Dear Allison,
I wish that I could really tell you this, instead of writing you fake letters all the time. It's a good thing that these letters are actually never seen.
We've had a long road. That's no secret, the entire school and everybody that reads these fake letters knows. I thought that I was in love with my best friend, but I ended having to check into love rehab. How is that fair to me?
The worst thing is, you don't even know that you hurt me. I have to pretend like everything is okay, even though it's not. You are one of my best friends, and there was a time when I thought that we'd end up together. Guess I was wrong there. You don't know that I've had to cry so many tears because of you. When I was on vacation, you were always there in the back of my mind, always a constant reminder that I wasn't over you.
Meanwhile, you and Kevin were getting closer than ever. You can't even spend two days apart. Kevin is my best male friend, and I want the best for him. Why can't you see that this is hurting me? To see you and him together makes me happy and depressed at the same time. I'm happy that the two of you are happy and loving each other. I'm depressed because I can't get over you. I want you to know this, without hurting our friendship.
You're starting to ignore the rest of us and only hang out with him. That's expected. But, don't leave us behind. I was the one who helped you get back on your feet. I was the one who you talked to for hours. I stood right beside you as I watched you fall for him all over again. It was killing me. Sarah even brought it up to you in a letter. You know what you said, "I didn't know he still felt that strong..." You led me on, you let me believe that we would be together.
Then, as soon as I saw it all, it vanished. You got back together with him, and I have to pretend to be happy.
I've hit rock bottom a couple times on this. Whenever I call Kayla and start crying into the phone, that's how you know that it's not just a memory. It's true heartache. When we both start crying on the phone about this kind of stuff, and you don't even know that you've hurt me, that's the worst.
I thought that I was chasing pavements, in reality, I was chasing a ghost. It disappeared when I thought that I caught it.
And now, to finish this, I quote Dolly Parton, "If I stayed, I'd only hold you back."
Jennie told me that I'd always love you, but I can change the way that I do. I'm moving on, it'll kill me in the process, but I have to. I miss being your goofy friend, now I'm the not so goofy depressed guy. Nobody likes that guy.
Love, as friends should,
~Billy
Haha.
