Odd, but it seems that "adult" best friends aren't that important these days..

[C.Ann]

DD is still grappling with the loss of her best friend.. For awhile she was doing pretty well.. She had purchased a number of books dealing with the loss of a loved one, but when she reached the sections that were "specific" to losing a spouse, parent, sibling, or child, she found she could no longer relate.. The loss of a "best friend" is as unique as the friendship itself and other relationships just don't seem to "fit"..

So - I decided to search through several book sites on the web in hopes of finding some books that would be specific to her loss.. Imagine my surprise when I waded through over 1000 books and found only three that specifically addressed the death of an adult best friend..

There were a large number of books for children & teeneagers who have lost friends - hundreds of books for people who have lost a pet - hundreds of books for people who have lost a spouse, parent, sibling or child - but only three (and oddly enough, all written by the same author) that dealt with the loss of an adult best friend..

So - I ordered the books and then went in search of an on-line support group for her and came up totally empty-handed.. I found support groups for the loss of a husband; a wife; a mom; a dad; a sister; a brother; a grandparent; a pet; a child; a Great Dane - and even one for a Light Aviation Bereavement Support Group..

What is it about the loss of an adult best friend that is so insignificant that the loss of one doesn't even merit a support group? Does society assume that if your best friend dies, you can just skip right out and "get a new one"??

Best friends are special.. I sure wish the loss of one was treated as such...

 

[EsmeraldaX]

 

[snoopy]

I would be devastated if I lost my best friend -- she had breast cancer 7 years ago and for awhile there I thought we might lose her -- thank God that wasn't the case. We've been friends since we were 11 years old and are godparents to one another's children, and our husbands are also dear friends. My Dad nicknamed us Lucy and Ethel so many years ago, those names stuck with us and are representative of our relationship.

I'm sorry your daughter is still grieving, C.Ann, but I'm not surprised.

How are YOU doing? I'm glad to see you here.

 

[DisMN]

Seeing as there are so few websites devoted to that subject maybe it's something your daughter could start??

I'm sure there are others out there who'd find value in being able to talk about their losses.

 

[leahannpen]

Wow, I find that odd. I lost a very dear friend to Cancer about 8 years ago, but if I lost my best friend, who I've been best friends with, since literally age 3, I don't know what I'd do.

How nice that you are trying to help. I'm sure it means alot!

 

[CindysGusGus]

Sending you a PM

 

[Pin Wizard]

I remember when I was in grief therapy after my husband died and talking with a counselor. I was floored when she informed me that adults don't have a "best friend." At they point we just have friends. I still remember her telling me that, and that was years ago! P.S. I think she's wrong on that.

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by snoopy
I would be devastated if I lost my best friend -- she had breast cancer 7 years ago and for awhile there I thought we might lose her -- thank God that wasn't the case. We've been friends since we were 11 years old and are godparents to one another's children, and our husbands are also dear friends. My Dad nicknamed us Lucy and Ethel so many years ago, those names stuck with us and are representative of our relationship.

I'm sorry your daughter is still grieving, C.Ann, but I'm not surprised.

How are YOU doing? I'm glad to see you here.

-------------------------------

Hey snoopy - I think you may be one of the ones who actually "gets it".. A best friend is both rare and unique - something that doesn't come along every day in life - and the loss of that best friend is every bit as devastating as the loss of any other loved one.. Sadly though it seems that society doesn't view it in that manner..

I think my DD will be grieving over this for a very long time to come.. However - although in some respects it seems ages ago, it won't even be two months since her best friend died until later this week.. It's still very new and very raw - and to complicate matters, now the "numbness" has worn off and it seems to be hitting her much harder.. She has a tough row to hoe..

As for me - well oddly enough, dealing with my DD's grief made me realize I had some issues of my own to deal with and I feel like I'm making some great strides.. I've been seeing a counselor and I've become involved with a caregivers support group and it has helped immensely.. Things take on an entirely different perspective when you can share with people who are actually "in" - or have been "in" your shoes.. They don't see things the same way that folks on the outside do and they are very aware that people don't always handle things the way they "think" they would prior to the event actually taking place..

Anyhow - I'm good - DH is actually doing pretty good right now (has lost almost 20 lbs. and the blister and swelling of his feet has gone down considerably) and we're all working together to deal with our various issues and problems..

Thanks for asking about me - and thanks for understanding what "best friends" are really all about....

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by Pin Wizard
I remember when I was in grief therapy after my husband died and talking with a counselor. I was floored when she informed me that adults don't have a "best friend." At they point we just have friends. I still remember her telling me that, and that was years ago! P.S. I think she's wrong on that.

----------------------------------

Are you SERIOUS ????? That's about one of the most awful things I have ever heard! i think that woman needs to be in a different line of work!!!!!!!!

 

[JayBee]

I guess the reason is most adults get married and their spouse becomes their "best friend". Mine is. I have good friends of either sex , but would not need a support group if one of them passed away.

 

[snoopy]

C. Ann, you sound good. I'm so glad you found a caregivers support group and that your DH is doing better. I hope your DD is able to find one too. I definately "get it" -- I'm one of those very blessed people who not only has a "soulmate" in my husband, but one in my best friend too. Without her, it would be like not having my right arm, I just wouldn't be whole. I'll say a prayer for your DD that she finds some comfort from people who have experienced that same profound loss.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Could be, C.Ann. A couple years ago, she lost her husband herself. I wonder if she feels the same way now.

Did you come across www.groww.org ? I'm not sure exactly what they have, but I remember they seemed to be a pretty good site out there. I visit one for widows, but that doesn't pertain to your daughter.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by JayBee
I guess the reason is most adults get married and their spouse becomes their "best friend".

That's how I thought of it also. However, for me a husband isn't entirely everything. Snoopy said if she didn't have her best friend, it would be like missing her right arm. I have a couple friends I can tell absolutely anything and everything to. Rare in a person. But even while married, I had my best friend.

 

[caitycaity]

Originally posted by JayBee
I guess the reason is most adults get married and their spouse becomes their "best friend". Mine is. I have good friends of either sex , but would not need a support group if one of them passed away.

i also think it has to do with the fact that a lot of adults move pretty frequently these days.

 

[Rajah]

Originally posted by snoopy
C. Ann, you sound good. I'm so glad you found a caregivers support group and that your DH is doing better. I hope your DD is able to find one too. I definately "get it" -- I'm one of those very blessed people who not only has a "soulmate" in my husband, but one in my best friend too. Without her, it would be like not having my right arm, I just wouldn't be whole. I'll say a prayer for your DD that she finds some comfort from people who have experienced that same profound loss.

I totally agree. I have 2 "soulmates" as well between my DH and my best friend.

Could she maybe relate to it sorta like the loss of a sister? I know my best friend is like my sister, and since there's no other support out there, that may be the closest you can find.

I like the idea of starting her own online group (if she's able) for support after the loss of a best friend.

And PW -- IMHO, what she told you is a total load of you-know-what!! I feel very sorry for the person who can't have a "best friend" after becoming an adult. Since when does age have anything to do with friendship? I think she was in the wrong business.

C.Ann -- It's good to see you posting again, and you do sound like you're hanging in there well. Know y'all are still in my thoughts.

 

[meandtheguys2]

C. Ann, it is so nice to hear from you! I have missed your presence. I just wanted to let you knoe that you continue in my prayers, as does your daughter.

Be well, and write when you can,

Michelle