Not taking the "Bad Mom" award this time

[MushyMushy]

I can totally relate! I fought this battle with my son from about 3rd grade on. I used about 90% of my energy and attention on him alone, trying to get him to do work and trying to get him to behave. Finally, our therapist told me to just let him fail. Let him be held back a year or at least face the threat of it. Well, I didn't listen because that just goes against a parent's grain, doesn't it?

Finally his freshman year I did give up the battle. He decided that he would get through all four years of high school without ever doing homework and minimal effort. It broke my heart because he was SO SMART. He "decided" to allow himself to fail two classes a year (gym + one other subject... the gym battle was epic. He decided to never dress for gym). That was the maximum amount of summer school classes they could take here.

I don't know how he did it, but he graduated and even did a bit of homework his senior year. He passed his senior research project the first time around, which is a big deal. Not all kids do. He graduated when all of his friends except his GF dropped out.

I don't have advice for you. Letting them fail isn't for everyone. You're taking a huge risk that your kid will just drop out when he is able. It's so hard to face that your child might not want to go to college when you've had that plan for them all along. But at some point, he'll need to take that responsibilities onto his own shoulders and you can hope and pray that everything you've worked for with him up until this point will stick.

Good luck to you adn your family!

 

[zigzagzerr]

We have that online access to the kids' schoolwork too. I can see if my daughter (13, freshman in high school) has missing assignments and also see how she's doing in all her classes. And just like many of you, my daughter often "forgets" about homework, tests, etc.

It is amazing to think that when we were in high school, we managed to survive without our parents looking over our shoulders every second. I don't think I ever talked to them about homework, tests, projects....anything! Now I almost feel like the school administration EXPECTS us to hover. It's sometimes hard to find the balance between letting our kids be responsible for their own school success and/or failure, and following our snowflakes around to make sure they're on top of everything. Wish I had a good answer for this.

I've been keeping an eye on my daughter's grades online, particularly in math where she's averaging a "D", and trying to help where needed, and backing off when not needed.

Good luck to everyone! You are most definitely not alone.