Not invited to neighbor's party - advice please!

[PeterPan&Wendy1970]

Hello everyone,
Last week we decided to throw a party on July 2nd. I've been working through a list of friends either calling or emailing including my two sets of neighbors. One set is right next to us: we can each see comings and goings of each other, the husband is very friendly and comes over to chat all the time, and the youngest daughter is at our house a LOT to play with my daughter. So, last night they throw a big party! Our other neighbors are invited...we see them there, and our kids ask why we aren't invited too...So, I'm mad. This is the same family that did not invite my daughter to a birthday party when they played together every day. I bit my tongue and life went on. Well, I am fed up now. I marched over to the husband this morning and chewed him out. He said it wasn't his fault, it was his wife's idea. I told him to snub the kids is inexcusable. I walked away and am still mad. So, now we have this party on Saturday and I don't know what to do. I want to ask the other neighbors, but now it looks like I am having this party out of spite, when we actually planned it last week I've gotten different advice, such as invite them to show you are above them etc. HELP!
Me dh ds 11 ds 9 dd 7

 

[mommyaof2]

What a hard situation! I would invite them if it were me. I would not be like them. Just because they were rude doesn't mean that you have to be too. If they decide to come fine and if they don't fine. Show you are the bigger person. Good luck with this and I hope you have a great party regardless!

 

[surfergirl602]

Hello everyone,
Last week we decided to throw a party on July 2nd. I've been working through a list of friends either calling or emailing including my two sets of neighbors. One set is right next to us: we can each see comings and goings of each other, the husband is very friendly and comes over to chat all the time, and the youngest daughter is at our house a LOT to play with my daughter. So, last night they throw a big party! Our other neighbors are invited...we see them there, and our kids ask why we aren't invited too...So, I'm mad. This is the same family that did not invite my daughter to a birthday party when they played together every day. I bit my tongue and life went on. Well, I am fed up now. I marched over to the husband this morning and chewed him out. He said it wasn't his fault, it was his wife's idea. I told him to snub the kids is inexcusable. I walked away and am still mad. So, now we have this party on Saturday and I don't know what to do. I want to ask the other neighbors, but now it looks like I am having this party out of spite, when we actually planned it last week I've gotten different advice, such as invite them to show you are above them etc. HELP!
Me dh ds 11 ds 9 dd 7

I would slip an invite in their mailbox.

 

[HonnyDipp]

that would be my advice too. Take the high road. Invite them, let them know that you're above the pettyness. If they show, good. If they don't screw em. Just don't let them know that you're irked. Let it go. But I am curious, what's with the Mrs.?

 

[CurlyGirl]

Take the high road and invite them. However, do not be surprised when they don't come after the way you treated the man. That was totally uncalled for. And don't be surprised if what you did sours the relationship between your child and theirs.

 

[penn19]

Do you WANT to invite them? If so then invite.

 

[southernbohemian]

I'd send an invite for the daughter only. No reason to punish her because her mom is rude.

 

[badblackpug]

You actually marched up to the man and chewed him out because you were not invited to his party? Oh my! That is terribly rude. He is not obligated to invite you anywhere. So what? Your kids play together. You are lucky he is polite. ...and put in that situation what did you expect him to say? "we really don't care for you, but I am polite because our kids are friends?" Goodness! Considering you haven't even issued invitations fro a party that is 2 weeks away on a holiday weekend, I would skip the party altogether.

 

[goofy!]

Hello everyone,
Last week we decided to throw a party on July 2nd. I've been working through a list of friends either calling or emailing including my two sets of neighbors. One set is right next to us: we can each see comings and goings of each other, the husband is very friendly and comes over to chat all the time, and the youngest daughter is at our house a LOT to play with my daughter. So, last night they throw a big party! Our other neighbors are invited...we see them there, and our kids ask why we aren't invited too...So, I'm mad. This is the same family that did not invite my daughter to a birthday party when they played together every day. I bit my tongue and life went on. Well, I am fed up now. I marched over to the husband this morning and chewed him out. He said it wasn't his fault, it was his wife's idea. I told him to snub the kids is inexcusable. I walked away and am still mad. So, now we have this party on Saturday and I don't know what to do. I want to ask the other neighbors, but now it looks like I am having this party out of spite, when we actually planned it last week I've gotten different advice, such as invite them to show you are above them etc. HELP!
Me dh ds 11 ds 9 dd 7

While I can certainly understand why the Momma Bear was awakened and I would be hurt and upset if the same thing happened to me, I would not approach a neighbor and chew them out for not inviting me to their party.

Their party, their guest list. Have you checked out what the theme of the party was? Was it a work party where the other neighbors knew some of the employees? Was it a "club" or 'team" party where your kids were not on the team, but the other neighbor's kids were.

Anyway, it really does not matter as nobody has a "right" to be invited to a neighbor's party.

You said that you invited people last week, including your 2 neighbors for your party.

So, are they already invited and you want to uninvite them? If the invite has already been issued, I would suck it up and be the better person.

Otherwise, do what your heart tells you to do. It is pretty obvious this neighbor does not care to socialize with your family more than just a friendly neighbor chat on the sidewalk for one reason or another. Invite them if you want but don't feel bad if you don't want to invite them.

And use this to teach your children that we are not always entitled to be a part of everything that goes on around us. That yes, it hurts our feelings and you hope they would not treat people in the same way, but that ultimately it is the neighbor's party, thus their guest list.

I would also take a good look at ourselves and try to figure out if there was a reason we were not invited? Some people just have personality differences and that is ok. But I would be looking to see if I was being a good neighbor and not too overbearing (like demanding being invited to their parties.)

 

[Tink888]

I agree with the others, take the high road and invite them.

Chances are they won't come anyway out of embarrassment (at least the wife) and you'll have shown them what class and grace looks like.

Enjoy your party

 

[smitch425]

Invite them if you wish, but if you really did what you say you did, I would not expect that they will be showing up-- invited or not.

 

[msmayor]

I cannot believe you chewed him out because you weren't invited. That's incredible...and extremely childish.

Complaining to him because you didn't get invited would, in my mind, put you on the automatice DO NOT invite list.

 

[msmayor]

I agree with the others, take the high road and invite them.

Chances are they won't come anyway out of embarrassment (at least the wife) and you'll have shown them what class and grace looks like.

Enjoy your party

No...showing them what class and grace looks like would have been just inviting them WITHOUT having complained that they didn't get invited to their party.

 

[goofy!]

I agree with the others, take the high road and invite them.

Chances are they won't come anyway out of embarrassment (at least the wife) and you'll have shown them what class and grace looks like.

Enjoy your party

That ship has already sailed if the OP really marched up to the neighbor and chewed them out for not inviting them to their party.

 

[Cooky]

.

 

[gracie1]

I agree with the others, take the high road and invite them.

Chances are they won't come anyway out of embarrassment (at least the wife) and you'll have shown them what class and grace looks like.

Enjoy your party

Were assuming that the wife won't show up because she's embarrased. But how do we know she's embarrased? If she didn't want them there, and didn't invite them, then she should not be embarrased at all.
If I had a party and did not want to invite a neighbor, I surely wouldn't feel embarrased about it.

 

[msjprincess]

I cannot believe you chewed him out because you weren't invited. That's incredible...and extremely childish.

Complaining to him because you didn't get invited would, in my mind, put you on the automatice DO NOT invite list.

ITA

I can't imagine chewing someone out for not inviting me to their party no matter what the circumstances.

 

[PeterPan&Wendy1970]

My husband and I invited them. I called the other neighbors and sent and email to the ones who didn't invite us. The people they invited are the usual set of friends that are at parties. I know them all since we ask each other since we are friends and we know them from trick-or-treating together etc. What is rude, is not inviting at least my kids. My two youngest play with the daughter all the time. In fact, the afternoon of the party, she came over to play (now we realize so her parents could get ready for the party). At the last snub (not inviting to the b-day party) I said nothing, which is why I think they think a repeat of the same is okay. I was very matter of fact "our kids play together every day, you come over all the time to have a beer, chat, etc., yet we are snubbed." I'm not sure what the wife's story is. She definitely wears the pants in the family, and my husband has always said he thinks she is very jealous. Anyway, they are invited. We'll see what happens.
Me dh ds 11 ds 9 dd 7

 

[swanmom]

Yes, it's possible that they were inconsiderate (although we don't know the reasons/circumstances of the party.)

However, you demonstrated an unwarranted sense of entitlement to his party and then, based on your opinion that you had a right to be included, went over, lost your temper and chewed him a new one. Really? Assuming this kind of thinking and behaving is not a sudden, one-time change of personality for you, I think I can guess why you weren't invited in the first place.

 

[Magic Mom]

Hello everyone,
Last week we decided to throw a party on July 2nd. I've been working through a list of friends either calling or emailing including my two sets of neighbors. One set is right next to us: we can each see comings and goings of each other, the husband is very friendly and comes over to chat all the time, and the youngest daughter is at our house a LOT to play with my daughter. So, last night they throw a big party! Our other neighbors are invited...we see them there, and our kids ask why we aren't invited too...So, I'm mad. This is the same family that did not invite my daughter to a birthday party when they played together every day. I bit my tongue and life went on. Well, I am fed up now. I marched over to the husband this morning and chewed him out. He said it wasn't his fault, it was his wife's idea. I told him to snub the kids is inexcusable. I walked away and am still mad. So, now we have this party on Saturday and I don't know what to do. I want to ask the other neighbors, but now it looks like I am having this party out of spite, when we actually planned it last week I've gotten different advice, such as invite them to show you are above them etc. HELP!
Me dh ds 11 ds 9 dd 7

If you liked them before this then I would still invite them. Maybe there was a misunderstanding. Maybe the wife thinks you don't like them. You mentioned that the husband comes over to talk to you. Do you go over and chat with the wife? If you invite them and they decline, then you have your answer. She doesn't want to be friends. You know what to expect from that point foreward, a cordial neighbor relationship, nothing more. I understand why you were mad though. it would have hurt my feelings too.