need some help and a shoulder to lean on

[OldsDr]

I was once 18. Give or take a coiuple years from that age I actullally Skipped the 1997 Fleetwood Mac Reunion Tour opening night to go hang out with a girl who I thought was the end all and be all of existance.



Man, I wish I had gone to that concert.

It is all part of growing up

 

[mjkacmom]

You're right...I don't. My son is 19 now and thankfully a gentleman around girls. He's smart, funny and handsome and could date whatever girl he wanted to, but has only had one girlfriend. He doesn't jump from girl to girl hoping to "get laid" as the PP so tactfully explained it. I'm as real as they get, sweetheart, and I'm very proud that my son would like to save his manliness for his wedding night...a rare find this day and age. Call me old-fashioned, but he will make an awesome husband one day in a relationship that actually means something. And he'll be better off not having had so much "fun" in college.

My DH was in a few, long term, committed relationships, before we started dating, and I am glad. No way I would've wanted to marry a virgin! Let him work out the kinks with other girls. Oh, and he's smart, funny, and handsome!

 

[CCClement]

My wife and I used to take all 4 kids with us to WDW thankfully all 4 love going. Then we went by ourselves (no kids) we had such a good time we came home and told them they couldn't go with us again. that did not go over very well. I think your son will get over it but in the mean time enjoy Disney by yourself, its a whole new experience.

 

[picktails]

MJKACMOM - exactly! Those are the years to experiment and enjoy it.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, I just get so annoyed when someone like Nissi pops up and condemns someone for it. This is a discussion forum, no need to judge the views of others.
I think sex is to be enjoyed during college, but I would never so harshly comment on someone else's opposing opinion. Adults make their own choices.

 

[momimouse27]

To the OP, I am so sorry to hear your situation. It must be very difficult.

I agree with some of the other posters who have said that your son will get over her and move on. Yes, some people find the loves of their lives at 18(I married my first boyfriend almost 20 years ago ) but most of them won't.

This girl-and I hate to sound harsh, just going on what you have said-but she sounds very immature, and very high maintenance. That will get old very quickly.

I have a somewhat similar situation in that my daughter is now 18 and is off to college for the first time. This will be only our second trip to Disney EVER without her. The last time she didn't go because her dad took her to London for her senior gift.

I am so sad when she doesn't go. Unlike your son, she is a nut for Disney, and still loves it. But she went to Night of Joy with her college group a couple of months ago and doesn't want to go again and miss classes. I should be happy she's being responsible, but I miss her on these trips soooo much.

Keep your chin up! And, if I may make a suggestion...maybe you could try and find some others on Disboards or even friends of your who enjoy Disney and would join you on your trips. Or meet some people at Disney meetups or something. Friends would be really fun to go with, especially if they love Disney too!

 

[MikeSF]

In a nutshell, the two round things that occupy an 18 year old man's mind and influences his decisions aren't on the top of Mickey's head

 

[dzorn]

I write this with questions,and no real answers, that I really want to hear? lol,
Ya it confused me to. This Is the frist time I wrote here in here,or been on the borads since our MNSSHP trip, back in September. It was me my ds and his DGF. this was the 7th trip with my ds(now 18yo),and the frist onewith his DGF.
This was going to be the best of all the trips!,It really turn out to be the mostdifficult and I guess the most Inlighting. We started out at frist, finding out that
she(DGF) does not like Disney,and the people that go to WDW very much and then she does not like to get out In the crowds. Ok i relized this was going to be a long trip.
Then to find out she does not really like to eat in restraunts and at that really around people eather other then my son. She went out of her way to express this. I also found out my DS has
decided that his choice was to follow her desires,likes and dislikes.
He Chose not to do the reg things we do at WDW and the restraunts we usually goto,matter of fact they only went to one adr the whole trip.
I ended up going to the rest. He Infourmed me that he wanted to stop going,
asked me to cancel all of our up comeing trips to wdw,dl and other locations,
she does not really like
to fly she told him.Now I write this beliveing that I am not the frist or the last to see there child leave the
nest. But our anual trips to WDW look to come to a end on a sour note.
I new the
day would come when I would have to decide to travel with or with out him.
I decided after
that trip there would be no more,it would crush me to see my self go back with out
my DS.
I make it sound like his DGF ruin the trip,thats not the case for the most part
the trip was still wonderfull,i still got to spend the trip with the most Imporatin
person in the world,and for that It was wonderfull. I just had to accept that
he is just moveing on with his life with the person he cares the very much for.
She cares alot for him to and that i am greatfull for,they get along great.

So after all of this I wanted to ask how do you go back to WDW as a single
parent? is it still the same do you still find as much joy?. I am trying to go back
In April and I like to get any Ideas and comphert stories. Sorry for
the rambling??

Well if he does not want to go then so be it, but I would ask him why you should cancel trips you love just to please his girlfriend. I would also say you don't care she does not like to fly your not taking her on vacation again so no skin off my nose.

If if she truly cared for him she would make an effort to do things he enjoyed and not stop him from going.

Go with a friend or check out the singles board and have fun.

 

[seadd67]

Thats the main thing is imagin going to WDW and he Is not by my side. We have gone and always had such a great time together. I will work through it but like others I can not ever imagin ever not going . I love WDW so much,the vacation, the resorts and the people. I love all the people I encounter down there. From the CM's to the the diffrent people folks visiting wdw who love disney as much as I do. My DS Is the worlds greatest son,i support his decissions 110%,if that means put his efforts into supporting his GF thats ok by me, I am just glad I was able to enjoy all the great times we had at WDW and him just groweing up being a kid. I am so glad I have so may friends here on the Dis,it would be more diffcult to go forward and have no one to relate to. Thanks

 

[dzorn]

Thats the main thing is imagin going to WDW and he Is not by my side. We have gone and always had such a great time together. I will work through it but like others I can not ever imagin ever not going . I love WDW so much,the vacation, the resorts and the people. I love all the people I encounter down there. From the CM's to the the diffrent people folks visiting wdw who love disney as much as I do. My DS Is the worlds greatest son,i support his decissions 110%,if that means put his efforts into supporting his GF thats ok by me, I am just glad I was able to enjoy all the great times we had at WDW and him just groweing up being a kid. I am so glad I have so may friends here on the Dis,it would be more diffcult to go forward and have no one to relate to. Thanks

Well I think he will come around some day. If not you'll I am sure he'll let you take the grandkids when the time comes for them.

Denise in MI

 

[mickeyluv'r]

Adults make their own choices.

True, but 18 is not an adult.

While our society gives 18 year olds certain rights and responsibilies, numerous studies have shown that 18 year old brains are still very actively developing. It's one of the most active development periods of our life. As such, we are unable to process decisions the way an adult does. That's part of why teens sometimes make very poor choices.


It is possible that your son's choice is temporary. Things may look very different to him once he matures, and especailly when he has children of this own. Right now he's trying to figure out what it means to be an adult. GF might very well be telling him WDW is for only for children. I've met lots of adults that think that way. It's possible that's she's even using that charge to express a kind of jealousy/sadness (passive agressive?) because WDW was not a part of her childhood. (I can't have it, therefore I don't want it.) I don't know her; I have no idea, I'm just thowing out one possibility.

I suggest that you do tread slightly carefully here. Your son is trying to become an adult. He's trying to shed his childhood. That's normal for someone his age. If you push the the Disney issue too much, you might actually reinforce the notion that loving WDW is for children ("You used to love WDW when you were a child.") My guess is that one of your best bets is to back off and let your son come around.

I speak as someone who went to WDW as a child, then did not go for 15 years. Partly is was logistics that kept me from going, but partly it was my own notion that WDW was mostly for kids. Luckily, I rediscovered it before I had kids. Maybe part of it was that I smple needed the chance to do something different.

My last thought here on the subject is that you have a third option. Going with son and going solo are NOT your only two options.

There are LOTS of OTHER people you could invite to go to WDW. You may have other family members and friends that would love to join you on a vacation, particularly if you were open to trying some of the adult activites. Perhaps you have a friend who would LOVE to attend the very adult-oriented Food and Wine festival events? Visit a spa? go fishing? Star Wars days? learn gardening tips at the Epcot Garden festival?

WDW is very diverse. It's far more than character meals and It's a Small World. I bet there is someone in your life would would love to attend one of these events/activites.


Another way to go to WDW semi-solo would be to attend one ofthe many group events: D23, AllEars has an annual event in December for adults that love WDW. This year's event is called a "December to Remember". It's entirely possible that you could make a new WDW friend by attending one of these events/conventions.

 

[nytimez]

He is just at the age where he wants to get laid and so is willing to do anything for any girl who is willing lol

Crude... but very accurate. .

One word: eighteen.

he is 18 and enjoying the kind of relationship he only dreamed of before

In a nutshell, the two round things that occupy an 18 year old man's mind and influences his decisions aren't on the top of Mickey's head

My son is 19 now and thankfully a gentleman around girls. He's smart, funny and handsome and could date whatever girl he wanted to, but has only had one girlfriend. He doesn't jump from girl to girl hoping to "get laid" as the PP so tactfully explained it.

...as far as you know...

True, but 18 is not an adult.

It most certainly is. Not a mature adult and not an especially well-informed adult... but I could say the same about plenty of people two or three times that age.

 

[phyllis1966]

You're right...I don't. My son is 19 now and thankfully a gentleman around girls. He's smart, funny and handsome and could date whatever girl he wanted to, but has only had one girlfriend. He doesn't jump from girl to girl hoping to "get laid" as the PP so tactfully explained it. I'm as real as they get, sweetheart, and I'm very proud that my son would like to save his manliness for his wedding night...a rare find this day and age. Call me old-fashioned, but he will make an awesome husband one day in a relationship that actually means something. And he'll be better off not having had so much "fun" in college.

Well said, and as a mom of a daughter, I was so pleased to read this! I can never understand why so many parents think it's "real" or "cool" to tell everyone their sons are "getting laid."

 

[kerplop]

I refuse to get derailed by the usual OT bullhooey, so I'll just address the OP.

Like many people have said your son is at that age and it's a phase he's going through. He might outgrow it and he might not, it's impossible to tell. Right now he's stumbling through a part of his life that is all about becoming an adult and learning what you like/don't like and who you want to spend your time with. Honestly at 18 you couldn't have paid me to go to WDW with my parents - not because I don't love Disney (obviously I do!) and not because I didn't love my parents, but because it was not "cool" or fun to hang out with them. People may think that because he's 18 and is now technically an adult that he'll begin to behave like one rather than a teenager, but that's usually not the case. Most people I know don't "grow up" until closer to 25ish.

That said all you can do is tell him that you're going, with or without him and then leave him to decide whether his choice of sticking by the gf or going with you is the wise one. You can't control his choices and you obviously can't control what his gf likes/doesn't like. All you can do is do what you want and let him make some decisions. My personal thought is that he won't stand for a gf like that for long, especially if he's got a strong will That said trying to force him to go or fighting with her will only push him further away and since that's clearly the LAST thing you want, let it lie. Do your thing, let him do his, and it will work itself out god willing.

 

[t_catt11]

Tell you what - I'll share a piece of wisdom that my grandfather bestowed on me when I turned twenty-one.

"Boy," he told me, "you're just about old enough to be smart enough to realize just how stupid you really are."

He was, of course, completely correct. Take that to heart.


Also, I will not refuse to be derailed by the off-topic nonsense. If you have a teenaged son, there are exactly two reasons why his mind won't be constantly focused on girls (and getting with them):

1. He has a hormone imbalance or other medical issue. I am not kidding.

2. He isn't into girls.

There really are no other explanations. Now, a young man may comport himself as a gentleman, may treat young ladies with respect, and may exhibit self control - good for him! Don't mistake for a moment that he isn't subject to the same urges and thoughts. Don't think that your special snowflake - or your darling daughter's charming, well-mannered boyfirend - is any different. If he is, see #1 or #2 above.

I was a well-manned, respectable, polite young man. My girlfriend's parents loved me - even her overprotective, polish the shotgun type father. Little did they know what we were up to.

Example of how hormonal drives cause dumb decisions:

I had attended a certain summer camp ever since I had been old enough to do so, and had volunteered there for two or three years once I became old enough to do that. I dearly loved the place (still do). Rock climbing, water skiing, friendships with some amazing people, memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

One summer, I got a job offer to be a paid staff member of said camp, and couldn't wait to go... but then, I got involved with the above girlfriend (now my wife). Hormones got in the way and I refused to go... which was a poor decision, but I couldn't see that at the time.

Live and learn.

 

[Brian_WDW74]

This thread doesn't really belong on the Theme Parks Attractions and Strategies board. So I've moved the thread to the Theme Parks Community board.

 

[mickeyluv'r]

It most certainly is. Not a mature adult and not an especially well-informed adult... but I could say the same about plenty of people two or three times that age.

Argh! No. Society gives us certain rights at that age, but our brains are not finished developing. That's not my opinion; it's fact. It has been proven many times over using such techniques as MRI scans show that the brain changes dramatically through the early 20's. We don't yet know exactly what all that change means, but we know that dramatic changes are still occurring at age 18. As such, it is likely those dramatic changes impact our behavior at that age, including our ability to make choices.


http://www.edinformatics.com/news/teenage_brains.htm

 

[DizCaptain]

I'm 18 and let me tell you, no girl will surpass Disney for me that's why I'm goin' for one who is just as much a Disney freak as I am

 

[bumbershoot]

Well said, and as a mom of a daughter, I was so pleased to read this! I can never understand why so many parents think it's "real" or "cool" to tell everyone their sons are "getting laid."

Not sure people think it's cool, but even if the young man isn't doing the deed, he's got tingly feelings that are leading him right now. Most people I know who waited for marriage got married rather young, or quickly (like my religious stepfather who married his current wife after three dates, and couldn't even wait out the month so he wasn't getting married immediately before the anniversary of my mom's death. We all knew what he was thinking with.) Can't release the tingled until you're married, so get married!



Thankfully for me the tingles didn't matter, as I was too shy to find a serious Bo during that time of my life, lol.

But if I had, I'm sure I would have taken on his likes and dislikes, like the OPs son is doing now.

Gosh, some of my 30-40 year old friends are still stick in that trap, chaining who they are based on who they are with!




OP, might be a good time for conversations about how to choose The One. If travel has been in his past and he wishes it for his future, this girl is not right down the road. I made the mistake of dating two guys who, it turned out, didn't like flying, and it turned out didn't really like traveling. Not right for me!

If only someone had pointed that out to me early on, I could have saved myself some sadness.