Never Go to Bed Angry

[dngnb8]

Only the first year or so.

So true... I never understand it. You get no sleep. Youre too tired for nookie. Poopy diapers. Spit up. That horrible baby lotion smell. Cribs, strollers, car seats, Dr Visits.

After 2 years of all that, you make another exceptionally beautiful gifted child only to be ostracized on DIS Boards....

 

[FredinFL]

Note to self: Buy some baby lotion, apply liberally when not in the mood.

 

[dngnb8]

Note to self: Buy some baby lotion, apply liberally when not in the mood.

Wait, youre a woman, youre never in the mood, bless your heart....

 

[MusiqChic99]

I dont agree with this but only because it doesn't work at my house. DH and I are "sleep it off" kinda people. What might seem like such a huge deal the night/day before usually isn't all that important in the morning.

And whether we are angry or not. I love you is always spoken.

When you live with someone you going to have arguments. Not all of them have to be stay up all night and talk it out kinda fights. Again most are not that important once the next day begins.

 

[FredinFL]

Wait, youre a woman, youre never in the mood, bless your heart....

OMG...it's like you're INSIDE MY HEAD!

git out!

 

[eliza61]

I agree!

Op, like any other "golden rule" it does not apply to every couple. Like I've said many times, my darlin husband has pissed me off some times to the point I've wanted to light him on fire. so not only have we gone to bed angry, he's slept on the coach a time or two.

Some times I get foot in mouth disease so I much rather go to bed angry then blurt out some thing hurtful or stupid in the heat of the moment.


We're not big grudge holders so apologies are always said and accepted.

 

[fraggle551]

OP here. Really interesting to read everyone's opinions! I know it's not going to be the same for each couple. Whatever works for one, is not going to work for the other.

Another poster mentioned that they didn't like leaving the house in anger, for fear of something terrible happened. I also agree with that. I really truly believe in living each day like it's your last. You never know what can happen from one moment to the next. I try my best to let the people closest to me know how I feel, so God forbid something happened, I won't have wished I said something.

Although, I guess that's a whole other thread!

 

[NMAmy]

Good for you.

However, no one else says when I can and can't be grumpy.

We also rarely argue and in the 15 years we've been together, I can count on one hand the number of truly serious arguments we've had.

Being annoyed/irritated/angry at your spouse doesn't mean you love them any less (which you seem to be saying). It means you have unavoidable conflicts when living with other beings.

Do you have children? Just curious, b/c children naturally bring more conflict to a marriage.

I certainly did not say that I love DH any less if we're annoyed with each other. Both of us have a pretty high tolerance for the other's annoying habits.

And, yes, we have children. We're a blended family, even, with stepchildren and ex's and stepparents and all the stresses and conflict that comes with that.

You made a blanket statement that was true for you but not for everyone. I'm not sure why you think every family dynamic works exactly the way yours does. My parents didn't go to bed angry and fought rarely and were married for 40 years until my dad's death. Same with DH's parents.

 

[mamacatnv]

Doesn't work at our house.

It would be selfish and disrespecful for me to insist dh try to talk it through every angry thought before bed. I'd love to make him stay up and talk it out, but he is an introvert and usually needs a few DAYS to process, not minutes or hours. I've learned to give him the time and space he needs - but it generally means extroverted me has to stew for a bit before we can work it through.

Same with us - it took about 15 years of our marriage for me to figure this out. DH is a total introvert and also needs days to process and that is only when he actually "gets it"

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

Uh...Nancy?

I'm assuming your wife is not a Diser!

 

[SaraJayne]

I certainly did not say that I love DH any less if we're annoyed with each other. Both of us have a pretty high tolerance for the other's annoying habits.

And, yes, we have children. We're a blended family, even, with stepchildren and ex's and stepparents and all the stresses and conflict that comes with that.

You made a blanket statement that was true for you but not for everyone. I'm not sure why you think every family dynamic works exactly the way yours does. My parents didn't go to bed angry and fought rarely and were married for 40 years until my dad's death. Same with DH's parents.

Saying people that live together are going to have conflict is not a blanket statement. It's fact. No two people are going to agree on everything all the time.

 

[Nancy F]

I agree. I never go to bed without making up. Even if I have to make the first move.
Nancy

 

[BellvilleDad]

I'm assuming your wife is not a Diser!

You're right! I'm not THAT crazy!

 

[NMAmy]

Saying people that live together are going to have conflict is not a blanket statement. It's fact. No two people are going to agree on everything all the time.

I think you may have misunderstood me. I'm not disputing that people that live together have conflict occasionally but that's not anything like the comment that you made in your original post at all. I was referring to the last statement of this post. You may not be a "believer" but plenty of people find it realistic to not go to bed angry with their spouse. Several of them have posted right here on this thread and I'm guessing many of them have been married for longer than a week. The difference is in how people handle conflict. Some couples get over disputes quickly and can find middle ground and others need a bit of time to get to that place. Neither is wrong but both kinds of couples exist.

Make up nookie is better.

The few times I've been truly angry at DH, there was no way he was getting anywhere close to me.

I'm also not a believer in the "don't go to bed angry". For those that have been married longer than a week, it just isn't realistic.

 

[SaraJayne]

I think you may have misunderstood me. I'm not disputing that people that live together have conflict occasionally but that's not anything like the comment that you made in your original post at all. I was referring to the last statement of this post. You may not be a "believer" but plenty of people find it realistic to not go to bed angry with their spouse. Several of them have posted right here on this thread and I'm guessing many of them have been married for longer than a week. The difference is in how people handle conflict. Some couples get over disputes quickly and can find middle ground and others need a bit of time to get to that place. Neither is wrong but both kinds of couples exist.

So what you're telling me is my OPINION is wrong? Gosh, I love the Dis.

Go to bed angry, don't go to bed angry. I don't really care what you do. It doesn't change my opinion about it.

 

[NMAmy]

So what you're telling me is my OPINION is wrong? Gosh, I love the Dis.

Go to bed angry, don't go to bed angry. I don't really care what you do. It doesn't change my opinion about it.

I've been telling you that I disagree with your opinion and why and I think I've been doing it quite civilly. Pretty much like every thread on the DIS and every other message board and even face-to-face interactions with other humans in general. It's not unique to these boards.