Now I'm crying

[FreshTressa]

The whole mother's day thing hurt my feelings.

DH is acting like I have no reason to be hurt. He is making me feel like I am nuts or needy for feeling bad over this.

The kids gave me cards they made at school, which was sweet, but they did it because their teacher TOLD them to.

I do so many thoughtful things for everyone else. I guess I'm just not important enough for them to give thought to me.

I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, but DH says, we are buying a new house, that is enough.

It is not about the gift...it is about the thought. I would have been happy if he had run a bath for me.

Now i'm crying and he is yelling at me to go finish painting the living room.

Thanks for letting me vent. I know I'm very lucky in so many ways, but my feelings are still hurt.

 

[LoraJ]

I'm so sorry.

This is why I hate Halmark holidays. Just sets up so many for dissapointment.

 

[Skylarr29]

Aww I hope you feel better. It really is the thought that counts, he could have at least showed you he cared. Men

 

[clh2]

I feel your pain. I mentioned somethings on the other thread you posted. Needless to say, I was in tears today in church, and had to leave right before communion. I tried "sucking" it in as much as possible, but just couldn't anymore.

I really agree with you, it's not about a gift, but there could be or should be something fun to do.

Our day did get salvaged, but I had to come up with the idea ( which was go to the art museum, of which we are members in - it cost us NOTHING to do this.) But, as I mentioned in the other post - Mother's Day 2006 DH and DD bought me cards at the Dollar Store.

 

[DVCLiz]

Oooohhhhh, big hugs to you. Your husband is being a mule, you know. Later on, when he isn't trying to get out of a bad situation by being defensive, you can calmly ask him if having you end up in tears is really how he wants the children to remember each Mother's Day. You can then tell him there are certain holidays that he'll be expected to celebrate the way you want them celebrated, and this is one of them. Wait until someone blows off Father's Day and he has a friend who gets the full treatment - he'll see the difference then.

I only know this from painful personal experience -at least the first part. Ex DH, on my first Mother's Day, said the famous words to me, "But you're not MY mother!" He was terrible at all gift-giving occasions - sorting Christmas presents under the tree into two piles - keep and return, as he opened each one, getting my last Mother's Day present the afternoon of (a clock from Office Depot from the sale table at the front door), etc. I could go on, but then I would be crying, too, and we can't have that!!!!

Now that we are divorced and the children are older, I give them money and tell them exactly what I want. DD17 can drive, but when she couldn't, I would buy a gift card to a favorite store and let them have some time inside to pick out my present.

Sorry your husband is being a butt - you'll either have to make him understand this is important to you or you'll have a lot of unhappy May holidays. Hugs to you - and go buy yourself something tomorrow!!!

 

[FreshTressa]

I do not have a problem with "hallmark holidays"

I think it is important to have days to remind us to thank people in our lives. If people were thoughtful every day, you probably wouldn't need holidays, but they are a time to remember to say thank you and to take time to do something for someone else.

I enjoyed taking the day to do something special for my mom.

 

[YourMajesty]

This day can be tough! One year my mom cooked and had us over...probably a menu requested by my dad. I siad never again was I going to Mother's Day that my own mom had to cook. It was a very hard year because DH was active duty at the time and not even in the States. For some reason I'm always a bit down this time of year...I'm not sure why. I do love the stuff the kids make at school...they are so excited about it. Not only are you not being treated special...DH is setting a poor example for the kids. Sounds like just some acts of kindness is all that you are needing.

 

[scoutsmom99]

 

[escape]

Some guys just don't think. My husband can be this way at times and it drives me crazy. Maybe you ought to go on strike and let them see how much they need you.

I'm sorry you had a rough day.

 

[FreshTressa]

I feel better now...

I'm not going to be petty about it. He is a wonderful man and has lots of other talents besides gift giving.

He was gone until late friday night at e3 and thought he'd get me something when he got home. He said he was planning on getting me something yesterday, but my dad hijacked him at 8am, which he did, and they laid a sidewalk in front of my house until midnight and they were beat from all the cement work.

Then, he said he never mentioned it because he was embarassed at having not gotten something before he left.

I wish he had just explained this to me before I got all upset over what turned out not to be that big of a deal.

Anyway, thanks for listening and now I feel better.

 

[minkydog]

I'm glad ya'll talked it out, instead of being upset. Sometimes life just has a way of snatching the rug out from under us at the wrong time. Perhaps before the next big holiday you could gently let your hubby know what would please you--don't expect him to come up with the ideas(I know, in a perfect world we wouldn't have to do this ) If what you want is flowers and a bubble bath, then tell him that. If you want to go out to eat,tell him what you want and then be excited about whatever he picks.

It took a long time for me to train DH. There was a time that he thought giving me a pup tent was the GREATEST mother's day gift ever. Then there was the vacuum cleaner THen one year, when I was working night shift he hit upon the pot of gold--take the kids to the park so I could sleep, really sleep hard. Oh my gosh, I don't think he has ever forgotten his reward

A well-pampered Mommy is a happy Mommy

 

[susan1]

hi
mothering sunday is a completely different thing in the u.k. certainly not a hall mark day. it is more of a church going thanksgiving usually last week in march. chilren used to recieve small bunches of violets or primroses to give to mum during the service. it was an all denominational thing not just selective religions. it is not quite so religious nowadays but still not a money spinning venture. i do feel for you though, but not to sound callous i was in tears at the thread where people hated mothers day as it reminded them they couldn't have children

 

[barkley]

i think it would be interesting to know if the husband's who let mother's day go past with no notice witnessed the same in their homes growing up.

i truly believe that children (and the adults they become) learn from what they live in these types of situations. if they observe that a holdiay holds a special significance i think more often than not they will carry that with them into adulthood.

while i chose this year to have a "delayed mother's day" (we are moving in a week and a half-so mom's day as well as my birthday are being delayed until post move) i have to say it can be very touchy in my home. my birthday (with the rare exception of this year) tends to fall within a few days of mother's day every year and kind of like the kid with a december b-day both get lumped together. it's taken some patience (and i must say tears and upset) to get my family to realize that while i dont want or expect a major celebration for either i do feel that both should be recognized and recognized separatly. if nothing else-remember it's mother's day and what it's meant to celebrate.

personaly, my favorite cards are the one's my kids make at school. i enjoy hearing "mom we made something for you today but we can't tell you-cuz it's a surprise" and then seeing their faces as i get surpised and teary over their handmade creations.

 

[newholidayx2]

Ive finally learned in the past few years that I need to celebrate birthdays, Mothers Day, Christmas, etc in the manner in which I choose. DH didnt want to go for Chinese w/our son & I yesterday so I took DS myself. There was no card, heck DH didnt even say Happy Mother's Day until last night!
Same as my birthday and Christmas. If there's something I want I buy it myself. If there's something I want to do I do it. Life is too short to let others run our feelings.
Next year I'll be in WDW on my 50th - whoever wants to come is welcome. If not then hey it will be Mickey & myself and thats okay
{{hugs}}

 

[inaminute]

Same as my birthday and Christmas. If there's something I want I buy it myself. If there's something I want to do I do it. Life is too short to let others run our feelings.

What a great attitude! Something I have to work on, I think. My feelings get hurt over little slights--like my DH not recognizing Mother's Day.

Except this year. He remembered. It took 30 years (the age of our eldest son), but he managed to put together a very nice day with nearly no input form me!

I won't go into details on this thread, but OP there is hope. If you're lucky, your DH will learn more quickly than mine! And, in reading your follow-up, it seems that way.

 

[sunlver]

Ive finally learned in the past few years that I need to celebrate birthdays, Mothers Day, Christmas, etc in the manner in which I choose. DH didnt want to go for Chinese w/our son & I yesterday so I took DS myself. There was no card, heck DH didnt even say Happy Mother's Day until last night!
Same as my birthday and Christmas. If there's something I want I buy it myself. If there's something I want to do I do it. Life is too short to let others run our feelings.
Next year I'll be in WDW on my 50th - whoever wants to come is welcome. If not then hey it will be Mickey & myself and thats okay
{{hugs}}

I know exactly how you feel. My husband is too self absorbed his own projects to do much for anybody. It makes me sad. But, as I tell my kids, I cant wait for others to make me feel special or to buy special things on Mothers days and birthdays etc... Im always embarassed to hear what others get for Mothers days and birthdays.My husband, although a nice guy, never goes out of his way for holidays and such. So I go and buy or do what I want. Its sad sorta, and in another way I have to make myself happy.

 

[Marseeya]

I'm so sorry about your day, Tessa. I'm glad to hear that you and your DH did talk about it though.

 

[tw1nsmom]

I'm sorry you didn't have a good mother's day. I do know what you mean. It's not about the gifts, it's about being thought of and being treated special.

This year I bought my own Mother's Day gifts. It was actually kind of nice. DH wasn't trying to blow me off, he told me to go on a shopping trip and buy whatever I wanted/needed. I don't get much time away from the kids, and this way I had a day to myself and I didn't end up with flowers and a bath set.

Maybe you could suggest something like that next year. I've also found with my DH that if I want something to happen, I have to tell him in detail. For yesterday (I went shopping on Saturday), I told him that I wanted him to help the children make me breakfast, I wanted to read the Sunday paper uninterupted, I wanted to relax and veg. (he played referee for a day), and I didn't want to have to cook dinner.

I hope he get's a chance to make it up to you. It's important for us to show our appreciation for the people we love.

 

[poohandwendy]

I'm so sorry.

This is why I hate Halmark holidays. Just sets up so many for dissapointment.

Me too.

I guess I am wondering though, if it isn't so much the actions of this particular day...but a culmination of feeling unappreciated (in general) that is making the OP so upset? Cause I would try not to stress out too much if he is usually appreciative.

ETA, just read the follow up, sounds like it was just a momentary lapse and you two are ok with it all now. Glad to hear it!

 

[slo]

Many, many hugs to you

If I were you, I would give him nice things for Father's Day just to make him feel guilty. If he says, "I didn't get you anything for Mother's Day." Then you can tell him, "Two wrongs don't make a right!". I would make him feel bad by doing something nice. That probably sounds really wrong of me, but that's what I would do

I hope you feel better today!!