.

My problem with her teacher is everything is about HER. A few months ago, my daughter got mad and was being ugly, and on her note home it said, "She really hurt my feelings today because she rolled her eyes at me!" Okay, the eye rolling we needed to know about and deal with, but if her feelings were hurt over that she is going to have a long year ahead.

Next, there was a little boy in her class that was pretty wild, but a good kid, but was moving up to preK. I asked if he was gone one morning, teacher said yes, and I commented that my daughter would miss him. Teacher said, "Well, at least somebody---nevermind, I'm not going to be ugly. Don't tell Ann (Director). But you know Taylor here is supposed to move up soon, and I am really going to miss HER. I might cry when SHE leaves because she is so sweet and everybody loves her." That put a very bad taste in my mouth, but I didn't say anything cause it wasn't about my kid directly, and I didn't want to tick her teacher off, and I just felt I would be better off to drop it.

Well, my daughter doesn't get into trouble a lot---most days she has good days, but every three weeks or so she will not get a sticker, which just means she didn't listen, or had a bad attitude, or whatever.

Friday, she and 3 other kids bent a book in the reading center. Her punishment was she didn't get to participate in the first show and tell her class had, and her show and tell stayed in her backpack. I didn't like it, but you know, you do the crime, you do the time, I guess, and I'm not going to complain about her being punished. I wished it would have been in timeout or some other form, but I wasn't mad about it. We are going to replace the book.

TODAY, I drop her off at school and she doesn't want to go. She usually cries when I leave every day. We're working on it. Anyway, there was a new student today. A boy was in there yelling at the teacher, "I'm HUNGRY! I'm HUNGRY!" She told him not to yell at her, that she had a new friend in the class she was dealing with. She then says, to all the parents in the room, that the student had already yelled at her and called her a name in the last five minutes, and he's only been there for ten minutes. Then, my daughter is crying and she tells the other mothers that she has enough to deal with without her kids that have been there since July crying.

It ticked me off. I almost popped off with, "Well, I can't see why she wouldn't want to stay here in such a warm and nurturing environment," but I was able to keep that inside, and in retrospect, I'm glad I did.

Am I out of line?

I do NOT want to be the person with the bad kid who blames it on all the teachers. I don't think she's bad---really----but whenever she misbehaves we take responsibility for that and try to correct her. I think my issues with her teacher are seperate.

So, would you say anything? Am I out of line? I really want ALL opinions, please.

There is NO excuse for trying to belittle a child and put them down like this! This teacher has NO business with little kids, or any other kids for that matter. If it only happened once, I might overlook it, but I think you are seeing a definite pattern here. Children need so much nurturing at this age (well, any age if you ask me!) and it really sounds like this teacher just can't handle this. I would speak with someone about it. Actually, if it were my child, I would take her out, but I'm not a big fan of preschool anyway, so I'm probabably a bit biased in that respect! Above all though, you need to look after the well being of your daughter, and you are sensing that something isn't right, so I would go with your gut.

Good luck with this, whatever you decide to do. I think it's great that you care so much about what kind of person is taking caring care of your child.

 

[SplashMountainMama]

Every teacher has different ideas about appropriate discipline so if missing show and tell seems harsh there's probably not much you can do. Maybe the teacher had tried time outs with the children and found them unsuccessful.However,if she is making all those comments to parents it is definitely unprofessional. I wouldn't go straight to the director without first speaking with the teacher and voicing your concerns. Then if you see no improvement you can go to the director. I know in our school if you go to the principal without speaking to the teacher first she will direct you right back to the teacher. You have to follow the chain of command. She may not realize how she is coming across and speaking to her one on one might be enough for her to change her approach.

 

[jeepgirl30]

Doesn't sound like you have "the bad kid" at all, more like the bad teacher. Or poorly appointed teacher. She may be better with older children.

I'd talk with the director. We had a situation like this, the one teacher was older and had a disability where she walked very slowly and with a limp. She was in charge of the 2 and 3 year olds. Definately a bad fit! She would bang a block of wood on a table to get them quiet while yelling SHUT UP. I walked in one day and she yelled at a child so harshly that I jumped. I saw her grab a child by the arm. I told the director had that been my child she woud have had a lawsuit on her hands. The director did not want to hear my complaints so I talked with other parents, all had the same issues. She used to play 6 dice with the kids, think Chicago drinking game! And she taught them to play poker using candy. I told the director I'm sure the state would love to hear about gambling in her daycare. The director told me she could not do anything because she never saw her in any of the acts the parents were all complaining about. Other teachers there were complaining as well. Finally a parent called or wrote a letter to the owner. And ding dong the witch is gone!

My kids both really like this daycare and finding a daycare your children are comfortable in is really important. Be persisent if a solution is not found.

 

[livndisney]

Personally, I would not worry about being one of "those" parents. I am proud to say I AM one of those parents. If I see (or hear) something that concerns me when it comes to my child I am going to speak up!

As a former pre-school teacher, I would never speak of a child to another childs parent. It does not sound like this teacher was having a "bad day". I would think that if she truly wants to be a teacher, perhaps older children would suit her better.

I would speak to the director right away. Does this school have cameras in the classroom? Perhaps the director could view the teacher and her "mannerisms".

 

[GoinToDisney]

Personally, I would speak to the director, and if you are really feeling uncomfortable in the situation, then you should move her again. You are not one of "those" parents. I taught preschool (and elementary school), and it is part of the reason I became a stay at home mom. It is so hard to find a good preschool. Many do not pay enough, and some of the teachers lack that warm fuzzy feeling you really want from a preschool teacher. Not only that, but the level of professionalism just isn't there sometimes. That is how this teacher sounds to me. The preschool programs around here (south jersey) tend to be better through the public school, so that is why I am waiting until my dd is 4 for preschool in our public school (if she gets in... there is a lottery). We do other activities instead for now like dance and story time. I just knew I would be picky, and the task of finding a good fit seemed too daunting to me. Don't give up. I seriously doubt there is anything you can do to make dd's teacher more professional, and I'll bet if she makes comments to parents, she might be more likely to comment to the students about the "bad" kids. The kids can hear what she grumbles about to parents.

Where I taught preschool, there was a lot of pressure to be unprofessional. It was my first year out of college before I found a public school job. I took a lot of flack for my professional attitude in the preschool. I was told I was too soft and would never be a good teacher if I didn't learn to scream and yell at the kids more. I tried to stay in my room during nap time rather than pulling my chair out into the hallway/doorway to join the daily venting sessions. I tell you this just so you know where my opinion is coming from. Not all preschools allow their teachers to be unprofessional. I hope you can find a good one or get this teacher to realize that her behavior is inappropriate.

 

[HappyDznyCamper]

I've been teaching at preschool for 9 years now, if any of the teachers where I work behaved that way we would be out the door so fast. As for the time out/no show and share, that I do understand, sometimes you have to find a punishment that works and for some kids timeout isn't it(my class is almost 2y/o now and one little guy has to have his time/out in the office because in the room he still sees all his friends, now if he would just stop hitting and pushing them...)

As others have said you may need to go to the teacher first, if that is the school policy. However it sounds like you really need to talk to the Director, this teacher is not behaving in a very proffesional manner.

Every kid will have a bad day and sometimes several kids will have a bad day together, last week 5 of my 7 kids were crying or hitting or just being very loud, the director came in and took the 2 loudest out for a walk and another teacher came into snuggle a cryer. So sometimes it is a cascade effect as far as the crying goes, but if it is everyday then I would worry.

 

[AC7179]

Well, today I went to pick my daughter up from school. Her class was in another classroom, so I went and picked her up from there. Her teacher was standing in the door with a little kid clinging to her. She told him to go play with his friends and he said no, and she repeated herself. Then she tells him, "Sorry, but I'm done with work at 4!" It was like 4:03. She says, "My hours are 7-4, any more than that and I'd go crazy."

Who says that to a kid? Especially a 3 year old?

So I pick up my daugther. She had to potty so I took her to her classroom. On Friday she had told me the book she had "destroyed" was "The Froggy Book." I had asked so we could go about replacing it.
Anyway, while she was doing her business in the bathroom, I went to the book corner. The book about a frog was there. It looked fine. I could see that it had been folded, but it wasn't creased, if that makes any sense. It looked like something I could buy at a used bookstore.

I take the book to my daughter and ask her if that's the book she messed up and she said it was. I was LIVID. The book looked like any other book a 3 year old reads. So, since the teacher is off at 4, I went looking for the other teacher for confirmation that that was the book my daugther destroyed. I ran into the director and asked her if she knew, she said no and referred me to her teacher, who was still there. I know, I should have repeated what she said about getting off at 4, but I didn't.

Anyway, in front of the director, the teacher was like, "Oh, no it wasn't that book!" I asked to see the book, so we go into the classroom, and she looks through the books. She shows me other bend books, that really don't look bad, just not brand new anymore, and says, "Oh, wow, I was really able to straighten these out!" I ask again to see the book my daugther ruined and she said, "Oh, well......I can't find the ones they really messed up. You know what, I was so mad at them, I bet I put them in my purse and took them home!" At this point, I think she's flat out lying to me. Just my opinion, of course, but if I had money on it I think I'd be richer.

The teacher also tells me that my daugther and others all followed another child, the "ring leader."

NOW, I just put my daughter to bed. I was rocking her and reading her stories and we were talking about not crying in the morning. She said, "I won't, Mrs. _________ (not her teacher, but the office worker) said I have to go into the baby classroom if I keep crying when you leave!"

I'm ticked. One incident, even two incidents, I can handle. I think this is toooo much.

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[grlpwrd]

Well, today I went to pick my daughter up from school. Her class was in another classroom, so I went and picked her up from there. Her teacher was standing in the door with a little kid clinging to her. She told him to go play with his friends and he said no, and she repeated herself. Then she tells him, "Sorry, but I'm done with work at 4!" It was like 4:03. She says, "My hours are 7-4, any more than that and I'd go crazy."

Who says that to a kid? Especially a 3 year old?

So I pick up my daugther. She had to potty so I took her to her classroom. On Friday she had told me the book she had "destroyed" was "The Froggy Book." I had asked so we could go about replacing it.
Anyway, while she was doing her business in the bathroom, I went to the book corner. The book about a frog was there. It looked fine. I could see that it had been folded, but it wasn't creased, if that makes any sense. It looked like something I could buy at a used bookstore.

I take the book to my daughter and ask her if that's the book she messed up and she said it was. I was LIVID. The book looked like any other book a 3 year old reads. So, since the teacher is off at 4, I went looking for the other teacher for confirmation that that was the book my daugther destroyed. I ran into the director and asked her if she knew, she said no and referred me to her teacher, who was still there. I know, I should have repeated what she said about getting off at 4, but I didn't.

Anyway, in front of the director, the teacher was like, "Oh, no it wasn't that book!" I asked to see the book, so we go into the classroom, and she looks through the books. She shows me other bend books, that really don't look bad, just not brand new anymore, and says, "Oh, wow, I was really able to straighten these out!" I ask again to see the book my daugther ruined and she said, "Oh, well......I can't find the ones they really messed up. You know what, I was so mad at them, I bet I put them in my purse and took them home!" At this point, I think she's flat out lying to me. Just my opinion, of course, but if I had money on it I think I'd be richer.

The teacher also tells me that my daugther and others all followed another child, the "ring leader."

NOW, I just put my daughter to bed. I was rocking her and reading her stories and we were talking about not crying in the morning. She said, "I won't, Mrs. _________ (not her teacher, but the office worker) said I have to go into the baby classroom if I keep crying when you leave!"

I'm ticked. One incident, even two incidents, I can handle. I think this is toooo much.

I see a lot of red flags which really worry me.

I have had a home daycare since my oldest was 18 mo and that was 15 years ago. A lot of what you are posting distresses me because their job is to care, nurture, and teach your child - you know, build your child up, not "tear" her down. It sure doesn't sound like her teachers are treating her right and they seem very unprofessional.

Please go with your gut.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Preschool Director here and I see lots of problems. My teachers all sign a confidentiality contract day 1 and the coments about other children to parents would be grounds for termination. Second, yes most children have stopped crying after 5 or 6 mo, BUT it sounds like this teacher is part of the problem and not the solution. Unless she cries at every seperation from you, this needs to be addressed.
AS for whom to address; the ideal person should be the teacher, BUT it this situation, i doubt it would be very effective. She seems , quite inmature, and defensive. I would go to the director, mention the book situation and your unsatisfation with the converastion as well as the other unprofessional attitude and behavior. Also talk with other parents to get their take on the situation. Is it day care or preschool??????

I could not leave a child in that enviroment with out some major changes.

 

[hammie59]

Okay, I need honest opinions. Really, I can take constructive criticism, I promise. I know I can get that here on the Dis.

But, I'm soooo annoyed at my daugther's teacher.

I do need to preface this by saying we had issues with her last daycare as well, and took her out of there. (She was 2.5 and when they were playing at the playground, they sent her into an empty building by herself to go potty, she went potty and then went and played in a different class room, and an aide came into the building and found her, her teachers never noticed she was missing.) But, since we had problems with the last day care, I am VERY, VERY, VERY paranoid about becoming those people who are never happy anywhere. You know? The person who has a bad kid who always says it's other people's fault? I don't want to be that person.

Well, my daugther (she was 3 in September) has been much happier at this preschool. When we had her quarterly conference, her teacher said she was doing fine academically, and socially was doing much better paying attention at circle time and following directions.

My problem with her teacher is everything is about HER. A few months ago, my daughter got mad and was being ugly, and on her note home it said, "She really hurt my feelings today because she rolled her eyes at me!" Okay, the eye rolling we needed to know about and deal with, but if her feelings were hurt over that she is going to have a long year ahead.

Next, there was a little boy in her class that was pretty wild, but a good kid, but was moving up to preK. I asked if he was gone one morning, teacher said yes, and I commented that my daughter would miss him. Teacher said, "Well, at least somebody---nevermind, I'm not going to be ugly. Don't tell Ann (Director). But you know Taylor here is supposed to move up soon, and I am really going to miss HER. I might cry when SHE leaves because she is so sweet and everybody loves her." That put a very bad taste in my mouth, but I didn't say anything cause it wasn't about my kid directly, and I didn't want to tick her teacher off, and I just felt I would be better off to drop it.

Well, my daughter doesn't get into trouble a lot---most days she has good days, but every three weeks or so she will not get a sticker, which just means she didn't listen, or had a bad attitude, or whatever.

Friday, she and 3 other kids bent a book in the reading center. Her punishment was she didn't get to participate in the first show and tell her class had, and her show and tell stayed in her backpack. I didn't like it, but you know, you do the crime, you do the time, I guess, and I'm not going to complain about her being punished. I wished it would have been in timeout or some other form, but I wasn't mad about it. We are going to replace the book.

TODAY, I drop her off at school and she doesn't want to go. She usually cries when I leave every day. We're working on it. Anyway, there was a new student today. A boy was in there yelling at the teacher, "I'm HUNGRY! I'm HUNGRY!" She told him not to yell at her, that she had a new friend in the class she was dealing with. She then says, to all the parents in the room, that the student had already yelled at her and called her a name in the last five minutes, and he's only been there for ten minutes. Then, my daughter is crying and she tells the other mothers that she has enough to deal with without her kids that have been there since July crying.

It ticked me off. I almost popped off with, "Well, I can't see why she wouldn't want to stay here in such a warm and nurturing environment," but I was able to keep that inside, and in retrospect, I'm glad I did.

Am I out of line?

I do NOT want to be the person with the bad kid who blames it on all the teachers. I don't think she's bad---really----but whenever she misbehaves we take responsibility for that and try to correct her. I think my issues with her teacher are seperate.

So, would you say anything? Am I out of line? I really want ALL opinions, please.

I agree, you aren't over reacting. The teacher sounds immature and unprofessional. My own son is currently in his second year of preschool and I see a huge contrast between his teachers and what you're describing. I have had concerns with 2 children in his class (behaviour problems that were affecting my son and others) and when talking to the teachers they were always careful to provide information on the situation without badmouthing the other children even though it was a known fact that the kids were being mean to others and clearly the problem. That to me was a clue as to how all the kids are treated in their class. (Meaning that the teachers know that they'e still dealing with 3-5 yr olds and that THEY are the adults whose job is to help them learn while they're in their care. Not to be mean and punish in emotionally wounding ways, but to provide a more structured disapline with a direct correlation to the "crime". They then took measures to talk to the children's parents and the problems have been corrected.)

Based on what you've said in your post, I would be very hessitent to send my child to that preschool. I don't like adults who act like spoiled teenagers when dealing with children. You want your child to enjoy school. It's suppose to be a positive experience and I wouldn't be surprised if that teacher is part of the reason your daughter cries when you take her there. You need to speak to the director. Your daughter can't stand up for herself in this situation, so you need to do it for her. Don't feel bad about wanting higher standards for your child's care and education. Good luck to you both.

 

[AC7179]

Thanks for the comments. I am working on an email to the director right now. I know it would be better to do in person but I get flustered and tongue tied.

 

[lilyv]

Thanks for the comments. I am working on an email to the director right now. I know it would be better to do in person but I get flustered and tongue tied.

Email is fine, but just assume that the email will be shared with the teacher in question. Maybe it will, maybe it won't, but it makes it easier to choose words carefully when you plan they will likely see the email. Some things are just less confidential than they should be.