Open Relationships?!?

[The Mystery Machine]

I say that simply because a few of my friends have been in situations where the person tells them they are in an “open relationship”, when in actuality, the other half doesn’t know that they are in an “open relationship”, and the person is just cheating.

Then your poll is flawed. You should have included "open but lying".

I will say other. Others sex life is none of my business if it involves consenting adults. I am married for almost 30yrs and is not my thing.

 

[tzolkin]

You read it right. I was going by the "most marriages end in divorce" mantra. Apparently that's not correct.

The percentage is higher for subsequent marriages, but the “fact” that most people get divorced is not accurate. I’m not sure why that’s a “common knowledge” statistic that almost everyone accepts. I believed this as well until I did some research on the subject recently.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

The percentage is higher for subsequent marriages, but the “fact” that most people get divorced is not accurate. I’m not sure why that’s a “common knowledge” statistic that almost everyone accepts. I believed this as well until I did some research on the subject recently.

Basically it was flawed research that was published, repeatedly.

And it stuck. Pretty much everyone has heard that "50% of marriages end in divorce." Or, even "more than 50% of marriages end in divorce."

Neither is true. And the fact is, if you are in your first (only ) marriage, and you have been married 10 years, you are likely to stay married. And the likelihood increases if you married after the age of 25, or if your parents stayed married or if you are both college educated.

And even better, statistically, married people live longer.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I do not have any desire to date anybody besides my fiancé. I know I am way too jealous to ever allow him to. I really work hard at not allowing my own jealousy issues not cause problems. He was divorced for quite some time before he met me... he IS with me, we are getting married, and we own real estate together. If he wanted to be with somebody he already would be. He wants to be with me. I know know in the past I spent a lot of time trying to analyze every post he made on Facebook and scrutinized his entire friends list. I know I about came unglued when I saw he had a new female friend added (almost 2 years ago). I know I also about came unglued over seeing he had Tinder app on his phone shortly into our relationship (which is long gone now). It still really hurts my feelings when he mentions an ex or his ex wife. I guess that is just something I have to get over myself about. I DO know that a folder of pics titled him and someone he used to date had all the pics deleted (not that I was snooping or anything ) I do know that he still has a few pics of them together on Facebook. He has probably forgotten they exist because I had to go back a few years worth of posts to find them. I am now pretty much convinced that no good can come out of such obsessive and creepy behavior. My own jealousy could have ruined this relationship if I had let it.

I just KNOW that I would not entertain the idea of an “open relationship”

 

[Pacolovestacos]

and on the flip side, there are those couples who never legally tie the knot but live together as a happy and loving couple (or in an open relationship or whatnot) for decades, until one passes away.

I always wonder what awful relationship experience you have had when you post on these types of threads---I'm sorry your experiences have been so negative. There are poorly chosen matches out there, but there are lots that last forever and are loving all along----I hope you get to experience the latter someday if not for yourself, at least with close friends or family. It's ´nice to be a part of or even to witness.

How presumptuous of you. Whenever these threads come up, you seem to get upset when people present the potential negatives of marriage. I'm really sorry that you find that so offensive.

 

[cabanafrau]

The divorce rate only tells a part of the story. What is the % of people that stay unhappily married? I would guess quite a lot. They do so for the kids or for religious reasons or simply because they don't want to start over.

You give absolutely no insight as to the basis for your guess. I'd like to know what makes your guesses so accurate that they should hold meaning to anyone else?

As for how other people choose to conduct their relationships, it has nothing to do with me or mine. I think treating people with care, respect and honesty in relationships goes a long way.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

I'd like to know what makes your guesses so accurate that they should hold meaning to anyone else?

I don't care

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I don’t get to control how other people live and what they do, nor do I spend much time dwelling on it, but to me, this would be an unthinkable violation of my personal morality. To my knowledge I have never known anybody who has this kind of relationship so I have no real insight into what motivates it. I do wonder about the people who become involved with people who are in “open” relationships. Are the “open” ones being as honest with them as they are with their spouses/SO’s so as not to lead them on?

I've known only one person who has been in an open relationship with a couple and it was for several years.

My best friend entered into a relationship with a couple who had an open relationship. Legally they were not a married couple though they referred to themselves as husband and wife.

The open aspect for this particular couple was they would seek out other partners to join their relationship. Sometimes it was a female and sometimes it was a male. For their relationship though it wasn't that they would have well to be blunt sexual relations all with each other. Meaning if it was a female added the sexual relations would only be with the newly added female and the 'husband' and then vice versa with the male and the 'wife' rather than all together.

For true open relationships open communication is very important. The 'wife' always knew when her 'husband' was on a date with my best friend (who was the girlfriend in terms). My best friend would stay at their house at certain times and this was always discussed to be clear. Same when there was a boyfriend in the picture.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

It is absolutely not for me. I do not share and never have in a committed relationship. However, I do not have any problem with what people do in their own relationships.

True open relationships both parties are consenting. There is an understanding of what goes on and totally guessing here but I can see where for some individuals it's a need for them. I can see how there might be times where one partner pushes to be in an open relationship when they may not be fully comfortable with the idea but I wouldn't know how prevalent or not prevalent that is.

And I do agree with other posters. The poll is inaccurate.

 

[FutureDisneyEventPlanner]

It is absolutely not for me. I do not share and never have in a committed relationship. However, I do not have any problem with what people do in their own relationships.

True open relationships both parties are consenting. There is an understanding of what goes on and totally guessing here but I can see where for some individuals it's a need for them. I can see how there might be times where one partner pushes to be in an open relationship when they may not be fully comfortable with the idea but I wouldn't know how prevalent or not prevalent that is.

And I do agree with other posters. The poll is inaccurate.

I understand why you and a previous poster would consider it "inaccurate". But as I mentioned before, it's simply my opinion. I think it's an excuse to cheat. Or more specifically, an excuse to sleep around with no repercussions. I suppose I should've worded it that way.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I understand why you and a previous poster would consider it "inaccurate". But as I mentioned before, it's simply my opinion. I think it's an excuse to cheat. Or more specifically, an excuse to sleep around with no repercussions. I suppose I should've worded it that way.

A poll is designed to get other people's opinions. If you only wanted to express your opinion without a way to 'track' other people's opinions then you shouldn't have created a poll.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Not for me and I do not understand the appeal in any way but if other consenting adults want to be in an open relationship...more power to them.


I did not vote in the poll since neither option really fits my opinion on the subject.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Maybe how you view marriage is which circle you run with.

In my past, during my first marriage, I swear I knew no one in a happy FIRST marriage. I did and do know many happy second marriages. This goes for my family and friends.

At work....I swear 70% of the people are miserable or cheating on their spouses. I work in healthcare. Lots of cheating.

When I go out to a bar with my gf or out on the town with friends I see plenty of married men hitting on women and trying to have a one night stand. And I frequent all kinds of places. Higher end, lower end, middle of the road. It happens at every place. Fancy to not so fancy. They aren't quiet about it. I'm going to guess they aren't particularly happily married.

Now that I'm with my new SO of 6 years all of his friends (who I've gained as friends) and most of his family are in happy first marriages. Ranging between 10 - 45 years. It is refreshing.

So in my little world divorce is about 50/50 with unhappy marriages being right around there too.

And the happiest couples with some of the longest and strongest marriages IME are the swingers. Oddly enough.

 

[FutureDisneyEventPlanner]

A poll is designed to get other people's opinions. If you only wanted to express your opinion without a way to 'track' other people's opinions then you shouldn't have created a poll.

Plenty of people have voted in the poll, as well as commented with their opinions. I'm not trying to offend anyone and I'm sorry if I have offended you in any way.

 

[Hannahinwonderland]

I can't imagine being in one, I am a bit of an anxious person and would constantly be worrying about other people my partner might be seeing. But to each their own!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Plenty of people have voted in the poll, as well as commented with their opinions. I'm not trying to offend anyone and I'm sorry if I have offended you in any way.

You haven't offended me and I'm not sure why you would think you have.

The reason people see your poll as flawed is because you seem to not have an actual understanding of open relationships. Your only other option besides 'perfectly fine' is 'an excuse to cheat'. Clearly you have a skewed view of the term open relationship to begin with.

The poll could have read for example: 'perfectly fine' 'not acceptable' 'other' OR 'an excuse to cheat' 'not cheating' 'other' {eta: or like the other poster mentioned 'open but lying'} as well as other various options if you understood what an open relationship is.

 

[cabanafrau]

I don't care

I guess that explains that.

I understand why you and a previous poster would consider it "inaccurate". But as I mentioned before, it's simply my opinion. I think it's an excuse to cheat. Or more specifically, an excuse to sleep around with no repercussions. I suppose I should've worded it that way.

I think what is being suggested is that your poll is inherently biased because it is worded in such a way as to reflect your opinion, therefore skewing the results.

 

[barkley]

not my thing but i still agree with what my college human sexuality professor said in 1980 about 'acceptable' sexual relationships-'anything between consenting adults so long as noone gets hurt UNLESS that is desired and agreed to in advance by ALL participants'.

i knew LOTS of people with open relationships in the mid-late 70's/early 80's. illness, death and fear of what was then unknown and unspoken of (at least by the powers that be) greatly impacted allot of people's decisions to no longer engage in the lifestyle. I don't know that there will ever be a shift back to the level of practice I saw within my friends of all sexual populations.

it's odd to me-with all the talk in the media of 'alternative lifestyles' with the millennials I see just the opposite w/dd's peers. it seems like the majority of the 'kids' she went to high school with (now in their early 20's) are getting married SO FAST. it's like one of them posts on facebook that they are in a new relationship AND BOOM-within 3-4 months they've announced they've married (and not talking 'shotgun'-no pregnancies). it's almost like marriage is the new 'going steady'

 

[FutureDisneyEventPlanner]

You haven't offended me and I'm not sure why you would think you have.

The reason people see your poll as flawed is because you seem to not have an actual understanding of open relationships. Your only other option besides 'perfectly fine' is 'an excuse to cheat'. Clearly you have a skewed view of the term open relationship to begin with.

The poll could have read for example: 'perfectly fine' 'not acceptable' 'other' OR 'an excuse to cheat' 'not cheating' 'other' {eta: or like the other poster mentioned 'open but lying'} as well as other various options if you understood what an open relationship is.

My apologies. I wasn’t trying to skew it in any way. I suppose I am biased though.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Perhaps that is what he meant. I didn’t read it that way because he had quoted my previous post and I never used the term “closed”

I read it as “well, most relationships don’t work out long term anyway, so that’s not a reason to avoid an open relationship”

You read it right. I was going by the "most marriages end in divorce" mantra. Apparently that's not correct.

I see I was wrong. I guess I was feeling optimistic!