Need shoulder to cry on and parenting advice

[dislaney]

I think it is pretty normal behavior, but I don't think that makes it any easier.

 

[marcyinPA]

There aren't a lot of kids that haven't used the excuse "the teacher didn't tell us..." or "my dog ate it..." or "so and so was making noise during the test so I couldn't concentrate..." or something similar. When I hear these types of things out of my kids' mouths they usually hear "suck it up, buttercup" from me .

NOW, that doesn't mean that sometimes they aren't right. Their science teacher last year had a VERY bad habit of telling one class one thing and another class another thing and then doing something all together different. From the amount of texts, phone calls and Facebook messages flying back and forth about science class last year we were inclined to believe that it WAS the teacher in this case.

I can so relate to your first paragraph. This tends to be DS15's excuse when he doesn't do well on something. "The teacher didn't TEACH THAT!" is a biggie! I am more inclined to believe that DS wasn't listening.

My DS goes between never taking the blame, to always being sorry. It can be quite frustrating! He's still in the throws of puberty and I really think he doesn't know who he is most days. This year is slightly better than freshman year (so far anyway), but in no way are things going perfectly. And the meltdowns...we get them from time to time too...but I think a lot of times, it's from him being tired. And lately, he's been EXHAUSTED. And HUNGRY. Being (and raising) a teenager really stinks sometimes!

 

[robinb]

And the meltdowns...we get them from time to time too...but I think a lot of times, it's from him being tired. And lately, he's been EXHAUSTED. And HUNGRY.

I think the hunger thing is a big thing with my DD. I get really cranky when I have low blood sugar and I think she is the same. The problem is that she's growing right now and always seems SUPER HUNGRY. On top of it, middle school does not have "snack time" (AFIAK) for the kids and she only has her breakfast and a quick lunch to tide her through 8 hours of school.

 

[luvsJack]

After raising two boys and now having dd, I don't think boys go through the same melodramatic stuff as girls. They did do the blaming the teacher bit for some of their bad grades but not the emotional parts of it or going on about "being stupid" or any of that.

Girls are more emotional and do get really upset over what seems to be nothing. BUT, I will say again; there reaches a point that its NOT normal behavior. I wouldn't be concerned about the being upset, or even not taking responsiblity (that will come as she matures as long as you are teaching it) but I would be very concerned about the "I'm so stupid" bit. Its important that she always have a very good self image.

 

[disney4metoo]

BUT, I will say again; there reaches a point that its NOT normal behavior. I wouldn't be concerned about the being upset, or even not taking responsibility (that will come as she matures as long as you are teaching it) but I would be very concerned about the "I'm so stupid" bit. Its important that she always have a very good self image.

I agree completely. If you continue to have concerns or it continues to happen, get worst, etc; I think a license therapist or counselor would be a great place to start. Your daughter may learn some coping tools/skills on how to deal with her emotions and self image. There may be underlining medical reasons she is acting out in these emotional outburst or it maybe learned behavior( family dynamics), perfectionism, depression or just immaturity. But a professional would be able to evaluate her correctly to see if this is normal or abnormal behavior and if needed give her the tools she needs to cope with upset and stress. Good luck! Parenting teens is never easy; hang in there.

 

[golfgal]

I think the hunger thing is a big thing with my DD. I get really cranky when I have low blood sugar and I think she is the same. The problem is that she's growing right now and always seems SUPER HUNGRY. On top of it, middle school does not have "snack time" (AFIAK) for the kids and she only has her breakfast and a quick lunch to tide her through 8 hours of school.

This is a HUGE issue for both my boys. If they are cranky I always tell them to eat something. They have been like this since they were toddlers. When the kids were 2 and 5 I worked part time one weeknight and one weekend day. It never failed on weekends DH would complain that the boys were crabby-I would ask them what he gave them for lunch and he usually didn't GIVE them lunch because they were "too busy" (or someone was too lazy ). I told him the same thing every week, give them something to eat.

 

[barkley]

by any chance does your dd's school have a parent access site where you can view grades? if so you might want to see if it's like our dd's highschool's-the teachers post the grades to it before the results are given to the kids so if i check it during the school day before dd's attended a particular class i may well know what grade she got on something before she does.

if this is available to you, you can at least be forewarned when a meltdown may be heading for your front door, that way you can prepare yourself with whatever technique you decide to employ.

p.s.-another advantage to these types of on-line systems is you can track on a daily basis how a kid is doing on all aspects of graded work in a particular class, so if you see that a grade is slipping you might be able to give a reminder to start working on that subject.

 

[Magpie]

I've got two. My son frequently does this, while my daughter? Never! I think some kids are just less melodramatic than others.

I'd just like to back up what the others said - sure, be generous with the sympathy, but don't tolerate the tantrums. Adults don't get to have tantrums like this, and kids need to be trained out of them. When my son's voice starts to get loud and he starts ranting, that's when I send him packing to his room. He's entitled to his feelings, and he's welcome to hugs, but yelling and stomping and waving arms is not allowed around me or anyone else in the family.

Besides, there's no point being reasonable with someone who is being irrational!

Usually what happens is, I send him to his room and while he's down there screaming into his pillow I make him a cup of tea or a protein-rich snack (you don't give irrational people sugar, it just makes them worse). Then when I hear silence, I take the food down, sit on his bed and I listen to his woes for a little bit. I don't offer advice - just sympathy and a back rub.

Later on - or possibly the next day after he's had a good night's sleep - that's when I talk to him about "what we have learned." And I also make sure to walk him through the process of accepting responsibility.

Heck, it's often true that the other kids in my son's class do less work and get better grades. My son has a learning disability. He HAS to work harder than they do. It's not fair, but life's like that. So... the lesson here is "suck it up, buttercup". Put on your big boy pants and get back to work. I'm cheering for you!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'd just like to back up what the others said - sure, be generous with the sympathy, but don't tolerate the tantrums. Adults don't get to have tantrums like this, and kids need to be trained out of them. When my son's voice starts to get loud and he starts ranting, that's when I send him packing to his room. He's entitled to his feelings, and he's welcome to hugs, but yelling and stomping and waving arms is not allowed around me or anyone else in the family.

Besides, there's no point being reasonable with someone who is being irrational!

Agree there.

My hug tactic worked on my older dd because she would come home and try and pick a fight with me instead of just ranting. And being a dummy I would fall for it. If I were to send her to her room right away things built up in her.

One day she came home and started up. I said sounds like you need a hug and of course she wanted to fight with me. (Also her nurse practioner at one of her visits said she does not look happy, which prompted me to change my ways with her.)

Well I chased her down many times to hug her. Usually she would run to her room and then when she calmed down, I would say, can I have that hug now? Then she would talk with me.

Eventually it settled into a routine, where she would come home calm and talk with me and I would give her lots of hugs and she wanted them. This was over a couple of yrs.

The good thing to come out of this was her little sister was watching and guess what, she comes home calm and I hug her and talk about "her day". Of course she is not the same temperament but it modeled a good strategy.

Anyway that is what worked for me. It literally gave my older dd and I a better relationship. Not a perfect relationship, however if I had kept on what I was doing we would not be as close as we are today.

 

[hedgehog2owl]

nevermind. decided I don't want to share