Nothing from DH for Christmas :(

[Wishing on a star]

is it really that you wanted an actual gift or just have him give you an "i love you, merry christmas sweetheart"?

My DH and I aren't big on exchanging gifts either...
I could really not care any less about opening slippers.
This year, I had found my Perfume, which is not really carried in stores around here, and ordered it online. And, we got tickets to a big Christmas show. So, that kind of thing is 'gift' enough for me.

But, having said that, I am thinking that the above might be the bigger issue. I know, cause I felt like I was missing out on that kind of intimate expression over the busy holidays..... Seems some men just don't get it

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

You said the boys took care of you, could DH have given them some money and he just wasn't noted on the tag. My kids do this all the time. DH gives them money and all the gifts come from them. If you don't talk to your DH he will never know how you feel. I would wait until I was no longer angry to talk to him though. Sorry you are so upset.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, I agree....
If you have always exchanged personal gifts in the past, then any change in status quo is something that should be discussed, nicely...

I agree with the above poster...
Give yourself a little time to work thru it so you don't come from an angry or accusatory point of view. Which would automatically put him on the defensive.
Just air the whole thing out.

Then you can go by what his response is.

If you are equating gifts to feeling loved... then you will have to explain that to him.
If gifts are a 'must', then you need to be able to tell him that.

I think this thread shows that for many people, gifts are not necessary...
But to each his own!!!

PS: I would advise you to ask yourself what was really missing/disappointing that a pair of slippers would have fulfilled.

 

[xJenna]

My parents always say they're not getting anything for each other, but then they always do. This year my dad decided to actually go through with it and my mom had already bought him things. My sister and I told him what to get her (she's extremely hard to shop for) but come christmas morning he had nothing for her, he didn't even do a stocking for her. She was really upset because she had bought him a few small gifts. So now I'm trying to figure out what he can do to make up for it for her birthday in February.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Jenna, methinks you may be a little too vested in your parents personal relationship...

 

[MissUndastood]

PS: I would advise you to ask yourself what was really missing/disappointing that a pair of slippers would have fulfilled.

Wow that is so deep. Can't someone just be a bit disappointed without having it turn into a therapy session?

As to the OP, you don't even want to know about my 40th birthday He's still gets grief for that one. But luckily I didn't need to seek physciatric help.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I must be nervy because I would totally pick out something I wanted, tell him its on the link the computer is set to and say, "Get to it my friend or things are about to get ugly, either start buying or start whittling."

I get why you are upset OP, if its the thought that counts thoughtless is NOT ok for a wife

 

[snowywhite89]

what a typo!

But no, I think it is quite common for couples to not exchange gifts after a while.

The typo was great!


Really is it quite common for couples to not exchange gifts after a while? I need to tell my ill 75 year old Uncle that he was not to get his wife of 50 years a gift. He is doing it all wrong.

The only couple I know who did not exchange gifts had a bad marriage and are now getting divorced.

 

[sbell111]

I buy my wife a couple things and write my kids names on the tags, but we don't actually exchange Christmas gifts between the two of us. Our theory is pretty staight forward:

If one of us wants/needs anything during the year, we buy it. (Expensive stuff gets discussed.)

If I were to give her a present that 'missed the mark', then it's a double fail. She got a crappy present that she actually paid for (since all marital funds are comingled). So then she either has to live with the crummy, waste of money present or hurt my feelings by returning it.

Why go through all that just so you can say that you bought one another Christmas gifts?

 

[snowywhite89]

OP, how did your kids get the money and transportation or CC (internet shopping) to get your presents from them?

 

[PUZZLDY5]

OP, how did your kids get the money and transportation or CC (internet shopping) to get your presents from them?

Well my boys are older children. My oldest is 19 about to be 20. Middle son is 16 and youngest is almost 14. The older 2 have jobs and paid for everything themselves and my youngest saved allowneces and extra $$ just so he could get the stuff they wanted. So my husband gave them no money to do any of the Christmas shopping. I think they were even a little shocked that their dad didn't get me anything.

 

[PUZZLDY5]

PS: I would advise you to ask yourself what was really missing/disappointing that a pair of slippers would have fulfilled.

I was just using the slippers as an example. It could have been a candy bar, card or a package of socks for all i care. I would have at least known I was thought of.

 

[allyphoe]

Our theory is pretty staight forward:

If one of us wants/needs anything during the year, we buy it. (Expensive stuff gets discussed.)

If I were to give her a present that 'missed the mark', then it's a double fail.

Same for our house, except the standard for wants/needs is more-relaxed around Christmas. Stuff for grownups doesn't get wrapped or saved for whichever day we celebrate at our house.

I'm the buyer in our house (and the hard-to-buy-for), so I guess I could take the position that I buy everyone presents but never get any in return. But really, me buying everything means everyone gets just what they want.

 

[Hannathy]

My DH and I haven't exchanged gifts since the kids were born and my DD is 19.

I don't get the big deal it is all the same money so if he buys me something I have paid for it and vice versa so I would rather just get what I want if we can afford it and the same for him. Plus my DH hates to shop so why make him do something he hates and would probably pay too much just to get out of the store? He has a lot of other great qualities and does things that shows I and the kids are important that I don't need a gift one day a year to tell me.

 

[thinkerbell]

The typo was great!

Really is it quite common for couples to not exchange gifts after a while? I need to tell my ill 75 year old Uncle that he was not to get his wife of 50 years a gift. He is doing it all wrong.

The only couple I know who did not exchange gifts had a bad marriage and are now getting divorced.

My husband and I have been married for almost 28 years. We used to go through the "Are we getting anything for each other?" deal but it has been a long time since we have gotten each other a gift for Christmas or birthdays. We both have what we need or want. We don't feel the need to get each other a gift. Just saying this to say that you don't have to be on the road to divorce to be a couple that does not get each other anything. We are no where near divorce. Far from it.

As far as the OP--everybody has their own traditions. Ours is to just be together--not gift giving. But, if our tradition was gift giving and my husband didn't get anything for me, it would really hurt my feelings. After I got over it, I would probably have to bring it up by saying something like, "So, are we going to a new tradition of not getting each other a present? I just want to make sure before next Christmas."

Sorry this happened OP.

 

[eliza61]

Truth is I think he was just to lazy to do it. I would have liked to have a little something to open from him on Christmas morning. Nothing expensive needed. Slippers would have been just fine. I'm really not that hard to please and I'm sertainly not high maintenence, I just feel like I was forgotton about.

I think that's the big problem. every one likes to feel appreciated and wanted.

Talk with hubby, tell him how you feel.

 

[eliza61]

The typo was great!


Really is it quite common for couples to not exchange gifts after a while? I need to tell my ill 75 year old Uncle that he was not to get his wife of 50 years a gift. He is doing it all wrong.

The only couple I know who did not exchange gifts had a bad marriage and are now getting divorced.

sure it can be common. Dh and I are married 25 years now, why do we need more "stuff"?
Do I really need another sweater, perfume, handbag, fill in the blank? No, not reall.

I much rather he'd save the money and plan a trip or heck, I'd appreciate it if he made a donation to the animal shelter.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

The typo was great!


Really is it quite common for couples to not exchange gifts after a while? I need to tell my ill 75 year old Uncle that he was not to get his wife of 50 years a gift. He is doing it all wrong.

The only couple I know who did not exchange gifts had a bad marriage and are now getting divorced.

All of the married couples I know still exchange but I don't think there is anything wrong with not exchanging either. Providing that BOTH parties are aware of it

 

[ChrizJen]

We have always exchanged gifts for Christmas in the past that's why I thought it was a "given".
We have not talked about it. I kind of want to bring it up but what's the point. KWIM? Can't turn back the clock.

I can totally understand why you're upset. Many people here are stating that they don't exchange gifts with their significant others, but they don't seem to understand the big deal. My partner and I don't exchange gifts either, but that's totally different from your situation. If not exchanging gifts was agreed upon by both parties, then of course you'd be fine with getting nothing. But if a gift exchange is part of your traditional Christmas, then you have every right to be upset. I'd probably let him know I was upset about it if I were you. I'd have trouble keeping my mouth shut.

 

[Meriweather]

I can see why you are disappointed if it was not the "norm".
I would talk to him about it and see why....I sure would.
Been married almost 37 years and we always have some little thing from each other to open, even just a token present if we are buying more expensive things for the house or vacations.

I would be upset if it wasn't something.....this year it was a set of screwdrivers
Because he keeps "borrowing" the ones from my kit and losing them. My big present is for the house and is due to arrive in a couple of weeks.