Need Some Gift Advice

[tbrenk]

We have a young couple that lives on our street that was recently married. They have lived there about 2 years while they were engaged. We are not friends with them. We do the usual neighborly wave and they will stop and chat if we are outside. I don't know much about them at all.

They were getting married in Aruba in April. I was surprised when I received an invitation to the bride's bridal shower. Three other neighbors were invited as well. I was hesitant on going, but bit the bullet and went thinking it was the neighborly thing to do. It was in March. It was lovely shower and had a better time than I thought LOL. I spent about $35 on a gift using coupons in Bed Bath and bought her two things of her registry.

Right after I RSVP, we get a save the date card for an after wedding party to be held in June. All the other neighbors are going so we felt kind of obligated to go and since they live a few houses up and I would hate to say no and they see us home. It is just my husband and I invited.

Anyway, it's a cocktail reception and desserts held at a nice catering facility (The Bethwood) here in NJ. Its on a Sunday night at 5PM.

My question is, what do I give as a gift? It's not like its the whole wedding or a sit down event. I was going to buy something off the registry but everything is gone. I know everyone says give what you feel comfortable with, but I don't want to seem cheap. Any suggestions?

 

[Disney845]

We are not friends with them. We do the usual neighborly wave and they will stop and chat if we are outside. I don't know much about them at all.

This is all I need to know about the situation. I personally think that it is odd that you were invited to not only the bridal shower but to this after wedding celebratory party. I don't mean to be overly cynical, but since you say you know them only in passing, it sounds very much like a gift-grab to me.

I probably wouldn't have felt compelled to attend the shower, nor this additional party.

I think you need to ask yourself if you are interested in being better friends with this couple and believe that your attendance at both/either of these events will lead to your becoming better friends. If the answer to that is no, and you only feel compelled to attend because you are worried about what the other neighbors will think, or that the wedding couple will know you declined the invite but just stayed home, you should ask yourself why that should even matter to you for people you don't consider your friends.

You are well within your rights to decline any invitation you receive. Again, not meaning to sound overly cynical, but do you think the bridal couple would even miss you or notice if you didn't attend if you are not a big part of their lives?

 

[Malibustyle23]

We have a young couple that lives on our street that was recently married. They have lived there about 2 years while they were engaged. We are not friends with them. We do the usual neighborly wave and they will stop and chat if we are outside. I don't know much about them at all.

They were getting married in Aruba in April. I was surprised when I received an invitation to the bride's bridal shower. Three other neighbors were invited as well. I was hesitant on going, but bit the bullet and went thinking it was the neighborly thing to do. It was in March. It was lovely shower and had a better time than I thought LOL. I spent about $35 on a gift using coupons in Bed Bath and bought her two things of her registry.

Right after I RSVP, we get a save the date card for an after wedding party to be held in June. All the other neighbors are going so we felt kind of obligated to go and since they live a few houses up and I would hate to say no and they see us home. It is just my husband and I invited.

Anyway, it's a cocktail reception and desserts held at a nice catering facility (The Bethwood) here in NJ. Its on a Sunday night at 5PM.

My question is, what do I give as a gift? It's not like its the whole wedding or a sit down event. I was going to buy something off the registry but everything is gone. I know everyone says give what you feel comfortable with, but I don't want to seem cheap. Any suggestions?

Personally I would not go but since you do not see that as an option. If I had to give a present it would be cash, gift card or maybe a nice wedding picture frame.

 

[tbrenk]

We are going since I felt that it was the right thing to do. I don't see us becoming much friendlier since we are about 10 years older than them with a 12 year old and they are newlyweds with no kids. We are in different places. They are a lovely couple and are always very friendly. I am sure once we get there we will even have a good time.

I was thinking $50 in cash?

 

[scrapquitler]

We have a young couple that lives on our street that was recently married. They have lived there about 2 years while they were engaged. We are not friends with them. We do the usual neighborly wave and they will stop and chat if we are outside. I don't know much about them at all.

They were getting married in Aruba in April. I was surprised when I received an invitation to the bride's bridal shower. Three other neighbors were invited as well. I was hesitant on going, but bit the bullet and went thinking it was the neighborly thing to do. It was in March. It was lovely shower and had a better time than I thought LOL. I spent about $35 on a gift using coupons in Bed Bath and bought her two things of her registry.

Right after I RSVP, we get a save the date card for an after wedding party to be held in June. All the other neighbors are going so we felt kind of obligated to go and since they live a few houses up and I would hate to say no and they see us home. It is just my husband and I invited.

Anyway, it's a cocktail reception and desserts held at a nice catering facility (The Bethwood) here in NJ. Its on a Sunday night at 5PM.

My question is, what do I give as a gift? It's not like its the whole wedding or a sit down event. I was going to buy something off the registry but everything is gone. I know everyone says give what you feel comfortable with, but I don't want to seem cheap. Any suggestions?

I would probably buy something small like a bottle of wine, a cute sign with their house number or a picture frame. I wouldn't spend more than $25.

 

[kkwis2]

I know this varies regionally, but I think if you are comfortable with $50 cash, that's what you should give. Or give it in the form of a gift card if you prefer. Last fall we went to the wedding of a former student that my husband has kept in touch with (lunch a couple times per year) and gave them $50. Again, I know regionally it's different. But for neighbors that you don't know very well, it seems appropriate.

Also I want to add, don't discount them as potential friends just because of the age difference. You definitely are in different places in your lives, but that doesn't mean that you don't still have things in common.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'd give $100 (check, not cash). Of course you were invited to the wedding celebration (lots of people do this when they have small destination weddings). It would be rude to invite you to a shower, and not to the wedding.

This is NJ - you don't buy an actual gift for the wedding. My go-to is $300 for a wedding gift, but it doesn't seem like you are close to them.

Or, you don't have to go! And you don't have to offer up an excuse. It would save them money.

 

[Pesky]

I still think you can turn them down. Seriously, if everyone else is going, no one is there to know you are home. You can just say "we have plans" and no reason to explain what those are. If you do want to go, I think a bottle of wine or other small housewarming kind of thing is sufficient. I don't think you are obligated to go or give a gift if you don't go. But even if I didn't go, I'd probably give them a token of a celebratory bottle of prosecco or something, just to maintain good feelings in the neighborhood

 

[HeatherC]

I always think it is nice to be friendly with your neighbors. I would probably give them a nice bottle of wine with a $25 gift card to Home Depot since they have a new house.

Since you don't really know them well and already gave a gift, I think that is a very nice gesture without going overboard.

 

[shoney]

This is a tough one.


I would think a minimum of $50 and a max of $100.

 

[Happyjen27]

Feel free to skip it if that is a better use of your time and money.

If you want to go, the gift for weddings in NJ is usually money, not things. If you're agonizing over this, I would call the place and ask how much a cocktail reception is, roughly, per person. Then make sure you give at least that amount of money.

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

We are going since I felt that it was the right thing to do. I don't see us becoming much friendlier since we are about 10 years older than them with a 12 year old and they are newlyweds with no kids. We are in different places. They are a lovely couple and are always very friendly. I am sure once we get there we will even have a good time.

I was thinking $50 in cash?

$50 cash or check sounds fine considering your relationship. It's not a sit down dinner, but a cocktail reception, so the "cover your plate" rule doesn't even come into consideration (I don't go by that rule, I know a lot of people do).

 

[LJSquishy]

I think you're doing the right thing in attending. It is definitely the neighborly thing to do...and it's always good to remain on good terms with your neighbors! I agree, don't discount them as not becoming casual friends just because they're younger and without kids...my husband and I are 34 and 29 and one of our neighbors is in her 40s and we get along great with her...we aren't friends necessarily, but we chat a lot and we mow her lawn if she's busy or sick, etc. 2 years ago she had a major health issue and we cared for her yard and I even put potted flowers on her front porch so she had something pretty to come home to after being in the hospital. We planned to have her and her girlfriend over for a BBQ this year but we are most likely going to sell our house.

Anyway, $50 cash is a great gift if you feel comfortable giving that much. I would probably give less myself since you already gave a gift. I love the idea of a Home Depot/Lowe's gift card! They would certainly use it! I think $25 is an appropriate amount considering you don't know each other well.

 

[mjkacmom]

$50 cash or check sounds fine considering your relationship. It's not a sit down dinner, but a cocktail reception, so the "cover your plate" rule doesn't even come into consideration (I don't go by that rule, I know a lot of people do).

I checked their website, and the cheapest reception there is $69 pp (but it includes an entree). I had a coctail reception, and it wasn't cheaper than a sit down dinner - just had the passed food and stations the entire time, instead of a plated dinner.