Nelson and Jenn's wonderful journey...

[jenn&nelsonrego]

In need of guidance...

So most of you know the deal with my fertility problems....

We went to a specialist today (10 vials of blood later... ) and they are going to do some more IUI but way more technical than just the first three rounds of Clomid for 5 days, IUI on days 14 and 16 of cycle... I have to take a bunch of hormones, go for bloodwork, more hormones, bloodwork and baseline ultrasound, more bloodwork, injectable hormones, another ultrasound, then the IUI, then bloodwork, bloodwork, bloodwork, (hopefully a pregnancy at this point)...

Where my issue lies is that we had said that we would do the IUI's but not go as far as IVF. First of all, a round of IVF can cost around $10,000 and we don't have that and second, I cannot see going to such lengths to create a child when there are so many children who need loving parents (that is not to say ANYTHING negative about those who choose IVF)...

So that was that. After the IUI's (if it doesnt work) we were going to start adoption process....

My issue is this, I found out my insurance will cover the IVF. Which is great, I am really happy (and know how insanely lucky I am) to have such coverage. But now, knowing that we will only have to put out about $500 in copays... It makes the decision harder.... I am wavering on my No IVF stance....

Then the guilt kicks in... there are so many children who NEED homes, I dont NEED a biological child....

It gets worse, then I start the whole "But what if there is a reason I dont know of why I have not become pregnant? Is there a higher power that thinks Nelson and I would not be good parents, are we really not ready. I really do like our get up and go lifestyle, am I truly ready to give that up, will I even be a good mother, what if I mess this child up royally?..."

It gets bad, my brain wont stop....

So, I dont know what to do... I have talked to Nelson about this and he knows we will be good parents (glad he knows) and that, yes, there will be a ton of changes but all for the good....

I guess I dont really know what my problem is, maybe I just need to be talked off the bridge...

Thanks for "listening". You all ROCK!

 

[rosiep]

Jenn

You are going to be a great Mom..no matter how that baby comes to you. I f you have the copay and want to exhaust all your options before adoption then by all means do so....You can always adopt your second or third baby. Please don't equate your body's inability to make babies with not having the means to to be a great parent...Remember..God works in mysterious ways....

 

[wallyb]

You're going to be a great mommy -
no matter how - or when it happens.

 

[NikkiPants]

Oh, don't feel that any sort of higher power doesn't want you to have a child! Nature is just silly soemtimes. You and Nelson will be GREAT parents! And you clearly want this very badly, which also says you two will be wonderful. Don't feel guilty for wanting to try the IVF. If insurance covers it and you want to try, I think you should! Where I do support adoption fully and want to eventually adopt, I think you are entitled to do whatever you want and you shouldn't feel guilty at all! And, hey, if the IVF works for you and you and Nelson decide you want another child, why not adopt then?! That way you are doing everything you want.
Just don't be hard on yourself

 

[rpmdfw]

You're going to be an AWESOME mom!

The fact that you're so worried about whether or not you're ready, I would say is a pretty good indicator that you're ready. If you know what I mean.

On your other dilemma. You've already answered it. You decided no IVF. You've said that you do not NEED a biological child, and would give a loving home to a child that needs one.

What more is there to worry about? If and only if the IUI doesn't work, you'll know what to do. You've made the decisions already, stop second guessing your instincts and put that $500 toward a nursery or a college fund for the adoptive child that you're going to love.

That's just my take on it, of course.

Except for the awesome mom part. Cuz that's true no matter what.

 

[starann]

Jenn...to put in a bit of rational....

Is there some higher power not 'giving' you a child because you will be a bad mother?
Is there a higher power who gives drug addicts and child molesters and other currently bad parents the chance to have children because they will be good parents?

Sadly you have some bad plumbing. I think you will make a GREAT mom.

As for how you will become a mom, that is up to you! I have a friend who has a Portugese hubby and they had difficulty getting preggo (not to the extent you have, they now have a beautiful 1yo lil girl). His family was not so open to adoption. I'm not saying Nelson's are the same way. I'm sure you are the kind of girl who really can give a flip less what others think. There is no gaurentee the IVF will work....are you ok with dropping the $500 copay?

Each method of being a mommy has it's pro's and con's. Make a list of both and see where it sits with you.

HUGS

 

[jenn&nelsonrego]

I want to thank you all... you made me cry! But in all good ways. You made me realize how lucky I am to have found such a great group of friends.

Jenn

You are going to be a great Mom..no matter how that baby comes to you. I f you have the copay and want to exhaust all your options before adoption then by all means do so....You can always adopt your second or third baby. Please don't equate your body's inability to make babies with not having the means to to be a great parent...Remember..God works in mysterious ways....

Thanks Rosie! I know God works in mysterious ways, I just wish he/she would stop making this so difficult. It hurts pretty bad when I see a pregnant teenager walking down the street, knowing full well that she cannot give that child 1/2 of what I can.... I just dont understand why I have to go through all this... Oh! Man... I am doing the poor me thing again....

Oh! BTW, 2nd or 3rd babies... you can get 2nds and 3rds?

You're going to be a great mommy -
no matter how - or when it happens.

You are awesome Wally (don't tell anyone I think so)... Thank you!

You live close enough, I will make sure you get an invite to the baby shower!

Oh, don't feel that any sort of higher power doesn't want you to have a child! Nature is just silly soemtimes. You and Nelson will be GREAT parents! And you clearly want this very badly, which also says you two will be wonderful. Don't feel guilty for wanting to try the IVF. If insurance covers it and you want to try, I think you should! Where I do support adoption fully and want to eventually adopt, I think you are entitled to do whatever you want and you shouldn't feel guilty at all! And, hey, if the IVF works for you and you and Nelson decide you want another child, why not adopt then?! That way you are doing everything you want.
Just don't be hard on yourself

I know... but it doesn't make the decision any easier... I never thought it would be this tough...

But thank you for your very kind words...

You're going to be an AWESOME mom!

The fact that you're so worried about whether or not you're ready, I would say is a pretty good indicator that you're ready. If you know what I mean.

On your other dilemma. You've already answered it. You decided no IVF. You've said that you do not NEED a biological child, and would give a loving home to a child that needs one.

What more is there to worry about? If and only if the IUI doesn't work, you'll know what to do. You've made the decisions already, stop second guessing your instincts and put that $500 toward a nursery or a college fund for the adoptive child that you're going to love.

That's just my take on it, of course.

Except for the awesome mom part. Cuz that's true no matter what.

That does make sense... The $500 could be used in so many ways... better ways, some might say.... The thing with adoption is that it is not the easiest process... I just feel like I am constantly being tested...

I like what you said about instinct though... That might be how I get myself out of this.... trusting my gut.

Thanks!

Jenn...to put in a bit of rational....

Is there some higher power not 'giving' you a child because you will be a bad mother?
Is there a higher power who gives drug addicts and child molesters and other currently bad parents the chance to have children because they will be good parents?

Sadly you have some bad plumbing. I think you will make a GREAT mom.

As for how you will become a mom, that is up to you! I have a friend who has a Portugese hubby and they had difficulty getting preggo (not to the extent you have, they now have a beautiful 1yo lil girl). His family was not so open to adoption. I'm not saying Nelson's are the same way. I'm sure you are the kind of girl who really can give a flip less what others think. There is no gaurentee the IVF will work....are you ok with dropping the $500 copay?

Each method of being a mommy has it's pro's and con's. Make a list of both and see where it sits with you.

HUGS

Real good points, see, I knew I could count on all of you!

Nelson is a little worried about his family's possible reaction... but he doesn't care and quite frankly, neither do I... I have talked to my family about it and they have said that they all have more than enough love to give to make up for any the child might not get from the other side...

We have also made the decision that flavor (that is what my mom calls it) does not matter.... black, white, hispanic, green with orange stripes, pink polka dots... we do not care about the ethnicity of any child we adopt...

Your right, I dont have a guarantee that the IVF would work... then I would be out the $500 that could have provided (for a day and a half ) for another child....

The good thing is, I have some time to think about it... I think maybe 2 or 3 cycles of IUI worth...

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Jen, just want to pipe up and say that any child will be incredibly lucky to have you for a parent!

However you choose to become a Mom, you are going to be amazing.

 

[TinkerChelle]

Jenn, please do not ever doubt your ability to be a good Mom. Not being able to get pregnant is so stressful that your brain works overtime and your hormones make you more emotional. Not being able to get pregnant DOES not mean that you aren't suppose to be a mother. The roller coaster of infertility is not a fun ride. Keep holding on! As for IVF I would personally go for it! What incredible insurance coverage. If you are not ready to adopt then you are not ready to adopt. It is a completely personal decision and you shouldn't feel selfish for trying IVF. Good luck in whatever decision you make.
I know how much it hurts. I remember it seemed like pregnant women were following me. Be kind and patient with yourself. Also, don't forget to live your life. That may sound strange but looking back I was so focused on not getting pregnant and the whole process of hormones, drugs, sperm, doctor's appointments, etc. that a couple of years went by and although life went on...I don't really remember enjoying day to day life.

Anyway good luck and keep your chin up!

 

[OokOofy]

Only you know what is best. Why not give IVF a go and then if it doesn't work go the adoption route?

That being said, our DD was adopted from Central America. I love her to the depths of my soul and would not change a thing. I have been stern in thinking I should not consider pregnancy after adoption because I felt it unfair to my DD. But I find myself considering it..

 

[OrlandoMike]

Jenn,

You and Nelson will be great parents, stop those thoughts!

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best!

You know my favorite kid in the whole world is adopted, as well as her brother!

If adoption is the path you choose, best of luck!

 

[npmommie]

Jenn I agree with the others you will be great parents to any child who comes your way, no matter the way they get to you.

as for the IVF, if you don't do it,will you always wonder what if?
I think either way you go will be right for you, you will know in your heart what you really want to do.
good luck!

 

[mykidsintow]

Jenn,

You and Nelson will be great parents, stop those thoughts!

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best!

You know my favorite kid in the whole world is adopted, as well as her brother!

If adoption is the path you choose, best of luck!

And who might that be??? HUH!?!?

I am going to PM you privately, babe

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

Jenn, I have no answers for you, but I can offer you a and an sympathetic ear.

I wanted kids for many years. I finally got the right partner in terms of her being a good person and "mom" material. However, she doesn't want kids. I think that God put all of these special needs animals in my life instead of a child so that all of that love that I was so willing to pour into a child's life did not go to waste. Lord knows, at least 6 out of our 7 have issues that most people would not wish to deal with. These animals found the right home. When the time is right, the right child will come into your life. Just say your prayers and know that the answer is not always the one that you expect to find.

 

[dustyraye]

Jenn,

Please don't ever think that your inability to conceive is the universe's way of saying that you wouldn't make a good mother. I'm an adopted child myself. While no one is perfect, I have never ever felt that my parents shoudn't have been parents or that I ended up anywhere but where I was meant to be. (OK, I don't know if that made sense, but I hope you see where I'm going with that.)

I don't think we have ever talked, but since I lurk more than I post, I feel like I've gotten a sense of a lot of the major players around here including you, and I have never had anything but a warm, friendly vibe from you. I have no doubt that you will be a wonderful mother.

Like the PP, I have wanted kids for a long time. And as an adoptee, I have always wanted to have someone that I was related to by blood, so it is important that at least one be my biological child. Now that I am finally in a loving, stable relationship, my partner feels that that she is too old for babies. I have struggled long and hard with wondering whether I will spend my golden years regreting the decision not to have a child. As she has told me time and again, I have to follow my heart on that one.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a child that is biologically your own. And as an adopted child, I am obviously whole heartedly in favor of adopting. For what it is worth, I know of several couples who struggled with infertility, finally decided to adopt, and then within a couple of years after adopting, were able to have a child. So there's no reason why you have to give up on the idea of IVF entirely if you decide to move forward with adoption first.

Only you can know whether you should go forward with the IVF. Listen to your heart.

 

[wallyb]

Jenn,
You know my favorite kid in the whole world is adopted, as well as her brother!

If adoption is the path you choose, best of luck!

I was adopted!


... And I have a brother!

 

[OrlandoMike]

I was adopted!


... And I have a brother!

Darn, my secret is out!

 

[wallyb]

Darn, my secret is out!

"Oh it's Twue.... it's twue.... it's twue!"
-Madame Von Schtupp-

 

[rpmdfw]

Darn, my secret is out!

"Oh it's Twue.... it's twue.... it's twue!"
-Madame Von Schtupp-

Mike is Wally's long lost brother?

 

[kitsch4]

Hi, Jenn. I don't post here much at all, but I do lurk a lot, because everyone on here seems so great. From what I have read from you, and b/c you have all your concerns, I can tell that you will be a great mommy! The not-great moms wouldn't worry about things like that. They wouldn't care. You will be a wonderful mommy to YOUR child, no matter how that child comes into your life.

By the way, I was adopted as an infant, and my parents are my heroes! Best wishes to you and Nelson. You will be in my prayers.

Kit