OOh No What would you do?

[momof3girls6712]

We have had our vacation plans set for months now. I have requested the time of work, DH has requested his vacation time, I contacted the schools and got the kid's absenses excused, paid for a photopass share, entered a fridge swap......basically we are READY!

Well oldest comes home from school yesterday defeated. She found out softball try outs are the week we will be in Disney. She has been planning and praticing to make the team since last year. This is her first year in middle school. We called the coach and basically got i am sorry and not really anything I can do, but I will think about it. I told my DD that we could move the trip, but then it would have to be at the end of Febraury instead. She said she would prefer to keep the trip and play on the city team again. But I know she is disappointed. DH does not want to rearrange the trip at this point.

So what would you do?

 

[Aliceacc]

Wow, that's rough.

There's really no way the coach can move tryouts; they're set by the school...it's brutal trying to arrange fields and gym time when you have a ton of spring sports (trying out when winter sports are still going on and gym time is limited.) Besides, there's no way to make them convenient for everyone. And he can't just put her on the team without having her try out; that wouldn't be fair to all the other kids.

So, some options:
--Is she willing (and is it possible) for her to miss the trip? Stay with grandma or a friend?

--If not, could she manage the team? Very often HS and Jr HS teams have a manager who doesn't play (and thus doesn't need to try out) Sure, she wouldn't get any playing time. But she would still be part of the group and be known for next year.

 

[momof3girls6712]

She asked for the trip for her birthday so we can not go without her. Infact, we are taking one of her friends as well who is equal bummed about try outs. I did not ask the coach to allow her on the team without trying out or to move the try outs. What I asked was if she could do the week's worth of skill try outs on Friday since we will be home for only that day during the week. She says if she can not try out she will just play on the city league again (which most kids play on both the city and school teams at the same time). I just am not sure she is really going to be happy deciding not to try out. Her city coach has been practicing with her a few times a week since last softball season (the school team is really hard to get on - they have a great team).

Maybe being the manager would make her happy, but it would probally conflict with city ball. I am just at a lose completely. My magically trip is turning into a nightmare and we haven't even left yet.

 

[Aliceacc]

I hope it works out for you, but I wouldn't hold much hope for getting early tryouts. (Even if it were just your daughter and not the two of them.)

I'm SO NOT an athlete, but I am a teacher. I've seen and heard enough about tryouts to know that the coaches wander around and kind of mentally rank the kids. That's really hard to do if they're not in the same place at the same time.

Come up with all the options you can-- manager, city team, home with grandma-- even some you're not crazy about. Then lay them all on the table and let her decide. It's not going to be ideal, but at least it will be her choice.

 

[shellybelly72]

A similar thing happened to us a few years ago..

We planned our trip, it was paid for- My oldest sons soccer team made the finals- and had a game right in the middle of our trip. We lived in Alabama at the time.

My son who was 12 at the time stayed at a teammates house the first few days-So he could practice with the team. My husband drove up to watch the game and then drove back with him.. But that was just one day..Does she have tryouts all week?

If she is fine with playing on the city team,even though she is a dissapointed, then I would keep your plans..

The mouse makes everything better..

 

[karliebug]

Wow, that is rough. I had a similar thing happen this last trip. It was planned for months, everything set and then our high school announced tryouts for the musical the week we were gone. The director allowed my daughter to stay after school and sing for him, but she wasn't there for the acting part so she didn't get a role, just the chorus. It was disappointing for her as she is a senior this year. I did give her the option to skip the trip and stay home with dad, but she went with us.

 

[stacy6552]

If nobody wants to move the trip, then don't move it and don't worry about it.

 

[tadamom]

My senior year (15 years ago) I went to New York for a week and was going to miss the softball team tryouts. It was going to be my first year trying out b/c cheerleaders couldn't play on the softball teams b/c the seasons overlapped. Anyways, since the coach had never seen me play slowpitch (I had played fastpitch my whole life) he agreed to let me and one other girl that was going as well try out the week before. We both made the team.

Ours was a school sponsored trip so that may have been why we got to try out early but hopefully your DD will be able to as well.

Good luck!

 

[agnes!]

Maybe you can ask around & see if other interested kids have pre-arranged activities planned for that timeframe and then have all the parties (including the friend you are taking) contact the coach. Frankly, I think that being notified *now*, when the tryouts have to have been on use-calendars for probably months (as another poster stated, the fields, etc. have to be signed-up for by the various teams/groups waaaaaaaaay in advance) well, I think it's a little odd on the coach's part. Sometimes band directors/choir directors/play directors(drama teachers) forget that new kids don't *already* know The Schedule that the teachers have set in stone & that the older students are experienced with.

agnes!

 

[momof3girls6712]

I doubt that they set the schedule months ago. We live in a small town. Her middle school has about 350 kids in grades 6 through 8. I am hoping the coach will allow her to try-out before we leave. I think that is reasonable. I am going to speak to the coach again and the administration at the school. I am sure her chance of making the team will be less since it is hard to rate someone when they are not with the group, but atleast she would have a chance.

I spoke to her and her friend today and they both want to go to Disney so we will not be changing our trip. I just feel like such a bad mom. I hope the coach will agree, but if not I will just sign her up for city ball again. I coach for the city team and her sisters play on city league teams so it might work out for the best.

 

[daisyduck123]

We would go on the planned trip.
You said it's middle school & she can play on the city team if she doesn't get on the middle school team.

If it were high school, then I'd have to consider switching the trip (being on the team in high school means it can go on her transcript...& I'm all about having my DD13's transcript look good ). But just for middle school, we'd still go on the trip, considering all the planning you've done.

 

[caroline1851]

I would def. move the trip. Her tryouts are REALLY important, especially since she's been practicing, etc.

 

[SplashMountainMama]

I would def. move the trip. Her tryouts are REALLY important, especially since she's been practicing, etc.

Both girls said they would rather go to Disney and play on the city team. They obviously have decided that it's not important enough for them. I say go on your trip and make great memories that will last a lifetime and don't waste one moment of your trip feeling guilty about the missed tryouts. Afterall, you've left the decision up to the girls so it's what they want.

 

[DevilDuckie]

Well... I'm not sure I see the problem. You said it in your first post, "she would prefer to keep the trip and play on the city team again". I say let her choose, because yes, she'll be disappointed either way and if this is HER trip and HER tryouts, only she knows what is more important to her. It's a good life lesson in making choices- one where the possible pitfalls are not going to hurt her. Trust your girlie and let her decide.

 

[HappyLawyer]

We have had our vacation plans set for months now. I have requested the time of work, DH has requested his vacation time, I contacted the schools and got the kid's absenses excused, paid for a photopass share, entered a fridge swap......basically we are READY!

Well oldest comes home from school yesterday defeated. She found out softball try outs are the week we will be in Disney. She has been planning and praticing to make the team since last year. This is her first year in middle school. We called the coach and basically got i am sorry and not really anything I can do, but I will think about it. I told my DD that we could move the trip, but then it would have to be at the end of Febraury instead. She said she would prefer to keep the trip and play on the city team again. But I know she is disappointed. DH does not want to rearrange the trip at this point.

So what would you do?

I would let the kid decide, if she did not want to go to disney, then perhaps family or a friend or one of her friends parents can take her in. But u need to consider the entire family overall and do what works best.

 

[bellebud]

You don't say when the trip is (do you???)... You do say you offered dd to move the trip to the end of February. I'd do that if you could. Is the actual trip before that, and she just doesn't want to wait till the end of February? (just being impatient?) I'm just trying to figure the reason she doesn't want to go the end of February...

I see you're in florida, so not flying. So no air tickets to switch. ADR's, while nice, are not *that* important. You'd be able to still get adr's if you switch, just maybe have to switch park days or restuarants a little or something, which you have time to do. I once planned an entire trip including air tickets in 2 weeks (we were sitting at dinner and dh surprised us and told me to plan a trip to leave in 2 weeks - he had a bad day at work that day and says he had a moment of temporary insanity - but I was already on the computer and 10 minutes later had the important things booked - so no changing his mind

If you totally couldn't go at all, then that would be a different story, but I don't know if a week of vacation is worth missing a whole season of a sport she's been practicing for. Again, I wouldn't cancel the trip for it (what if she trys out and doesn't make it) - but I would switch it if possible. Disney is really good w/ stuff like that (don't know if you booked on the phone, but I always book the rooms on the phone and find the cm's SO helpful).

And I don't think she's old enough to totally make the decision for herself. Again, why doesn't she want to go in the end of February? While I agree that letting her make a huge decision for herself like this will 'teach' her about consequences I still think it's too big a decision for her age. She really wanted to be on the team, right? She also really wants to go to disney. What a tough thing for a young girl to have to decide between.

You also said dh doesn't want to change the trip - why? If it's just because it's a pain to do it, I'd still change it. Is he the one who has to do the changes, or are you the planner? Maybe offer to do the changes if he's the one who does it.

This is dd's first year in middle school - a very important time in her life school-wise, friend-wise - fitting in, being part of a school team. She might not make the team anyway, but I think very soon after your trip is over, she'll regret picking a trip over a season of being a part of something she loves to do.

I also think everyone will enjoy the trip more if you switch it. If you don't, the try-outs will be hanging over the trip, even if only slightly, but still, who wants any stress or regrets on vacation? The trip will be over soon enough, then she has to live the rest of the school year not being part of the team. Again, a very big decision for someone her age to make for herself.

Good luck deciding what to do. Let us know.

 

[momof3girls6712]

Well it looks like we will be sticking to our plan and going from Jan 27 to Jan 31. DH just does not like change and I have already changed our dates and such 5 times since he said we could go again (we were just there in Aug.). I talked in length to my DD and she insist that she wants to be in Disney more than try-outs. I am afraid that she will regret it later and that it is going to loom over us, but she is not willing to wait another month. She reasoned that she has been on the city league for 2 years now and would miss her coach and teammates switching to the school team anyway. Honestly, I think she is afraid of not making the team. But this is a trip for her so I am going to respect her wishes.

I do plan on speaking with the coach and the administration once more and hopefully we will find sometime she can tryout before we leave. But I do not have high hopes at all.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

That is such a shame, I know how she feels! I was sick once, and missed a tryout with my choir for a broadway musical - they made it and I was left behind because I couldn't be at the audition! I think you should sit down and have a real heart to heart with her and ask her to be totally honest with you and tell you exactly what she really wants. Hopefully the coach will change his/her mind and let your daughter tryout the week before by herself? Good luck!

 

[brymolmom]

One other thing to consider - What are the chances of her actually making the team? I don't mean to sound mean - but in some schools around me there are a hundred kids trying out for like 30 spots and if you're not REALLY good (and play year-round in travel leagues outside of school) - you have a very small chance of actually making it, especially if you're one of the younger ones. I don't think you should say this to dd because obviously it is great for her to try her best even with a small chance of actually making it. I just think it might make YOU feel better about leaving the trip when it is. I mean - if you go through the work of changing it and she tries out and then doesn't even make it - it would make it that much more of a disappointment for her to have affected the whole family like that.

And, IMO - you shouldn't even ask for special considerations for her for trying out....other kids want it bad enough to be there - if your kid wanted it bad enough - she would be there too, so the other kids who are there should be given the chance.

 

[momof3girls6712]

I think she has a pretty good shot at making the team. She does play travel ball year round. Several other schools in the area told us over the summer if we wanted to switch they would give her a spot on their team without trying out. The problem is her school has the best team in our entire county so its pretty much a 50/50 shot wether she makes it our not. There will be about 50 girls trying out for the team and they usually keep around 20. This year most of the "senior" players moved on th high school, but there are still about 10 returning players that are pretty much a sure thing for the team.

I really do not see the problem with asking for a tryout before the rest of the girls. I am not asking for the coach to promise her a spot or anything like that. The school emailed me back this morning and we have a meeting scheduled for tomorrow afternoon to discuss what if anything can be done. We have decided not to move our trip. I just hope later on she does not feel like we caused her to miss out on the experience. She is such a wonderful child. I just want to make sure I do the best I can for her.

I think she is just going to grow up to be a "Disney nut". She did not want to have a party this year for her birthday just a trip to Disney with her BFF. She came home friday thrilled cause her honors program will be going to Epcot in May. We will be returning in May as well for her sister's birthday. And she tells me last night her and her BFF are trying to talk the BFF's parents in to taking them the first week in Feb. 2008. I guess there could be worse things she could be interested in.