no show for wonderland tea party

[dreaming]

I am thinking about making a ressie for my 6 yr old dd, but not completely sure she will want to attend without me and her dad.
The trip is a suprise so I can't ask her, and I'd rather take her and show her it before I ask if she wants to do it because I think once she saw the other little girls she would like it - but if I make the ressie, show up with her and she gets upset about us leaving her with strangers will I get charged if we back out at last minute????

 

[jel0511]

I believe that you have to either pay for the tea party in advance or your card is charged if you are a no show, meaning you don't cancel 24 hours in advance. There are only 24 slots on the days they do the tea, so they will charge for a no show. If you're not sure your DD wants to do it, I'd skip it. I wouldn't want to be charged the $25 and not have my daughter want to go.

 

[travelitis]

I believe the no-show fee for both the tea party and pirate cruise is $10 or $15. I can't remember if you have to cancel 24 or 48 hrs. in advance to avoid that, so if you back out there will be a charge. You give a credit card as a guarantee, but no charge is made to your card until the tea party. You can opt to pay by other means, but the guarantee insures they'll collect the cancellation fee. You are asked to show up with her 15 min. before the tea party to help get your child settled. It's not a drop and go, but I was told the parents should quietly slip out while the child's head is turned (as long as the child is happy at that point.) My 4 year old is going the tuesday before Thanksgiving and is very excited about wearing her Belle ensemble for it.

 

[eeyore0062]

My 6 year old went, and LOVED it. She was absolutely THRILLED to be with kids her own age! Your child will take her cues off of you, and if you act like you don't want to leave her, then she is going to be upset... but if you act like it is going to be this big thrilling thing, and she will love it, she likely will.

I would suggest that you go ahead and tell her. Having it be a surprise may backfire and cause her stress or feelings that you don't want to be with her, which is not your intention. Talk with her about it, tell her about the characters, decorating the cupcakes, Alice reading a story, and the fun she will have, then if she still doesn't want to go, you are not out the guarantee fee, by cancelling at the last minute or being a no show.

Oh, and no shows are not filled by standby guests, so some other child who may have liked to have gone will have missed the opportunity.

 

[dreaming]

thanks everyone! well, I certainly don't won't any other children to miss out so I guess I will give it some thought before I make the ressies. IF I can still get a ps closer to our trip maybe I will try it and then if she gets upset just forfit the fee, I think she will do fine it's just always up in the air wether she will get scared, sometimes she's fine and sometimes she just doesn't want to leave us!

 

[montessori]

"but I was told the parents should quietly slip out while the child's head is turned (as long as the child is happy at that point.) "



I very strongly believe that parents should NEVER sneak out on their children.

 

[LvsTnk]

Since I have a child with special needs I stayed out in the hallway the entire time of the tea. I was very impressed with how the CM's handled a little girl who was a little upset and my DS. One CM carried the girl around the whole time and made sure she did everything. They all were some very sweet CM's!

 

[sha_lyn]

believe the no-show fee for both the tea party and pirate cruise is $10 or $15.

The no show fee is full price. I had the tea party book for a Wed and called back a few days later and changed it to Mon (beacuse the DIS meet at 'Ohanas was on Wed). I know I told the CM to cancel the one on Wed because he kept telling me he would pull it up in a min. every time I brought it up. Well apparently he never brought it up and canceled it because we were charged full price for the Tea party on that day. It took 2 phone calls to the GF and one to our credit card company to get it removed.

 

[slp87]

If possible, could you schedule the tea later in the trip, but take her over to the GF to see one earlier? That would give you a chance to explain exactly what they do, she can see it for herself, and if necessary you will still have 24 hours to cancel.

 

[dreaming]

slp87 - that is probably good advice, we are going over christmas so maybe this is all pointless since the 120 mark is past, but the whole trip is still up in the air so i've been slow to make many plans other than cp package for christmas eve, but i'm thinking maybe we will do mk friday after christmas since it is our last day, then when it starts to get crowded go to gf and she can do tea party while dh and i take a break by the pool or walk around for an hour then we can park hop to which ever parks we want to see one more time before leaving!

 

[Dizma]

Back in 1999 I took my 4 year old to the tea party. Due to the fact that I never leave my children with strangers (especially back then at that age), I asked to stay to take some pictures and they let me stay the entire time. It was great! I did sit way in the back so as not to interupt or distract. And guess what- I was not the only parent there.

 

[travelitis]

Looking back at my notes when I made the PS for the tea party, the no show fee is $10, and the cancellation is 24 hrs. That was per the CM.

I have no problem with the CM suggesting parents get their children settled then slip out quietly. Maybe not all children respond to that method, but many, including my dd, do. I will certainly make sure she understands I won't be staying, but if once she's entertained I will leave well enough alone. If the child is unsuspecting that you're leaving it's different.

 

[montessori]

Originally posted by travelitis
I have no problem with the CM suggesting parents get their children settled then slip out quietly. Maybe not all children respond to that method, but many, including my dd, do. I will certainly make sure she understands I won't be staying, but if once she's entertained I will leave well enough alone. If the child is unsuspecting that you're leaving it's different. "

I'm pretty sure we don't want a debate on this subject but I feel I must explain the reasons behind my opinion.
I have been teaching in Montessori preschools for over 25 years.

I've owned and taught at my own school for 17 years. I have been a party to many many good-byes between parent and child. Years ago, some parents would insist on sneaking out while the child was distracted. I never liked the idea, but I figured they were the parents so I let them do what they felt was best. I've since learned that parents don't always know what's best and I insist that they say goodbye to their children instead of sneaking away. The reason for sneaking away is...? To avoid a scene? The only reason there would be a scene is if the child is feeling unsure and uncomfortable with the situation. The child needs to be reassured and comforted by the parent that this situation is a happy and safe one. You say, "I just know you are going to have so much fun and I will be back to pick you up after the cake! See you in a while, sweetie, bye!" Or, whatever the situation calls for. Maybe there will be a scene, the child may cry for awhile and need extra comforting from the teacher, or CM, as in this case. The crying never lasts long, thank goodness.
I've seen the look on a child's face when Mom has snuck away while she was building a tower with some blocks. "Ta-da! What a beautiful tower I've built! Look, Mom!" It may only be a fleeting look of disappointment or it may be a huge outpouring of emotion but they all experience a sense of betrayal, of being tricked by the one person who should never ever betray or trick them.
They have usually consciously forgotten about it by the time they see Mom again, and they wouldn't know how to explain how they felt anyway. The role of the parent is to protect the child. The parent would never put the child in a place where he/she shouldn't be and the parent needs to instill that trust in the child. If the parent KNOWS that it's the right thing for the child to be left wherever they are being left, then the parent needs to be strong enough to convey that belief to the child.
The sneaking away makes it easier for the parent, and SOMETIMES for the caretaker. I believe it shows a great disrespect for the child and is damaging to the sense of total safety and trust a child needs to feel from a parent.
I could go on and on.... but I have to go to school now! Too bad...eh?

 

[eeyore0062]

To each his own!

 

[Terry S]

My daughter went to this when she was 4 and she loved it. The CM's are wonderful. We have it scheduled again for this trip.

montessori, I completely agree with you. I never snuck out on my kids, even from the time they were babies. I made sure I let them know that Mommy had to leave for a little while and that so and so would be watching them and that I WOULD BE BACK. I have a good friend who always snuck out on her kids and have been watching her kids for her while she did this. The look of betrayal on those kids facing when they asked me where mommy was was too much for my heart to take. I knew they felt abandoned by her.

 

[LvsTnk]

Leaving them without saying something teaches them to get used to an uncomfortable situation without knowing what happened to the parents. These days....not a good idea.

 

[travelitis]

Folks, you're reading way too much into what I said. If you will reread my 2nd post I already stated my daughter WILL know that I'm leaving and not because of some mystical ESP. She's my 4th, and I've found every child is different, and parenting styles can be different yet effective. I have healthy, happy, kids who are good students and are not afraid that their stay-at-home mother is going to abandon them. We're a little more than 2 mos. away from the trip, and she's already been told we won't be in there with her. Just how many times do I have to tell her good-bye? I think it's perfectly fine to tell her I'll see her later then watch her get involved before I slip out.

To get back to the OP -- the info I posted about cancellation was what the CM told me when I booked the tea party 2 wks ago.

 

[montessori]

Travelitis,
I was not placing blame and did not mean to judge your parenting skills and methods. My post was more geared toward the advise the CM gave to parents:
"but I was told the parents should quietly slip out while the child's head is turned (as long as the child is happy at that point.)"

Of course each child is unique and each situation is different. The scenario you describe sounds like you DO say your goodbyes...your daughter acknowledges the fact that you are indeed leaving. She will not suddenly turn for you and be surprised that you have disappeared. THAT is the type of situation I was addressing. Too many parents seem to think that this is an okay way to handle the separation anxiety issue and it upsets me. I find it cowardly and selfish and I don't think CM's at Disney World should recommend it. Children are due the same respect as adults, and are more worthy than some. I don't think most adults believe it's okay to trick your friends or family, to sneak out on them, or to be less than honest and upfront with them.
I have been there when the realization hits...Mommy disappeared! That's what it seems like to them. For the child to think Mom is there while she dares to venture off and have some fun, even though she's a little scared and not too sure about this whole thing...then she turns to look for Mommy and she's gone. That's the scenario I am talking about, it happens A LOT, and it isn't right.
I apologize for ranting and I will now stop. I know this isn't the Debate Board!
The tea party sounds wonderful and I am sure your daughter will have a magical time!

 

[eeyore0062]

In defense of the CM... I am sure that he/she meant to say goodbye at the door, watch for a minute to see that said daughter/son is involved then slip out without making any more production about it. Unfortunately, what is said, and how it is interpreted can be 2 entirely different things!

 

[travelitis]

Montessori - We are on the same page, sorry I mistook your meaning. In your profession you would, of course, see instances when this situation is handled poorly by parents. Naturally you'd have a strong opinion. The point is a good one.

Eeyore, I think you're right about the CM's meaning, and that's exactly how I took it which is why it didn't bother me.