NEW PENTAGON PLAN CALLS FOR NORTH KOREA TO INVADE IRAQ
Would Drastically Cut Costs of Waging Two Wars, Sources Say
Concerned about the mounting costs of waging two wars simultaneously in different parts of the world, the Pentagon is developing a new plan which would involve tricking North Korea into attacking Iraq, thus saving the U.S. billions of dollars, a Pentagon source said today.
While the logistics of getting North Korea to attack Iraq have not been fully worked out yet, the source said that the cost savings of such a strategy were off the charts.
Once we realized just how much money could be saved by somehow getting North Korea to attack Iraq, we were like, Weve got to find some way to make this happen, guys, the source said.
The key part of the plan that remains to be worked out, said the Pentagon source, is how exactly to get North Korea to invade Iraq.
One option currently being considered is signing up North Korea for a bunch of annoying Internet newsgroups and making it look like Iraq did it, thus incurring the wrath of easily-riled North Korean president Kim Jong Il.
Another possibility would be to key Kims official car by scratching the name of Saddam Hussein into it, making it appear as though the vandalism were the handiwork of the Iraqi strongman himself.
Still another possibility is to rethink the entire strategy, and instead focus on ways to induce Iraq to invade North Korea, or to somehow trick Iran into attacking both Iraq and North Korea.
The dream scenario is that all three of them attack each other and just go away, the source said.
***Borowitz Report****
Would Drastically Cut Costs of Waging Two Wars, Sources Say
Concerned about the mounting costs of waging two wars simultaneously in different parts of the world, the Pentagon is developing a new plan which would involve tricking North Korea into attacking Iraq, thus saving the U.S. billions of dollars, a Pentagon source said today.
While the logistics of getting North Korea to attack Iraq have not been fully worked out yet, the source said that the cost savings of such a strategy were off the charts.
Once we realized just how much money could be saved by somehow getting North Korea to attack Iraq, we were like, Weve got to find some way to make this happen, guys, the source said.
The key part of the plan that remains to be worked out, said the Pentagon source, is how exactly to get North Korea to invade Iraq.
One option currently being considered is signing up North Korea for a bunch of annoying Internet newsgroups and making it look like Iraq did it, thus incurring the wrath of easily-riled North Korean president Kim Jong Il.
Another possibility would be to key Kims official car by scratching the name of Saddam Hussein into it, making it appear as though the vandalism were the handiwork of the Iraqi strongman himself.
Still another possibility is to rethink the entire strategy, and instead focus on ways to induce Iraq to invade North Korea, or to somehow trick Iran into attacking both Iraq and North Korea.
The dream scenario is that all three of them attack each other and just go away, the source said.
***Borowitz Report****
