Ok, so I'm not perfect, but love sucks.

[Uuaww]

I am a 20 year old fraternity brother in college with one simple problem, I can't get a steady girlfriend. Now I am not going to put the blame on others, because I am pretty sure it is my fault. I have one of those really dry sense of humors and such; but I have another side also (disney and such). Anyways, I basically am attracted to two types of girls, the sorority girls and my roommates campus crusade for christ friends. Yes me and my roommates are all polar opposites but we get along really well somehow. Back on track, the sorority girls will say yes to a date, but it usually ends the same way, yeah, and not in a relationship. Now nice girls just don't say yes, so it is like I am screwed either way.

 

[Hobbes]

Wish I was 20 years younger (and 5000 mile nearer)

 

[MrToadsGirl79]

Twenty is waaaaaaaaay too young to be this jaded about relationships! Most girls (even twenty-year-old sorority and/or church group ones) have a sixth sense about guys who reeeeeeallly want to be in a relationship...there's a nasty little word, starts with d-, ends with -esperate, that girls start thinking about guys like that. I'm not saying that's necessarily how you are being perceived, but I have to think it's a possibility. I can tell you, from experience, that there are very few things that are a bigger turn-off than desperation. (for one thing, how can you make a girl feel special if she thinks you'd pretty much go out with anyone, just to have a girlfriend?)

So...what do you do? You forget about the relationship thing for awhile and concentrate on becoming comfortable in your own skin, being completely happy with who you are, *without* a girlfriend. Confidence is attractive. And...uh...take her to DisneyWorld when you finally do get a girl. Just so we're being relevant to the discussion at hand .

I hope that didn't come across as harsh--I wish you much luck. You sound exactly like my husband's best friend from college, and he's happily married now.

 

[RumpleMom]

Spend some time doing group activities, join a club to meet others with mutual interests. A relationship is a stronger one when it develops from a friendship.

Don't be in a hurry to call it a date. Ask a girl in one of your classes to study together at the library before a big test. Period. Not a date.

Be friendly, stop a minute on campus to talk, ask a girl how her day is going. Then move on and continue your day. Not a date. Develop a friendship, talking relationship first, before even thinking of a date, then after awhile ask if she is going to a campus lecture, movie, whatever... and does she want to meet up for food(pizza, soda, coffee, ice cream) afterward. Maybe you might run into each other. You drag your roommate to the lecture with you, she will probably be there with another girl, you make introductions, suggest all of you go for food, don't leave out the extra people, they go too. Everyone pays for their own food, not a date, but a start. Good luck. Do not ask for a date after this night, just be friendly for awhile. Next event on campus, do the same thing. If it doesn't work the first time, then try again with another group of people.

 

[MickeyCrazed]

Wish I was 20 years younger (and 5000 mile nearer)

20 years isn't that much of a difference.
Look at Demi and Ashton....

 

[Vivianne]

Just remember it's not all about looks.

I'm sure there are a lot of nice girls out there. Probably more female to male ratio.

 

[lauren_elizabeth]

I think you might be my kinda guy!! A fraternity brother who loves Disney? I'm 18, 19 in a few months.

 

[Uuaww]

Yeah, I guess we can be somewhat of a rarity, now only if you weren't at the other side of the country haha.

 

[#1DizGal]

Come join us on DisMates chat! We'd welcome you with open arms!!!

 

[malibuconlee]

My DH had given up on meeting girls from our area when he was about your age. He figured he'd wait until he left community college and got to State. Then we met when neither of us were looking for someone.

He always laughs because he was thinking he'd meet someone at IA State. WRONG - I don't know what the real statistic is, but at the parties I went to there were always at least 5 guys for every girl there.

I agree with other posters about not worrying about having dates, look for friends first then let it go somewhere from there.

Don't worry about it. Just because you're a frat boy doesn't mean you can't hang out with the good girls. You just have to show them that there's more to you than the Friday night kegger.

I have a girlfriend that for years was always saying things like "you're so lucky, your DH is such a good guy. I wish I have what you have". That kind of thing. The problem being if a guy like my DH had asked her out she'd have said no. Because he didn't have the nicest car or this or that.

Good luck. Don't stress about it, you'll find that right person when you least expect it.

OH, and at least you're male. DH's grandmother was basically calling his cousin an old maid because she doesn't have a husband - and she's only 23 and just graduated last year from college. Oh, how times have changed.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I felt the same way about a year ago, since my love of Disney made me "annoying," but then I met my now DBF, who thinks its cute. So hang in there, I'm sure in a year or two you'll meet someone. Until the just enjoy college, I just finished college two years ago and miss it, and actually I think it was easier on my social life in college not to have a steady DBF, but am now ready to have a serious relationship.

 

[Disneyfan63]

Hi,

I don't think love sucks, but at age 20 I'd had only one date in my entire life. No steady girlfriend until age 37--and my brother and sister didn't like her because she tends to use people. Between them I'd gone more than nine years (August 4, 1990-October 24, 1999), and a little less than four years (June 4, 1983-March 4, 1987) without a single date. After my first girlfriend broke up with me in August, 2002--because she got tired of my complaining about the money I spent supporting her and her daughter--I didn't ask anyone out for two years. An eHarmony date on September 6, 2004 in Baltimore not only didn't work out, but that day I got robbed after the date ended, on my way home. I cancelled my eHarmony subscription (which had expired four days earlier) that night; and prayed to the Lord that, if it was His will, to either find me a girlfriend or to let me quit. A little less than two months later I met my second girlfriend through two mutual friends at work; she and I dated for thirteen months before conceding the fact that beyond a mutual physical attraction, we had no common interests, and called it quits on November 21, 2005. Haven't dated since, deciding that if I can't choose wisely, I won't choose at all; and go out alone or with friends.

I joined Dismates to find friends with whom to hang out, at Disney or not at Disney, not to find "Miss Right". If I do find her, great. If I don't, that's fine, too. At 20 or 21, you don't need to find a steady girlfriend; just concentrate on having friends and fun. If and when it is the Lord's will, you will find a girl.

Jim

 

[elastigirl]

Do the Disney College Program, if you have the chance!

I (a 21yo sorority girl at the time) met and fell in love with my now DH, who was 22 and a fraternity brother/Disney guy (and who had the same problems with girls you describe). We went to school halfway across the country from each other, and met at a party the first week of our program.

 

[pearlieq]

Hey--I know what it's like to want a connection with someone and feel like it's not happening for you. I never had high hopes for myself--I was largely dateless through high school and I was a few months shy of 19 when I had my first kiss. But I was just barely 20 when I got engaged! (not even the same guy) Things happen in strange ways.

Here's a couple of thoughts:

1.) Be careful not to label people, including yourself. You're more than a "frat guy" and the women you meet are more that "soros" or "crusade for Christ girls". And, FYI, those "crusade for Christ girls" aren't automatically "nice girls" either! If you resist the temptation to label people, you might find yourself noticing more people and noticing more about them--something you find you might want to know more about...

2.) Get out there! Don't limit yourself to one or two social circles for dating. Date a lot of people. Date a lot of different people. If someone seems interested and you're not sure, go out for a cup of coffee. Keep it casual, of course, but you just never know what you're going to find when you take the time to get to know someone. Even if you don't click with one particular girl, she may have a friend that's perfect for you!

Good luck to you! I hope you find someone you can have some fun with!

 

[Uuaww]

so i went on a date with some toyally random girl, nothing like any other girl ive dated before in a good way and........ no connection at all, eh it happens

 

[lisaland]

the poster who suggested you try the Disney College Program. I am 39 yo mom who looks back at college days where I was stuck with a bf like glue. I wasted those years with him when I could have done something adventurous like work for Disney!!! That would have been so cool!

Don't look for someone...let them find you. You are young enough to do what you want to do without being tied to real responsibilities (family, kids, job, etc). Take this opportunity now to see the world and experience something out of the ordinary! Miss Right will show up when you least expect it.

Have fun!

Lisaland

 

[spiceycat]

take your time - you have plenty of it. (okay you might have an accident and died - but unlikely)

why do you NEED a girlfriend?

You have friends - so there is someone to go to parties with, right?

So why do you think you need a girlfriend.

besides which until you learn to stop labeling people - you are NEVER going to find happiness.

you find happiness in yourself - then you find it in others.

I have never married and most of my friends, who are married, don't have a problem (at least that I know of) with me being still single...

Now I do understand the pier pressure to have a girlfriend - believe me in my 20's and 30's I went through several boyfriends. but if you can't be happy alone - then don't expect to be happy with someone...

 

[Corey127]

you're not meeting any Freshman (freshmeat) girls (who are DYING to date frat boys) at the frat parties your frat throws? lol im kidding, but that's how it was at my college....

maybe try Match, or Eharmony....
but...you'll really never meet someone if you are "looking"...if it's really meant to be they will just fall into your lap someday, or you'll crash into them when you aren't paying attention.

besides.....you don't NEED a GF, find yourself and become a complete person on your own and it then it will just happen.....
'

good luck!

 

[tmli]

Just a word of advice...don't let geography limit your choices. I have met my prince, he is 1500 miles away. But you know when it is right and meant to be, the details work themselves out!

Good Luck to you and don't give up yet.

Also doesn't sound like you want to have a relationship with the girl who says yes the first night....so why even give her the option. Decide for yourself what type of girl you want and don't settle for less.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

That's sad. I hope you're doing better in love since a little over a month ago. Eventually you'll find the right girl for you. My DBF has a dry sense of humor but I find him hysterical (while no one else really does). Good luck and leave the sorority girls alone

**Also, I dated my DBF three years ago for a month and I broke up with him because his whole life consisted of our RELATIONSHIP. It was overbearing. We broke up but remained friends, I moved away, got engaged, a year and a half later was unengaged and moved back home, and we met again in person and everything was different. We've been together for 6 months and I was never looking for any of this. One day everything just changes.