O/T Help me get over the fear of driving

[fluffernutter]

I need some help. I havent driven in a long long,time,almost 18 years to be exact. When I was younger and had gotten my first car,I got into a very,very bad car accident while driving and havent driven since.

Now with 2 young children, Iknow I need to drive again,or at least feel secure enough if I ever god forbid needed to get behind the wheel, so can anyone offer me some tips on how to get the confidence back. I think Im going to go for driving lessons again,I still have my drivers licence,have kept it all this time,as photo id only,lol

But I am freaking out,at the thought of getting behind the wheel again. I kept telling myself all winter that I would go during the spring for refresher lessons,but now that spring is only a few days away,Im starting to freak out.

It also doesnt help,that when Im a passenger in the car with DH ,I see all the psychos out there behind the wheel,and that gets me nervous as well,the thought of what could have happened to me,and now what could happen,if I was in an accident with the girls in the car. I know the logic,that yes,you can get into an accident just walking across the street,but emotionally I cant get past the fear from the accident I had. The police had said,if it wasnt for the size of the car I was driving ('78 caddy deville),and that I had my seat belt on,I would have been dead,so that is why the big fear.
help,anyone??
thanks in advance

 

[java]

Ok first off - now there are airbags everywhere. Your car is safe if you follow the simple- put on your seatbelt rule look what it did for you!. Going back for lessons is a good idea. Realize that you will drive "defensive". You keep your eyes open and start slow. I see NY is it City? because even I am freaked about nyc- Head someplace quiet to test the water. Also in NYC it is easy to not have a car. I think you are smart to be starting again. You will LOVE the freedom of not having to rely on someone else to get you places. You can do this!

 

[1rockinmamato2]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

I agree that you need to face this fear and taking driving lessons would be a great start.

But, what upsets me is what that police officer said to you oh-so-many years ago because he should never have made a prediction about what the outcome could have been if you were driving a different car. Because none of us ever know.

Take it slowly. You can do this and you're definitely doing it for the right reasons!

 

[NY Disney fan]

I need some help. I havent driven in a long long,time,almost 18 years to be exact. When I was younger and had gotten my first car,I got into a very,very bad car accident while driving and havent driven since.

Same thing happened to me. I got my license at 19. A week later the brakes on my car failed and I ended up crashing into a large bus (with people in it). I did not drive again until I was 28 years old.

I knew I had to drive because it was very important to me so this is what I did. Even though I had a driver's license I took driving lessons to feel confident. I took as many lessons as I needed to feel safe. Then I drove my own car (always with someone in the passenger seat). The lessons and my own practice gave me confidence.

The second thing I did was I only drove on the street. Never the highway. I always took the long way to get to my destination because it made me feel safer. I would jump on the highway slowly and only at certain times. After a while I became comfortable.

The third thing I did was drive really slow until I felt comfortable. I never matched the other drivers.

Driving is like a reflex. The more you do it the more comfortable you will feel. You cannot develop the reflex until you have put in many hours of practice.

I highly recommend taking driving lessons (as many as you need) and tell the teacher your situation. You just need practice time. I wish you all the luck! I have been in your shoes!!

Edited: I consider myself and have been told that I, am a really good driver now. Have been driving independently now for 6 years. Don't worry about the "crazies". Stay away from them that's all you have to do. The main thing you have to do is focus on the road and you will be a great driver. Sounds easy? Well, these days people drive with their DVD, cell phone and text messaging. Don't be that kind of driver. Just focus on the road and you will be ok!!!

 

[kayc86]

WOW I feel like I wrote this.I lost my brother in a car crash 10 years ago when i was 16,i waited to get my license till I was 19.A month after I got my license I was taking my ds who was 11 months at the time to a doctor appt and my tire blew out while I was on an over pass brige and I lost control.I have driven a little after that but not much.I have not been behide the wheel for about 3 years now.I really do want to start driving again because I have a 7 years old,18 month old,and a 7 week old.When ever I think about driving I start stressing out over it.Im sure it makes you as crazy as it makes me.Good luck,hopefully we will both make it through this and both start driving again,I know I really want to take my babies to the park now that its starting to get nice out!

 

[Nala2007]

I totally understand you on this! I have been in a car accident atleast once a year since the 6th grade (very bad and I started school late) and yes, unfortunately some of them I ended up in the hospital. I was convinced for a long time I would die in a car accident. I LITERALLY felt like I was for sure going to die each time I got into a car. Most don't understand this fear. I know my DH doesn't! I do though.

I don't even know anyone who has been in as many accidents as I! I was always able to drive though. Until 1998, when I was in a bad accident with a drunk driver. I had two girlfriends, ones' little sister and her friend in the car with me. All I remember is seeing a blinding flash and then white (I guess from the airbags). I even seemed like the calm one. People were hurt and I was the one who got out of the car first and pulled out every one else. After I left the hospital I was fine, but then on the way home (I am totally not even kidding) we got T-Boned AGAIN on the same side!! After that I didn't drive for a couple years and was a horrible passenger. I even would not attend family functions because I didn't want to be in a car AT ALL as driver or passenger. The most I could do was work and the grocery store, which were both less than a mile away.

I didn't really start to drive again until 2003 when I was pregnant with DD and didn't have a choice.... And guess what? Yep, I got into a baby fender-bender. Someone hit me from behind!! It was just crazy...I have since been in two more fender benders, getting hit from behind. Both times I was not the driver...I swear I am a good driver!! LOL

I don't know what to tell you as far as ho

 

[cedmonds]

Please do not take this wrong,but have you considered talking to a therapist about this??? It may help you deal with the fear and anxiety you are having.
I think taking a driving lesson or so is a great idea but I think you need to deal with the original trauma as well. Please accept my suggestion as that and not a judgement. Good luck!

 

[solgent]

I have not been in this situation but I want to say that I think it is fantastic that you are doing this. I know several women who do not drive and I think it is sad that they have to depend on other people for basic mobility-- most places in our country driving is an important skill.

I also want to offer you these thoughts. It is very normal to be nervous as a new driver. It takes a great deal of practice over a long period of time to feel comfortable driving. Second, when I was learning how to drive my dad would take me to a large parking lot after hours or early on a weekend morning. That way I could get used to the mechanics of driving without also having to deal with traffic.

 

[A&CsMom]

I work for a lawyer and we represent people who have been in car accidents that were not their fault. Often our clients have to go through driver desensitization. There are actually driving schools that specialize in helping people get over their fear of driving/being a passenger. Call around to your local driving schools and see if they do this. I think you would benefit from a professional who knows not only how to teach the skill of driving, but also understands the psychology of what you are going through.

Good luck.

 

[grlpwrd]

I can relate. My twin sister was hit by a car when we were 7 years old. I was a few feet away from her on a Christmas morning enjoying our new gift - we got clogs that year. I remember grabbing our baby brother and jumping into the bushes. She got hurt really badly, though. She was in a full body cast for months.

For years I was traumatized. I didn't get my license until my now-oldest dd was 18 months old. I was 25 yo back then.

I think seeing a therapist is ideal, but if you don't want to or can't, perhaps make baby steps to move forward with your goal. Take classes and yes, practice. I took 3 defensive driving classes and received my license on my third try.

Start with short trips and then build from there.

GL to you! I hope to hear one day you will update your post and say I drove my kids to so-and-so.

 

[two-foxes]

Find a therapist that specialized in EMDR and give it a shot. It is a type of therapy that works wonders for PTSD, phobias and fears. I have had it done for a severe fear of flying and I can honestly say it has worked wonders. I would do that in conjunction with slowly taking drivers classes again....

Good luck and you will overcome your fear!

 

[brooklynheights]

I understand what you are going thur I do not drive and everyone is telling me I have to learn I have a car( my mom left it to me) pay the insurance etc for others to drive it but driving scares me I got my temps aloooong time ago drove on the highway during construction plus had so many people telling me drive this way no do it this way didn,t take drivers ed in school I was 15 in my senior year now I,m in my 40,s and don,t drive I,m hoping to get the guts to take the written test again and take lessons from real driving instructors but the thought of driving scares the heck out of me ciao Brooklyn

 

[CampbellScot]

I too had to overcome driving anxiety. I was in a terrible accident when I was 19. My best friend was driving. She died in that accident as did our other friend who was in the car. I was in the hospital for almost a month. It was very traumatizing. I didn't drive again for 8 years. When I started to drive again I was scared to death. But I realized that I am taking back power by getting behind that wheel.

Being as prepared as you can be is helpful. find a good driving school and tell them your fears. They will pair you with an instructor who can help.

You CAN do it. You can. It will give you such a sense of freedom and security!!!

Best of luck to you!!!!