Need prayers and pixie dust to stop mini-nervous breakdown...

[missy28]

I never thought I would feel so tired at 30, and on the way to work this morning I had myself convinced that every other driver was out to get me because they were pulling out in fron to f me and slowing down to like 20 miles under the speed limit. This is all a result of the following:

I have 2 families, which isn't strange, except for the fact that I just found one of them last summer. I am adopted and was reunited with my birthmother in July. Things have been pretty good, but I'm having to adjust to the feeling that I'm obligated to help her deal with her family as well as my own. I feel like I have in-laws but no husband to commiserate that fact with. Turns out my birthmother's family is basically a bunch of nice people with very big problems... alcoholism, mental health issues, etc. And she calls me last night and tells me that her sister (not the one married to the BIL) claims that brother-in-law (my sort-of uncle, I guess) was "innappropriate" with her, and that he has apparently done this sort of thing before. And, I'm in the law enforcement field, so of course, she wants to know what to do. So that's the stress for that family. Not to mention the fear I have for my 15 year old "cousin" who is in that house.

Now for my family... My brother, his wife of 3 years, and their 8 month old daughter have been living at my parents house for over a year now. This wouldn't be so bad if my brother were grateful or even a little motivated to leave. He has a computer science degree from Georgia Tech but has now decided that it is a good idea to have a paper route for 8 bucks an hour when he has a family to support. My parents are too nice to give him the heave-ho, and my sister-in-law doesn't work but yet still mananges to get my mother to take care of the baby. My parents are pretty much supporting them 100%, and I hate what it is doing to my family. I am so angry at my brother that I want to scream...

And I'm always the "fixer" and the one who solves the problems and now I feel so powerless that I had this crying fit on the way to work this morning and had to sit in my car for 20 minutes before I could come inside.... UGH.

So, any prayers are greatly appreciated... I never thought I would feel so alone when I'm surrounded by so many people... it's kind of pathetic when your St. Bernard is your best friend...

 

[browneyes]

I think the worst feeling in the world is to feel so alone when you're surrounded by so many people. I'll pray for you.

 

[Pop Daddy]

hey

 

[Serena]

As the one that used to fix all the problems, or at least had to listen to them. You have to let it go. You don't have all the answers and it's time people stop expecting you to.
You also have to stop trying to fix everything, or feeling the need to.
I had to stop or drive myself crazy. I had enough to deal with in my own life, I had to stop and let them deal with their own problems. They think I've gone bonkers, but that's ok. They've stopped relying on me to take care of them.

 

[missy28]

Thanks for your advice... It's not so much that they depend on me to fix things (well, except for my birthmother)... I somehow just have this need to make sure that everything is ok. I've gotten better over the years with this (I used to take it ALL on), but every now and then I just have one of those days... you know, where you want to curl up in your closet and hide? That's where I am.... but I imagine my boss would think it odd if she came into my office and found me curled up under the desk... she'd call the "nice people dressed in white" if I did that!

 

[Serena]

I understand that. So, just sit back a minute and let everything go. Visually through all your troubles out the window, off the roof or whatever. Picture yourself somewhere you want to be with no worries at all. Give yourself 5 minutes to get it all out, then get back to work. it helps.

 

[missy28]

Thanks, Laurie.... I DID just catch a glimpse of my countdown, which made me smile....

 

[Big V]

Lots of {{{HUGS}}} for you! It's always hard when the people you love have problems. Remember though that it's THEIR problems, not yours. Try and help them the best you can, but don't let it get you down so much!

 

[canwegosoon]

Missy, I totally understand...now the hard part...they screwed up their lives, don't let them do it to you. My sister (and her 3 children) are living with and sponging off my parents too....to the tune of about $50,000 a year including private school tuition and everything else. I know it hurts, this is susposed to be my parents retirement...and I am sure is a few years my parents will be turning to us for help too. But my husband always says...Let it go, and it is so hard to do. I expressed my feelings to my parents, and that was the last of it (and suprise they felt the same way I did, but couldn't get rid of her). I really think you need a break, and I am so glad to see you are getting away soon. You are not in this world to fix everyone's problems, they all have access to the same help that you do. Your birthmother should take her problems to the police herself (but just giving you a heads up is fine, after she has done something). Try to be around positve people, and limit your contact as breif as possible to these leaches. You will feel alot better when you do, and try to put yourself (at least you mental well being) first. If you want to do something nice for others, you can always volunteer your time to an organization that you like(eg Habitat for Humanity).

Good luck and sending you a big

 

[pammypooh]

I am sending prayers and hugs to you!

I know what it is like to try to solve a loved one's problems, but the bottom line is you can only offer support and love. In the end your loved ones need to decide to take whatever action they deem appropriate for them.

Try to do things for yourself to make yourself happy. Perhaps this advice seems a bit selfish. I know it did to me when my counselor gave it. But you have to take care of yourself first.
Try not to put pressure on yourself to "fix" everything. I used to be like that and I would up in the ER with a full blown anxiety attack. Not something I would want to happen to anyone else!

I am so glad to see that you will be visiting with the Mouse soon. I am sure that will help you relax. Stop and be amazed at what a beautiful world we live in.

And don't discount your St. Bernard. They are loyal, lovable, and never talk back to you. My dog greatly reduces my level of anxiety.

Hang in there.

Pam

 

[disneygals]

to you!

I am also the "fixer" in the family and it is a hard job! I am older than you and just now trying to "let it go". It's not easy and feels selfish sometimes, but a person can only do so much!

 

[missy28]

Thank you all sooooo much for all your words of encouragement and advice... I will take it all to heart and it's so great to know that I can count on my DIS buddies to help me through something like this!

 

[Rajah]

No advice for you, but here are some

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by missy28
.

So, any prayers are greatly appreciated... I never thought I would feel so alone when I'm surrounded by so many people...

And I feel regret for helping them all those years because I could have focused on myself and made a better life without them. I even feel sick for having THAT thought!

Sorry I don't have answers but I can offer my prayers!

 

[TEENEE]

I have been in a similar situation to yours. I met my fathers family for the first time when I was 25. This was their choice not mine or my mothers. The first person I met was my dads sister. At first she was really nice, then she started getting real needy. She lives an hour away from me and would call to ask my ex to come down and fix her daughters car and other things like that. The car was the last straw. I still keep in contact with her son but not her or her daughter. I finally got tired of them taking advantage of us. My advice to you would be to step back and try to see the big picture. You don't owe your birthmother anything. It would be nice to have a relationship with her but as long as she is using you all she is doing is causing you heartache and stress. Do what is right for your mental health before it starts causing physical problems.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would add that perhaps a talk with a therapist would be in order for you to find out why you have a need to "fix" everythin, and take things so much to heart. That might be helpful in the "letting go" of what you feel are your responsibilities.