need some advice please

[craigs bride]

i've been with h2b for just over 5 yrs and in the whole time i've been with him , his mum has caused a lot of trouble within the family ..
his parents missed dd3 first birthday party( no present ) because h2b sister and i had a fallen out and she wasnt invited to the party but her ds was !
mil has caused big trouble with my friend and i ( friend going out with h2b brother )
she caused pyshical harm to h2b and his siblings while growing up .so h2b wont let her look after our two children on her own .....she now is threatening to take us and his sister to court to get grandparents right/visition
she also harmed my dd15 by pulling and pinching her arm ..she now doesnt ever go to their home
would you let her into your home ?

i dont want her or fil to come in my home but h2b is feeling torn about all of this, .when she rings he still speaks to her like nothing has been said and when she rings she always has to s*** people off within the family and i really dont want this around my children

any advice would be great .

 

[littlemissjess]

yea my ex's mum was alwasys horrible to me, and I decided that I was an adult and I didn't need to deal with it! so I just decided to let her get on with it and leave her out of my life as much as I could.

It's her choice to act like this, and so she's choosing to exlude herself from your family life! if she wants to be civil I'm sure you'd be there for her... but there's no point having people in your life who make you misrable.

obviously is just my person opinion...but hopefully that's helpful!

 

[Dimplenose]

Not any advice but I don't think grandparents have any legal rights to access to their grandchildren.

 

[darthtatty]

awww i feel sorry for you having to deal with this situation

I have in-law problems, so know exactly how you feel.
They have seriously treated me badly in the past, cant go into details but they were appaling.
I dont see them anymore but i dont stop my husband seeing them or taking our son to see them. Although when he does our relationship gets strained.
I dont approve of the fact he takes our son to see them. They too slate other people and are constantly lying about things. I dont think my son should be around people like that.
I feel like ive left it too late to give my husband an ultimatium- them or me.
though i do feel that i cant go on this way forever.

What im really trying to say is i think you need to get things sorted out asap.
Decide what you can live with and explian to H2B, you both then need to talk about what you can agree on.
As for court action, my husbands in laws tried something similar.
They wont get very far especially if people are prepared to testify to the physical abuse.

Good Luck, i hope you can get something sorted out.xxx

 

[wilma-bride]

I think I probably win the award for worst in-laws - my first MIL spoke against me in court after the death of my 1st husband, which resulted in his girlfriend getting custody of my children.

It sounds as though your situation is very different, though, and it's hard to know what to advise because I know how hurtful it can be to grandparents to have the threat of not seeing your grandchild/children (not me but my BIL has threatened my current MIL with this on many an occasion).

Going back to the situtation with my first MIL, I would never dream of preventing her having contact with the girls, purely because I am not a vindictive person and, although I might not like her very much, she is their Grandma and they love her.

You don't say how old your children are now but have you tried asking them what they feel about seeing their Grandparents? I'm afraid that, sometimes, you have to put your own personal feelings aside for the sake of your children. Obviously, if you feel that they may be in danger physically, that is a different matter but, unless she has actually done something to the children to physically (or mentally) hurt them I don't think you can make a judgement based on how she behaved as a parent to your DH. My Dad was a complete pig when I was growing up but we rubbed each other up the wrong way and we both had our own problems. Now I have a fantastic relationship with him and I don't have any qualms at all about leaving my kids with him.

ETA: I just re-read your post and saw what you say about her hurting your DD. Obviously, at 15, she has the right to make her own choice about whether she wants to see her Grandma and it looks as though she has made that choice.

 

[Pinky166]

I know how stressful it can be, so big hugs to you.

I don't really have any advice as we are in a different situation to you. My MIL hasn't spoken to us in 5 years, we haven't done anything wrong but she has never been a good mother to dh whilst he was growing up so I am not surprised but it's still hurtful.

I hope things work out for you.

 

[mandymouse]

Sorry I have no advice for you, but all I can say is that between my parents and in-laws, they have both been a bit of a let down, but as I've got older, it has bothered me less and less

Hugs to you all

 

[natalielongstaff]

I must be the exception to the rule on the whole my in-laws are fab.

i have a friend who's MIL is taking the family to court for access to her grandchildren so that can be done !

i would advise you to keep a log of anything said or done so that could be used as evidence if needed

 

[jjk]

sorry i havent any advice

My problem is not with my MIL she has been fab, but my Children and I havent seen my mum for years ( her choice) it used to really bother me but i try not to worry about it anymore.


hugs to you

 

[Ware Bears]

Can't offer any advise ~ I've never had any problem with my parents or FIL although MIL can be a bit of a pain sometimes, luckily nothing major.

for you and anyone else in this situation ~ reading threads like this make me realise I've been very blessed with my parents.

 

[PoppyAnna]

I agree with Joh, your 15yo DD can make up her own mind and if seeing them is hurtful it's understandable why she doesn't want to. IMO If she has been physically hurt in the past, this alone is a good enough reason to not grant your younger children access to them, I wouldn't want history repeating itself, esp is your MIL can't seem to face the problem and acts if nothing is wrong all the time.

I must be the exception to the rule on the whole my in-laws are fab.

No you are not Nat, my MIL is fab, very supportive of me and DH and the effort we put in with the girls. They could do some babysitting here and there but they are older so I understand....

They do hold DH's good for nothing oldest brother (and his BOYS) in awe which we find disturbing..

Unfortunately, it's my Mum that causes the most problems in our household. I'm an only child so there are no other offspring or grandchildren to give attention to and still she choses to involve herself with us when it suits her, and is moody and generally miserable and very negative.

sorry i havent any advice

My problem is not with my MIL she has been fab, but my Children and I havent seen my mum for years ( her choice) it used to really bother me but i try not to worry about it anymore.


hugs to you

I see this being my future, sadly.

 

[higgy66]

I totally feel for you. I've got the in-laws from hell!

I don't want to take the thread over (LOL) so will just send you lots of

 

[Snowy-girls]

I am so sorry to read of your dilemma(and others on here),i really don't have any advice i am afraid, but just wanted to send you lots of .
Thankfully i also have no problems with my in laws,but my relationship with my Mum is pretty strained , because of her awful husband-he is the most biggest problem in the world to me.So bad that i don't even remember the last time i went round my Mum's house.x.

 

[craigs bride]

it seems like im not the only one on here who has bad vibes with the inlaws big hugs to you ....
i feel for h2b though .they are not even attending our wedding because of their own selfish reasons
even the court date supposedly is while we are away so h2b is now worried that he will get arrested getting of the plane in gatwick because of non attendence .

 

[joolz1910]

I am lucky because I have a fab MIL- seems like I'm in the minority! I would choose your battles wisely - life is too short to feud with people over what they might do. If you genuinely believe that she poses a danger to your kids, then I would not let her within a mile of them, however, if your distrust of her is based on hearsay, then I would allow her supervised access to see if she can prove herself. Sometimes people mellow with age, and I know my mum is far more indulgent with my kids than she ever was with me growing up! I doubt whether a court would grant unsupervised access anyway.

Good luck.

 

[Cinderella2006]

I had a fab MIL unfortunately she passed away. I was very lucky after reading some of these horror stories!
I am in a similar situation with my father. He was violent to me and my mum when i was a child. Our relationship is very volatile for years and i have tried to keep in contact with him for the sake of my children and i was hoping one day he would change. It is true when they say a leopard never changes his spots! I can understand it is hard for your husband but you are only thinking of your family.

Me and my Father have not spoken since January this year and probably never will. I am a very wise 24 year old with my own family now. I will never give him the chance to mess his grand children's lives like he did mine.
My children have not had contact with my Dad since January and that has been my choice and in all honestly the children have not even mentioned him. If they did i would probably be the grown up and let him see them for a few hours but i would not let him have them on his own. Grandparents do have rights but if you have concerns make sure they are raised if your MIL does if fact seek assistance.

In January it was my birthday; I had no birthday present or card from him. More importantly neither did my children all three of which have had birthdays since January and nothing from him, not even a card. There is one thing when you have a dispute with someone but my children are 1,5,11, they do not deserve that. If your husband is still talking to your MIL did she give a reason for not given your daughter a present!? I find that unacceptable.

Children pick up on negative feelings and this is the reason why i separated myself from my Father. He was upsetting me and my children are my priority and they dont need to see that.
The sad thing is my Dad is a powerful man with money and his family are too scared to stick up to him and as a result we have not heard from any of them either

Hope you mange to sort everything out soon

 

[craigs bride]

I had a fab MIL unfortunately she passed away. I was very lucky after reading some of these horror stories!
I am in a similar situation with my father. He was violent to me and my mum when i was a child. Our relationship is very volatile for years and i have tried to keep in contact with him for the sake of my children and i was hoping one day he would change. It is true when they say a leopard never changes his spots! I can understand it is hard for your husband but you are only thinking of your family.

Me and my Father have not spoken since January this year and probably never will. I am a very wise 24 year old with my own family now. I will never give him the chance to mess his grand children's lives like he did mine.
My children have not had contact with my Dad since January and that has been my choice and in all honestly the children have not even mentioned him. If they did i would probably be the grown up and let him see them for a few hours but i would not let him have them on his own. Grandparents do have rights but if you have concerns make sure they are raised if your MIL does if fact seek assistance.

In January it was my birthday; I had no birthday present or card from him. More importantly neither did my children all three of which have had birthdays since January and nothing from him, not even a card. There is one thing when you have a dispute with someone but my children are 1,5,11, they do not deserve that. If your husband is still talking to your MIL did she give a reason for not given your daughter a present!? I find that unacceptable.

Children pick up on negative feelings and this is the reason why i separated myself from my Father. He was upsetting me and my children are my priority and they dont need to see that.
The sad thing is my Dad is a powerful man with money and his family are too scared to stick up to him and as a result we have not heard from any of them either

Hope you mange to sort everything out soon

mil2b gave quite a few excuses while they couldnt make dd3 first birthday ,..didnt come because her daughter wasnt invited ( we werent talking at the time )
she wasnt well .and thirdly her husband never told her there was a party for dd3 ..my h2b did tell her !!
last yr she brought dd3 a present and asked me to wrap it ..i mean come on kids like to unwrap presents dont they ?
h2b finds it really hard to be nasty to them when they are be nice i just dont understand it ......but i suppose i have to learn to live with it .at the moment they are not welcome in our home and this could be for a long while yet .