Not Disney, but question for other parents

[RKC]

BibbidyBobbidyyBoo wrote; If she felt uncomfortable since the last bite- then why on earth wasn't she keeping close to her child to make sure it didn't happen again? That makes no sense to me.

Thankyou sooo much. I said the exact same thing to my DH at least 4 times. I wasn't watching DS as closely as I could have, but it had been at least 4&1/2 mo.s since he had munched on ANYONE.

MomE & Laurie31... we are quietly checking with a few other relatives to see who would be the most comfortable with the idea of raising our 2 offspring. I would not dream of just springing that on anyone. Thanx again for the advice and validation. -Rachael

 

[tiggersmomof4]

I have been following this thread all week and have already put my 2 cents in but, I have to add...once again, that this woman (your SIL) has some serious issues. I wouldn't want her around my children or any children for that matter. She obviously can't control her anger! I would--under no circumstances--leave her as guardian of your children.

BTW--my husband and I have changed the guardianship of our children because we felt our original choice was not the right one. We did not tell the original guardians. Which in our case was not an issue because we no longer have contact with them. (long story which I won't go into)

Anyway, try and put this incident behind you and focus on your wonderful children. They are the most important thing in this world!!

Peace!
Tracey

 

[Jordan's MOM]

I just wanted to stress again what has been said about changing your will. That is such a big issue and you never ever know what could happen. We did not choose either of our sibblings to be our child's godparents, but rather our very best friends. We are the godparents to my sisters children but we did not feel this is the best choice for our son. We have never told my sister that our friends are the Godparents but we do have it all legal and both sets of grandparents know our wishes. My parents tried to "talk " us into having my sister to keep him in the family but we stood firm in our decission.
Back to the point. I would not allow you SIL to be alone with your children at anytime. As hard as it might be, I would too go to future family events, but be extra sure to not allow your child to be alone with her child.
Bitting is a normal two year old trait.Her behavior was much more out of line that your child's action. While bitting is normal and you were right not to over react to your child's behavior, it is also something that needs to be addressed and delt with. Of course if he only bites your SIL's child, I would bet that there was more to the story that what you saw. Good luck as you deal with this stressful situation.


Jordan's mom

 

[peg2001]

Am I the only one who sees just a little slice of SIL's side of things? If a child of any age were to bite one of my children, I would be mad. If it happened in the past, I would just be madder. If the parent didn't IMMEDIATELY start apologizing and ensuring that my bitten child was ok, I would be furious.

Also, I do tend to say harsh things in anger. While I don't think I would have uttered such a foul comment directly at the child, I can see me having said to the parent, "Keep your brat away from my child." Sorry, I'm not perfect and tend to feisty where my children's safety and comfort are concerned.

Peggy

 

[deb305]

I've been on both sides of the issue. My DD 5yr had been the "victim" of a biter in daycare, and a bully in pre school. In both cases we worked with the school for better supervision of the kids. At no time did we blame the offending child. We even had conferences with the teacher to have DD develop skills to head off the problems. (Yes we were very scared daily that the bully would have seriously hurt DD)In both cases the offender became the best friend.
I now have DS 18 month old, who bites. Getting past the embarassment, we are working on redirecting him. Hugs no bites, severe penalty for biting (withdrawal of attention/affection for a couple of minutes), praising profusely when displays positive traits etc. Bottom line at these ages the children have minimal responsibility for their actions we as parents have to be the vigiliant ones.
If SIL was really that close of relative, rather than lashing out a conversation with you on how to avoid in future would have been better for all concerned. She taught her own child an unfortunate lesson as well about overreacting, getting attention by being the victim etc.
Good luck. I would worry about leaving child alone with SIL as it sounds like she would be the type to blame all on your child, rather than getting down to what really happened

 

[RKC]

Peggy,
I am not at all discounting SIL's side of things. I understand her being mad that her son was hurt. I really do. I just can't understand the need to lash out at a small child who really doesn't know any better. Yell at me, fine. But not at my child, who does't understand what's going on. And I would have appologized if given the opportunity. But she instantly lashed out, and left me feeling that MY son had been attacked. I did later appologize to her husband (my husband's brother) who said "His own brother bites him sometimes, I don't know what the big deal was". Thanx again for your input. -Rachael

 

[MELSMICE]

Originally posted by peg2001
Am I the only one who sees just a little slice of SIL's side of things?

I can completely understand why the SIL was upset, however, I really feel she should have found a better way to deal with it. In my opinion, calling a child a brat & using foul language is not the way to do it. He's 22 months old - hardly old enough to even know right from wrong (the ge of reason is 7 years old)

Children learn by example. I work with children & believe me - many could be considered "brats", however, as far as I'm concerned they were not born "brats". JMO, but I feel that a child learns a lot of their behavior habits at home & a parent that lashes out & calls other children brats is most likely the same person that will have a "brat" for a child later on.

It is normal for parents to be protective of their children & I would probably think & say the same things as the SIL did, but it would have been private to my DH - not in public with other children & adults around. Like I said, JMO, but I really feel there were other ways to handle the matter.

 

[dsnycrzy]

Why were all the adults in another room away from 2 (1 toddler can get in enough trouble alone) toddler who was alone with a dog that MAY snap at them?

First of all your SIL would have corrected immediately. If that the way she wants to talk to her offspring, fine, BUT NO MINES. SHE MUST BE . I do understand her though. I had a similar incident 10 yrs ago (wow that made me feel old ) My nephew was jealous of my new baby b/c he had been alone for 2 yrs. He tried numerous times to take a swing at my newborn. I keep telling my sister to watch him and keep him with her and stuff, well one day I was feeding her (1 hand holding her and the other holding the bottle) and my nephew was in my romm playing with the ballon someone bought me while I was in the hospital. Out of nowhere he halls off and punches my 2 day old baby in the face. That "lioness" response (someone said) came upon me and I halled off and punched him in the chest. Well now that 2 babies were crying, my mom comes running from the kitchen and my sister emerges from her "bear den of video games" to see what's going on. I told her her son punched my baby in the face. She then asks me why is her son crying. I told her I hit him and she got mad. Oh well we told her to watch him and she decided not to and he could have really hurt my baby. She apologied about a half hour later (NO I DIDN"T BACK BECAUSE HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE ROOM WITH HER, I ONLY HAVE 2 HANDS). With all that said those 2 are best cousins and nothing could separate them.
sorry that was so long.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Originally posted by dsnycrzy
Why were all the adults in another room away from 2 (1 toddler can get in enough trouble alone) toddler who was alone with a dog that MAY snap at them?

First of all your SIL would have corrected immediately. If that the way she wants to talk to her offspring, fine, BUT NO MINES. SHE MUST BE . I do understand her though. I had a similar incident 10 yrs ago (wow that made me feel old ) My nephew was jealous of my new baby b/c he had been alone for 2 yrs. He tried numerous times to take a swing at my newborn. I keep telling my sister to watch him and keep him with her and stuff, well one day I was feeding her (1 hand holding her and the other holding the bottle) and my nephew was in my romm playing with the ballon someone bought me while I was in the hospital. Out of nowhere he halls off and punches my 2 day old baby in the face. That "lioness" response (someone said) came upon me and I halled off and punched him in the chest. Well now that 2 babies were crying, my mom comes running from the kitchen and my sister emerges from her "bear den of video games" to see what's going on. I told her her son punched my baby in the face. She then asks me why is her son crying. I told her I hit him and she got mad. Oh well we told her to watch him and she decided not to and he could have really hurt my baby. She apologied about a half hour later (NO I DIDN"T BACK BECAUSE HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE ROOM WITH HER, I ONLY HAVE 2 HANDS). With all that said those 2 are best cousins and nothing could separate them.
sorry that was so long.

I agree that the kids should not have been left alone.

Please tell me you didn't really PUNCH a 2 year old in the chest?

 

[dsnycrzy]

Although not proud to say, I did punch him in the chest. I didn't realize what I had done until after it was done. This was my 1st baby after burying one 1 1/2 years earlier and having numerous miscarriages. To finally be able to hold MY own baby was a blessing and I was way over protective of her which is why I kept telling my sister to keep him with herand away from us. That being said, out of all my nieces and nephews, he is my favorite and him and my daughter are really close, so that pain we all felt that day somehow made a strong bond . It's now a family joke.

Just to let you know I wouldn't try that now because he's as big as me.

 

[BrerMom]

Originally posted by RKC
But I'm still upset over the wholr thing, to say nothing about my husband(whose family we were with). My DH is so upset that he doesn't want to go to family gatherings again for a while. Maybe we are just over reacting but I still can't get past th thought that when you are in a stressful situation you say what you think.

Sorry to be so long winded, but I'd like to hear your thoughts. Thanx.

Our DS bit until he could talk well enough and fast enough to defend himself. Unless there are other issues and this is just the straw that broke the camel's back, I'd keep going to the family get-togethers. That said, I wouldn't leave the kids alone under any circumstances OR monitored by your SIL.

 

[BrerMom]

edited....