need some advice

[Kurby]

ok - so a friend of mine has been wondering for a while now if her younger brother is gay.

they are in their 40's and little brother has had 3 long term relationships including a 4 year marriage.

he's currently seeing someone for the past 2 years since separating from his wife.

the question comes from seemingly only being friends with gay men.

with the exception of 1 straight married friend every other friend he has is gay.

the advice i need to tell her is that should she ask her brother if he's gay or just say nothing and assume he's either straight or will one day tell her if he's gay.

they do have a good relationship - not like best friends but close enough they could have a good conversation

what do you think? should she say anything?

 

[Chuck S]

It's really difficult to say whether she should ask her brother or not. There are so many different family dynamics at work in these things.

If he is dating a woman, and has been for two years, then I would assume he is either straight or bi, and not strictly gay. If he was married for 4 years and is still currently dating women, I wouldn't jump to a gay conclusion. My best friend is straight, and until he and his wife recently had their first child, they mostly associated with gay men. Now their circle of friends has expanded to also include other new parents, that are going through the same ups & downs of parenthood.

 

[ConcKahuna]

It's really difficult to say whether she should ask her brother or not. There are so many different family dynamics at work in these things.

If he is dating a woman, and has been for two years, then I would assume he is either straight or bi, and not strictly gay. If he was married for 4 years and is still currently dating women, I wouldn't jump to a gay conclusion. My best friend is straight, and until he and his wife recently had their first child, they mostly associated with gay men. Now their circle of friends has expanded to also include other new parents, that are going through the same ups & downs of parenthood.

I have lots of straight friends. Living in the Orlando area, there are a LOT of gay people and many of my straight friends only hang out with gay people.

If he's dating a woman, there is a chance she may be a beard, but most likely he's just very gay friendly

 

[npmommie]

I agree with the others

and one of my dh's very best friends from his USCG days is gay. so i am not sure i would jump to any conclusions.
and i tend to lean toward thinking if he wants to tell her something he will in his own time and way.

 

[wallyb]

I have mostly straight friends.

Good god!
I hope I'm not straight !

 

[rpmdfw]

I have mostly straight friends.

Good god!
I hope I'm not straight !

Depending on how long you've been exposed, you might have caught "the straight" from them. It's highly contageous, you know!

 

[wallyb]

Yuck,
I feel all dirty now.

Need to go watch The wizard of Oz,
And listen to disco- Stat!

 

[Kurby]

don't forget to blast out barbara

thanks everyone - i'll send her the link and she can make her decision from there.

knew i'd get good advice from you guys - and girls

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Depending on how long you've been exposed, you might have caught "the straight" from them. It's highly contageous, you know!

That was funny!

 

[npmommie]

Yuck,
I feel all dirty now.

Need to go watch The wizard of Oz,
And listen to disco- Stat!

LOL, thats cuz I sneezed on your keyboard, you caught it from me.......( insert evil laugh)

 

[NHdisneylover]

Chiming in to confirm that straight guys can have lots of gay friends. I am pretty darn sure DH is straight (as am I) but the vast majority of our friends are gay men. No idea why. We ponder that some times Geez--I even like hanging out on this board on the DIS
DH does say that he enjoys not having to pretend like he has a clue about or cares about the score of any baseball/football/hockey/soccer/whatever game when we hang out with said friends (yes, some gay men love sports--but not as many as straight men and even fewer seem to expect that all men will love sports too.) but that is alone not a reason to explain this odd tendancy of ours to end up with friends who are gay. It just is what it is and we like who we like.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Well those straight people do recruit you know. How else do you think they'd increase their numbers?!

Having gay friends simply could mean that he is more comfortable around men who do not pose a "competition" for him.

Most likely he simply has the good sense to like gay men better than he does any other particular group.

I don't always understand the need to ask, anyway. Like, who cares if he is gay? Is it going to be a factor in his relationship with his sister? If he wants to share anything with her he will.

I'm one of those odd throwbacks who believes that telling someone you are gay is the gay person's choice and shouldn't be forced by any one or situation.

He is who he is. End of story.

 

[wallyb]

He is who he is. End of story.

Song que!

Hit it! 4 5 6 ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4VMudwlVEU&feature=related

 

[redrosesix]

Had to post this.

DH is an actor/musician so most of our friends are...musicians. And, oh yes, many of them are gay.

But most people don't just pick one friend here and another there -- they have a circle of friends with similar interests, meet friends through other friends, etc. Obviously, your friend's brother is more open-minded than many people.

Even if they have a close brother-sister relationship, coming right out and asking him if he's gay is a bad move. If he were gay and wanted her to know, he would have already told her. If he is gay and doesn't want her to know -- not good.

In either case, it would be like she's accusing him of cheating on his current girlfriend and former wife. Or prying into his romantic relationships. Bleck! She shouldn't go there.

 

[jamieandben]

I have mostly straight friends.

Good god!
I hope I'm not straight !

You Straight?

 

[wallyb]

You Straight?

Takes one to know one - Jamie Jamie Lame Brainy!

 

[f86sabjf]

As a couple we are like NhDisneylover also. I could care less about the sporting season its just not my thing. I love all of our GLBT friends. For us its just works better that way. Maybe it helps that we were both outcasts as children and didn't fit in with the clicks . So it exposed us to more interesting people in my mind .
Sometimes i feel like Robin Williams in the Bird cage trying to do his John Wayne impressions it just doesn't fit. Ok enough confession for the day....