O/T-- Freaking out about our kindergarten decision!

[TwinsinCA]

Keep in mind that if you choose to hold him back even tho you think he's ready....that if he is way ahead of the rest of the class (which it sounds like he might be) that it is totally unfair to then expect the teacher to 'keep him challenged' - after all, it is YOUR CHOICE to hold him back thus making him way ahead of the rest of the kids. So your choice for him not to be challenged, not the teacher's fault. And he/she has a classroomfull of kids who (mostly) are age-appropriate for that class (ie; the curriculum is specifically geared toward kids who are the age that is 'before the cutoff' in that area) - so truly, they deserve the time and effort more than the child who 'should be' in first grade.

Excellent point!!

 

[ekatiel]

Keep in mind that if you choose to hold him back even tho you think he's ready....that if he is way ahead of the rest of the class (which it sounds like he might be) that it is totally unfair to then expect the teacher to 'keep him challenged' - after all, it is YOUR CHOICE to hold him back thus making him way ahead of the rest of the kids. So your choice for him not to be challenged, not the teacher's fault. And he/she has a classroomfull of kids who (mostly) are age-appropriate for that class (ie; the curriculum is specifically geared toward kids who are the age that is 'before the cutoff' in that area) - so truly, they deserve the time and effort more than the child who 'should be' in first grade.

I obviously don't agree with the practice, but I do sympatize with the decision-making. Honestly, the ONLY way that parents on both sides will be able to rest easier is when all of our children start on an even playing field (start K at approximately the same age - everyone within 12 months), which will only be when parental choice is removed.

OP here-- I actually TA with your statement. As an educator (I hold a Master's degree in teaching and taught third grade before DS was born), I am philisophically against red-shirting kids in kinder. Honestly, I believe that the kinder curriculum needs to be re-aligned with skills that 5 year olds are capable of, and not with whatever the state deems appropriate so that the child can pass the state exam in third grade. BUT, kinder is "the new first grade" these days, unfortunately-- especially in high SES schools. There are two districts where we are considering moving before DS starts kinder in the public schools. One of them has a statement on its website that says, "If your child is not already reading when he or she starts kindergarten, he will most likely be reading by the end of the first nine weeks." Kinder isn't just blocks, naps and snack anymore! So, although I disagree with red shirting kids on a philosophical level, when it comes to MY kid, and the standards that MY school district will expect him to meet, and the fact that so many other children his age are red-shirted, red-shirting makes total sense on an individual level. --Katie

 

[sdoll]

OP- I am 1 year behind you and based on my posting last month I have already decided that I am going to keep him back 1 more year. Our school district has an august 1st cut off and my son's birthday is 7/13. I will still do the kindergarten testing next year so we know where he is at. But honestly its not about kindergarten that i worry its 5th, 6th,7th and 8th grade where I think he will need that time. I have a lot of teachers in my family and every one I asked said they can always tell the summer kids esp the boys. We think of it this way. Its 1 more year to save for college and 1 more year of going to Disney when its not crowded. (I am kidding about that). Don't second guess yourself. I am sure you know what is best for your son.

 

[zoemurr]

but all this holding boys back frustrates the heck out of me.

Here our cut off date is 12/1. It seems anyone with a boy born after June 1 holds them. My son is 7/8 and was ready for K. There was only one kid in his class younger than he was.. and his birthday was halfway through the year. It's really unfair to the kids that go when they are supposed to when so many parents hold, and half the class is then a year older. He's going into 3rd next year, and has made the challenge program.

Also here, anyone can hold their kid back, but having them start early is impossible. My DD missed the cut off by a few weeks, but was tested for reading at the 4th grade level by the school. (She was very advanced in other areas as well.) She was not allowed to start K early. She had to go to K on time, and then they let her move up to first part way through the year. There are no exceptions.

 

[disneymomof2boyz]

I don't really have an opinion on this, it's more of a comment. Well, we live in FL and the cutoff date here is Sept.1st. My oldest boy is born in Oct and the youngest missed being with his brother by 5 days, his bday is Sept 6th. I too was worried about him going to school and being the oldest in the class. I was even looking into talking to the School Board to see if it could be possibly overrided. Well, my aunt is a teacher and has been for 22 years and she STRONGLY advised me to stick with the dates and let them be the oldest in their classes. She did emphasize that boys have less emotional maturity than girls their same age, and that it would be fine if they were the oldest.

I think that ultimately, you the parent know your child, and you need to go with your gut/heart. Good luck.

 

[Nlbnikki]

I am on the opposite end,our cutoff is Sept 1 & DD's bday in Nov13,02. From the time she was 2 her pediatrician recomended we push to have her enter kinder. the year she was turnign 5. We kept an eye on her over the years & decided to look into it. It took a lot of hoop jumping & dtermination on my part which I fully understand. She took a placement test nov. 07 and passed at a 2nd grade level. They accepted her in & she started public kind. the day after she turned 5. Last year she sailed thru 1st grade,she was the top in her class & so well liked by her peers that she became sorta a teachers helper. The other students would turn to her for guidance if the teacher was helping another student. Towards the middle of the year I got a letter from the same guidance counselor who told me I was setting her up to fail recommending that we have her tested for Advanced placement. She tested the begining of the month and she passed above where she needed to be.
We went with our gut & haven't regreted it yet,will we in the future? Only time will tell but all of the profesionals within the school district strongly feel that she is on the right path & believe she will continue to accel as long as she is challenged. Every child is different & while I know they have the cut offs for a reason not everyone fits into the parameters set,my daughter didn't. Good luck & I am sure what ever you decide will be just fine in the long run.

 

[Leajess99]

I would so recommend the Private Kindergarten so that if he is ready to go to 1st grade next year you can just do that and not force the repeat but also not be out of luck if he is ready for 1st grade. Like a pp said, many kids step up to the challenge and holding him back could possibly do him an injustice.

In my situation, I honestly do not care if my child is the youngest when she hangs out with her high school friends as age does not always make a person anymore or less mature. If I held my middle child (only one with a late birthday) back than she would have suffered, As it is now she has already taken the Explore test in 5th grade and scored high on it with her only problem area being Science and she has not had any exposure to a lot of that. She has been in advanced math and has a very high reading lexile to the point I just buy her books since her library did not have the ones for her lexile or interests. She has always been one of the youngest and this year she was the second youngest. She starts middle school in a week and a half and while I am nervous for her I know she will do just fine. The girls will be going through the same things, for the most part, whether they are the youngest or the oldest.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[Leajess99]

My DS will be starting kindergarten this fall. While I'm very apprehensive about it, I know him starting when other 5 year olds start, it will be best for him in the long wrong.

They do testing here, to see if your child is ready and if he needs any extra help.

The one thing I dislike in our district is KG is full day 9am-3:30pm...I think that is a LONG day for a 5 yr old...heck he still naps sometimes.

The kids here were getting rest period in Kindergarten and many kids would fall asleep. My dd did a few times but then just continued on. Our school day is 7:40 - 2:20 for all but preschool.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

My mom held back my brother, who is now 20 years old. It was a GREAT decision for him, and he seemed to be in the perfect grade growing up. His birthday was only 8 days before the cut off, and he had many ear infections as a toddler, so he had some speech problems- the extra year gave him time to catch up.

 

[MonkersMama]

I want to start by saying, of course, that each kid, each family, each situation is different and unique and I'm sure whatever you decide will be the best for you.

I struggled with this too last summer. DS was 4 (turned 5 in Nov) and was the youngest in his K class. I was very reluctant, and mulled it over so many times...private K (which I loved), pre-K again, public K...what to do?!! I sent him to public K. Honestly, it was the fact that I had a 5 mo old baby at home that sort of drove the decision (and I know that seems horribly selfish, but I was not managing both of their needs effectively at the time). I am so glad I did. His K teacher told me right at the beginning of the year that she was surprised I didn't hold him back. He did not struggle academically, but he did struggle with his social skills at the beginning (he had a bully and was not good with using his words). At the end of the year he had excelled so much that he was at the top of the class for reading. In retrospect I'm glad we made the decision, it worked for him. I think he would have been understimulated...had we held him back.

Good luck!!!

 

[letsgoagainsoon]

The kids here were getting rest period in Kindergarten and many kids would fall asleep. My dd did a few times but then just continued on. Our school day is 7:40 - 2:20 for all but preschool.

I'm hoping they do have a rest period.

 

[disneymom2one]

We home schooled until fourth grade. Our daughter has a birthday this week and the cut-off is September 1st. She was going to be the youngest or be the oldest - no way about it.

We chose the oldest and have no regrets at all. The extra year has been huge for her socially. We'd be facing high school this year and instead will be facing 8th grade. I breathe a sigh of relief every day. She's definitely matured and probably would have been fine but it's just worked out better for her. She's slightly self-conscious about it being known she wasn't "held back" for academic reasons but that comes with the territory of being in a highly academic school.

Most of her friends are just turning 13 this year and she's turning 14 but it really isn't a huge issue. If people ask, we explain why.

 

[Madzac]

I'm really glad I never had to make this decision! My youngest is the closest but he has a late Oct birthday and the cutoff here is Sept and they dont make exceptions! For kids that make the cut off but arent sent they have Alternative K which is every day but half days, which I think is a nice alternative. But kids that dont make the cut off cant go to that either.

Anyway, I just wanted to add that my SIL would cheer you on. She is a kindergarten teacher and she feels the cut off should be May 1! She sees a huge difference in maturity in kids otherwise, especially boys.

Everyone knows their own child best, and with prek teacher input, has to make the best decision.

 

[Aunt Flancy]

I wish that I would have started my son a year later. His birthday is July 18 and he is getting ready to take 9th grade for the second time. He has other issues as well, but I think an extra year in the beginning would have helped a lot.

 

[whitneyNC]

I think it is specific to the child. I don't think there is a general rule for everyone. I do think in our area the trend to hold kids back has changed what kindergarten is. Expectations to be reading, no rest time at all, etc. I crack up at parents who proclaim their kid a leader and they are 6 1/2 when they begin kindergarten! Of course they are the leaders! I also laugh when parents say their 5th grader is reading at 7th grade level. He's 12 years old, what do you expect!

I as a high school teacher sometimes see the benefit, and no child should be rushed to grow up, but on the other hand...some of my worst behavior problems in my many years of teaching have come from the nearly 19 year olds still in high school!

One of my own boys with a May birthday would have benefited with another year of pre-school, but my June baby didn't need it at all. You know what is best for your child. One last thing. Repeating Kindergarten is NO big deal if you go that route and regret it later.

 

[ekatiel]

No one was at the preschool today, so I didn't get a chance to talk with them about pre-k vs. private k . I'll try again tomorrow! I am feeling better about having him be the oldest in the class rather than the youngest when he starts public k. Now, I'm just trying to figure out if the "advanced" pre-k class (I always put it in quotes b/c the name cracks me up!) or the private k class would be better for him. Once I get to talk with the preschool, I think they'll help me figure it out. Thanks for all your input! --Katie

 

[tiggspring]

ekatiel

We decided to send our son born in Oct to K when he passed all the tests 4 years ago. He is a goof ball and so there are the homework issues etc that drive us crazy but this is his personality not his age. His grades are all high B's and A in a school system that gives A's at the 93 mark (don't know why) and our daughter will also be five in October and we will be sending her too. It can be tricky. I understand the K teachers want children who sit still better but if they are beginner readers and know numbers etc like my kids were it makes no sense to keep them back and bored. All the studies for that last 20 years on red shirting (term used for keeping kids back) finds that by third grade any differences caused by age are usually gone. My husband and I both have BA's in Psychology and worked with children at risk in hospitals, the community and in school settings he is now working on his Phd and I had to leave my MSW work due to an illness but only after 10 years in the human service field. Even we had trouble with our school system in determining what was best for our children regarding early/late admittance. Our children would have placed immediately into first grade if they are readers at age 5. They both we reading beginner words upon kindergarten testing so they would skip K if we held them back . That seems crazy too. Keep them home because they are too young them put them directly into first grade?
There is an issue the schools never consider in K and that is the last year of school. We tried to think of all the issues our kids will face if they go early/late in elementary/middle and High school. I Know as parents we really don't like to think of our cute 4 or 5 year old as a bristling teenager but to make our best decision for our kids we felt we had to. Most things in the earlier years can be managed by parents because they are under our control much more during the early years. You can hire a tutor, send them to activities or camps to help with deficits. Children also have an amazing ability to meet a challenge if they are told they can do it. But as they get older it gets harder. These are some of the things we factored into our decision that we had seen with older kids who ran into trouble. While we all hope are children are good citizens and wont do something stupid we also know that everyone makes mistakes so we need to think about what those mistakes will cost you if you are one year older or younger in high school. Most of us immediately think of how will a younger child handle the pressure from older students. If you think your child's personality is a follower and you wont be able to teach them to think for themselves then that is a major consideration. Here are some others... If your child is an adult the entire last year of school how do you keep them in school if they are having trouble? They can drop out without your permission. If you were 18 would you resent all the childlike restrictions put on you by the school? For example kids in our district cannot park at the school and they need permission to leave the prom early weeks in advance with parent approval. They can get married, go to war, sign a contract but not leave the prom? The other problem is if you are 18 with a group of kids that get in trouble let say for drinking, you are an adult you get charged as an adult and can be charged with the delinquency of minors (your friends) as well. Your name is in the papers and they are taken care of by juvenal court. If you are a boy and have a younger girlfriend her parents can press charges for things I will not mention on this board. I have seen boys who have gone to jail for things that if they had been 17 it would have been "those stupid Kids". Now these things can happen to a kid in college too but you have older kids who have jobs and high work loads as well as kids that party on college campuses and it is a little easier to walk away from a bad situation in a bigger college than in the typical high school. I don't want you too feel overwhelmed. Just informed. Lets face it most kids make it though school life just fine. It us parents that are a wreck LOL!!! You know your child best follow your instints! Good Luck!

 

[Aristomommy]

I think your plan to talk to the teacher is the best. They know the school system and your child's readiness to meet the challenge.

I have a DD who started K early. She was academically and socially ready and this was recommended by her pre-k teacher. She advocated her to be tested and it was a good decision. She is 10 and starting middle school, and she is not a follower (as assumed by many on this thread). Each year I have asked her teacher how she is doing socially and all have said they didn't even remember that she was young for her grade. DD even has a boy in her class with a January birthday who started early and he is doing well (our cut off is August). Every child is different.

DS4 will be 5y8mo when he begins K next year. He will be in pre-k two years and is already academically ready to begin K, but socially he is not there. I am planning an all day private K for him, since our public is 1/2 day and then will send him for our public school in 1st grade. I think the all day option will be better as long as he is socially ready at that time.

You will not damage your child by taking them to K if you and the teacher feel it is a good choice. It is also not the end of the world to wait a year. You can take it one year at a time and reassess situation.

 

[longstangetrip]

Surely I didn't read right. You aren't considering doing pre-K at 5 and Kindergarten at 6 and again at 7. That is not good. He would be 20 years old in high school. I think this "readiness" thing has gotten out of hand. All kids are different, but no non-disabled child should be entering Kindergarten at 7. 7 year olds enter 2nd grade. I am a reading specialist in an elementary school and see little to no correlation between reading readiness and age. Best of luck in your decision.

 

[tiggspring]

longstangetrip,

Thanks for your comment. I have been having this argument with our school system for 4 years. My son has done very well. They have brought up everything from beign the smallest in his greade(he is not) and not being the best at sports (he is an excellent athlete,tops on his soccer team) as reasons to hold him back. I'm glad we didn't listen and it is good to hear from other teachers that what I know from my personal child development background is refelcted in the classrooms. I know what the studies say and what I saw with my clients but sometimes, the school system tries to make me feel crazy for thinking my kids should perform at their abilities not by an August 31 deadline. Kids are kids they walk at different ages, talk at different ages why do we expect school rediness to come with an on/off switch for a certain date?