Not silly, but a real question.....

[jamsmom]

When you need to look ahead, how do you prevent looking back when you are stuck in a rut? (even if it is a few hours)

 

[Serena]

You don't. Getting over the past is part of facing the future. Part of getting over the past is mourning it. (or so I've read)
They said you have to feel the emotions to get over them. That if you try and move forward without dealing with the past, then it will just hit you another time.

 

[WDWLVR]

Carol,

Sometimes it is good to look back to review the life lessons it has given you. Other times it is best to try and forget the past (once you've learned those lessons) and just move on - especially when the past hurts.

I've found that keeping a journal helps a bit. Not a fancy bound journal that needs to be written in every day. Just a notebook that I use to jot down thoughts. Sometimes these thoughts are what are bothering me that day. Sometimes it is good things happening. Sometimes it is when I'm most down and I make myself spell out the blessings I do have. I feels good to get the emotions down on paper. Often I will go back and read them, espeically when something similar is going on weeks later. I've been doing this since last year and it has really helped me. Looking back at some of those early notations they seem so trivial now, but they were important at the time. I use a two part notebook and keep a positive attitude by using the front section for trip planning - one of my many blessings is that we do some great vacations and I get great joy in planning them. Perhaps you could use a section for your dreams for the future.

Maybe something like this will help you.

 

[browneyes]

As Mufasa told Simba-remember your past. Learn from past experiences.

All of us are stuck in ruts at one time or another, and it's easy to let our past depress us. You can ask yourself "Do I want to revert back to that, or do I want to move on." Sometimes that helps me.

 

[Fizban257]

While dwelling on the past is never good, ignoring it isn't healthy either... I've always liked this line from a song by King's X: "Feelings never go away, you have to learn to live this way, and keep yourself alive."

 

[honeywolf7]

Jamsmom, I'm having the same problem right now. I adore Roger but I can't stop thinking about when Thom and I met (it was July 4th of 1995) right now and how perfect things were at first. I know the marriage ended up badly, but part of me really misses the person that I thought he was when we met.

 

[nativetxn]

You just have to accept that you can't change the past. It's difficult to do that but once you let it go you will feel much better.

You have to get away from the "unfairness" of anything that has happened to you to appreciate the "fairness" of a new life path.

Regret, anger, guilt and self denigration are a waste of your energy and a waste of your life. Don't dwell on past issues--start living in the here and now. Take the lessons you learned and use them to make your future brighter. It isn't the easiest thing in the world to do but it can be done. I've done it. I'm doing it right now.

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie, it's going to be alright, just let the past go and look to the future, you're future is pretty bright

 

[jamsmom]

Last night, all I could think about was back when I lived alone and how miserable I was.....and that I will be doing that again.

Of course, this time around, I have the DIS which really should make it all aright

 

[Keli]

Feelings like those might have kept you in a bad situation with your SO longer than you would have stayed. Concentrating on them doesn't do good things for your life now and you need to put them behind you and determine that you are going to make a good, happy life for yourself and your son now. Don't let your fear of the future prevent you from moving on when it's time to do so. You can't bring back the past but you can create a good future.